"He's here!"
The sniper's shrill cry shot across the open sea as, back on the ship, the Strawhat captain whooped in elation. The long sleek island of the great whale's back grew larger and larger, touching both sides of the horizon. Tashigi gripped Shigure firmly and stepped in front of the navigator.
"I will speak to him," he said quietly, eyes fixed on the whale.
"We already agreed that was the plan," Cat Burglar Nami snapped - she was nervous. "I'll manage the boat in case anything happens. You mess up and that's seven hundred thousand belli you owe me."
He glanced her way and wondered if she meant it.
Disproportionately small waves rocked their boat, and one black eye blinked ponderously at them. Tashigi waited for the Sea God to come within range, and then he opened his mouth to speak.
"O great Sea G-"
"Glob of rice pudding! Over here!"
Tashigi clamped his mouth shut.
"Zoro!?" the navigator shrieked.
There was the sound of ringing steel. The whale blinked again. Roronoah Zoro leaped through the air and, in the exact center of his broad white forehead, smacked him with the butt end of her katana. The whale let out a deep, thunderous roar of pain from a mouth the size of the Tower of Justice, and a gale force wind buffeted against the boat and the side of the ship, nearly capsizing the navigator and Tashigi.
"You shitty idiot!" Black-leg Sanji's voice screeched from the deck.
"Roronoah!" Tashigi yelled. The whale was fast disappearing below the water line, and the criminal was still standing on his back, sinking with him. Tashigi dove into the water and swam toward her. "What on earth do you think you're doing!?"
"Crap, he's getting away," she said, and lifted her katana again.
"No, don't do that! Don't move!"
"What? Wasn't this the plan?"
Saltwater swirled up to her waist. She scowled at the cold and made to deal another blow. Tashigi threw himself against her, sending her sputtering in the ocean, and grabbed her by the scruff of her coat.
"You've ruined the plan!" he screamed. "I was supposed to speak to him! Peacefully! Now he's never going to cooperate!" He shook her vigorously.
She grunted and pushed his face away from hers. "Oh, shut up. Just let me beat him up and he'll do whatever we want!"
"You forget we are dealing with the God of the Sea! He isn't like the ruffians you usually mingle with, fool of a pirate!"
She rolled her eyes. "The hell would you know?"
"Is everything alright!?" the cook called from the ship's railing.
"No!" Tashigi snapped back.
"Agh - this is all your fault, stupid greenhead! Tashigi dear, anything I can help with?"
He glanced down. The whale had completely submerged, but he could see its pale shadow directly below them. It was sinking, shrinking - but other than that it didn't appear to be moving. It seemed to be running away.
"Alright, change of plans. Black-leg Sanji, stay where you are. Roronoah Zoro, you return to the ship." He pushed him toward the rowboat. "I don't think anyone could make amends for your stupidity, but nonetheless I will try. In the meantime you will stay put!"
She grunted in annoyance, but began to swim toward the boat - feeling guilty, apparently. Tashigi pocketed his glasses, took a deep breath, and ducked beneath the waves.
The Sea God was beautiful and serene, undisturbed by the rapid actions of the open air. His white back shimmered faintly in the sunlight that filtered down to the depths.
"Excuse me," Tashigi called. The bubbles trailed up along his neck and tangled in his long black hair. "O great Sea God! I must apologize for the swords-wielding pirate. Truly, she meant no harm, and though she can be excessively violent at times I assure you she has an - an honorable heart." He briefly resurfaced for another breath of air. "I was the one who arranged for you to be called here. It was my fault.
"Please, Sea God. I have but one humble request. Won't you hear me out?"
He waited. He had run out of breath again, but it would reflect badly on him if he rose now. So he held on, eyes fixed on the shimmer of white, and waited.
"Begone, cretins!"
He blinked.
Water pressure slammed into him from all sides. Foam flew, everything was spinning, and he opened his mouth by mistake and felt saltwater flood his lungs. He thrashed helplessly.
A strong arm wrapped around his waist, and he was thrown back into the sunlight. Hard wood knocked against his back. The blurred figure of Roronoah loomed overhead, and a fist slammed into his chest. He felt his insides convulse, choking, retching.
"I can't read the waves!" the navigator's voice cried - faint in his ears at first, but louder as he recovered. "It doesn't make any sense at all, there isn't even any wind! The sky's perfectly clear!"
"Just get us back to the ship!" a lower voice responded.
He coughed. His insides felt raw, but he forced himself up to a sitting position. He was in the rowboat, and the navigator and the swordsmaster were desperately trying to keep the suddenly tumultuous waves from capsizing them. Making headway was impossible. The navigator pulled out her staff.
"Milky Road!"
A long strip of sea clouds formed from the staff and wound from the boat to the open docking system of the pirate ship, just a few dozen yards away. The two pirates began to row over it like mad.
"Hey, marine! What the hell is going on!?"
"What did the whale say, Tashigi!?"
There was a bulge in the water. Tashigi could see it now - disguised by the choppy sea, an enormous bulge of glistening water was rising under the pirate ship, slowly lifting it higher and taking the rowboat with it. He gripped the edge of the boat tightly, his blood running cold.
"We need to get back on the ship. Right now." He didn't raise his voice. He didn't need to. The tone was enough.
Somehow the two managed to row even faster. They streaked across the white sea clouds and would have crashed the boat at the dock if the shipwright hadn't been there to catch them. They closed the entrance, drained the water, and dashed up to the deck of the ship.
"Tashigi, my lovely!" Black-leg exclaimed. "I was so worried about you!"
"Nami! Zoro! Glasses Guy!" Strawhat's playful child's face had become stern, bold, serious in an instant. He hopped off the railing and stood before them. "How'd it go?"
"Not good," Tashigi said quickly. "We need to get out of here."
"Why? What happened?"
"We've angered him even more now," he hissed. "He isn't happy with just cursing us and sending us on our way - now he wants us dead!" He gripped Shigure agitatedly, gesturing with his other hand. "He's trying to wreck the ship!"
The ship pitched forward onto flatter ocean. The navigator yelped and had to grip the railing to keep her balance.
"Franky!" she yelled. "Get us out of here!"
"Ow! Leave it to me!"
Tashigi looked up, surprised, as the shipwright sprinted to the controls. So this was the infamous technique that let the Strawhats slip through marines' ranks time and time again.
Behind the ship, the bulge of water was growing taller, sharper, forming a shape...
"Careful, love!" the cook gasped, and took his arm.
"Coup de Burst!"
The unexpected force nearly knocked him off his feet, but the cook steadied him gently. Tashigi blushed and grabbed onto the railing, shrugging off her hand.
...the shape was growing paler, as the water thinned and fell away...
"Hey!" Roronoah barked. "Franky, this is too far! At this rate I won't be able to get the whale!"
"You're still after him, shitty marimo!? Of course we need to take a second to rethink our strategy first - don't doubt Big Bro Franky's judgement!"
"And run away from maybe the only chance we've got at turning back into men!?"
"Uh, guys - guys, guys guys!" the sniper squealed, from the ship's stern. "That's kind of a moot point!"
"Hah?"
Tashigi frowned in the sniper's direction and leaned over the railing to look behind the ship. "Oh no," he breathed.
...the bulge was shape around the Sea God's head - somehow the force of its upward swimming pushed at least twenty feet of water ahead of it into the air. Now its white bulk broke through the layer of ocean. It turned two glaring black eyes to the ship, tipped forward, and heaved itself toward the Strawhats with the speed and destructive force of the Aqua Laguna.
"He's following us!" the sniper shrieked. "Oh God we are dead, we are so, so dead, oh God!"
"Perfect!" Roronoah smirked.
"It is in no way perfect!" the cook hissed.
"To your positioooonssss!" the navigator wailed, dashing to the bow. "At this rate we'll be overtak - kyaah!"
A massive glob of water leaped up and snapped around the ship like a thing alive, dousing everyone with a shock of cold sea. Tashigi spat and shook sopping hair out of his eyes. He cast his eyes around, stinging water still blurring his sight.
"Is everyone alright!?" he gasped. "Be careful - it seems the Sea God can control the ocean itself!"
"Of course - that explains everything!" a brisk, young voice exclaimed. It was reminiscent of the navigator's voice, but somehow - not - quite -
"Eh? What do you mean?" another voice asked, this one achingly sweet and high-pitched. Like - like the doctor -
"If the Sea God has been controlling the ocean waves, it explains the strange phenomenons that Nami was incapable of predicting," chided a soft, low one - the archaeologist -
"Yohoho...that was such a shock, it rattled my bones..." one sang in a weak falsetto - musician -
"So dead," a whiny one sobbed, "so dead!" - sniper -
"Speaking of - you Devil Fruit kids doin' okay?" asked a flamboyant one - shipwright -
"Ugh - yeah, I think so." The last one took a breath, then swung to her feet. Two sandals pounded firmly onto the wet grass. Black eyes shone from under the brim of her straw hat, and she grinned up at the whale charging toward the ship, her spirit as vibrant as ever. "Alright!" she announced. "Running away isn't working. So we're taking this whale down!"
- captain!
The cook screamed. She backed away from her crew to stand, wavering, next to Tashigi. "You - you all - shit, fuck!"
"Hrm? What's up, Sanji?"
"Luffy," Roronoah sputtered. Her face was so twisted with horror Tashigi found himself gaping at it; whatever stoicism she was supposed to have had vanished into thin air. She slid slowly backwards to the other side of Tashigi. "You - you can't tell?"
"Tell what?"
The Strawhats, sans cook and swordsmaster, glanced at each other.
"Yup, looks like the water hit us with the Curse thing, too," the sniper said, nodding.
Strawhat blinked. "Oh, really?"
The sniper choked. "Wait - you really can't tell?"
She shrugged. "Whatever. We haven't got time for that, anyways! We're taking down the whale!"
"What!? Are you kidding!? We'll die!"
The navigator grinned, and smacked a fist into an open palm. "Well, if the captain says so, we've got no choice but to make the most of it. Let's do this!"
The archaeologist chuckled, tapping his cheek with a finger elegantly. "Sounds like fun."
The three original Cursed, as one, slumped down to the grass. They stared numbly at the others going about as if nothing had changed at all.
"...We're the only ones who care, huh?"
"It appears so."
"That's...shitty...embarrassing."
Roronoah threw her head up and laughed. The cook blushed furiously, but was soon laughing as well.
And Tashigi, finding no reason not to, joined in.
The ship slammed to a stop, jolting them all out of their reveries. They scrambled to their feet and gaped down the sides of the ship.
An Island Walker's hand gripped the hull of the ship. Slowly, the giant himself rose from the sea - topknot first, followed by an endless expanse of black rock. His eyes rivaled the Sea God's in size. He stared down at the ship, uncomprehending. And then, with all the patience of the ancients, the entire pack of giants Tashigi had encountered the previous day stood up.
Behind them, the Sea God stopped abruptly. Its rage had transformed into fear in an instant. Meekly, it tried to back away from the giants, only to discover that they had formed a circle around him. Both he and the Strawhats were completely surrounded.
"Oh, crap," the Sea God said.
The wood on the hull of the pirate's ship began to creak as the Island Walker's grip tightened. The shipwright blinked, and then turned to the Walker furiously.
"You thinking of hurting my sweet sunshine!?" she roared. She raised two huge metallic paws.
"Ah," Tashigi began, "only women can hurt an Island Walker, and you might not have settled in yet - "
"Franky Radical Beam!"
A ray of light shot from her palm and exploded in the giant's face. The smoke cleared to reveal everything above the neck obliterated. Slowly, the rest of the giant crumbled, and the ship dropped, landing in the water safely.
The cyborg woman gave a harumph of disdain before glancing back to Tashigi. "Hm? You say something, Sis?"
"Oh...no, nevermind..."
Slowly, slowly, the surviving Island Walkers turned to watch their fallen comrade sink into the sea. And slowly, slowly, they turned towards the little wooden vessel that was responsible.
"Uh, guys - guys, guys guys!" The sniper clutched her weapon to her chest. "They're l-l-looking this way!"
And they pounced. It was ridiculous, Tashigi thought in panic, it was absurd, how fast those things could move, and he drew Shigure out of pure instinct.
The captain bounded across the ship, laughing. "Nice one Franky!" she cheered. "I wanna try! Gomu gomu no Bazooka!"
The attack shot clear through three giants with hardly any resistance. She pumped her fists in the air.
"Woohoo! Thirty points for the future Pirate King!"
"Not the Pirate Queen, Sis?"
"No way! I wanna be King! Kings can be girls!"
"Sounds super!" The shipwright laughed and donned her sunglasses. "Sounds super, capt'n!"
One giant had escaped the attack and swung a fist down toward the ship. The little doctor dashed up.
"Everyone, look out! Kung Fu Point!"
In the blink of an eye the giant was decimated. Tashigi stared at the doctor's stout, blocky figure, inexplicably still adorable as she squawked out bizarre battle cries.
"Oh my, these giants are so frightening!" the musician cried, clapping phalanges against cheekbones and wriggling. And then, in an instant, she drew her cane sword and lunged forward, announcing in forte vibrato alto: "Aubade Coup Droit!"
A flash of cold steel. The nearest surviving giant paused for a few seconds, and then crumbled all at once.
"Ha...haha! Everything is going according to my plan!" The sniper struck a pose.
"Usopp," squealed the doctor, "you're my hero!"
Her bravado was cut short by a giant suddenly lunging toward the ship. She let loose an inarticulate scream of terror, grabbed something out of her pouch, and fired it with her slingshot. "Midori Boshi: Impact Wolf."
A mass of green burst from the tiny pellet, taking the form of a snarling wolf. It streaked through the air and struck the giant's chest with the red bulb on its nose. The giant, once again, was crushed to pieces.
"They've all completed their transformations?" Tashigi said incredulously. "But that was practically instantaneous!"
"Fuck," the cook muttered, "they're completely unattractive now. But how about the gentlemen!" she crooned, spinning around to look at the two pirate men.
The navigator had been tying his hair back through the whole fight. Now, hair springing in an orange fountain from his ponytail down a bare back, he slammed his staff down so hard it nearly cracked the ship. "Alright, you retards," he smirked, "playtime's over! We're mopping up the rest of these fuckers!" He kicked the bottom of the staff up and twirled it in his fingers easily. "Weather Egg."
"Wait - men can't hurt the Island Walkers!" Tashigi said.
"My, is that so?" the archaeologist chuckled. Statuesque as ever, he crossed his arms, allowing his long black hair to fall partially over his cool eyes. "Shall we test this theory then? Mil Fleur: Gigantesco Mano."
Two enormous hands sprouted from a giant's back, then reached around to cradle his head. Nico Robin closed his eyes and smiled.
"Clutch."
The giant met with a gruesome end. Tashigi gaped.
"So – you haven't completely transformed? But this is too much of a coincidence -"
"Please keep your arms and legs inside the ship at all times!" the navigator chimed in. "The ride's about to get a little rocky!"
The skies, clear a moment before, suddenly blossomed with thick black clouds over the largest clump of Island Walkers. Dumbly, the giants looked up. The navigator pointed the end of his staff at the cloud, then swept it down.
"Thunder Breed Tempo!"
Lightning shot down to land disastrously amongst the giants. Their rock bodies, contrary to non-New World science, were electrocuted to an even char and promptly rained in pieces down to the sea. The lightning then traveled through the ocean itself, frying the entire hoard of giants. Only the pirate ship escaped unscathed.
Tashigi was speechless.
Cat Burglar Nami rested the staff on one shoulder and stuck his tongue out. "Pfft. Don't get so hung up on that one sentence from a bunch of paper, Tashigi. If there's something you've got to fight, then fight! There isn't anything else to it."
"Awesome Nami!" Strawhat cheered. "100 points!"
Tashigi opened his mouth to protest, but shut it. Strawhat logic was not to be meddled with, as he had learned.
A sound like a foghorn blasted from the sea. He whirled around.
"Oh, no - the Sea God!"
The pirate ship alone was unscathed after the lightning attack. The Sea God, like the giants, was sizzling from forehead to tail. It bellowed in rage, glaring at the ship.
But a handful of giants had also survived, albeit missing limbs here and there. They rose like angry zombies and lurched toward both the whale and the ship. Sheepishly, the Sea God shrank back.
Roronoah laughed. "The gremlin spoke well, for once - if you've gotta fight, you fight!"
"Did you just call Nami-love a gremlin!?" shrieked Black-leg Sanji.
"I'll take care of the giants going to the whale."
"Don't ignore me!"
"Hey cook, get the ones coming for the ship."
"Don't order me around, damn it!" She leaped into the air anyways, pink dress billowing in the wind, and flipped mid-air, her stiletto white hot.
"Collier Strike!"
"Right," Roronoah said as rock giants dropped down like flies, "marine, you fight too."
"Fight the Walkers?" Tashigi stammered. "But I can't! I'm a man now - it's been over 12 hours."
"Who the hell cares?"
She ran to the stern of the ship and then jumped, sailing neatly through the air before lighting on a giant's arm. Easily keeping her balance as the arm lifted, she watched Tashigi over her shoulder.
"You know what your sword is, marine? It's gentle."
He felt his face flush. "You don't have to say it!" he snapped. "I know that I'm not strong enough to defeat you yet!"
"Lemme tell you something else, then. 'A sword that is not gentle cannot be strong.'"
"What - did you just make that up? Are you trying to -"
"I didn't make it up." The corners of her mouth curved up, and Tashigi trailed off. "It was the first thing Mihawk ever said to me."
She turned back to face the giant and cracked her neck. "Now then, you stupid block of fudge, let's see if I got it right this time." She crouched down, one hand on the hilt of her white sword. "Ittoryu Iai: Shi Shishi Sonson!"
The sword was back in the sheathe before Tashigi could even see it drawn. The giant blinked. She hopped off his arm onto the whale's back - and the giant's upper torso slid off cleanly from the rest of his body.
The whale looked like he wanted to throw her off, but she smacked her boot into his skin and hissed a threat. Then, as if she were performing a dreary chore, gestured for Tashigi.
"Hey! Your turn, guy. There's only one left."
Tashigi, usually, would have felt sick at the tone of her voice. Instead he only felt a warmth spreading across him from his chest.
He contributed it to annoyance.
"Only one!?" the captain exclaimed. Her feet pattered across the deck, but then stopped beside Tashigi. "Oh, is he yours? Nevermind then."
He stared at her.
"It's your fight," the archaeologist explained, leaning casually against the stern's railing. "Therefore, in Luffy's eyes, you are the only one who has the right to win it." He smiled a little teasingly at him.
Roronoah yawned. "Hurry it up," she said.
And Tashigi, finally, broke loose from the last of the shackles he had placed on himself. He stomped up to the railing and raised Shigure. "Oh, forget it!" he yelled. "If you want a fight, I'll give you a fight! I am Tashigi, Captain of the G-5, and I will not bow down to a moving rock, nor will I suffer to be humiliated by a handful of pirates! Soru!"
He flew through the air like he had grown wings and slashed at the last impediment in the vicinity. The sword cut clean through.
Words of the Sheep: When Tashigi reappeared 2 yrs later redirecting a cannonball, I had a sudden sense of dejavu - Mihawk first showed up redirecting a bullet. Ever since, I've had a strange notion that Zoro has Mihawk's raw power while Tashigi has his grace. It'll be really interesting if she's there during Zoro and Mihawk's final battle...and I have a feeling she will be.
About their clothes - I couldn't find room to describe what happened, so I'll just say here that Luffy wore the usual outfit but this being One Piece she was fine leaving it unbuttoned, Franky and Usopp happened to be wearing shirts when they were transformed (thank God), Chopper's a reindeer so she's all covered with fur (it's not like she'd have much boob volume to speak of…right…?), Brook's a skeleton so who cares (To TashigiFan: yes she would have a bigger smoother rounder pelvic bone ;p), and Nami and Robin were wearing pants, so they just took off their bras and were done with it. Yes I thought this through.
I would've liked to have more fun with Franky's hair, though.
Also…Nami and Robin as guys…would be amazing. (Now it's obvious I'm a girl, haha.)
Luffy's voice is the same as usual because he really is voiced by a woman in the anime. Besides, she's exactly the same as him, get it?