The Sea God had had enough. Honestly, didn't these puny little animals know how to respect a greater being? They had hit it; insulted it; fried it; threatened it. If not for the population of Island Walkers getting out of hand, it would have sunk that freaking little piece of wood without a second thought.
Really, this was nothing like what the Sea God had bargained for. It had just been going about its business, you know? - trying to keep the Island Walkers under control (they popped up from the sea like baby krill), cursing some of the animals who passed by so they could clean up those rocks. But then this wood thing came along. This wood thing with a lion's mane and a lion's voice, a smaller sheep's voice protected in her belly. It had ruined everything. The Sea God was pissed.
But these little animals - they were strange. Different. They didn't need the Curse to fight the Island Walkers. Even that other one, the one who came from a different piece of wood, could fight after the Sea God had stripped its powers away. They knew something. They held a secret that even the Sea God did not know. It was infuriating, and also - admittedly - a tad bit frightening. Maybe even terrifying.
So, as the last of the Island Walkers was cut down, the Sea God decided that, just maybe, it would do what these people wanted. Not because it took that green-haired one's threats seriously, of course.
Just to get these things out of its Domain. Forever.
"What do you want?" the whale grumbled.
Zoro raised an eyebrow. "It talks," she said. Or more like it made the air shudder around her ears, and somehow or another she understood what it meant. Weird.
"Of course he does." The marine sheathed his sword and stepped up beside her. He looked triumphant and relieved, but not too surprised. That was good. He smiled a small smile at Zoro, then turned to the whale. "I am glad you are finally willing to speak with us, great Sea God."
Two huge black eyes glared at them irritably. "What. Do you. Freaking. Want?"
"And it's got an attitude," she chuckled.
"We only have one simple request: to return to our original genders. Then we will be on our way. Is it possible?"
The Sea God blinked. "...That's all?"
"Yes."
It stared at them suspiciously for a moment; and then it ducked underwater.
"Whoa!" Zoro splashed inelegantly into the sea, then burst back up to the surface, coughing. "What was that?"
A little gasp to the side. Zoro glanced at the marine, snapping, "What?"
Eyes met. Water pushed against bodies, and understanding dawned.
"Tashigi dear!" a voice crooned from the skies, and the idiot cook sailed through the air toward them. "Did the whale do anything to -"
She saw Zoro. They both froze. There was a brief, horrid moment of pure silence as they stared at each other.
And then Sanji, carried by momentum, crash-landed in between Zoro and the marine. Zoro ducked the spray, and raised an eyebrow as the sopping cook flailed in the water.
"Shit you're back, you're both back!"
The marine adjusted her glasses, pouting faintly, and said, "What a foul mouth. You are back as well, Black-leg Sanji."
He blinked rapidly; looked down.
Zoro covered his ears.
"HOLY SHIT I'M STILL WEARING OH SHIT ZORO GO GET ME MY PANTS I'M NOT WEARING THIS TO THE SHIP I'M NOT!"
"It's Nami's, you know. She'll want it back."
"OH, SHIT. SHIT, SHIT, SHIT. WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME!? I'M NOT AN OKAMA! I'M NOT!"
Zoro smirked. Even he had to admit those two witches had their moments of pure genius.
"Roronoah Zoro."
She was looking at him. They stared at each other for a moment, confirming something in themselves. Then she closed her eyes and sighed. She pulled back her sprawling hair, returned it magically to its original neatness.
"I suppose we should return to the ship."
Zoro glanced sidelong at the wailing mess the cook had become. "Right."
Back on the ship, the first thing Sanji did was lock himself in the men's room.
He had run with all the speed his two years' training had granted him, so hopefully nobody had seen too much. He was safe in the room.
He stared down.
The dress was still soaked through, clinging to his skin and tugging against certain places where things went awkward. He closed his eyes and tried to swallow the nausea the pink lace inspired, then bent down. He peeled the hem of the dress up from around his shins delicately.
His legs, pale, hairy, and very, very manly, mocked him from on top of the sparkling stilettos. A few beats of silence passed. He let the wet lace flop down again, and he tried his best not to burst into tears.
Forget it. It would be okay. He was a man, totally manly, not an Okama, nothing close, and all he had to do was get these things off and go back to his comfortable, cool, manly suit and tie. Which would be blue. Not pink.
And also he had just spent nearly twenty-four hours with a full cast of characters who had been knocking down gender barriers and identity crises and all that shit, and he really ought to be fine by now with whatever came his way, because the moss brain sure would, and the beautiful marine would too, and there was no way he'd lose to the former, and there was no way the former would lose to the latter, so -
So his brain should stop flailing around like a confused kraken. The ladies were waiting.
He straightened up and started to take the dress off.
He paused. Another handful of beats passed.
...How the hell was he supposed to take this thing off?
"Hey Zoro! Glasses Guy!" Luffy cheered, bouncing up and down on the deck. Robin stood beside the railing and watched. "You're back!"
"Yes," the female marine said. She flashed a smile, and all her proud uprightness shone clear; but then she frowned. She appeared to be struggling to reach a decision.
The swordsman rubbed the back of his neck and yawned, same as usual. "No need to thank us. We did it for ourselves."
She looked at him, then turned away with a huff. "How arrogant. You are extrapolating."
Robin smiled, cool gaze turned warm.
Luffy stuck a finger up her nose. "So did it work?" she asked.
Usopp choked, and smacked her in the head. "Are you blind!?" she sputtered in a rapid, high-pitched voice. "Yes it worked! Zoro's a guy! Glasses Guy is a girl! They're normal again, see? Now we have to go find the whale to turn us back!"
"Oh, so it worked!" Her captain grinned from ear to ear. "We beat that whale! You guys are awesome!"
"Luffy, that's not the point...Oh, whatever," she grumbled, blushing a little. "Of course we were awesome. We've got me here, after all!"
"Whoa - guys! Look out!"
A low, fast-flowing wave of water slipped across the deck, kissing the ankles of everyone on board. A few of them yelped and tried to dodge.
"Let it," Zoro said.
Robin glanced his way, and didn't move. He felt the brief disquieting feeling of the sea draining his energy; and blinked. Looked down.
Fascinating. Without a hitch in her senses, a single detectable sign of transition, she had fluidly transformed back. What an interesting creature of the New World, this great white whale.
"Oh, we're back," Nami said, with perhaps a hint of disappointment. "Well, that was fun while it lasted."
She had still been wearing her bikini top when the whale attacked.
Had subsequently removed the bikini top as a man.
All the men turned and saw her.
"You enjoyed it?" Robin asked, as nosebleeds and curses flew around the deck. The female marine looked scandalized - well, there were certain boundaries between the genders that didn't need to be crossed, she supposed. Such as clothing.
"Kind of - the two idiots were so cute as girls, all flustered and confused. Especially Sanji. She was so fun to tease." She put her hands on her hips, not bothering to act ashamed. "Speaking of, where is he? He owes me a dress."
"In his room," Robin replied. "Changing. Perhaps I should assist."
"Yeah, he'd probably ruin it on his own. It's damaged enough by the salt water as is. Hey, you idiots!" She turned to the remaining men; the rest had either fled or fallen unconscious from blood loss. "Everyone's debts just increased by 500,000 belli!" she said sweetly, and winked. "Except you, Chopper."
Robin smiled, and crossed her arms to blossom a copy of herself in the men's room. She doubted the cook knew how to take off a corset.
The G-5 came into sight around mid-morning, as the marine woman had predicted. Zoro leaned against the outside of the cabin with his swords in his lap and watched the free waters carry it closer.
He felt tired. All of them did, really, except maybe Luffy. Even the cook, after getting his usual clothes back on, had only managed one solid round of flirting with the women (with more blush than usual around Robin) and one good kick per male crewmate before disappearing into the kitchen.
"That was for making me wear a dress," was all he had said to the men.
Usopp, holding up his thumb with his face crushed into the floor, garbled, "Glad to see you're back."
Gender-swapping really wore a person out.
They were gathered, most of them, on the grass deck, lounging and watching and waiting. The marines were still far out of cannon range when Sanji reemerged with macarons and cups of tea in a tray. He went straight to where the women sat - now everyone was here.
"Nami! Robin! Tashigi! A bit of a light snack, my beauties?"
"Why thank you, Sanji," Robin said, and took a bite. "We were just discussing the logic behind what just recently transpired between us and the Sea God."
"I think I've decided I hate that whale," Nami muttered. "Messing with the currents." She grabbed a handful of sweets and crammed them into her mouth irritably (but still making the cook swoon), washing them down with the tea.
"The notes, otherwise, have been quite accurate. Perhaps it's because I was a woman from the start, a phenomenon which apparently has never happened before, and so I could still cut the Island Walker?" The marine accepted a cup of tea without hesitation and flipped through the folder in her lap.
"You're so intelligent," the retard sighed.
"I don't think it was only your case that was strange, however," Robin said. "The average time it takes for the transformation to be complete, according to this book, is seven hours. Sanji and Zoro took around that long, but Usopp, Franky, Brook, and Chopper took barely a few minutes."
"Maybe it's about soul," Brook suggested. "Our souls wished to stand up to the Island Walkers, so we could. It's soul!"
"It's living with a don!" Franky declared.
"Or willpower," Usopp added.
"Dedication?" Chopper asked.
"Meat," Luffy said.
Sanji took the largest macaron - the one as big as his fist - and shoved it into the captain's mouth.
"But that would mean the grasshead and I haven't got any of that," he said. "We couldn't even scratch the things at first."
"Maybe it isn't about being a woman, fighting those rock giants," Zoro drawled. "More like mentality. Thinking the right way."
"You mean the perception of 'being a woman'?" the marine asked.
"You guyyys, what're you talking about?" Luffy whined. Sanji frowned at him. The macaron had disappeared in half a second.
"Well, it definitely doesn't have to do with intelligence, if you managed to do it," the cook muttered. "You can't even tell the difference between a man and a woman."
Luffy shrugged. "Whatever. It's not like it matters. You guys are my crew, so you're strong! Glasses Girl is trying to catch us, so she's strong too! That's all." And, perfectly content, he popped another normal-sized macaron into his mouth.
Sanji didn't even reprimand him.
"Hey Glasses Girl, are you going to try to catch us right now?" He cocked his head, one hand holding the straw hat in its place. "Smokey's coming."
"Catch you? Not now, no." She glanced at the approaching ship. It was within cannon distance now, but hadn't moved to attack. It had slowed down as well, uncertain. "Some other time. It would tarnish my honor to take advantage of you now, after all you've done for me."
"Haven't done anything," Zoro muttered.
"Okay," said Luffy. "Wanna wait until Smokey gets here, or maybe we can send you over to your ship in the Mini Merry?"
"Huh? Oh - no, I was planning on swimming, or jumping if it was close enough. I don't want to impose on you any further. I will speak to Vice-Admiral Smoker, there is no need for you to worry."
"The Smoker dude listens to you, huh?" Franky said. "You make a mean good Captain, then, if he trusts you that much."
She blinked at him, surprised.
A wail rose up from the cook. "Alas! We must part ways, sweet raven-haired love!"
"Don't call me that!" she snapped.
"Ah! Cold as ever! How beautiful even your refusals are." He set the tray down and bowed low to her. "I must apologize for all the times I have offended you. I reacted to the situation very selfishly, and I am afraid I may have caused harm to you. It's alright if you can't find it in your heart to forgive me, but..."
She shook her head, looking exasperated. "It's fine. I overreacted as well. Besides, you could never hurt me."
A horn blasted from the G-5 ship. From the Sunny they could see dozens of men leaning over the side of the ship and calling for their Captain, waving their hands. The ship had stopped moving toward them, and instead drifted parallel.
"It's time for me to go," she said, and stood.
"Hey, hey, but that's pretty far," Usopp said. "You sure you don't want a ride? It's not that hard for us, honestly."
"No. That wouldn't do."
"Look, I know you've got your pride and all, but can't you just -"
"Usopp." Their captain stood, and looked her in the eye. "She doesn't want to."
"Oh - oh, sure! Of course! I didn't want to force anything on her at all, I mean, whatever you want, go for it!" he stammered.
Tashigi met Luffy's gaze. "Thank you," she said, and stepped onto the railing.
Zoro looked at Wado, its binding propped up by his shoulder. He knew every scratch on this sword, the level of wear in the handle's cloth blinding and the exact curve of the smooth, perfect blade. Not all of the scratches had been because of him, though. Wado was an old katana, already heavy with the memories of decades before him by the time he grasped her in his hands. And he was not so arrogant as to believe that her life would end with his.
Swords moved on. Somebody would wield her after him - though it would still be his sword, just as it was still her sword, in his mind. And Wado Ichimonji deserved nothing less than the best.
He sighed, and stood up.
"Hey," he said to the marine. "I'm going to become the greatest swordsman in the world."
Just before leaping, she paused, and turned around. "Don't brag," she hissed.
He smirked and drew Wado, resting the blade on his shoulder. It glinted in the morning sunshine. "But there's still a spot open for greatest swordswoman."
Her eyes widened, briefly, before she caught herself and glared at him indignantly. "Then of course, you are destined to be world's second best swordsmaster. I guarantee I will take that sword from you!"
"Don't count on it."
She scoffed, turned away, and dove into the sea. They watched, all nine of the Strawhats, as the marine Captain swam back to her ship and was loudly received by her underlings and superior. Slowly, the G-5 turned away from the Sunny and moved on.
Beside Zoro, he heard a lighter click. The tip of a cigarette lit, and embers smoldered.
"Glad to be back?" he asked, quietly.
Sanji breathed in deep from his cigarette, then let it out into the blue sky.
"Hell yeah."
And Zoro couldn't help it. He laughed out loud.
Words of the Sheep: Hell yeah.
It's done.
I FINISHED THIS STORY. (Or well, almost.) This is dedicated to all you One Piece fans who read what the little me wrote and were kind enough (and weird enough) to support me. I would never have finished this without you. I'm not kidding. Thanks.
This is the LAST CHAPTER. The next chapter is the Epilogue. Which is actually an important part of the story but is too short to be a real chapter so yeah. THIS IS THE LAST, FOLKS.
Questions? Concerns? (SHORT) Requests that you wanted to see but I didn't write? If I feel like it I might answer these as extras along with the Epilogue (but chances are low).