Chapter 23 – Final
To: Usami Akihiko
I love you when you're happy.
I love you when you're sad.
I love you if you're angry,
And I love you if you're bad.
No matter how you feel,
I love you all the time.
Yours sincerely, Takahashi Misaki
The boy clumsily crept backwards onto the walls behind him. He was uncontrollably sobbing that painted his bruised face with streaks of tears. His clothes were violently torn at most parts baring the boy's skin with linear red marks all over. One of the boy's hands touching the fresh bruise recently inflicted on his cheek, followed by a stream of blood running down his lips. His large innocent-looking pair of emerald eyes shone altogether with his tears continuously falling down. His eyes were in contact with a man's eyes, they were as vicious and merciless as an eagle's eyes glaring over its prey.
Only he and the man were in the house. Everything was futile. The boy could not scream for help due to his voice could not reach anyone out there. The boy could not run away and escape due to his legs were now had lost its purposes. Surgery stitches were still apparent on the boy's calves. The boy could not fight back against the cruel man due to the vast difference in strength. The boy had just received a pitiful amount of abuse from the man by almost every day and night; physically, emotionally, psychologically, sexually. Everything was meant as "punishment".
"U-Usagi-san…" the trembling boy called the man who slowly approached him.
The man with an expensive synthetic black belt and its metal buckle was covered in blood in his hand; it was very obvious on whose the blood was belonged to. "Just what the hell did you think you've just called me?" he tranquilly enquired whilst his temper rose quickly as if lightning. Only a single word from the good-for-nothing boy enough could make his blood boil, anything worse could happen to the boy from just a single mistake.
As if time had stopped when the man's large knuckles smacked the boy straight to the face, further on creating an impact between the boy's back and the wall behind him. "I'm sorry… I'm sorry…!" the boy though purely guiltless miserably bowed his head and apologized several times to the man standing in front of him. Still does not sprout the seed of consideration in the man's icy cold heart.
"Let me ask you, is that an appropriate name to call your husband?" he asked. His words held a very deep and important meaning yet to be closely interpreted.
"I'm so sorry, Akihiko-san… I didn't mean to…"
"You don't MEAN what?"
"…?!"
"I don't understand how I could end up falling in love with somebody so stupid like you. You keep stacking up your lists of mistakes by every single fucking day, that despicable mouth of yours said that you never mean it, and that pisses me off."
The boy was so much carried away with his critical emotional and psychological injury that he did not realize of himself being yanked onto the man's shoulder like a sack of potatoes and ended completely stripped naked by the man's dirty hands. He was on lying top of the man's king-sized bed, his wrists being cuffed behind him. Everything inside the master bedroom was pitch-black as the boy's innocent emerald eyes were covered with a black cloth tightly knotted around his head.
The man swiftly pulled the sheet of a ball of duct tape. Its sound resonated throughout the room. "If you dare to call me by that stupid name again," The boy though blindfolded could exactly tell from his sense of hearing of what the man was currently up to against him. "…I'll beat you till you had stopped breathing." the man threatened, as if sealing the boy's ability to talk for eternity by wrapping the tape around his small lips so the latter couldn't easily take it off with his tongue.
He was on his all fours and crazily kissed the boy over the tape. The boy let out some sweet, irresistible moans that were muffled by the very effective gag to silent him down. The man's pink and wet organ went wild on the boy's thin neck, brushing it upwards and downwards enjoying the salty sensation. He buried his teeth deep enough that the boy's neck bled. "That's good… Now make more of those cute sounds for me."
That was still not enough. The man was greedy, he wanted more. He had done groping the boy's body, leaving love-bites and planting kisses all over after a couple of minutes, but he still craved for more – he would like to hear the boy screaming. He took out something in his hand, meant as a brand new sex tool. "Now then, would you want to play a quiz?" he questioned, snapped the boy into oblivion.
"I take that as a yes then," he cruelly smirked after no response came from the gagged boy. "I'm now holding something in my hand… And I'm going to put it in your ass. Can you guess what is it?" Fear overwhelmed the boy. He could not see. It was at highest probability that the man was up to something dangerous. The man could have a knife in his hand. Tears flooded the blindfold and slowly made their way to the boy's chin.
What in the man's hand was actually a hairdryer. The boy prayed that it was something harmless like a vibrator or something that the man used to fill him. The man expected the boy to fill the room with his screams and arouse the former. It does not take long until something cylindrical shaped and had a hollow middle was forced inside the boy. The boy was relieved at first, until…
The man turned the switch on.
"Why lately I had been dreaming the freakin same thing…" he cursed under his breath.
He did passionately in love with Misaki. He did miss Misaki. He did want to meet the brunette so badly. If he was going to dream about Misaki – then how he could dream about the brunette suffering so greatly? By the every single time he slept or even took a short nap, he will definitely dream about Misaki being brutally tortured and raped by his own lover, Usami Akihiko. His current arch nemesis for able to claim Misaki's heart and having sex with him freely. His jealousy for the latter will never fade till Misaki becomes his.
"Ijuuin-kun?"
Ijuuin Kyo raised his head up upon being called by someone. His charcoal eyes met a pair of icy blue ones, belonging to a blonde bartender. The bartender had a nametag entitled 'Kitamori Ryota' attached to the right side of his black vest. "You've been spacing out since then. Estas bien? (Are you okay?)" the friendly Spanish-fluent bartender asked the raven.
"I'm fine, Kitamori-san. I'm just…" Ijuuin scratched the back of his head, uncertain how he should tell the bartender about his current problem. Even the plate of meal and a glass of whiskey served in front of him was remained untouched that managed to grab a little bit of the bartender's concern. Both of them were old friends and had known each other for a long time, and Ijuuin was one of Kitamori's regular customers in his bar.
"It's nothing to be worried about."
"Amigo, we're best friends for a long time and it's okay for you to blurt about anything! I will definitely keep it to myself as a secret!"
"Well I do have a problem, and it's quite… Uh…"
"Hmm?"
"I mean…" Ijuuin were stopped as Kitamori's index finger landed on his lips.
"Oooh, I know! It must be about that niño Takahashi Misaki that you always told me about!" Kitamori excitedly exclaimed. "So, any progress between you and him lately?" The bartender lightly patted Ijuuin's back. "Don't worry, even though I'm not gay but I'm not against it! I will surely support you and him being altogether! I also won't hesitate to accept Usami Akihiko as my enemy."
Ijuuin sighed in gratefulness for having a great friend like Kitamori, as the saying goes good friends are as worthy as a pile of gold. "Any progress, huh? I wish." Ijuuin replied, wiping the smile away from Kitamori's face. He began to change the topic. "Say, Kitamori-san… Do you believe in 'Future Sight'?"
"You mean, having dreams that predict the future?"
The raven spilled every of the beans he had in mind to the trustworthy bartender about his dreams. He could capture the bartender's expressions on his decent-looking face; feeling shocked, disgusted, horrified and sympathy. Every of the negative feelings written over his face while hearing.
"Holy Dios! That sounds too awful to be true!" Kitamori said, expressing his shock.
"That's what had been bothering me these days. What should I do to make those dreams stop?" Ijuuin laid his back on his sit. His traveler of a mind went a long journey in his head on the path of thoughts to the destination of solution.
"Have you contacted that niño?"
"Err, no. I don't know why but he was… unable to be contacted."
"So are you sure whether he is save or not? I can tell your answer from your worried looks from every time you came here."
"…"
"So there's no doubt… That your dreams are trying to tell you something."
"Y-you don't mean…?"
Kitamori took a sit and sat opposite of Ijuuin at the same table. "So right now let's say that…" With a serious look on his face he crossed his arms. "Your amor is currently suffering greatly… by the hands of his amante, then the niño somewhere prayed that everything will be over, so… El destino had chosen you to save him."
"Eh? But that's –"
"I don't believe that I would say this to a customer, but…" Kitamori suddenly stood up and then, "GET OUT."
"What?" Ijuuin were flabbergasted by his old friend's impulsive act.
"Now you got an idea on what is currently happening to someone that you loved the most, right? I said get out from my bar and rush for your amor."
"Wait, let me pay this first…"
"There's no need to pay. It's my treat. That Takahashi Misaki's live is more expensive than money, so go and save him!"
Ijuuin was touched. "Kitamori-san…"
"Tch, you're wasting a lot of time!" Kitamori placed both of his pale hands on Ijuuin's shoulders. "Listen, that niño is suffering greatly and he terribly needs somebody to save him! That means he needs you! Don't make him survive and pray for nothing so go and save him, now! This is also an opportunity for you to steal his heart afterwards, amigo."
"Thank you, Kitamori-san." Ijuuin waved Kitamori goodbye from the main door. He had made his decision. He wanted to save Misaki.
"Buena suerte (Good luck), Ijuuin-kun."
"Next station… Tokyo… Tokyo… Next station… Tokyo…"
Ijuuin woke up in the bullet train after the journey approximately taking 2 hours and 45 minutes from Osaka to Tokyo. He woke up from another bizarre dream. He dreamt that his beloved Misaki was being forced to sleep outside at the balcony. In the cold snowing night and on the cold solid floor. Completely vulnerable, the brunette was naked. Fortunately the bullet train moves up to 320 km/h so Misaki could be saved by Ijuuin by this night. The brunette would probably die on the next day.
Once Ijuuin was out from the train station, he was shivering from cold in the city of Tokyo even in his cashmere long coat. But thinking of Misaki, he remained strong. If his Takahashi-kun could live in the cold without clothes, then why he with some thick clothing could not?
It was strange. Ijuuin knew the location of the luxurious penthouse where Misaki lived. He knew at which floor and what number it was. He knew what was the combination of numbers as the code to unlock the digital security device of the central door. When he was succeeded to penetrate the house he does not in need to call for Misaki's name to search for him. He knew that the brunette was at the balcony. Everything was miraculously told by his dreams.
What he saw in the balcony of the Usami residence was the scariest thing he had ever seen in his whole life.
Ijuuin panicked. He slammed the sliding door hard enough as if he was going to break it. He pounced over the body lying on the floor and cradled it in his arms without being disgusted by the blood. He was feeling a bit nauseous to the stench of blood reeking all over the place. Ijuuin's eyes met Misaki's pale yet a little blue-tinted face, which the raven almost thought that the brunette was barely alive.
"Takahashi-kun!"
No response.
"Oi, get a hold of yourself!"
He did shake the brunette. No change in the slightest.
Ijuuin scurried Misaki into the house, he wanted no more of the latter being exposed to the cold temperature. He took out a handkerchief to clean the brunette's nose so that he could breathe easier. Ijuuin checked his pulse. Thank goodness God had given him chance. It was never too late to lose hope. It was still too early for Ijuuin to mourn over Misaki and dig a grave for him. But the boy was not breathing.
Large hands compressing hard yet carefully on Misaki's chest to open a path for his lungs to achieve more air. Ijuuin took a very deep breath. Securely holding the unconscious Misaki in his arms he locked his lips with the brunette's lips and slowly exhaled into his mouth. Ijuuin repeated both processes over and over till he was at the verge of tears himself. Misaki still had not shown any positive changes.
Please, Takahashi-kun… I know that you are strong… He mentally persuaded.
"Nnh…" After a couple of minutes Misaki began to stir and woke up from his murderous slumber; his eyes finally cracked open. He was breathing normally. Words could not describe how happy Ijuuin was though he was also feeling sad at the same time. "Ijuuin… -sensei? What are you doing here…?" asked Misaki with a very serene tenor as if he was whispering.
"Takahashi-kun!" Ijuuin held Misaki around the shoulders and supported his neck with on one arm. His hand from the other arm held the brunette's icy and stiff hand tightly, so tight that he could crush the fragile hand. He had lost his temper. "How could you become so beaten up like this!? Is Usami-sensei the responsible one for all of this!? I'll teach that bastard a lesson!"
"Sensei…"
"!?"
"Your hand… It's so warm…"
Ijuuin spontaneously pulled Misaki into his arms and gave him a bone-crushing hug. He did not know why. He just did. Probably he wanted to give more warmth to the brunette. "Ijuuin-sensei… I can't… breathe…" But Ijuuin tightened his grip. "I missed you, Takahashi-kun… I missed you so much that I could die… I'm sorry; if I knew this would happen to you then I would never leave for Osaka in the first place." The raven lovingly stroked the brunette's hair, then "There, are you feeling warmed up now? No need to worry. You're safe with me."
He failed to realize the fact that not only Misaki lived in the penthouse.
"What the hell is going on here…?" came across a low voice, stern yet calm at the same time that slapped their ears. He was not amused.
"You – !?" Ijuuin hastily turned his head facing to the source of the voice.
Whereas still in Ijuuin's arms, Misaki trembled in fear upon the arrival of the third person. "…Akihiko-san."
"You better keep your hands off from him." Akihiko warned. The warning had frightened Misaki – but not Ijuuin. The novelist's blood quickly rose in par of the raven's ego.
"Let go of him while I'm still nice and GET OUT FROM HERE." Akihiko gritted his teeth whilst holding his anger.
Ijuuin stubbornly ignored Akihiko. He did let go of Misaki though, but to lay him against the nearest wall. "You stay here for a moment, okay?" He took off his long coat and used it to cover the brunette. His charcoal eyes coincidently met with the brunette's glassy emerald eyes. "I promise that I will take you safely out of here." Ijuuin smiled kindly like he usually did, then leaned forward to kiss Misaki at the cheek.
Akihiko's movements were so fast that he could creep behind Ijuuin with a knife in his hand. But Ijuuin was even faster. He turned around and caught the novelist's wrist, twisted it around and the knife fell on the floor. But this left a wide of opening to Ijuuin and he was toppled downwards, punched by Akihiko.
"How did you like that? I had been raped when I was a kid so I was trained to defend myself since then that there were no one who was able to hurt me before meeting my fists first," Akihiko arrogantly declared. Ijuuin spat his blood onto the floor and stood up for a counter attack.
"You have some advanced fighting skills, I see... While I have 5th Dan Judo."
How easily Ijuuin lifted Akihiko and slammed him hard onto the floor. "Now you had abused your skills against someone weaker than you and completely innocent." Akihiko was a mere punching bag compared to Ijuuin at the moment. He was mortified; back at the Teito Hotel incidence he could easily punched the hell out of the latter, but now how could he be this strong?
If Akihiko was angry, then Ijuuin was one hundred million billion times angrier. "If you love Takahashi-kun so dearly… Then WHY YOU ARE BEING SO CRUEL TO HIM?!" He kicked the novelist straight into the stomach. "DON'T YOU KNOW THAT HE'S TOTALLY DYING THAT HE'S BARELY ABLE TO BREATH?!" Every blows were wreaked against Akihiko after every of Ijuuin's violent speech. His voice roared as if thunder.
"WHAT HE HAD DONE TO DESERVE ALL OF THIS?!"
"WHY DID YOU FORCE HIM TO SLEEP OUTSIDE IN THE COLD WEATHER WITHOUT WEARING ANYTHING?!"
"ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL HIM?!"
"YOU'RE HIS LOVER SO AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO PROTECT HIM?!"
"DIDN'T YOU REALIZE HOW POWERLESS HE IS COMPARED TO YOU?!"
"JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK OF YOU ARE?!"
"YOU DARE TO TAKE HIS HAPPINESS AWAY FROM HIM?!"
"I WILL DEFINITELY KILL YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH!"
Ijuuin had the strong urge to kill… No, he had the strong urge to torment Akihiko very nastily so that the latter would have a very slow and painful death. Ijuuin would rip Akihiko's organs one by one right before the latter's eyes. He would cut the latter's tongue and dig his eyeballs out. He would cut the latter's corpse into pieces and throw them into a lake in the wilds in Africa; he could not wait to see them being chomped greedily by a herd of crocodiles.
"Sensei... Please stop…!"
Much to Ijuuin's surprise and Akihiko's as well, at a sudden Misaki appeared. It was unknown how he could get there so quick despite being badly injured and unable to walk. More shockingly, Misaki had his arms around Akihiko's head and the novelist's face was buried in his chest. Ijuuin automatically stopped as requested by Misaki as if it was an order.
What was the most astonishing of all, Misaki was protecting Akihiko.
Misaki's raw tears continuously fell on Akihiko's face as he was in the brunette's tight embrace. "Please… Don't hurt my husband… He's not the one to blame…"
As if Ijuuin were struck by electricity after hearing the word 'husband'. He could not believe it. He would not want to believe it. The one who claimed his heart had been married. He hoped that now everything was just another bad dream. He badly wanted to wake up. He loves Misaki greatly. He does not want Misaki to be belonged to someone else. He wanted Misaki to be his. The fact that Misaki was married will be too much for him.
Akihiko could clearly hear the most melodious song he ever listened in his whole life – the sounds of Misaki's fierce heartbeat.
"Akihiko-san… So many bruises on your face… Are they hurt you so much…?" Misaki asked with a gentle voice. Akihiko had ran out of speech due to Misaki's unpredictable actions.
"Why, Takahashi-kun…? He had caused you to be like this, and yet you…"
"Because it is my fault in the first place…" Misaki caressed Akihiko's platinum hair kindly at the same time still holding the novelist in his arms as if a pillow that was very comfortable to hug. "Akihiko-san is such a sensitive person; his heart is very fragile compared to everyone else in the world, so… It is my responsibility to care for him and make him happy, but… I failed."
Misaki directed his eyes towards Ijuuin's charcoal ones and continued, "Akihiko-san had been through a lot since he was born so please… Don't blame him for any of his wrongdoings. I had knew him for a long time and he's not the type of person that will do something without a purpose. If there's someone you wanted to blame, then blame me instead… If so… why don't you just punch me in his place…?"
Everything puzzled Ijuuin. Questions with no answers roamed around his head. How could he easily forgiven him? How could he even protect him? Did he just suffer greatly under the man's cruelty? Did he always this considerate for others more than himself? How could he constantly love him? Who was exactly this man that he greatly loves him boundlessly? Most importantly… How could he remain pure despite all things that happened to him? Is he secretly an angel under the disguise of a human?
"I'm sorry for everything, Akihiko-san… I promise that I will change… New Year is around the corner so why don't we start a brand new life and begin it all over again? I don't want you to hate me… I love you so much."
And truly astounding thing of all, to prove his undying love for Akihiko, Misaki cupped the novelist's face in his hands and sealed his lips over the latter's. Ijuuin could felt as if his sanity was slowly seeping away. Misaki had kissed Akihiko – so willingly.
Akihiko unconsciously wrapped his arms around Misaki and returned the kiss with a very powerful one. Misaki's hands fell down and tangled around his lover's neck. Both of them were strangely enjoying the wonderful kiss as with full of passion as if they had not met each other for centuries. But one thing to be sure of, both of them were finally aware that in fact – they both do love each other after all.
Misaki's arms slipped away and the kiss was unintentionally broken. Fortunately Akihiko managed to catch the collapsed brunette in his arms from landing hard on the floor. He cradled his lover in his arms. The unfortunate one was Misaki. He had lost every of his energy used for crawling to protect Akihiko and all of the talks.
"Akihiko-san," called Misaki as his eyes was slowly at the verge of closing, "I love you more than anything else in the world."
And then, Misaki's consciousness faded away. Ijuuin did not let go of this golden opportunity. He snatched Misaki away from Akihiko's hold. He covered the naked brunette with his long coat. Ijuuin carefully wrapped one arm around Misaki's shoulders and slid the remaining arm under the brunette's knees and slowly stood up. The raven was surprised on how light the brunette had become since the last time he carried him like so. How peacefully Misaki looked as if he were sleeping, his head resting on Ijuuin's broad chest.
Ijuuin left the house safely with Misaki being carried in his arms as he had promised. He did informed Akihiko of his departure, "Excuse me, Usami-sensei. I'm taking Takahashi-kun to the hospital." As both of them descended down to the ground floor in the elevator, Ijuuin patiently waited for his destination while fixing his eyes sadly on Misaki's innocent face.
"You have a truly horrible judge of character, my dear Takahashi-kun. Or is it because you're someone that never judges?"
Akihiko's mind went blank. He could not do anything. He was too shocked. His mind went a series of memories. Some memories that he would never forget for the rest of his life.
"You may cry, if you want to."
"I'm not Niichan's replacement!"
"Usagi-san, your hands are cold…"
"I love you... Probably."
"I only don't want to cause any trouble to you… So Usagi-san, please don't be so hard on yourself."
"It's embarrassing because it's you after all…"
"Let's make some happy memories! And go to many interesting place! And eat many delicious foods!"
"Aren't we as lovers should know a lot about each other's lives?!"
"Shut the hell up! What is exactly your problem?! You said that you never read any of his works, yet how could you talk so mindlessly about them?! Do you have any idea how scary Usagi-san looks every time after finishing his work?! Sometimes he does not even sleep! So don't you dare to badmouth him! YOU MORON!"
"Congratulations on winning the award!"
"I'm sorry that the flowers are cheap."
"I won't hand up Usagi-san to anyone! USAGI-SAN IS MINE!"
"It's okay, Usagi-san. I love you."
Akihiko had himself arrived in the hospital. He rushed into entrances and ran some people in his way. Until he found a room. The Operation Room. He found Ijuuin was sitting on a bench outside the room, his head constantly bowing down against the floor and looking at his shoes. But that was not important to him. He verged into the room through the door.
It was a dim room. Complicated machines were all over the room. At the middle some people wearing synthetic clothes and white masks covering their faces working over a large table. One person dominated and the others helped him. Strange-looking mechanism above them was keeping the room lit and helped them through their process. A small trolley beside them was providing the necessary tools. The room reeked of blood.
He saw Misaki on the table. An oxygen mask being equipped on his face. When he saw Misaki, he felt as if his veins and arteries were going to snap. One of them noticed Akihiko's unwanted appearance in the room. "Hey! What are you doing here?! The surgery is not over yet!"
"MISAKI!" Akihiko tried to reach for Misaki. He cannot. Some of the people stopped him and dragged him away to the door.
"Sir, would you please calm down and wait for a moment? We're trying our best!"
"No! Misaki! Misaki…!"
"You can't be in here!"
"MISAKI! MY MISAKI!"
"Sir, there's nothing you could do here! Just leave everything to us!"
"MY MISAKI!"
"Usami-sensei, calm down!" Ijuuin came to manage the situation. He pulled Akihiko away out from the room. Out of the room, Akihiko fell on his knees on the floor in agony. Ijuuin said nothing at first, then he patted the novelist on the back. "My apologies, Usami-sensei. I admit that I'm also the root of this problem."
Ijuuin's apology fell on the deaf ears. Akihiko was drowned in his emotional breakdown. It did not take long until Ijuuin became the second witness to see Akihiko cry. But he could not hold back his feelings as well. He covered his eyes with his hand and joined along with Akihiko grieving over Misaki.
"I'm sorry, Misaki… I'm so sorry… But please… Don't forgive me…" Akihiko repeated the words all over and over as if a broken recorder, hoping Misaki would get the message even though he knew it was futile and Ijuuin also helplessly apologized like so.
Life is a gamble. The choices that you had made will lead to the unforeseeable future. Your intelligence and luck will determine your fate. But beware… things that you love will become the bets – whether you will win it or lose it.
The End
This fic begins with a cliffhanger and ends with cliffhanger. Both beginning and ending are about Misaki suffering. Feel free to throw your weapons on me. *hides behind a tree*
But don't kill me yet! Because if I die, then who's going to write the story "The Most Beautiful Flower in the World" which is the sequel for "A Sinful Inner Desire"? xD Coming soon!
I'm sorry for the rushed ending! This is not the true ending though!
~Omake~
Hiroki: Mann~ I'm bored.
Nowaki: Sorry, Hiro-san… It cannot be helped that we're in the hospital.
Tsumori: Then how about playing a game with me? If Kamijou-san wins then Nowaki will kiss him, but if I win, I will kiss Kamijou-san!
Hiroki: How about playing a game where I determine your next destination is whether the Heaven or Hell?! *death glow*
Nowaki: Maa, maa! Calm down Hiro-san! Just play, okay?
Hiroki: Ah well. I'm bored anyway.
(Several minutes later)
Nowaki: Suddenly it ends up… with a tie.
KuroNoKiseki: And suddenly me appeared out of nowhere as a hardcore yaoi fangirl. KYAAHH!
Tsumori: Then both of us kiss Kamijou-san! Let's go, Nowaki!
Hiroki: *blushes* Just on the cheeks, okay?!
(Nowaki and Tsumori kissed Hiroki on the cheeks)
Ijuuin: *Appeared while carrying Misaki bridal-style* Umm… *sweatdrop*
Nowaki, Hiroki, Tsumori: (;°Д°)
Hiroki: We're not doing anything suspicious!
Nowaki: I've got work to do... I'm so busy…!
Tsumori: Oh my God uh oh hey that small guy is injured! So forget about the "hallucination" that you have seen before, alright Sir?
Misaki: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz…