"I killed a man."
Those were the first words that came to my lips as I opened my eyes, staring at the ceiling. I felt what had happened what felt like moments before playing and replaying in my mind.
"I killed a man."
All my life I had been brought up a good Catholic Italian girl, never having stolen or killed because I believed that it was evil. Now, within two weeks of being in a pirates company, I had killed a man and stolen from a dress shoppe.
At first I tried to tell myself that it was self that it was self-defense... but I knew that wasn't true. He had already shot me. I remembered a feeling rising in my throat as my sword went through him... it was revenge. Revenge for my mother's death, revenge for my missing father, for my torn family... for everything. Seeing the pirate die had brought me joy. I let my head fall to the side, suddenly realizing that I wasn't in my bed... or in my clothes for that matter. I looked around, afraid to sit up, hazily remembering the excruciating pain and Jack's words, the stinging, the pain… I turned my head.
Jack Sparrow was seated at my bedside, his body leaned down, his head and arm resting on the bed. I looked at his sleeping figure and felt a jump of my heart. It had not just been revenge... I had killed that man to save Jack's life. I can't lie to myself any longer. I thought I love him.
Letting my breath out, I tried to sit up, but was stopped by a wave of pain and dizziness. I let out a soft cry and fell back, waiting for it to subside... I was cold. Pulling up the blankets (Jack's blankets, on his bed, in his cabin) I shivered.
- - - - - - - JACK'S POV - - - - - - -
Jack opened his brown, kohl lined eyes as a cry reached his ears. Sitting up, he noticed that Christina had awoken for the first time in two days. She was hot to the touch and Jack watched as she pulled the blankets closer to her, her eyes still closed, sweat beading down her pale face, contorted in pain. From her mouth whispered a string of obscene words that Jack never thought would come from her. His eyes widened slightly before he smirked.
- - - - - - - END JACK'S POV - - - - - - -
I finished ranting and opened my eyes, the pain having subsided a considerable amount now that I wasn't moving, I felt the sweat running down my face and felt as if it was snowing around me. I was so cold, yet when I reached up and touched my face I was hot. I smiled in amusement.
"Nice to see you smiling luv." Jack's voice. I jumped and looked over at Jack who was awake, grinning at me. Shame washed over me.
"You didnt hear... did you?" Jack smirked wider.
"No." He was lying, obviously. A cramp was beginning to form in my leg and I reached down to rub it. With surprise I realized that I no longer had my leather pants on, but only my underclothes and...Jack's shirt. A blush crept up my cheeks but I refused to let it show.
Jack was pulling the blanket back and pulling up the shirt to inspect my side. I felt exposed, self conscious as he removed the bloody piece of cloth and tied a new strip around the wound, which had, to my relief, stopped bleeding, though the skin was open, scabbed and red. I turned my eyes away from the sight.
"How long have I been out?" I asked Jack as he finished tying my bandage my hand in my mouth to stop the soft sobs of pain.
"Two days luv." Jack replied gently yet seriously, "I thought ye weren't gonna make it." I laughed, the joy quickly turning to pain as it engulfed my stomach.
"I've had worse." I tried to tell him but I was sure he didn't believe me. I thought of the burn mark on my arm.
"Are ye hungry Christy?" Jack asked and for the first time I realized I was. I nodded modestly.
"I'll be right back." The Captain promised and left me alone to gaze at the door that had closed behind him. I saved his life. I thought that's the only reason why he's caring for me. He's in my debt. I could not bring myself to believe it...
I thought about the past two days and felt a rush of mixed feelings toward the Captain of the Black Pearl. It was awkward imagining him dressing my wound, changing my clothes, bathing my face… and yet, of course, I felt gratitude for all he had done. I raised my knuckles and rubbed my aching temples. Why must the man be so confusing?
A week passed.
I lied in bed, staring at the dark wood ceiling for what seemed like hours, my body getting more and more restless by the second. Jack came in the door and threw his hat on the table distractedly, smiling at me and uncorking a rum bottle with his teeth, taking a swig.
For the last four days Jack had taken quite good care of me in my weak state. My pride had dropped to a minimum but I didn't care.
Jack finished his rum in only a few swigs and set the empty bottle on the table, next to the half a dozen others. I finally sighed loudly and turned to the Captain.
"Jack?" I asked timidly.
"Yes luv?"
"I can't lie here a moment longer. Could I please go out?" I missed the fresh air and my muscles longed for movement. Jack frowned.
"You don't want to open the wound back up luv." He said seriously. I struggled to sit up best I could, sending pains through my side.
"Please Jack?" I nearly begged. "If I don't get out of bed I'll die!" Jack eyes locked with mine and he sighed.
"Alright luv. Can't deny a woman." He finally said and I smiled wide, continuing to pull myself up, "But I'm carrying you." I sighed and refrained from rolling my eyes as I threw the covers off and reached for my pants. I let Jack hold up my middle, a smirk on his face. I glared at him.
"What are you smiling about?" I demanded.
"I'm just enjoying this arrangement." He replied, his smirk widening, "Perhaps we'll do this again?"
"In your dreams." I retorted, tying the string to my pants and allowing myself to be let down. Jack shrugged.
"Worth a try luv." He put one arm on my back and the other under my legs, lifting me. My heart jumped painfully (or was it from my side that was now screaming in pain at me) as he lifted me and I felt myself in his arms. I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck and let my head rest on his shoulder. I could see his smirk.
I was greeted by wonderful sun and smiling crewmember's faces as they greeted me. I just smirked and closed my eyes, breathing in the fresh air as Jack carried me up to the bow of the ship and sat me down on the side, his arm on my shoulder to keep me from falling. He was so close to me, as I gazed out into the horizon, I could feel his hot breath on the back of my neck and I shivered. I turned to smile and thank him...
- - - - - - - JACK'S POV - - - - - - -
Her back was pressed against his chest as he supported the woman who saved his life. Christina turned, a hint of a smile on her face.
- - - - - - - END JACK'S POV - - - - - - -
Jack Sparrow's lips came down onto mine, caring yet hungry, tender yet fierce. My eyes widened in shock as his lips caressed mine, taking my breath away, and sending a million thoughts through my mind. He pulled away and gave me a crooked smile as I breathed deeply yet shakily.
"I never did thank you for saving me luv." Jack said quietly. He was still unbelievably close.
"I-I couldn't let you die." I replied truthfully. His chocolate brown eyes were looking into mine and I felt the emotional wall I had put up so many years ago fall. The locked cover of my diary broken open and the story of my life shining through my ocean blue eyes. I felt exposed, naked in his gaze and shrunk back, fear coursing through my body as I was afraid he was trying to hurt me. I couldn't understand the thoughts and feeling running through my mind... they scared me.
Jack's eyebrows wrinkled as a single tear fell down my cheek, leaving a wet trail. One hand held my neck as his thumb wiped it away. I knew he saw the fear in my eyes as I tried not to show it, and I knew he didn't understand. His hand was still on my cheek and I felt his touch warm my body until it glowed.
I shut my eyes and looked down, trying not to cry. Why was he doing this to me? I felt a finger underneath my chin and my face was tilted up.
"You know luv," Jack said, "You don't have to be this brave all the time." I let my breath out.
"Yes I do." His lips captured mine again and this time I gave in to his touch, wrapping my hands around his neck and responding with my lips.
We broke away and I felt something that I hadn't felt in years... whole. No more broken girl, trying to find who she is, never really gaining love... never able to trust anyone, to get too close to anyone. But that was me then... somehow I knew I had changed.
"I knew you'd warm up to me." He said and I kept my face still, turning back around and gazing out into the water again. And as I leaned back against Jack's chest, talking about everything and nothing I couldn't help but wonder... what would John think?
***********
John P Walker and I met at the age of twenty one, both young adults looking for a part in the newest opera performance "La Rosa". I was even more hot blooded and didn't tolerate any cheek from anyone. I prided myself on it.
A beggar man, sitting on the corner smiled at me and made a crude call. I whipped my head toward him and threw a piercing gaze that would shrink even the butcher. His smile faded and he stood, hobbling away.
"My, my. I could almost see the daggers coming from those blue eyes." I turned quickly and was greeted by a sandy blonde, olive green eyed, thin man, dressed in a black suit and hat that had seen better days looking at me. I said nothing to this stranger. He looked down awkwardly before looking back at me. I had to smile at his boyish charm and a grin lit his face.
"Well," he said, "good day." And I walked away and into the all too familiar opera theatre.
I had sung as a chorus girl since the age of fifteen and, whether I believed or not, the director had told me that I was ready to try out to be a solo performer. As I walked into the opera theatre I felt a rush of excitement that felt all to familiar, the sound of soft music coming from the stage room as I entered.
My hands were shaking and I pressed them together as I bit my lip slightly. Monsieur Chapal sat in the front row, a quill in one hand, and an encouraging smile on his face.
I opened my red lipped mouth and began to softly sing, getting faster and louder, louder, louder until even the people on the outside of the theatre, I knew, could hear. The other viewers in the audience sat, dumbstruck but all that came to my mind were negative thoughts. I missed that note. My pitch was too high I honestly had no idea how wonderful I sounded.
Applause awaited me when I was finished and I lowered myself into a curtsy/bow before leaving the stage.
Many voices later Monsieur Chapal approached me.
"Mademoiselle Ricci!" he exclaimed "How wonderful, the beauty of your voice!" I blushed furiously.
"Thank you signore but-"
"You were wonderful! Your mother would have been so proud." A pang hit my heart when he mentioned my mother and I looked down. I'll take the part I thought but he'll be sorry. I thanked him and walked away, making a note to come to rehearsal the next day.
Frost covered the streets of Port Royal as I stepped out of the opera house, my red and gold dress hugging to my corset squeezed waist though, thankfully, there weren't very many skirts, keeping my appearance normal enough. I had never been the type for billowing skirts, except for when my father forced me to wear them to formal occasions. I pulled my hood up around my hair and stepped out into the bitter cold air. I smiled to myself. Mama would be proud. I thought as I wandered through a near empty park. If she were alive.
"The voice!" a man's words rang through my ears and I whipped around...
There was the same sandy blonde haired, olive green eyed man I had met before. He was sitting on a bench and he flashed me a straight, white-toothed smile.
"I heard you in the opera, you're wonderful!" he said. I forced a smile and a fake
"Thank you signore." I said with a smile and he motioned for me to sit next to him. I didn't know the man but he seemed friendly enough. Within seconds we were deeply into an opera based conversation.
"La Rosa though," he said, "I'm performing in it." I tried to remember when I had seen him audition but I couldn't remember, as the entire time I had been daydreaming, "with you." I snapped back to the present and I pulled a smile, nodding.
"I'll enjoy performing it." I stated and shifted in my seat, trying not to stick to the seat in the cold.
"So will I." John replied, "La Rosa though," he repeated, pulling the thick script from his bag. "The script was poorly written... a few parts are too cliche."
I had looked at him coldly, "My father wrote it." I said and struggled to hold back a glare. He shrugged.
"I won't lie to you because he's your father." He said truthfully, "I personally don't like it." I smiled at his honest streak.
- - - - - - - ONE YEAR LATER - - - - - - -
John and I walked through the opera gardens, holding hands as we had done ever so often, the late moonlight shining onto the dew drops, making them shine like crystals on the roses. I sighed at its beauty as a smile graced my rose red lips. John Walker looked at me and smiled.
We came to the end of the trail, into a circled area, surrounded by lilies and roses, violets and carnations and any other flower you could think of, the scent nearly intoxicating.
We came to our favorite bench, talking about everything as we sat down.
"What about our future?" John suddenly asked me and I frowned.
"What about it?" I asked, confused.
"I mean you and me Christina." I hesitated.
"John you're a very dear fri-"
"Wait! Before you say anything, I want you to ask you something." He stood from the bench and knelt in front of me. I looked at him with an unreadable face, trying to hide my mixed emotions. Did I love him? I felt horribly disappointed at the lack of feeling in his touch but...
"Will you leave the name Christina Ricci behind and marry me? Will you become Christina Walker?" He asked and held out a large diamond ring. What else do I have?… I guess this is as good as life gets. I thought and smiled at him as he slipped the ring onto my left ring finger and kiss me on the lips.
"Because that's what a ship is luv." Jack was saying and as I was pulled back into the present I realized that I had never loved John Walker. I had never even known what love felt like. I leaned further into Jack's arms that were supporting me as if from all the troubles of the world and listened, "It's not just a keel, a hole, a deck and sails... no that's what a ship needs. But what a ship is... what the Black Pearl really is... is freedom."
"I've always longed for freedom, Jack." I said truthfully. "Don't ever take it for granted that you have it." Jack looked down at me and I knew he was frowning in confusion as I slipped off the engagement ring from my finger.
"Nothing but yourself is keeping you from being free luv." I was holding the ring out over the water... I wanted to drop it... "All you have to do is let go..." and with that he took my hand and loosened my grip on the ring... I felt no remorse as I watched it fall. I turned back to the pirate captain and smiled as his lips hit mine one more time.