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Chapter 18 – Vacations by Vader
Padmé had had her fair share of awkward moments during her political career. From luncheons with egotistical figures to conferences with easily-offended royalty, she'd mastered from an early age how to minimize tension. Yet all the diplomatic practice in the galaxy hadn't prepared her for the trip that afternoon.
She knew the route up to the Great Western Sea well enough, but somehow it felt five times longer than the last time she visited. Luke and Leia were, of course, thrilled beyond belief to be on their way to their father's private retreat, and wholly oblivious to Padmé's uneasiness. From Imperial City all the way to Orowood City, they barely took a breath while chattering about the grand adventures they'd soon have.
What she wouldn't give to share their carefree spirit. But what awaited them at the foot of the Manarai Mountains differed starkly from what awaited her.
Though her family traveled intact, the splinters and divisions among its members were never more conspicuous. To her left were twins too young and naïve to confide in, and to her right sat someone she didn't even know how to begin communicating with. It all felt sickeningly artificial. Going through the motions of a normal, happy family on vacation almost made her want to retch.
Try not to ignore how unnatural this feels. Focus on the positive. He apologized. He's shown no aggression toward me or the twins. Let's just take this one step at a time.
Most of the shuttle trip passed in a haze, but she returned to reality just in time to spot the twin Manarai peaks before landing. Their cusps were both jagged and majestic, inciting awe and fear in equal measure. A most fitting backdrop for what lay ahead.
The air whistling down their slopes smelled cleaner than anywhere else on Imperial Center, even if it was only a placebo effect. The Great Western Sea was only a man-made reservoir with stale water and scant aquatic habitats. But for most citizens, it was a lot more convenient than visiting Alderaan or Naboo. In years past, Padmé had visited a handful of times, escaping the pressures of politics for a weekend or two at a time. Never had she imagined her next visit would be under such bizarre circumstances.
Not that Luke and Leia seemed to mind. Tugging relentlessly on both her hands, they dragged her down a gravel footpath with Vader leading.
"Come on, mom! Hurry up!"
"I think I see the mansion!"
"I get whatever bedroom's got a view of the water!"
"I'll race you for it!"
"There are plenty of rooms with views of the sea," Vader assured them.
"Even one for you and mom?"
His steps faltered, as did Padmé's. Thankfully, the twin who'd spoken, Leia, forgot the question within two seconds of asking it.
"Ooh, what type of bird is that?" she pointed to a soaring hawk with an impressive wingspan.
Neither parent answered, still recovering from the tailspin of pondering their sleeping arrangements. Sharing a room was inconceivable… wasn't it? Each was individually certain of this, despite not communicating their expectations to the other.
They couldn't help but feel they were walking into a minefield rather than a palatial cottage.
That's how Padmé would describe it, anyway. The three-story abode seemed quaint compared to Vader's main residence, but it still carried his signature style, if somewhat less austere. Gray stucco walls with sharp angles blended into the surrounding granite landscape. Defining each level was a wrap-around balcony encased in privacy glass. An impeccably-maintained topiary garden lay tucked behind the western wing. An impressive property all around, and Vader's pride in ownership was evident as he led them inside.
"Feel free to browse and look around. You should find it comfortable enough."
Luke and Leia bolted away, not wasting another second. Soon their giddy squeals and shouts faded down a distant hallway, leaving Vader and Padmé alone in a breathtakingly bright sitting room. The entire wall from floor to ceiling was a seamless glass panel overlooking the sea. A set of geometric-themed furniture pieces sat in precise formation.
Padmé's neck muscles locked into place as she tried to walk evenly toward the glass wall. She hoped against the odds that her trembling knees weren't obvious.
"This is certainly different from your palace," she observed, keeping her back to him.
"Is it?" he paced several feet behind her. "How would you know?"
"I've seen images of it."
"Only of the outside."
"It isn't hard to imagine what's inside, based on… on the…" Padmé's voice cracked. She'd been raised not to judge a book by its cover, but what other choice did she have when it came to his home? It was, after all, a large-scale reflection of his suit, and she knew what that concealed.
"You're right, of course. It's not half as welcoming as this place."
"What made you want it?"
Strange, he'd never been asked that before, nor had he wondered it himself. Why did he want something so bright and contrasting to his obsidian tower? He couldn't say. It had merely drawn him for reasons unknown. He could've just as easily installed dark interior walls instead of off-white, and black carpet instead of light gray. Upon further reflection, he realized the only black object throughout the entire building was his Qabbrat pod on the third floor. It was curious indeed.
"My design consultant recommended a lighter theme, given the seaside ambience," he invented a reason.
Padmé nodded. "It's nice."
Nice. The word was preposterously banal with the two of them standing there like chess pieces, not knowing whose move was next.
Since nothing prevented him from doing so, Vader closed the distance between them with heavy yet uncertain steps. Soon he stood in closer proximity to her than he thought she'd allow. He waited for her to recoil, to backpedal in revulsion and fear, yet she did not. Minutes passed with the two estranged lovers readjusting to each other's presence – and feeling much like the artificial islands floating on the sea beyond.
"Are we through with small talk?" Vader asked quietly, unable to take the silence any longer.
The muscles in Padmé's chin tightened, but otherwise her face remained impassive. "We can be."
No sense in delaying the awkward topics. "I… doubt you intended to share a room with me, but even if you did, you can't. I don't sleep in a conventional bed."
"I assumed as much," she replied matter-of-factly.
Her cool demeanor and implied knowledge gave him pause. Just how much did she know? How could she have learned…
Obi-Wan.
Naturally. Still meddling in affairs he shouldn't be. Still betraying Vader's secrets before he could explain himself. Even after all this time, still as bothersome a thorn in Vader's side as ever.
A thorn he'd permanently remove in due time.
For the time being, however, other matters took precedence. "Then you know we won't be… reuniting in the full sense."
She looked ill, blinking at the ocean with acute discomfort. At last she turned to face him.
"What in the name of all that's holy makes you think for one second I'd consider doing that, even if we could?!" her petite frame shook. "Of all the twisted, arrogant, delusional expectations I thought you'd have, this was dead last!"
Her vehement rejection stung more than Vader expected. Staring down at the comlink in his hand for the hundredth time that hour, he wished fervently for it to buzz.
"Point taken," Vader clenched his teeth. "We understand each other."
His non-argumentative stance disarmed Padmé. "Yes, I guess we do."
"It may be a foolish dream, but I hope we continue to understand each other more."
"You do realize that will require more effort on your part than mine."
"Yes," Vader acknowledged.
"And we'll need to set guidelines from the beginning."
"Such as?"
"Those concerning Luke and Leia," Padmé tensed. "I can't stop them from addressing you as their father. But I'm not sure what I should call you in their presence."
"You know my name. You may call me that."
"I know what name you go by now. But I can't imagine saying it in front of them. It makes me sick."
"That is your issue. I will not respond to any other name," Vader declared flatly. Yet I did when it was my mother calling me Anakin…
"Maybe I won't call you anything then. I'll just point at you and use pronouns when necessary."
"How impolite for a former senator," he frowned. "Shall I do the same to you?"
Padmé lifted her nose. "If that's what you want, I can't stop you."
Except that wasn't what Vader wanted. Having her here, miraculously revived after five years, left him wanting to say her name more than ever. It sat on the edge of his tongue, enchanting yet forbidden. Ainar had been right: "Saying their names reminds you of all the pain you've caused them."
Yet not saying it was causing him just as much pain.
"I want to say it."
"Then say it. Nobody's stopping you."
Meeting her defiant stare, Vader exhaled the syllables. "Padmé."
He watched her swallow slowly. An inscrutable mix of emotions filled her eyes.
"It sounds wrong coming from this mouthpiece," he said in self-debasement.
"No…" Padmé shook her head cautiously. "It just… takes some getting used to."
Vader's heart almost skipped a beat. She hadn't patently rejected the part of him that still felt the need – and right – to say her name. An inconsequential victory in anyone else's eyes, but to him it was tantamount to a miracle.
"Take all the time you need."
Without conscious thought, tendons between his forearm and elbow contracted, bringing his right hand toward her chin with painstaking slowness. He was as breathless as she, both bracing for the impact of leather on porcelain skin. She had ample time to see what was coming and dodge it if desired. Yet to his amazement and hers, she stood firm, her breath quickening but otherwise steady.
Contact stunned them both. Its tenderness rendered her speechless; feeling her warmth in prosthetic fingertips left him the same.
"I've waited five years to see your face somewhere other than my dreams. I'm nothing if not patient," he tried to keep his hand from trembling.
"Are you?" she whispered. It was meant half rhetorically, half skeptically. Darth Vader, patient? Had she not been standing there with his hand gently tipping her chin, she'd have laughed at the concept. But the very palace in which this scene unfolded proved she was in for a number of surprises.
"For you, I can be," Vader rolled his comlink absently between the fingers of his other hand. Call me back! It's been three hours already. What fool makes Darth Vader wait this long?
A distant crash broke the mounting romantic tension, causing Vader to drop his arm and Padmé to jump.
"We'd better reel them back in," she peered anxiously down the hall, flustered by more than the chaos the twins were causing.
"They were quiet for too long," Vader tried some dry parental humor.
Padmé offered an uneven smile and made a few steps toward the sound, but then stopped mid-stride.
"One last thing about names," she hesitated. "I don't want you mentioning Palpatine in front of them. Ever."
"I can honor that request."
The gratitude in her smile was genuine. "Thank you."
No sooner were the guidelines set when Luke and Leia came sprinting into the room, each pointing a finger at the other.
"Luke did it!"
"Did not! It was Leia!"
"What did both – or neither – of you do?" Vader asked.
"Um… a vase kinda fell over," Luke said sheepishly.
"A vase? That can be replaced. They're not all that expensive."
Padmé appeared as relieved as the twins themselves. Testing the limits of Vader's alleged patience probably wasn't best so early in their visit.
"See Luke, I told you not to worry! Daddy's got lots of money," Leia said proudly.
"Duh. He's got two houses, he's rich!"
"How'd you get so much money, Daddy?"
"Yeah, where do you work? Who's your boss?"
Of course he'd be asked that within minutes of having his hands tied. Ensuring he didn't forget their agreement, Padmé answered for him.
"Daddy can't say."
"How come?"
"Because he's not proud of whom he works for," she casually replied. "Isn't that right, daddy?"
So, she'd found a way to circumvent his name and question his loyalty to Palpatine. Still wickedly clever as always. And so presumptuous. Just because he'd agreed to keep Palpatine a secret didn't automatically mean he was ashamed of his career.
Did it?
"How I feel about that is besides the–"
Vader's reply was cut short by the high-pitched buzz of his comlink, which he nearly dropped in anxious surprise.
"Excuse me. I have to take this," he fumbled with the device. "I'll return momentarily."
Padmé and the twins watched with measured curiosity as he hurried out the door. Whoever had contacted him was clearly of singular importance. Padmé's guess, given the coincidental timing, was that it was Palpatine himself. He'd already caused one ungainly interruption that day, why not another?
Vader's mood upon returning seemed to validate her theory. The conversation had left him jittery, if that word was ever appropriate.
"I'm sorry to leave so soon… I didn't anticipate…" he vocalized disjointed thoughts.
"What's the matter?" Padmé asked with alarm. Anything that agitated Vader to this extent couldn't be good.
"I can't explain now. But I must go."
"Right now, this minute?"
"Yes. I have no choice…" Vader's words were hauntingly cryptic. "It may be some time before I return, but I will maintain contact with you. I promise."
"What is happening?" Padmé's mouth hung open. "Not fifteen minutes after bringing us here, you take off without warning? And you won't even tell us why?"
"You have to trust me. I'd tell you if I could."
"Trust you?!" she scoffed.
"You'll have to try sooner or later, or living here will prove very tiresome for you," he advised. "You'll want for nothing while I'm gone. My staff will maintain the grounds and amenities."
"I'm not worried about starving," Padmé crossed her arms.
"Then what troubles you?"
Padmé's indignation ran dry in an instant. Caught in the well of her throat was the true reason, but she edited it before responding.
"I just… don't like the idea of so many empty rooms. The echoes might get spooky for the twins."
Vader sensed her mild deceit but his mind raced onward – to a solution that would satisfy everyone, including one who was not present.
"Then I'll send someone else to keep you company."
"Who?" Luke and Leia asked in unison.
The slight upturn of a smile formed under Vader's helmet. "It's a surprise. Someone you'll all enjoy meeting."
At least Padmé could tell there was genuine good will behind that promise. This man she once called husband was just as enigmatic as she suspected… though not in altogether predictable ways.
"So you don't know when you'll be back?" Leia asked, crestfallen.
"No, but I will return. And the wait will be worthwhile."
Padmé couldn't see the determined look burning on Vader's face. All she knew was the intense disappointment that she and the twins presently shared.
"We'll be here," was all she could manage.
Giving half a nod, Vader hesitated, torn over whether or not to say anything more. Neither he nor Padmé expected Luke and Leia to seize that moment of indecision by embracing him.
"We'll miss you daddy," they nuzzled into his cloak, ignoring its stale, iron-cold smell.
His respirator skipped a rhythm. "And I you."
Vader might have never let go if not for a barrage of visions that invaded his mind. Visions of future embraces with no prosthetic alloy limbs drawing the twins close… no armor or galvanized leather separating the beat of his heart from theirs… eyes free to gaze upon each other with clear simplicity…
As wonderful as this moment felt, he could only imagine it occurring one, perhaps two months from now. But he had to forfeit this current gift to reach the next tier. Relinquish this present, tangible grace for the promise of something far better.
It wasn't easy. Detaching himself from their arms was among the most difficult tasks of his adult life. Leaving them in his long shadow as he departed felt like abject abandonment. Yet he did so by holding fast to that vision… the one he was about to realize, with any luck.
The family trio he left behind stood in stunned silence, each staring at the path his boots had taken out the door.
"It's not fair," Leia pouted. "We just got here, and then he left!"
"We didn't even get to show him what rooms we picked," lamented Luke.
"I know," Padmé commiserated, frowning despite herself. Her level of frustration rivaled the twins', a fact she found more unsettling than she cared to admit. What had come over her? She'd endured a veritable roller coaster of emotions the past twenty-four hours; was the psychological toll catching up with her? Maybe her heart was just too exhausted from being captured, almost executed, and then shown inexplicable humanity by the last person she expected it from.
She simply didn't know which end was up anymore. She was confused, but it would pass in time. She just needed an hour to decompress and clear her mind, and her tumultuous heart would settle again.
Besides, why should she invest emotional energy into missing someone who'd just bolted at Palpatine's summons? His continued loyalty to that Sith lord undermined all the measured kindness he'd shown them. Padmé's weakly resuscitated affection – if it could be called that – was grossly misplaced and misguided. Perhaps Vader's absence was just what she needed to see things in stark, honest relief.
"Where do you think he went, mom?" Luke intruded her thoughts.
"It could be anywhere," Padmé hedged, wanting to shield them from Palpatine's identity as long as possible. "We'll just have to be patient and take him at his word. He'll come back," she said with more assurance than she felt.
Leia scuffed her boots across the carpet. "I don't wanna be here anymore."
"Yeah, let's go back home to Naboo. It's safe now, right?" asked Luke.
"We don't know that yet. And even if we did, we don't have a transport."
"Can't we call Uncle Bail and Aunt Breha?" he suggested.
"Or Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru?"
"I'm afraid not," Padmé replied. "My comlink was taken when we were put in prison yesterday."
Luke and Leia exchanged sullen looks.
"Nobody would come anyway coz they don't wanna see daddy," inferred Leia.
Presenting a united, determined front, the twins faced their mother with resolve.
"How come they don't like him?" Leia demanded.
Padmé should have known this issue was far from resolved. Ever since that awkward flight between Alderaan and Tatooine last week, the topic had been simmering and waiting for a time like this to resurface. And there were no diversions to call upon this time.
"They're afraid of him," she answered with plain honesty. "They dislike all the bad things he's done."
"He didn't hurt us," Leia argued.
"No, but we were lucky. Very lucky. Other people aren't that lucky, sweetheart."
The children absorbed this for a minute, reading what they believed to be between the lines.
"It's coz we're related. Daddy won't hurt people he's related to," offered Luke.
I once believed that… until Mustafar, Padmé reflected bitterly. Her mouth twisted from the effort to keep her emotions in check – not an easy task of late.
"Let's hope that's true," she choked on the words. "Now why don't you two run outside and play on the beach? It'll be dark in a couple hours. Go enjoy the sun while it's out."
Having forgotten about the sandy shores awaiting them, the twins raced each other to the door. Seconds later Padmé could see them from her vantage point two stories above. Their joyful smiles were nearly as bright as the sun beaming down. She'd lost count of all the times she found herself envying their resilience. What kept her from embracing it? Why couldn't she frolic in the loam and imprint her bare feet in wet sand with hardly a care?
Because her memories were too deeply etched to be washed away by the lapping waves.
Because, cynical or not, she had her theories as to why Vader was treating them so civilly.
Selfishness. It invariably boiled down to selfish motives. It had to. All the comforts and indulgences in the galaxy meant nothing as long as that character flaw persisted. This place, the very room she stood in, was just a façade designed to lure those from whom he sought to gain something. Be it money, power, strategic alliances… or something else.
Love. Or a close substitute. Loyalty. Codependency.
Was this his goal with the twins? Charm them to the point where their loyalty unwittingly shifted from one parent to the other? And charm Padmé just enough so she never saw it coming?
Force…
How she prayed that wasn't his aim. Yet given all she knew about his past and present self, there were few – if any – alternative scenarios. Only time would tell if her suspicions were correct. If they were, at least she wouldn't be half as blind as Vader may want her to be.
Though not blind to his scheming, Padmé was blind in a literal sense to the Great Western Sea's secrets. For across the water sat a pair of crystal blue, unblinking eyes that watched Padmé's children with obsessive interest. The figure's slender hands adjusted a long-distance telescope and smirked slightly.
Xizor would definitely want to know about this when he returned.
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