Back...and very sorry for the delay. Ran into some major life issues over the past couple of months. Only recently started writing again. I hope I'm not too rusty, apologies if this chapter is not up to par.
To everyone who left reviews while I was gone - thank you so much, and I'm really sorry if I don't catch up on responses. I presume you'd all prefer a new chapter than messages from me anyway. I don't do a good job of expressing just how grateful I am for all the support and encouragement you guys provide, but it's one of the major reasons I came back to continue this story.
...Okay, enough sappiness, right?
Story so far: After months (and too many chapters) spent dancing around each other, Naoto and Kanji finally got together \o/
In this part: Valentine's gifts and not-gifts, two people speaking different languages, and an unwanted letter.
(Bonus points if you spot the old idea I reused)
February 11th 2012
Kanji never really remembered the dreams. Might've been easier if he did, rather than be left with this sensation of wrongness. Sixth time since the new year started. Last night was the most recent.
He sat up, pushing the sheets aside, and rubbed a hand over his face. There'd been a few vague glimpses, flashes of images that were already fading. Thick fog, same as last year. A dark, echoing cave. Souji, summoning Izanagi. None of it made any sense but it was all stuff Kanji had seen last time, and the time before that. The whole thing had set Rokuten Maoh's nerves on edge too, and the big guy kept rumbling at the edge of Kanji's mind. He'd considered bringing it up with the rest of the team; after all, Rise had mentioned something about strange dreams back in December. It just seemed kind of stupid now that everything was supposed to be over.
Stress, maybe. They'd gone through a lot of seriously weird shit last year - and Rokuten Maoh was still new inside his head, still settling in. Hell, Kanji was still adjusting to everything he'd finally figured out about himself, the idea that maybe he didn't have to hide his hobbies or lash out anymore, but instead just make himself understood.
He stood up, stretched his arms, then walked over to the bedroom window and raised the blind. The district below was lit by the low, early morning winter sun and a few of the locals were already milling around. Usually he would've been grumpy about having to head to school, half-day or not – but seeing Naoto would make up for it. He just wished he could do it more often, maybe meet up between classes, but when he'd suggested the idea she hadn't been keen. Something about 'upsetting the team dynamic'. Maybe she had a point, even if he couldn't see it. Naoto was damn smart.
Just not that smart when it came to people. And the rest of the team weren't stupid; they were bound to figure it out eventually. Probably Rise first, which would land him in serious trouble for not clueing her in sooner. Souji sort of knew already, or at least knew some of what had happened between Kanji and Naoto over Christmas. What would be so bad about spilling the rest of it, or at least being upfront with the others? Lying to his best friends even by omission left a bad taste in Kanji's mouth.
But Naoto must've had her reasons, right? Besides, he was still riding the giddy high of them actually being together, this constant feeling of 'holy crap, how did I get here'. After what they'd both gone through to reach it, why not celebrate? It took a lot of effort not to blurt out to everyone that one of the most awesome people he knew actually liked him back.
Maybe she'd come back to the store today after school. They usually hung out in the living room, which was kinda awkward, but with Ma busy tending shop – and under the impression they were both either doing homework or watching TV - they had enough privacy to share a few kisses. He might even be able to talk Naoto into a catching the train to Okina. See a movie, go on a proper date. Couple stuff. Kanji couldn't help smiling at the thought. Now in a thoroughly good mood – thinking about Naoto always did that – he pulled out his uniform from the closet and began dressing for school.
February 12th 2012
Kanji stared down at the glove puppet in his hands. "Senpai, the hell did you do?"
"…Sewing's not my strongest suit." Souji's expression had turned sheepish, and beside him, Nanako started to giggle.
No kidding. It was just a freaking oven glove, and he'd still somehow sewn the thumb to the palm. "You were just s'posed to put eyes and stuff on!"
"I was busy helping Nanako-chan," Souji tried.
"No you weren't," said Nanako. "I did this myself!" She held up her own glove puppet for emphasis, showing off the button eyes and green woolen hair.
Kid had to be telling the truth; if Senpai had helped her, the thing would probably be sewn to his shirt. Kanji grinned at her from across the table. "And you did better than your Big Bro."
Nanako beamed back at him. "Thanks! Can I make one for Dad?"
"Sure." Kanji tipped his head toward his materials bag, propped against the wall near the Dojimas' front door. "I brought two extra gloves and a ton of decorations. Pick out what y'like."
"Can I have a new one too?" Souji asked.
No way. That would be throwing in the towel. Or glove. Kanji shook his head. "C'mon, Senpai! We're fixing this one!"
"Sorry, Big Bro." Nanako didn't sound too sorry at all, and as she scrambled to her feet, Kanji heard her quietly giggle again. She hurried over to the hallway and began rifling through his bag, and Souji leaned forward over the table.
"So," he began, which was never a good sign.
Kanji stared at the puppet and concentrated on unpicking Souji's botched stitching. "What."
"You and Naoto. Did you patch things up when she got back?"
Damn. He'd figured this was coming. Senpai was a pretty discreet guy, didn't push people, or at least pushed them without making it seem like he was pushing. But knowing what he did, it was inevitable he'd eventually start asking questions – which Kanji would have to do his best to dodge. "Yeah. We did," he cut in. "S'all fine now. You guys gettin' on too?"
"Yep," Souji said, a little too quickly himself. "We've been finishing up something we were working on before she left. It's great that she's back."
"Yeah. It is."
Kanji didn't look up, but he could feel Souji studying him. There was a long pause before Senpai spoke. "What about Christmas?"
Crap.
He was torn. Souji was the kind of guy you instinctively wanted to be honest with, but if Naoto wanted to keep things low profile then there was no way Kanji could argue. A horrible thought churned through his mind: that she might just turn and run, and everything he'd strived for would come to nothing.
"I was just curious," Souji continued. "After what you told me, it seemed like you two might—"
Kanji thrust the glove puppet back into Souji's hands. "D-Dammit, this is puppet class, Senpai! You've gotta concentrate, yeah?"
Souji stared at him for just a moment too long – then slipped his hand into the oven glove and waggled his thumb. "Yeah, you're right," he said, smiling. "Otherwise I'll sew the thing to my sleeve."
Kanji forced a smile of his own. "Don't sweat it. We're gonna make you a pro in no time."
February 14th 2012
Valentine's Day had never registered on Kanji's calendar. Fat chance of anyone giving him chocolate, and there'd always been even less possibility of him reciprocating on White Day – so the entire day had usually passed by without note. This year was different.
Yeah, so girls were supposed to give guys chocolate, but who cared? And who said it had to be chocolate anyway? He'd been itching for an opportunity to make something for Naoto. Something she'd like, that'd maybe remind her of him – and while he had a sinking feeling that stuffed toys and cute crap weren't her thing, he was still pretty sure he'd hit on a winner. (And, though he'd never admit it, part of him even dared to hope that maybe she'd gotten him something too.)
So, he was all set to give Naoto her gift. The problem was, she was in one lousy mood. He understood the reasons – he'd seen her stalking down the hallway at lunch, surrounded by three very over-eager second-year girls – but when he approached her at the lockers after school, he expected the worst.
"Uh...hey," he said.
Naoto didn't turn away from her locker. Glancing inside, he saw it was stuffed with decorated boxes of chocolates – colourful ribbons, pretty foil wrapping paper, the works. "Kanji-kun."
"...Rough day, huh?"
After a long moment, she let out a sigh and rubbed her hand over her forehead. "Yes. Sorry. I'm – not used to this. In previous years I wasn't in formal education, and thankfully missed Valentine's Day at school."
He tried not to wince. "You, uh, don't like Valentine's?"
"It's a social construct which enforces stereotypical gender roles." Naoto glared balefully at the boxes stacked in her locker. "And then there's this."
Kanji had seen her toss out enough love letters from random students; it figured she wouldn't appreciate gifts from them either. He was a little surprised to notice he didn't feel jealous – but, given Naoto's reaction, there didn't seem to be any reason. "Yeah, it sucks. 'Specially since you don't even like chocolate much." He'd been sure to scout that one out ahead of time.
"Exactly," she muttered. "I have no idea what to do with it."
"Give it to Ted, he'll put the lot away in one afternoon. But you should be flattered, yeah? I didn't get any 'cept some obligation stuff from Rise," he added, and resisted the temptation to add the word 'yet'.
"Be thankful you escaped the homemade variety. She corralled me into assisting her." Naoto's expression turned glum. "Dojima-san called midway through regarding Adachi's pending prosecution, and I strongly suspect she attacked the spice rack while my back was turned."
Kanji let out a low whistle. "Damn. Souji-senpai's in for a world of pain." Then, because maybe Naoto was just holding out on him, "Guess I should be glad I only got obligation chocolate. Not the real stuff."
Naoto looked at him, then at the boxes in her locker, then back at Kanji.
Wait a sec.
"No way!" he blurted. "You – you can't re-gift Valentine's chocolate!"
"You want chocolate. I have chocolate," Naoto pointed out with a shrug. "The solution is simple."
There was pragmatism, and then there was being tin-eared. "No! That's just – tacky, dammit! And I don't even want the—" He stopped, sighed, and shook his head. "Man, this seriously isn't why I came to talk to you."
"Then what did you want?"
Now or never. "To give you something." He glanced around the empty locker area, then took her hand in one of his, reaching the other into the side pocket of his bag to pull out the gift. "Here."
As soon as he placed the doll – a tiny stuffed replica of Featherman's White Kestrel – into her hand, her eyes widened. "Oh."
Oh? Was that good or bad? Kanji's hand automatically moved to the back of his neck. "It - It ain't much, but I wanted to give you something that wasn't chocolate, 'cause I know that ain't your favourite, and I figured you wouldn't be into the usual cutesy stuff—so."
Midway through the rambling sentence, Naoto's lips had curved into a small smile. She turned the doll over in her hands a few times, then opened her bag and tucked it inside. "I think this is still very cute," she said quietly, "and a perfect choice. Thank you."
"No problem. Happy Valentine's."
The smile vanished an instant later, replaced with a sudden flash of what looked like guilt. "I – didn't get you anything."
He should've seen it coming, and ultimately had – but yeah, it still sorta stung. Kanji rolled his shoulders in what he hoped passed for a dismissive shrug. "Eh, s'just a dumb holiday. You don't have to give chocolate or anything."
Naoto kept her eyes averted, fixed on a point roughly half a metre to his left. "I…thought it might be too soon. That you—"
The sentence ended so abruptly, he couldn't help pursuing it. "That I what?"
An uncomfortably long pause. Then, she shook her head. "It doesn't matter. I apologize."
Maybe it really didn't. Valentine's Day wasn't really anything special; it just seemed to make half the school anxious and piss off the remainder. "S'fine," Kanji said. "You – you can do something for White Day, yeah?" He grinned, and gestured at the boxes of chocolate. "That's when you poor guys have to repay all this."
Naoto looked back at the locker, and winced. "…I may skip school."
February 26th 2012
Spending the whole day helping out with a delivery wasn't usually something Kanji would've relished, but last night's dream still had him fuzzed out and any sort of distraction was welcome. There was only so much he could do in the store, though, and when Ma finally told him he needed to get out from under her feet, he threw on his jacket and headed down to the floodplains. He wasn't planning on hanging around there long, not when he'd just end up thinking about what he'd dreamt and what it meant. Instead, he'd just head there, come back, then, with his head clearer, maybe call Naoto and see if she was free.
As it turned out, the last part was unnecessary. As he reached the steps to the riverbank, he noticed Naoto and Souji walking from the opposite direction. Souji waved, but Naoto was too distracted, busy rubbing her temples.
Kanji nodded as they approached. "Yo, Senpai, Naoto."
Naoto nodded, grimacing. Souji glanced at her, then gave an apologetic shrug. "Hey, Kanji," he said. "Out for a walk?"
"Needed some fresh air." Wasn't the half of it, but complaining about dreams was pointless. "You know how it is."
"I do. Especially lately."
Souji looked pale and a little drawn, and the dark circles around his eyes were hard to ignore. Like he hadn't slept properly in a while; if so, Kanji knew the feeling. "Everythin' alright?"
"Yeah," Souji said, with a smile that didn't quite work. "Just tired."
"You and me both. I've been having—" Kanji caught himself and cut the sentence short. "Eh. I ain't been sleeping right, s'all."
Souji looked at him for a moment, eyebrows slightly angled, but his expression quickly cleared. "Listen, I hate to run but I've got to head home now. I promised to help Nanako-chan with her art project," he said, which was clearly going to be a disaster, but Kanji opted for silence. "Alright, Naoto-kun?"
Naoto clasped her hands behind her back. "I'm fine. Please, don't let me keep you."
"Take it easy tonight," Souji told her, then began walking away. "Bye, guys."
After watching him for a few seconds, Kanji turned to Naoto. "You guys were hanging out?"
It'd come out sharper than he'd wanted, too close to the hot spikes of jealousy he'd felt last year. It might've mattered then, but what difference did it make now if Souji and Naoto spent time together?
Naoto glanced at him, then away. "Yes. We were – working on something. A...case, I suppose," she said, and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Sukuna-Hikona changed. He's – Yamato Takeru, now."
"Like the others' Personas did." Kanji laid a hand on her shoulder and gripped it gently. "Rough feeling. You okay?"
"Yes. I just have a headache. He's even more...helpful than Sukuna-Hikona."
Kanji tried not to grin. "Won't shut up, huh."
She nodded grimly. "I'm hoping he'll calm down, given time. Did this also happen to you?"
"Yeah, while you were gone." It'd been the day before his birthday, which was fitting in a way. At Souji's urging, Kanji had been to visit his father's grave on the south side of the town. It'd been brief, and he hadn't really said or done anything, but that - and a whole lot of talking at Senpai - had cleared Kanji's mind. They'd met back at the Dojimas' house later that day, and something had just - clicked, he guessed. "Souji-senpai helped sort out a lot of the crap inside my head."
"Senpai has done us all a great service." Naoto winced again and rubbed her forehead. "After a fashion."
The wind had picked up, and Kanji huddled down into his jacket. "You – don't hafta tell me what happened, why your Persona changed. That stuff's as private as you need it to be. But mine – well, I figured out a little more about who I am. That I've gotta work harder to get people to understand me." He swallowed, and forced himself to look her in the eye. "That includes you."
Naoto answered without hesitation. "I understand what I need to. That you're a good, kind, loyal person." She frowned, and fumbled with the brim of her cap. "And that – well. That I—"
Would've been cruel to leave her floundering. "C'mon, man. You don't have to get all sappy."
"I assure you," she shot back, sharp-edged, "I do not get sappy."
"Yeah, yeah. Wanna go home and rest? I'll walk you part way."
For a moment, Naoto looked like she was about to refuse – then she sighed. "Very well."
They started walking. The wind was whipping along the river, blowing gusts up onto the footpath. Twice, Kanji instinctively reached for her hand and had to force himself to pull back.
Maybe one day, right?
Several minutes passed in silence before she spoke. "You have those dreams too, don't you."
"Yeah." He kept his gaze fixed on the path ahead. "I dunno what they mean."
"I suspect we might find out," said Naoto.
February 29th 2012
One thing that had surprised Kanji about their new situation was how affectionate Naoto could be in the right circumstances, at least by Naoto standards. Anywhere outside was firmly off-limits; she got antsy if they just stood too close together. But if they were indoors, alone, with nobody around, he could count on a couple of kisses, often started by her. Hell, all he'd just done was hang up her school jacket for her, when she pushed herself up on tiptoes, cupped his cheek, and kissed him.
"Uh...thanks," he said when they broke away.
Naoto sighed and ruffled his hair. "Saying thank you every time is unnecessary."
Maybe. Or perhaps Kanji was still grateful things had worked out the way they did, and that she'd taken a chance on a punk like him. "Is to me. You're amazing."
Her expression shifted, now tinged with – he wasn't certain. Discomfort?
"Please don't say that," she said quietly, then moved to sit at the living room's low table and opened her school bag.
She never seemed to like being complimented, but that'd been true even before they'd gotten together. He'd just opened his mouth to apologize when Ma's voice called out from outside the room. "Kanji-chan, could you come to the shop floor?"
A customer for the dolls, maybe? Or some heavy lifting. "Yeah, on my way!" he yelled, and, with a quick nod to Naoto, left the room. But when he reached the shop floor a few moments later, he couldn't see any customers or anything that'd need moving – just Ma, kneeling in her usual spot. As he walked closer, she carefully rose to her feet.
"What didya need?" he asked.
Ma smiled at him. "Why, to talk to you."
Uh-oh.
Ma and him didn't just talk. Talking was code for a scolding – but what had he done wrong? Since the fight with Sonoda, Kanji had tried to keep out of trouble. "What about," he mumbled.
"A few things." Ma walked to a nearby table and began carefully straightening out fabric samples. "Rumours spread, dear. I've heard that Naoto-kun – well. I'm sure you know what I'm referring to." She looked up, holding Kanji's gaze. "It's Naoto-kun's business, of course, and the gossip won't go further from me."
Not that it mattered. Pretty much everyone at school knew, plus the cops, so why wouldn't the rest of Inaba have figured it out too? If anything, Kanji was surprised Ma hadn't heard earlier. Hell, maybe she had. "There a problem?"
She shook her head. "Not with that. However, I also know that you're seeing each other." And Kanji must've looked as mortified as he felt, because she quickly added, "Oh, don't look at me like that. Mothers can tell these things. You think I haven't noticed how often Naoto-kun visits lately?"
He didn't know what pissed him off more – that Ma thought this was any of her business, or that he and Naoto had snuck around and still completely failed to fool the old bat. "S-So?"
"So," Ma said, evenly. "If you're both together, now – I'd prefer it if you stayed out of your room."
...This was not a conversation Kanji wanted to have. "D-Dammit! I – you didn't have to –" He stopped and rubbed a hand over his face. What was the point? And Naoto would get pissed if she heard him yelling at Ma, especially over this. "Fine. Whatever," he snapped, then turned and stalked away.
Shit, mothers jumped to conclusions real fast. Okay, he was getting more interested in that kind of thing, especially with Naoto – but they were only sixteen, they'd been properly together just a few weeks, and she was pretty well-raised. He thought he'd calmed down fairly well in the ten seconds it took him to reach the living room, but some of the discomfort must've shown on his face. Naoto looked up from the folders she had spread out over the table. "Is everything all right?"
"Yeah. S'all good." No way could he bring up the topic with her, not yet. "Doing homework?"
"No, case work. Grampa forwarded me some documents relating to the case I left behind in Yokohama, and suggested it would be good training for me to review them," she said. "Once I've finished my first read-through, we can tackle your mathematics homework."
"Awesome," Kanji lied. He flopped down on the sofa, rummaged around in the sewing box beside it, and pulled out his next planned gift. This one was for Souji: a stuffed replica of Izanagi, near-finished, though getting the mask right was proving tricky.
He quickly realized that Naoto was watching from across the table, studying the doll. "I haven't seen that one before. Is it—"
"Y-Yeah. S'practically done already, I just gotta finish the mask." He hesitated. "I – made the others too, like we talked about. The Personas everyone had first." It'd seemed more appropriate somehow. Besides, he had no idea what some of the new ones looked like.
"I remember," Naoto said with a slight smile. "I'd like to see them at some point."
"I'll bring 'em out from my room later. Thought they'd make neat gifts for everyone when Senpai leaves."
"A reminder."
"Right."
They settled back into a comfortable silence, unlike the many horribly awkward ones Kanji could remember them sharing in the past. After about a minute – which he spent trying to decide whether to make the mask out of felt or foam – Naoto finally spoke.
"I could make you something," she said. "If you'd like."
"Huh?"
She hadn't looked up from her papers. "A gift. For White Day."
"Oh. Uh." How would that work? She didn't sew or knit or anything. "You make stuff too?"
"Yes. I make – gadgets. Badges, radios, that sort of thing." Naoto sighed and brushed her hair from her forehead. "I thought it was immature for a long time, abandoned it as a childish pursuit, but Souji-senpai and my grampa both recently helped me realize that I – don't have to be the perfect adult, I suppose. Now or ever. I presume that was the logical forward step after accepting my Shadow, since Sukuna-Hikona changed in response." She stared back at the papers, and quietly added, "The offer stands. Making you something."
"I – yeah, that'd be awesome, but – you don't have to."
Naoto gave a short, quick nod. "I know."
Other than whoa you seriously want to do that how awesome are you, Kanji didn't know what to say. The quiet was quickly broken by a sudden beep from Naoto's phone, and a rattle as it buzzed against the table. She picked it up, flipped it open – and her eyes abruptly widened.
"Something up?" he asked.
"It's from Souji-senpai. He says he's received a letter from Adachi." Naoto stood from the table, phone clutched tightly in her hand. "Excuse me, I need to call him."
March 3rd 2012
It didn't make sense. Why were they bothering with this crap?
Kanji shifted in his seat – opposite and diagonal from Naoto's spot by the window, he noted – and glanced across the carriage aisle at Souji. As the train clicked steadily against the tracks, the team sat in silence. Okina wasn't far, but if they had to stay like this the whole way there then Kanji would end up breaking a window just to make some noise. As unlikely as it might've seemed, he was actually grateful when Yosuke finally opened his mouth and spoke.
"I seriously don't get why you're doing this."
"You didn't have to come with me," Souji said, a little tightly.
Yosuke swiped his fringe to one side and leaned forward, elbows on knees. "Like I'd let you go see him alone! No matter how dumb I think it is."
"I hate to say it, but Yosuke's got a point," Chie said, shifting in her seat. Beside her, Yukiko nodded in agreement. "Isn't this just indulging him?"
Part of Kanji still wanted to believe there were good guys and bad guys – and once they were caught, you didn't waste your time with the latter. He grimaced. "That guy murdered two people, almost killed more, gave us the run-around for months...Adachi's a lying bastard."
"I know," Souji said.
Kanji smacked a palm against his thigh. "So why're we doing this?"
"Because I think he might know something we don't."
"About what?" Chie asked.
"Why all this happened. I just get the feeling there's something we're missing."
And if Souji had said something else, or said it differently, maybe Kanji would've kept arguing – but the words brought memories of a dark hospital room, and the night Kanji had almost made the biggest mistake of his life. He leaned back into his seat and stayed silent.
"Souji-senpai has a point," Naoto said, level and low. "There are many unanswered questions regarding this case. Ameno-sagiri's explanations were incomplete. We don't know why the TV world and Midnight Channel exist, or why certain individuals were able to freely enter the television without first confronting their Shadows."
"I want to know that stuff too!" Teddie chimed in. "I want to understand more about where I came from."
Yosuke slouched against his seat, arms folded. "Yeah, but I don't see how Adachi's gonna answer all that," he muttered, then looked at Souji. "For all we know, he just asked to see you as a sick joke."
Souji shrugged. "Maybe. But what if he didn't?"
Everything was supposed to be over. They'd caught Adachi, taken down Ameno-sagiri, cleared the fog from Inaba, so what was there left to do? If you tried to answer every question there was, nothing would ever get finished - and Kanji wanted to be finished with what'd happened in the past year, to pack up the worst memories and put them away. Yet there were still the dreams. The nagging feeling that there was something just beyond their reach.
What if Souji was right?
Perched next to him, Rise laid a hand on Souji's forearm. "You look tired, Senpai. Are you sleeping okay?"
"No," he admitted, "but neither are the rest of you, I'm guessing. And I'll bet it's for the same reason."
Naoto nodded, expression stern. "Another question we need answered, then."
Going to Okina with Souji was ultimately more of a gesture than a useful action. Adachi was being held in jail there, pending trial, and Dojima had apparently pulled some strings with a high-up colleague so that Souji could see him. Exactly how Souji had persuaded his uncle to do that was beyond Kanji – but whatever had happened, only Souji had been given permission to make the visit. The rest of the team were stuck killing time among the shops and cafes; including, in Kanji's case, skulking around in Croco Fur while the girls pored over a dozen equally garish outfits.
"What do you think, Kanji-kun?" Rise asked, holding up one of the single most hideous skirts Kanji had ever seen.
He grimaced. She'd been the one to sucker him into this. She'd just needed Tailor Tatsumi's advice on a few outfits, she'd said, nothing big, c'mon, Kanji-kun, it'll take five minutes!
"Tell me you ain't seriously gonna wear that," he said.
"Nope, not a chance." Rise smirked at him. "Just checking you were still paying attention."
At least Chie and Yukiko didn't need his 'help'. They seemed happy enough picking clothes out for each other, though anything from this eyesore of a store would be a sketchy prospect at best. Yosuke had beat a rapid retreat – buying Ted Topsicles, he'd claimed – and Kanji wasn't sure where Naoto had gone, only that she'd done so very quickly and discreetly.
...They were in Okina. He'd wanted to bring her here on a date. Today didn't cover that, of course, but maybe they could walk around together, get some ideas for their next visit. And hell, it'd beat hanging around in here.
"Yo, Rise," he said. "I'm headin' out. You don't need me for this."
Rise tilted her head, pouting a little – then shrugged. "Yeah, I guess you're right. If you see Naoto-kun," – and here, he swore she winked – "tell her I found the cutest little dress for her."
Kanji nodded, reminded himself not to tell Naoto a thing, and left the shop.
Outside, people were milling through the street in the seasonable early Spring weather. It took a few minutes for him to track Naoto down in the crowds, but he eventually found her standing outside the cinema, inspecting one of the posters on the wall. He'd never heard of the movie it was advertising, but the giant robot posed dead-centre gave the gist.
"You wanna go see that?" he asked her.
Naoto started, looking suddenly guilty. "N-No." Then she paused, and sighed. "...Perhaps. I used to enjoy those sort of films."
"We could go together. Not today, but next weekend or somethin'." He took a deep breath. "Like...a date."
She looked back at the poster, then nodded. "...Yes. Alright." A pause. "Are the girls finished shopping?"
"Nope."
"Perhaps we can wait for them in the café," she suggested. "By the time they've finished, Souji-senpai may have called."
Seemed like a good idea. Kanji nodded, and as they walked away from the cinema he unthinkingly took hold of her hand. Instantly, Naoto jerked out of his loose grip.
"Don't do that," she muttered.
It was just a dumb mistake, and he should've let it drop. He didn't. "Why?"
Her eyes narrowed before she quickly looked away. "It's – inappropriate."
Inappropriate? But they were together, right? Much as Kanji had tried to follow Naoto's lead on this stuff, had convinced himself he needed to, he had his limits - especially for things that ultimately didn't make much sense. "I'm not askin' that we make out in public, dammit. I just – I don't see what's so wrong with doing couple stuff," he protested. "Holding hands ain't much."
She still wouldn't look at him, keeping her eyes fixed straight ahead. "People will see."
He stopped walking. Naoto took two more steps before realizing, then turned back to face him.
"You held hands with me before," he said. "When you came back to Inaba. You kissed me."
"There was nobody around." She hesitated. "And – I was...less level-headed. The comparison is hardly fair."
"S'like you're ashamed of me." He hadn't considered the idea before – hadn't let himself consider it? – but it made a horrible sort of sense. He felt his jaw tighten. "Are you?"
Her eyes widened. "Of course not! I—"
Before she had chance to finish, Kanji kept going. "'Cause it seems like it, yeah? We still haven't told the others, and you're close with me when it's just us, but out here – I mean, what am I s'posed to think?"
Naoto glanced around the busy street frantically, as if searching for witnesses close enough to hear. "Kanji, not here."
"Why don't you just answer my question, dammit?"
"You – I –" She paused, swallowed, and took a deep breath. "I have a certain image to project. There are – aspects of myself that—"
"I tried fussing over that too, for years," he cut in. "It don't do any good."
"It's different for you," she blurted. "You – people don't make assumptions about you."
Kanji grimaced. No assumptions? Yeah, right. "Seriously? You know the crap people've said about me! All 'cause of the way I looked or my hobbies or whatever they wanted!" Dating Naoto would soon be part of that list, once the usual suspects at school heard; he could already see that coming. "And you're gonna stand there and tell me I don't know what it's like?"
Naoto had gone through a lot of shit, had reinvented herself to help avoid it. He knew that. But even if it was for different reasons to him, that didn't mean she was the only one.
She glanced away, biting her lip. "I – I know. I'm sorry."
Deflated, Kanji sighed and shook his head. "Shit, Naoto. I don't get it. I really don't."
There was a long, uncomfortable pause. Naoto gripped her opposite arm, head tipped slightly down.
"Souji-senpai...may have finished his meeting," she said, already half-turned to leave. "I'm going to try calling him."
"Yeah. Fine," Kanji muttered. He felt stretched taut, bones and tendons ready to snap. "I'll be outside Croco Fur."
March 6th 2012
As Kanji had expected, the rumour mill had already started turning. Inaba had always been bad for that. It was difficult to tell at first - people staring at him and whispering was nothing new – but if he hadn't been certain, Rise soon clued him in.
"You know what people are saying, right?" she asked him one lunchtime, at the entrance to the Practice Building.
He shifted his gaze to the wall behind her. "'Bout what."
"You and Naoto-kun." At the edge of his vision, he saw her fold her arms. "Seriously, Kanji-kun, you must've known people would realize eventually."
Kanji's response should've been some variation on dunno what the hell you mean – but what was the point? Sounded like Rise had already realized what was up. Naoto had asked him to keep it quiet, but maybe that'd been out of embarrassment too: the smartest, sharpest kid in the school dating that dumb Tatsumi punk. He looked back at Rise. "So you know, huh."
She rolled her eyes. "I figured it out ages ago, dummy. But I haven't told anyone and I never would." Her brow furrowed. "I'm kinda bummed that you didn't tell me, but I get why. Sort of."
"Sorry. Naoto said to keep quiet."
Rise arched her eyebrows. "Really? I thought you were just worried what people would think." She winced. "Because some of the stuff they're saying...it's not right, you know?"
"Like what?" he asked, though he already had a decent idea.
She hesitated. "That...well. Naoto-kun's kinda, um...boyish, and – there were already stories about you, and—"
"I get it," he cut in, if only to save Rise from embarrassment. His fists had tensed at his sides, and he forced himself to unclench them. "Figured that's what they were saying."
She shook her head. "You'd think you dating a girl would stop all that."
"You know it ain't that simple," he muttered. "Naoto's different."
"Yeah, I guess so." Rise sighed. "But honestly, it shouldn't really matter."
"Damn right it shouldn't!" he said, with an angry sweep of his hand that sent two nearby first-years scurrying. "Say I was with a guy. They'd still have no right to rag on me over it."
Rise sighed. "You're right. But it's okay, Kanji-kun," she soothed. "Naoto-kun's worth it, right?"
Kanji paused.
To him, Naoto was still worth everything. But if she was too ashamed of him to tell their friends, or let him hold her damn hand, how did he know she felt the same way? Maybe she was already regretting her decision. But then why would she be so affectionate (loving, his mind supplied) with him in private? It was like he was with two different people, all depending on who was watching. He'd tried reminding himself she was reserved, kinda shy, all that stuff, but it was an increasingly difficult theory to swallow.
He snapped back to awareness. Rise was still staring up at him, waiting for an answer.
"'Course she is," he said, with a tight smile.
That night found Kanji in his room, finishing up Souji's Izanagi doll. The work was bittersweet; a reminder that Senpai would soon be leaving town. From the little Kanji had gleaned, he wasn't looking forward to it. Didn't get along well with his parents, which was no surprise if they'd been ready to ship him off to his uncle's place for a year. It wasn't quite the same thing as Kanji losing a parent – or worse, Naoto losing both – but it was a loss nonetheless.
Thinking of Naoto…maybe he should just tell the others. Get it out the way. Rise already knew, and even if she'd stayed quiet, the rest of the team must've heard the rumours at school. Souji was smart as hell, so he must've figured it out as well - but Naoto might never forgive Kanji for going official. They still hadn't really made up after their argument in Okina, instead choosing to ignore it completely – or at least she had. Kanji would've preferred they talk about it. If nothing else, he wanted answers.
He glanced at his open cellphone, resting on the sewing table. It was almost 9pm. Maybe he could still call Naoto.
The phone rang. He picked it up and saw Souji's name onscreen. "Yo, Senpai."
"Kanji." A deep breath. "We have to go back inside."
"You mean the TV world?" Kanji frowned. They'd already solved the case, hadn't they?
"There's someone I have to confront. A friend. We made a deal for information."
Anyone you had to make deals with – who wouldn't help you up front - didn't sound like much of a 'friend' at all. "Which friend?"
"Her name is Margaret." Souji paused. "And she wants to test us."