Disclaimer: I do not own Castle

Chapter 8

"You're right, you are a mess"

She tried pulling back to look at him. But he spoke before she moved away. He caught both of her wrists and moved them away from his face, now looking directly at her with eyes that she'd never seen before.

He was finally going to speak out his anger.

"You left!" he yelled

"After accusing me of being a horrible parent! You took my son away, as if it meant nothing to me!"

He was venting out. And she shivered. She'd never seen him loose his cool. And it scared the daylights out of her.
His grip on her wrists was tight but she deserved this.

"You walked out of our home like it was okay, and then you ignored every call and text."

"Castle... i…"

"No!" he let go of her wrists and stood up, walked to his desk and leaned against it. Taking a minute to himself. He ran his hand through his hair. Then looked back at her and said

"You blamed me for my failed marriages…"

"Rick... I wasn't thinking..."

"You're damn right you weren't thinking!" he spat out.

And they were quiet for a minute after that. The only sound in the room was that of Kate's heavy breathing between sobs.

"You weren't here when I had to leave... hell! You didn't even remember I had to leave"

Kate couldn't face him. She stared blankly at the ground, tears rolling down her cheeks; she was un-able to look her husband in the eye. She had been so inconsiderate that night. Really... what was she thinking?

"An average man would never tolerate any of what you said last night Kate…"

Kate's mind reflected on the words he just said.
And her heart stooped.

Was he..? Was he going to leave her? Was he going to say he can't do this anymore? Can't be 'them'?

Kate looked around at him. Fear filling her heart.

"Castle don't…" she lost her words after that.
'Don't leave me' is what she wanted to say. But she couldn't say it… saying it would make it real.

He looked at her and continued "You're lucky I'm not an average man Kate…"

Kate just stared at him blankly.

he took a deep breath, calming his nerves. And then he spoke in a softer tone.

"you're a mess… but you're a beautiful mess… you're a mess that I love… and even though I want so bad to do to you, what you did to me that night.. I can't. And it frustrates me…!"

he walked to where she was sitting, held her hand and made her stand up before him.

"You frustrate me Kate Beckett"

He lightly moved his nose against the skin on her jaw, her neck, breathing her in.

"You're a mess that I love… and you hurt me.. All the time… but I won't ever let that take you away from me…"

"Rick..."

He began softly kissing her neck. And she still felt so unworthy… why was he making love to her…
she felt his teeth scrape against her skin and his tongue lave over it…

"I don't deserve this…"

"Now let me talk okay…" he breathed at her skin and then looked at her
she nodded...

"I was on a deadline that night... and I know that doesn't explain how ignorant I was being to you… but just so you know... there was a baby monitor in the living room… I would have woken up in a minute or two with the sound of Alex and his toys… you must have entered the room the moment he got up..."

Kate mentally slapped herself... of course... there was a baby monitor… now she just didn't deserve this man at all.

While still nuzzling his face at skin. They sat on the couch then.

he looked at her, at her lips, and back into her eyes. She watched him intently…

"I said some pretty awful things to you too that night... and I hate myself for it... but Kate... I want you to know... however much we argue and fight... there's nothing we can't fix..."

He leaned in and touched his lips to hers… and he kissed her, sucking on her lower lip, tasting her, his hand making its way to her back, where he played with the soft, damp ends of her hair. His other hand caressing her face…

And his touch made her shiver… they kissed for a while. both, revelling in the feel of the other after these last few lonely nights… after being away from each other… not just physically… but emotionally too.. Their souls had disconnected the night she left the loft… but right now... she could feel them reconnecting…

when he pulled away… she had just one thing to ask him…

she put her hands on his chest and said "Do you forgive me?"

"you and i... we've been through so much together.. And a fight like this is nothing compared to the battles we've fought..."

"We were on the same side that time Castle.."

"We still are. We've survived much worse Kate… this isn't about forgiveness and apologies. I just want you to realize that you said a lot of things that day and they were more than enough to ruin our relationship.

I know whatever happened that night was a result of a crappy day... and I understand where you came from…"

"you do..? "

"I do..." he smiled…

"now… I was a little angry that you forgot about my trip... I was even more upset that I didn't get to see you or Alex before leaving... but I'm willing to put that behind us... if you're willing to promise me, that you won't run away when things get complicated between us…"

"I promise you Rick... I'm done running… I'm madly in love with you… and I'm not going to risk losing you ever again…"

Rick caressed her cheek with his palm and said... "You do know I'm still angry with you right?"

She kissed his palm and said... "I know… and I'm going to spend the rest of my life making it up to you"

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