edit 5/25/13: I changed this chapter. A lot. Take it as an apology for being basically dead for two months. Since I'm over the normal time frame, anyway, I've been taking my sweet time to make this and the next chapter as absolutely perfect as it's within my ability to make them - hope you don't mind. (Man am I annoying sometimes, lol.)

"Did you see that did you see that did you see-"

"Yes, Luffy, I saw. Now if you would please shut up!" Nami yelled, smacking him across the head.

"So that was the great white whale of legend," Brook said. "Yohohoho."

"Laboon was cuter," Usopp said with a comforting pat on a bony shoulder.

Nami rubbed her temples and sighed. She owed that whale, she supposed - it had simply appeared, out of nowhere, and this time she had seen. That enormous white expanse glistening in the sea was still emblazoned in her mind. Its spout had been ridiculously huge, and the geyser of salt water it had sent up practically coated everything in the vicinity with a waterfall. Visibility was thus rendered null, so she hadn't been able to look for the idiot monster duo; but at least the terrifying Smoker guy had been incapacitated. Franky had dispatched the Shark Submerge in moments, and before the steam had even started to settle, all four Strawhat ability users were languishing on deck, all of the G-5 stragglers still on board were booted into the sea, and the ship was clipping along at 20 knots and not slowing down.

"Even so," she grumbled. Then she crossed her arms and said, louder: "Even so, I don't like that whale."

"Whaaaaat? Whyyyyyy!?" Luffy whined from where he had flopped onto the grass.

She hesitated, then killed her ego and said, rather waspishly, "I didn't notice it until I saw it."

Franky lifted his sunglasses. "That's kinda how people notice things, sis," he said with a raised eyebrow that could be interpreted as either patronizing or honestly confused. Chopper and Usopp nodded their agreement.

"That's not what I meant!" She raked her hand through her hair. "It's just, something that big is bound to cause huge underwater currents before it even gets close. Same thing happens when it leaves. But there was nothing. I couldn't feel it at all until it broke the surface, and even then there was nothing but the surface waves from any normal splash - a pretty small splash at that, like Merry sized. It's not natural. I don't like it."

"But you saw it," Robin said. Her demeanor was calm; she was thinking. "You all saw it."

They nodded.

"Oh, and that reminds me, I saw someone else too!" Usopp piped. "There was a woman, that female marine who's always with Smoker. And you won't believe this when I say it - but she was riding on the whale."

"Really!?" Chopper squealed.

"Usopp," Nami sighed, her fist raised threateningly.

"No no no I'm being serious! She was standing on the whale's forehead, just like this - " he threw his body into his favorite victory pose, except with his finger stabbing out to the side, not up " - and she cried, 'Take me to your leader!' and - "

The fist came down, as did Usopp's nose, straight into the lawn. "Usopp. Nobody was close enough to hear anyone say anything."

"Well okay, maybe she didn't say those words exactly, but I swear on my two years' worth of training she definitely said something!"

"Actually," Robin interrupted, before Nami could get in another strike, "Usopp is speaking the truth."

There was a brief moment of shock on all sides. Usopp was the first to recover.

"See!? Told you so!"

"Luffy and I witnessed the female marine dive into the ocean the moment she heard of the situation of our cook and swordsman."

"Wait she knows!?"

"Luffy what were you doing over there! Now they know we're at half our fighting force!"

"Don't tell the enemy our secrets, Luffy!"

"Whaaaat, it's fine! I trust you guys. The marines can't hurt us." He laughed, and his bright eyes turned away from Nami and looked with interest at Robin. "Yeah, she just jumped in! I was surprised." The way he said it implied that, no, he wasn't, not really.

Robin continued, "It may be that she was speaking to the whale to control it. She seems to know many secrets about this whale, after all - secrets that appear to have much to do with our own problem."

"You mean what happened to Zoro and Sanji?" Nami drummed her fingers on her arm nervously. "What did the whale do to them?"

Robin smiled mischievously, then reached into her blouse (Nami was suddenly thankful Sanji wasn't there to see - he was overworking Chopper enough as it was) and pulled out a blue folder.

"This may contain some of our answers," she said.

"Ooh, you got that off the marines!?"

"Way to go Robin!"

"Supah, sis!"

"Nothing less from our beautiful archaeologist."

"Nice, Robin! What's in it?" Nami stepped closer and squinted at the cover. It was glossy and, under Robin's careful protection, untouched by salt water.

"The cover says, 'beware the curse of the sea god,'" she replied almost conversationally.

Nami felt the temperature drop by approximately 5.7 degrees.

"C-c-curse?" Brooke said with a faint clattering of bones.

"S-s-s-sea god?" Chopper stammered.

A soft and pleading whine from Usopp.

Robin only smiled in confirmation, opened the folder, and began to read aloud.

Night fell rapidly. Sunlight pooled its last faint golden rays along the horizon before finally slipping into a cool blue. The first stars blinked awake, little shimmering points, bright and clear in the sky, as a gentle sea breeze kissed the tops of the ocean waves and lapped softly at the foam.

Tashigi took a deep breath, dove a few feet underwater, and screamed at the top of her lungs.

"O great Sea God!" she yelled. Bubbles flew around her face. "Please answer my call! As a daughter of the seas, I ask for you!"

She swam back to the surface, where cold night air struck her wet skin with a shock. She spat out salt water.

"Is he coming?" she panted, and shrank a little at the sound of her voice. Behind the hoarseness from all the screaming, it was, quite clearly, a man's voice.

"Nah," Roronoah's rolling alto replied.

Tashigi didn't look at her. Refused to look at her.

"Black-leg," she called, "do you see anything!?"

"Not yet!" Black-leg replied from high above. She had temporarily released her from the handcuffs for the search. "But I may have missed something, it's getting dark; I'll look harder-"

"No, it's alright. I don't think the Sea God would return very soon," Tashigi sighed. "To think that it was angry enough to...!" She gestured vaguely at herself, grimacing. "People cannot pass freely in and out of this area; the Sea God himself must escort you. And the only land masses here are Island Walkers, which would be dangerous to approach (for obvious reasons). Our only hope, then, is to somehow find the Sea God and..." she ground her teeth "...and beg for forgiveness."

This was not going according to plan, in so, so many ways. Never had the Sea God simply abandoned humans in the middle of the sea even after an Island Walker had been killed. And never had a woman been turned into a man.

No. She couldn't think about it. She had to get all three of them onto dry land first; everything else could come later. She tore off her gloves and chafed her fingers together for some kind of reassurance. The sea water was really sapping her strength. So maybe she would be a man soon. But for now she was still a woman at heart, and she was getting them the hell out of this nightmare so that Smoker could relieve her of the two pirates and she could sort through her thoughts in the privacy of her cabin. She wanted to have her sword with her, though - God did she want to have her sword.

Roronoah still held Shigure hostage. She said she would give it back when she felt like it. She refused a duel. Tashigi would not look at her.

Black-leg scanned the horizon one last time. "Beg for forgiveness?" she spat. "This is fucking crazy." She let herself fall into the water with barely perceptible splash. "Damn that whale. It must think it's some kind of hot shot, reigning supreme over this little piece of ocean that nobody's heard of. How does this even work?"

Tashigi opened her mouth, closed it. "New World," she finally said. "Sea God. You know."

"Oh. Yeah, I know." She nodded in understanding.

"But the data should all be accurate. Over the years, there have been several dozen confirmed incidents involving men turned into women in this area. The accounts had thus far been very consistent - a pirate or marine suddenly disappears, and then, a few days later, a mysterious woman appears, babbling about giant whales and walking islands."

"All men?"

"They were all men," Tashigi said. "Not many women sail in waters as dangerous as these, you see. Anyways, a journalist put two and two together and collected these reports in a folder, which was then discovered by Vice-Admiral Smoker. It was never publicized, though." Her eyes glimmered in the deepening twilight. "To save the victims the indignity of having been turned into women, apparently."

Bereft of her cigarettes, Black-leg chewed on her bottom lip, forehead and swirl both wrinkled. "Nothing like this in there, though?"

"No." She looked down at herself, had to resist the urge to stab her bizarrely foreign self right then and there. "Nothing like this."

"So we're the first," Roronoah smirked. Tashigi accidentally let her eyes flicker in her direction, and instantly regretted it as a surge of anger knotted up her stomach. The woman (Tashigi had to keep reminding herself) seemed almost relaxed in the water, floating like some mutant patch of seaweed, tossing up and catching Shigure in her palm idly.

"That's not a good thing!" her companion bellowed.

"Well, whatever. All we need to do is swim until we find that stupid whale, right?"

"Oh, please. Our drifting kelphead actually managing to find something? I'd sooner wear a pink frilly dress and dance with Usopp!"

"It's a white whale the size of Water 7. Not that hard to miss."

"You'll find a way. It's your secret technique. Honestly, if they had a ranking for missing huge-ass things you'd be the world's greatest at it. You're a fucking prodigy."

"Shut up. You go find it then, and see if I don't find it first."

"You want to make this a competition?" Black-leg laughed. "Fine! I'll kick your ass halfway across the Grand Line!"

"Stop that!" Tashigi cut in. "We are not having a competition. We're working together for our mutual survival, so it doesn't matter in the least who finds the Sea God first, so long as we find him."

Roronoah grinned. She could see the curve of his lips in the rising moonlight. Every time she caught Shigure the faint rattling sound felt like a stab through her heart. "Sure it matters. Whoever finds him first gets to beat the crap out of him."

"For the last time, we are not harming the Sea God!" Tashigi snapped. And now she was getting a headache. She shrugged it off as best she could, though.

"Why not?"

"Because the lovely Tashigi told us not to!" Black-leg sang.

"Don't call me that."

"Of course! How shall I address you, then?"

"Don't," she said shortly. The cook's pale face fell about a mile down. Tashigi rubbed her temples and closed her eyes to address Roronoah.

"We'll have to be in the Sea God's good favor to get him to do anything. I'll have you know, if you disrupt my dealings with him I have absolutely no qualms shackling the two of you together and then feeding you to an Island Walker."

"You're gorgeous when you threaten people," Black-leg sighed.

Roronoah tossed Shigure up, caught it. "Go ahead, if you think you can."

A high-pitched screech. Tashigi jumped, eyes snapping wide open. A black leg streaked out of the water and nicked green hair. "Don't speak to a lady and our savior like that you shithead-"

Without thinking, she lurched forward, grabbed a fistful of blonde hair, and thrust Black-leg's head underwater. Blissful silence.

And then, Roronoah laughed. Him. Laughing. Her brain short-circuited for a second before remembering that he was now actually a she, so it would make sense for parts of her personality to be skewed. The laughter was of the quieter kind, but with a sarcastic ring that made it as insulting as an explosive guffaw.

"She was actually defending your honor, you know," Roronoah chuckled.

"My honor isn't worth defending if I can't even speak for myself," she spat.

"You're still saying that?" Toss, catch. "You said you'd show us what it's like to be women. How'd that going for you?"

"That hasn't changed. You will be a woman," she hissed.

In the darkness, a row of white teeth flashed, shark-like. "Is that what god says, or is that what you say? Either way I'm not listening."

God, she wanted her sword. "Must I repeat myself again?" The words hurt as she said them; they tasted bitter as they climbed out of her throat and were spat into the air. "There is nothing we can do. This change is permanent. For the last time, give up on changing back!"

Roronoah tossed the sword up, caught it again. But this time she simply held it in her grip, firm, calm. "If I didn't know better," she said quietly, "I'd think you wanted to stay as a man."

Tashigi opened her mouth, expecting a ready retort.

She couldn't say a word.

A bubbling sound rose up from her hand, then. She blinked at it stupidly before remembering.

"Oh right! I'm-" she bit back the apology as she pulled up Black-leg "-are you alright?"

Black-leg hummed noncommittally. Tashigi took her face in both hands and titled it up toward the growing moonlight to see better. At first she simply looked rather dazed. And then a blue eye met her black ones. And blood started to gush out of her nose.

Tashigi screamed. "What happened to you!?" she cried. "How did you get hurt!?"

"Oh, no," Black-leg said airily in that husky voice of hers, "I feel no pain but the ache in my chest...How wonderful, the feelings of a young maiden! It is as if an arrow from the heavens has struck my heart. Such sweet anguish, such terrible delight!" She wiggled her arms in a pathetic display of joy, and she half-pranced, half-swam in a circle around Tashigi. "It's as if I am falling in love with you all over again!"

"S-s-so sudden, this is too - I mean - what!?" Tashigi stuttered.

A loud, hearty laugh ripped out of Roronoah. "Finally learned something from those two years, have you, cook!?" she gasped. "You lean that way now!?"

Wait, wait, wait. Back up a moment. Tashigi adjusted her glasses and squinted at Black-leg. "Black-leg Sanji, listen to me please."

"Lean what way, marimo!? - oh, yes, of course, Tashigi dearest!"

"When was it, again, that you were cursed?"

"Hmm? Oh, sometime in the afternoon, I believe - about four hours ago."

"Ah. Yes, some people seem to complete the transformation faster than others."

"What?"

"Physical change is not the end of the curse," Tashigi explained. "You have probably become a woman in mind as well."

Black-leg flushed scarlet. "What? No, but - how - why would you say that, my love?"

She clenched her fists and took a deep breath. She hadn't wanted to say it aloud - it made it seem more real, somehow. But the truth was unavoidable. Through gritted teeth she muttered, "I am a...a man, now. Your flirtations...are to a man."

She stopped there; the realization had hit Black-leg. She looked like a stone had just dropped onto her head.

"-ohmygod I'm a woman."

Roronoah threw back her head and laughed.

"Shit! Shit, no, I don't want to be a woman! The flowers! What about the flowers!?"

"If you stop gushing nosebleeds at them," her fellow pirate squeezed in between laughs, "maybe they'll actually start being nice to you?"

"No way! I'm becoming a woman, Zoro - do you even understand the significance of this!? It's all my worst nightmares combined in one!"

Tashigi pressed her fingers to her forehead. The headache was getting to be impossible to ignore.

"Hey - just calm down, cook."

"Calm down!? How can I calm down when I'm turning into the opposite gender!" The lithe black body twisted and turned, desperately searching for something that wasn't there. "You wouldn't understand, you didn't go through Hell! I'm a man, damnit! A man! We need to go find the whale and make him turn me back!"

Tashigi let both hands slip into the water. She raised her eyes to glare at Black-leg.

"Is there something wrong with being a woman?" she growled.

"Oh, there's nothing wrong with women, please don't take it that way - I just don't want to be one, you see-"

"Is being a man somehow better than being a man? Are women, in some way, inferior?"

"No, no, I didn't mean that!"

"Then why are you so against being a woman!? Why do you flail about and make such a disgusting show of yourself at every female that passes you by!? Why do you insist on protecting every woman you've ever met!? Why do you associate us so closely to something as delicate and fragile and useless and weak as flowers!?"

"I-I'm truly sorry," he whined.

"Hey," a low voice snaked across the waters. "Stop acting like such a goddamned prick."

"What did you call me!?" Black-leg shrieked.

"I didn't call you anything." Shigure's hilt rose up and aimed at Tashigi. "I was talking to her."

She felt blood flood into her face, the pounding of her heart in time with a heavy throbbing in the back of her head. The lapping of the waves faded into the background.

"Excuse me?" she hissed.

"Do I need to repeat myself?" Roronoah Zoro smirked at her, like a beast measuring his prey. "You talk and you talk - but unless you can prove yourself, nobody's going to listen."

It was not Tashigi who responded. It was not Tashigi who stood up and fought back. It was Black-leg.

"Shut up!" He came two centimeters away from kicking Roronoah in the chin. "How dare you insult a gentleman like that!"

Roronoah laughed. "You call that a gentleman?"

"That's it, you're drowning in your own blood!" He hopped into the air, in front of Tashigi.

"Black-leg Sanji," she said. Her voice quivered, and she hated that, hated its weakness and its foreign pitch. "This is between Roronoah Zoro and I. Please do not interfere."

"Sorry, my love, but that I can't do." He glanced over his shoulder at her, casually, and Tashigi found herself at a loss for what to do. "It's not in my upbringing to sit around and watch while a woman fights a man."

"What, so now it's you and men?" Roronoah drawled. "Whatever happened to you and women?"

He whipped back around. "It's the same thing! A woman is the embodiment of love and beauty - she must never harm a man! She's like a flower, ever elegant and graceful, and who takes pride in serving men. You, shitty blockhead, are a disgrace to the entire feminine gender!"

Roronoah pulled Kitetsu out of his sash, sliding Shigure into its place. "But I am a woman, on the outside, for now. Can you even fight me seriously?"

"Of course I can," the blonde woman growled, lowering her voice. "If you want to touch this marine, you'll have to get through me first!"

"Alright." Cold steel rasped out of its red sheathe. "Show me what you've got!"

Words of the Sheep: Whoohoooooo! I finished! Thank you so much followers and favers and most of all my reviewers! I'm sorry updates are so slow - I mean, I do have a life, surprisingly.

This is one of the scenes I'd wanted to write since the very very beginning of the story. Apologies if it's rather ranty and the plot is slow - this was originally intended to be me exploring the feminist issue. Oh, and just fyi, the frequent switching around of "he" and "she" is on purpose. I miss writing Zoro and Sanji...Tashigi's so serious all the time, her narration gets boring now and then.

Fem!Sanji vs Fem!Zoro with Masc!Tashigi in the middle of the ocean, PLUS Sunny hilarity - comin' up!

-enjoy.

edit 4/15/13: OVER 1000 VIEWS! THIS IS AN EVENTFUL DAY, MY FRIENDS! PARTY WITH ME! (does a nerdy dance) Thank you for your support. I love you all so, so much, seriously.