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Chapter 19 – The Humanity
Imperial Center saw no sign of Darth Vader for the next two days. Its citizens speculated he was off stalking renegade Jedis on some distant planet, or occupied with last-minute Death Star schematics in the depths of the Emperor's palace. Yet neither of these assumptions was correct – and no one would have ever guessed the truth behind Vader's absence.
No one, indeed, would have envisioned him quarantined in his own palace, self-administering a series of injections and dietary supplements. Some of which left him feeling too week or light-headed to leave his Qabbrat pod for hours at a time. And when he did hobble outside the sphere, it was only to re-read some lengthy instructions on a datapad and insert another vial into his suit's biomedical interface. Then it was back to the Qabbrat for another nap.
Vader returned to coherence late on the second day, still groggy but slowly regaining mental clarity. It was dark outside. He craned his stiff neck to survey the table to his left. Littered with empty vials and syringes, it looked like the aftermath a deranged pharmacist's experiment. But it was a welcome sight. The full course of preoperative procedures was finished, and now he was ready.
Ready for Rakata Prime.
How quickly tomorrow had crept up on him during his 48-hour haze. Tomorrow… he couldn't conceptualize it. In less than one full rotation from now, he'd be in an environment even more sterile than this one, subjecting himself to the mercy of a team of doctors he'd never met. Allowing himself to be stripped of all armor, laid bare on an operation table all too similar to the one he'd last lain on, and drift into unconscious vulnerability while they worked their magic. It all sent a tremor down Vader's spine.
He was not accustomed to vulnerability. Yet here he was, about to voluntarily strip himself of all dignity and power for what could be a long period of time.
How long exactly, he wasn't sure. Dr. Korta on Rakata Prime could only give him a recovery estimate of four to twelve weeks. Much of the timeframe depended on Vader's efforts, he was told. If that is so, they may soon find the record broken. My motivation should easily defy the four-week mark.
Even if such expectations were outrageous, they buoyed Vader above the insecurity he didn't fully want to acknowledge. Better to be overconfident than crippled by fear.
As the chrono rolled closer to midnight, however, his hold on inflated optimism began to slip. Facing his last night on Imperial Center alone might not be the best idea, he realized. It was time to call upon a resource that he, at times, still couldn't believe he had.
Vader reached Ainar's apartment not twenty minutes later and found him a little unkempt from having just gone to bed, but more than willing to welcome his son at this late hour.
"Couldn't sleep?" asked Ainar as they sat down.
"Not even if I wanted to. I've slept straight through the past two days."
"What? Why?"
"Preoperative preparations," Vader sighed.
Ainar frowned, not understanding, but soon his groggy mind caught on and his eyes widened. "You mean…?"
"I leave tomorrow for Rakata Prime."
"Wow," Ainar ran a hand through his hair. "That soon? That was a quick response."
"Yes, quicker than I expected."
"I'll be honest – when you showed up a minute ago, I thought the family reunion up north hadn't gone so well. But this… this is incredible!"
Vader smiled thinly, touched by Ainar's enthusiasm. "It is."
Ainar shook his head in wonder. "Do Padmé and the twins know?"
"I want to surprise them," replied Vader unevenly.
Whether intentional or not, Vader's uncertainty drifted over to Ainar who picked it up instantly. "You're not entirely sure it will work, are you?"
No sense in keeping the truth from him. "No."
Ainar's initial rejoicing faded from his eyes. "They can't guarantee everything."
Sober silence hung between them for a minute, each man reflecting on two very disparate possible outcomes. Dwelling on the optimistic one seemed naïve, while the pessimistic one was too demoralizing to consider. Their thoughts bounced between the two like ping-pong balls in a vicious rally.
"How long will you be away?" Ainar inquired.
"That too depends. I'm told four to twelve weeks, but that's if they deem the procedure viable in the first place," answered Vader. "It had better be. I haven't followed their miserable pre-op instructions for nothing."
Ainar pondered this. "What if it is? For nothing, I mean?"
"I will not entertain such thoughts tonight."
"But you need to. The possibility exists that you'll return home looking and feeling just as you do now. Are you prepared for that?"
Vader clenched a fist and looked away. "You know my ultimatum."
"That if you don't get what you want, your family's on their own?" Ainar didn't hide his distaste. "I'm aware. And you're aware of my opinion on the matter."
"I did not come here to argue, Father. I came for solace in these anxious hours."
"Wouldn't you feel more at ease if you had a better Plan B? Something other than abandonment?"
Vader said nothing. If ever there was a reluctant invitation for Ainar to continue, this was it.
"Let me ask you this – how was your trip to the beach home?"
"Uneventful," Vader replied tersely.
"Try more than one word."
The brief visit held more emotional content than Vader had anticipated, and sorting through it wasn't a task he wanted to do quite yet – or in front of Ainar.
"It was…civil, for the most part." Padmé's face leapt into view and warmth flooded his cheeks. "If not for the call from Rakata Prime, I'd have stayed much longer."
Ainar nodded in vindication. "It was enjoyable for everyone, more or less?"
"One might summarize it that way."
"And this happened despite your suit and its physical limitations."
Vader resented being trapped but had to concede Ainar's point. "Apparently."
"My first point is made," stated Ainar. "But I have another one. What if the procedure works?"
The question made no sense. What if it worked? How was that a negative contingency to plan for? "Why ask that?"
"Because I want you to see this opportunity for what it is. I get the feeling you take it for granted, or at least fail to appreciate it fully. You don't realize that both outcomes will require great effort," Ainar explained. "If the procedure fails, you must overcome selfishness to do right by your family. And if it succeeds you must do the same."
"I'm too tired for riddles," Vader grumbled.
"Either you undergo an internal transformation despite no physical one, or because of one. Neither will be easy. The temptation to withdraw from your family will be as strong as that to remain loyal to Palpatine."
Vader was starting to regret coming to 250 Republica this evening. Being alone didn't seem quite as unappealing as it did half an hour ago.
"Who are you to decide what I must choose between?" demanded Vader. "My family and career are not mutually exclusive."
"In this case they are. You can't serve two masters, son."
"So you say."
"Will you be able to focus on serving Palp when thoughts of the twins invade your daydreams? Can you look your son or daughter in the eye when they ask what you did at work that day?" Ainar stepped closer, arms crossed. "Weren't you the one who wanted to keep them 'detached from your paradigm'? You saw your allegiance to Palpatine as incompatible with them – yet now you don't?"
Growing angry but too sedated to express it, Vader stared out the balcony window. His thoughts were as clear as the light-polluted sky blocking the stars. Ainar stared out at the night traffic with him for several minutes.
"I don't understand what's keeping you from making the right decision, son. The choice seems clear to me."
Vader gave a ragged sigh. "It is not so simple."
"Why not?" Ainar said incredulously. "You're handed back the family you thought was dead, yet you won't leave the monster who deceived you all these years?"
"Five years is a long time, whether serving a worthy master or not. I cannot simply erase it as if it never happened."
The ingrained devotion to which Vader alluded made Ainar's stomach churn. The Dark Side was indeed alluring if his son struggled this much to reject it, even now.
What a wretched creature the Emperor was. Depraved to the very bone.
"Five years is a long time, yes. But not too long to atone for," Ainar replied, turning toward Vader with conviction. "Your family won't automatically love you more if your body is restored. Nor will they love you less if it isn't. What they want is for your soul to heal – and that's something no doctor can help you with."
Vader knew all this even before Ainar spoke it. These were the truths he'd avoided confronting for days. Restoring his body was a calculated process that the right amount of money and physical perseverance could attain. Healing his soul, however, required far costlier resources. He'd been hoping to get by on just the basic ones… and solve all his internal problems by fixing the exterior only.
But he knew better than that. Five years of wearing that suit had taught him that appearances don't magically transform a heart. If that were true, he should feel invincible and untouchable. And he of all people knew he wasn't those things.
Through the layers of self-doubt and confusion, Ainar could sense Vader's mind surrender. It was a start.
"I'm having trouble keeping my eyes open," he apologized, yawning. "I think I've said all I can for tonight."
Vader nodded absently. "Good night."
Ainar began to shuffle away. "Wake me before you leave tomorrow morning."
"All right," Vader promised, then remembered something. "But I won't be the only one traveling."
"What do you mean?"
"I'll be dropping you off at the retreat."
Tired as he was, Ainar was certain he'd heard wrong. "Say that again?"
"The children want someone to keep them company while I'm gone," Vader explained. "I told them to expect a surprise guest."
Ainar was too beside himself to do anything but stare, unblinking, at his son. Overcome with gratitude and anticipation, he proceeded to dream of the next day's blessings while Vader dwelled on thoughts of far darker nature. While the morning couldn't come soon enough for one man, the other wished another night lay between him and fate.
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Autopilot was a wonderful invention. For most pilots, it made catching up on lost sleep possible, or at least resting their travel-weary minds for an hour or two. Whatever the case, it usually meant leaving the cockpit for a more comfortable nook on board.
Not in Xizor's case. Since receiving Guri's transmission that evening, he hadn't even thought of moving from his seat. Stars, asteroids, and nebulae whizzed past the view screen, but he was too engrossed in his datapad to notice. What he read was far more interesting than any stellar formation.
Guri, true to form, had been doing her job exceptionally well – to a degree that exceeded Xizor's expectations, really. Each page of intel he scrolled through seemed more incredible than the last. It began with standard baseline facts, such as Vader's waking and sleeping times, visitors to his palace (a few trembling salesmen who scuttled up to the door before sprinting), and movements between his palace and the Emperor's. Then things started to get rather intriguing.
How Guri had managed to trace Vader's most recent bank transactions, Xizor didn't know, but the overview she'd provided was invaluable. It was a one-month snapshot of Vader's account, beginning with typical business transfers. But as of one week ago, more curious items started appearing. First was a sizeable security deposit for a 250 Republica apartment – one of their finest suites, no less. The tenant was identified only as Starkiller.
Starkiller… something about that name prodded Xizor's memory. It sounded half familiar, like the echo from a dream he'd had years ago. Or the faded whisper of a name he'd heard just once and then never again.
Whoever it was, they were clearly favored by Vader. The Dark Lord didn't commit to paying 20,000 credits a month for just anyone. Starkiller must be someone of importance. And since Xizor couldn't trace the name to anything political or Death Star-related, it must be someone of personal importance to Vader, not professional.
That Vader had any personal relationships at all was enough to raise Xizor's brow. That alone reinforced Palpatine's suspicions that Vader was hiding something.
And the incriminating evidence just kept mounting. Unscheduled trips to Zygerria and Tatooine – which, if asked, Vader would insist were Jedi hunts. Yet his turnaround time on each planet seemed too short to find and eliminate his targets. Nor should he have needed the company of a middle-aged man on each trip. Xizor could only assume this was Starkiller.
These findings would have been adequate to bring before Palpatine. But the crown jewel of all Guri uncovered still awaited Xizor's hungry eyes. And when those eyes saw it, they didn't blink.
A woman and two young children were seen frolicking on Vader's private beach on the Great Western Sea. With Vader nowhere to be seen, Guri had watched his guests coming and going from the retreat as they pleased. Vader's groundskeepers came into no conflict with the family. The children, who appeared to be of similar age, were described as playful and boisterous.
Starkiller was enough of a surprise. This… this was simply unbelievable.
In the course of a week, Vader had gone from being friendless to having not one but two adults under his hospitality – not to mention two children. Who were these people, and why had they appeared in such close succession?
By Sith, Vader, I always knew you had to have some massive secrets.
How patiently Xizor had waited for this day. The day when Vader's house of cards began to topple straight into Xizor's hands.
And how cunning he planned to be with how he played those cards.
He hadn't yet shuffled them into proper order yet. He relished that challenge, however, especially with the portal discovery in the mix. Xizor had found it just where Vader said he would: due north of Helska. A rift wide enough for a mid-size transport to glide through if the pilot knew exactly where to look. Xizor had indulged his curiosity by passing through, taking in the stunning view of what lay beyond. And then, having had his fill of the universe wild, he reversed course back toward Imperial Center.
Romantic he'd never be described as. Ruthless businessman, yes. Xizor's thoughts swirled around the profit margins the portal would bring rather than its existential significance. The temptation to deceive the Emperor almost made him salivate. If he denied finding it, the benefits would be twofold – he could collect all toll profits for himself and undercut Vader's credibility yet again.
Of course, it all hinged on Xizor's professional lying skills. He could fool just about anyone he pleased, but he sensed all bets were off when it came to the Emperor. He hadn't fought to gain Palpatine's favor only to lose it through a moment of foolish arrogance. No, he'd have to play it safe, as much as he wished otherwise.
Besides, he had more than enough ammunition from Guri's spying efforts. Vader could have his portal. If things played out the way Xizor imagined, Vader wouldn't be around to enjoy it for long anyway.
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Streaks of silver painted the sky above Imperial City the next morning. An odd color danced between the clouds, changing hue each minute, casting dim shadows on the two figures who exited 250 Republica. The breath of one was visible in faint puffs, while the other's remained hidden behind his mask. Together they walked the cold sidewalks toward Vader's shuttle hangar.
Neither could leave his own reverie to make idle conversation. Thoughts of what lie ahead consumed them both, casting a holy silence over the calm morning.
That calmness broke when Xizor's cold silhouette rounded the corner. Tense surprise flared between the two nemeses; it was too late for either to avert their course. Not that Xizor would've wanted to anyway.
"Good morning Vader!" Xizor strode toward them, grinning maliciously. "Up early today I see."
"Not early enough to avoid you," growled Vader.
"Well, somebody woke up on the wrong side of the pod this morning," Xizor chastised. "And so rude. Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?"
Intensely disliking this encounter, Vader gritted his teeth. "This is Starkiller."
Xizor nodded once at the elder human. "Pleased to make your acquaintance. I am Prince Xizor. No doubt Vader has mentioned my name on occasion."
Ainar smiled flatly, not wanting to be impolite.
"So, it appears you two are coming from the 250 Republica district," Xizor tried to observe casually.
"What of it? I am free to move about this city as I please."
"Without a doubt. I'm just impressed – 250 Republica is one of Imperial City's priciest buildings. You must do quite well for yourself, Mr. Starkiller."
"Thank you," Ainar acknowledged unevenly.
"You're quite welcome. I've known some tenants who had to subsidize their rent through a benefactor – but I'm sure that isn't the case for you."
Xizor's tone and piercing stare pressed Vader to change the subject. "Did you find the portal, Xizor?"
"Yes, I did," Xizor replied matter-of-factly.
"You're off to inform the Emperor, then?"
"Obviously. What isn't obvious is your destination."
"That is not and will never be any of your business," Vader snarled.
"Off on another Jedi hunt?"
"Perhaps. Perhaps not."
"The Jedi you killed last week on Tatooine – what was his name?"
"Why the sudden interest in my 'pet project?'" Vader folded his arms. "Last I checked, you couldn't care less about Order 66."
"I had a lot of time to think the past few days. I realized I should be keeping more abreast of your killing patterns," Xizor answered smoothly. "I'm curious whether you're employing the same tactics as you did on Falleen two years ago."
Vader stiffened. Why was the Prince dredging this up here and now? With Ainar present, no less? I thought he didn't want to expose this vulnerability to anyone, but clearly I'm mistaken…
"I did what had to be done," came Vader's dry words.
"I see. Obliterating 200,000 people was necessary."
"Would you rather I have destroyed the entire planet? I chose the more humane option, Xizor!"
The Falleen's eyebrows rose. "Humane? Since when is Darth Vader interested in being humane? Does the Emperor know you're going soft?"
"Does he know that your entire family perished that day? That your dynasty was weakened and your royal status critically jeopardized?" Vader demanded. "No, he doesn't know that. Because you permanently erased all evidence of it happening."
Xizor glared but made no immediate retort.
Vader shoved past him with Ainar close behind. "We all do things for self-preservation, Prince. My discretion is no more flawed than yours."
The Skywalker duo took about ten steps when Xizor's final words ricocheted down the street.
"You're right Vader, we all have secrets. Just keep in mind, some have a way of coming to light before others."
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