The big night finally came.
After dozens of rehearsals and the occasional trip to the hospital for Gonzo and/or Beaker, the Muppets/New Directions gala show was ready to go on! Kermit and Schue were decked out in traditional purple suits worn for formal moments on The Muppet Show Emma wore a light green dress with a collar that made Piggy think she was out to get her Frog, and she brought an umbrella just in case things got messy, knowing the Muppets. Even Beiste was all dolled up for the occasion!
Seeing as the Muppets WERE celebrities, there was some media coverage of sorts…
"This is Jacob Ben Israel, reporting live from McKinley High as we get closer to the opening of the New Directions Muppet Gala. I myself can't wait for it to start; I'm such a big Muppet fan! I know every Muppet by name…"
Jacob then turned to a Muppet right behind him, who was carrying a black bag whose contents seemed to be struggling for air and moving around. It was the peculiar Marvin Suggs.
"Hi there, sir. Would you like to say something to all the Muppet fans out there?"
"Yes-a, prepare to a-be amazed by triumphant a-return a-by Marvin Suggs and-a his Muppephones!" Marvin exclaimed.
The Muppephones, obviously the contents of his bag, all groaned in agony.
"Hmm, never heard of you."
Suddenly, one Muppephone popped out of a hole in a bag and bounced towards the nerdy teen.
"PLEASE!" the furry Muppet ball desperately cried, "SAVE US! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE WITH THIS MONSTER! IF I GO ON TONIGHT, I'LL-"
THUD! Marvin stopped him mid-sentence with a well-placed whack between the eyes. He picked up the motionless Muppephone and began to walk off.
"Um…" stammered a speechless Jacob, "we'll be right back?"
As everyone was getting ready onstage, Finn, Tina, and Mercedes peeked out into the audience. They saw a LOT of familiar faces. They saw Shelby with baby Beth, who carried a little stuffed Kermit in honor of tonight. Finn sure hoped Rachel would cheer up a bit by seeing her birth mother and unofficial step-sister in the crowd. Kurt peeked in too and saw Dave Karofski AND Sebastian Smythe with the Dalton Warblers. As slightly unnerved as he was to see them, he was also a bit flattered they came to support him.
"Here's hoping that 'meerkat' doesn't do anything to ruin tonight, he still looks a little shady to me" he said to himself.
They also saw some faces they hadn't seen for a longer time: Emma's old dentist friend Carl (wearing an Animal t-shirt), Bryan Ryan, Lauren Zizes, Dakota Stanley, even ex-coach Ken Tanaka! Ken looked at Will and Emma sitting next to each other so happily, his heart sank in regret as he swallowed another hoagie whole.
They quickly closed the small eyehole and went up to the Muppet arches they were going to be using for the opening. Artie just looked at them and sighed, staring down in his wheelchair.
"What's the matter, Artie?" Scooter asked, walking by.
"I don't think I'll be able to do the opening since I can't get up there" he replied sadly.
"Hey now" called Sweetums, "no need to worry, you can come out with us monsters at the bottom!"
"But it only fits 5 of you."
"Don't sweat it, we'll think of something."
Seeing that that problem as averted for now, Scooter went back to the dressing rooms to see if anyone was still getting ready. He knocked on the door and peeked in.
"New Directions! New Directions!" he called inside, "15 seconds to curtain, New Directions!"
The only one in the dressing room was Joe, whose dreadlocks were being chewed on by Animal and two Muppet dogs.
"Thanks, dude" he said as he struggled to break free without getting an unscheduled haircut.
On stage, everyone was in place and ready to go, except for Rachel, who was still shutting herself socially from everyone in the cast. Seeing this, Finn went over to her.
"Rachel, cheer up. I know you may not be going to Nyada, but tonight you should let it go and have fun on stage in front of all those people who've come for you! I mean we're working with the Muppets! And even your mother's here! With your dads I may add! Don't you want to make them happy?"
She smiled lightly, and turned away. His words didn't work as much as he hoped. He watched her as they both got in place for the opening.
After Figgins gave his opening spiel, the lights dimmed, and a giant signboard appeared on stage saying "The Muppet New Directions Show".
"Ladies and gentlemen" bellowed the Muppets' highly-regarded announcer, Jerry, "please welcome your host: Kermit the Frog!"
On cue, Kermit swung open a door on the other side and popped out of the big 'O' in the word 'show' on the sign.
"It's the Muppet Glee Club Gala, celebrating McKinley High's very own glee club: New Directions! YAAAAAAAY!"
As the audience applauded loudly, the signboard was raised up and the curtains opened, revealing the legendary arch columns that opened each week's episode of The Muppet Show as the orchestra began playing the all-too familiar Muppet melody.
Brad, who usually worked alone as the sole pianist, shared the spotlight with Rowlf as Zoot's loud sax note cued the cast to come out. As in Muppet tradition, the giant monsters were first. Artie was wheeled in by Doglion as they, Sweetums, Thog, and the Mutations all marched in and pointed all attention to the upper-left, where the girls all grapevined to the other side. Camilla, Tina, Janice, Brittany, Wanda, Sugar, Afghan Hound, and Spamela Hamderson all sang:
"It's time to play the music, it's time to light the lights, it's time to meet the Muppets at McKinley High tonight!"
The girls then looked at the right side, where the guys all came in above them on the other side. Mike Chang, Dr. Strangepork, Rory, Swedish Chef, Sam Eagle, Beauregard, Sam Evans, Link Hogthrob, Johnny Fiama, and Marvin Suggs all sang:
"It's time to put on makeup, it's time to dress up right, it's time to raise the curtain on the New Direction night!"
In the audience, Sue and Statler & Waldorf started to add to the song:
"Why did you two both come here?" asked/sang Sue.
"I guess we'll never know" Statler replied in the same way.
"It's like a kind of torture, to be in O-hi-o!" Waldorf concluded.
As everyone laughed, Kermit got into his arch and sang:
"To celebrate your glee club, that's what we're here to do. So it really makes me happy, to introduce to you...NEW DIRECTIONS!"
"The Muppets are working with NEW Directions?" Statler asked.
"It doesn't matter what kind of direction they're working with" Waldorf replied, "they're as big a lost cause as ever!"
The spotlights hit all the members of New Directions as the audience cheered with genuine love, something they wouldn't have really received had this been 2-3 years ago. Animal gave a little drum solo, which served as the cue Kermit gave a reluctant Rachel to sing:
"And now let's get things started!"
"Why don't we get things started?" everyone else sang.
"It's time to get things started..." Kermit began as everyone else joined in.
"On the most sensational, inspirational, New Direct-tational, MUPPETATIONAL, THIS IS OUR MUPPET GLEE CLUB SHOOOOOOOOW!"
The "Muppet New Directions Show" sign was lowered in front as Gonzo held up his trumpet and tooted out the refrain to one of the glee club's most beloved covers: "Don't Stop Believing". After the opening ended, Kermit came onstage and spoke to the audience.
"You know" he said, "during this last week, we had so much fun working with all these great students. It actually made me wish we had a glee club at the school I went to. Of course, it was located in the swamps so it would consist of all frogs and would be called the 'croak club'!"
"At least none of the members would complain of having a frog in their throat, right?" Sue called out as her two elderly friends chuckled along.
Ignoring them, Kermit continued.
"Anyway, we got a great show for you with all these kids working with some of their favorite Muppets. So let's give a round of applause for the Electric Mayhem with special guest musicians, Finn Hudson and Noah Puckerman! YAAAAAAAY!"
The first act consisted of Finn, Puck, and the Mayhem performing their version of "Bang the Drum All Day" by Todd Rundgren, with Finn dedicating it to his favorite Muppet, Animal, who played drums right beside him and tried to upstage him at times with his own brand of wild drumming. Everyone knew how if a celeb knew how to drum, Animal would try to outdo them. Here was no exception.
As that act was going on, Dr. Bunsen was fitting Blaine with a special collar.
"So you're saying this collar will enhance my projection?" Blaine asked.
"Precisely" Bunsen replied, "you won't even need to warm up thanks to Muppet Labs' Voice Vitalizer. And whenever you seem to be waning as you sing, I'll be here modifying you via this remote."
The remote looked shabby, but Kurt grabbed Blaine before he could speak up about it. Beaker, who was at the scientist's side, followed them as they took their places for their next act and listened onto Kermit.
"And now I am pleased to introduce Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson singing a trio number with our very own Beaker. Take it away, boys!"
The curtain opened with Kurt centerstage as Brad & Rowlf played piano and Janice strummed a sitar.
"I closed my eyes, drew back the curtain to see for certain what I thought I knew" he began.
Beaker sang the next line in his signature 'meep' language. And while so, Bunsen fiddled with the remote in preparation for Blaine's contribution to the song. However, while he was pushing on a small lever, it broke and the little gizmo short-circuited. Bunsen just put his hand over his mouth and hoped for the best.
"I wore my coat, with golden lining..." Blaine began in his beautiful soloist voice.
But then, lights on his Voice Vitalizer collar began to blink and flicker and something began to happen to that voice of his. It began to raise in pitch, he started to sound like he just swallowed a tank of helium as the audience cracked up with laughter.
"Blaine" whispered Kurt, "what's happening to you?"
"I don't know" replied a squeaky Blaine, "I think Bunsen's machine broke and now my voice is doing this."
Considering how Kurt and Beaker's voices with pretty high compared to Blaine's, this unscripted modification of the latter's made him on level pitch-wise. So now it was two boys and a Muppet singing "Any Dream Will Do" as the Muppets/New Directions' answer to Alvin and the Chipmunks. Despite this, they handled it beautifully and the audience loved it.
"What did you think of that number, Sue?" Waldorf asked.
"The higher the voice pitch, the lower my expectations" Sue answered as they all laughed.
A performance like that could've stopped the show for sure, but the night was far from over. The best/worst was yet to come!