AN: Sooo this one wound up being much longer than it was meant to be and has a lot of back and forth dialogue. I'm also still somewhat new to the Attack on Titan fandom, so I am terribly sorry if any of you find that Jean is a little out of character.
Anyways: Here's another one-shot, enjoy!~~
Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan or Jean Kirschtein in any way, shape, or form.
Jean was a temperamental person by nature; I knew that as well as anyone. He'd blow up on a daily basis or storm off on his own for a while, but there was something unique about the way he behaved when he was jealous. Most often those fits were brought on by Mikasa's rejection.
Even I had to admit, Mikasa was one of the prettiest girls in my trainee unit, but I still thought Jean's determination when it came to her was a bit absurd. Everyone knew she'd never have any sort of interest in anyone other than Eren, except maybe her mild attentiveness when it came to Armin. Jean didn't seem to care much though, and that bothered me. I told myself it wasn't that I was jealous; it was just because Jean was my friend and it was frustrating to watch him flounder around so hopelessly. I couldn't fully make myself believe my own lie, though.
Today was another one of his failure at wooing Mikasa days and he was sulking, as usual, in the shadows behind his barracks.
"No luck today either?" I said from where I stood a few feet away, abruptly snatching his attention from the rock he was kicking at.
"What's it to you?" he huffed, plunking down in the dust with a thud.
"Just asking," I joined him in the shade of the barracks and sat down a foot or so away, leaning back against the wall, "Why do you keep chasing her when she obviously isn't interested in romance?"
"It's a guy thing," was his simple answer.
"So in other words, you thought she was hot, tried to hook up with her, she snubbed you, and now your pride is getting in the way of you just moving on?" I translated.
"It sounds way worse when you put it that way…" he grumbled, confirming my suspicions.
"Do you even like her? Like what would you even do if she suddenly said she'd go out with you?"
He just gave me a did-you-seriously-just-ask-that look and I looked down at my feet, catching his drift.
"Okay, forget the second part, but seriously, do you even like her? Or is this just some sort of weird contest with myself now?"
"Seriously?" he sighed, looking at me again as if willing me away would make me shut up and leave him to wallow.
"Yes seriously. Come on, if you don't answer, I'm just going to assume it's option two."
"Fine, you might be right."
"I might be?" a tiny spark of hope dawned in my chest. If he didn't really like her like her, then maybe there could be a chance he- no probably not…
"Yes. Alright. You're spot on, Sherlock, good for you," he snapped, I winced back at his harsh tone, but still held my ground. I'd be damned if I was going to leave the conversation on that note and let him resent me.
"Look, sorry I asked, but it's frustrating watching you go through this weird cycle, you get all determined that she'll like you this time and go chase her down, then she rejects you and you come wallowing around in self-pity back here, bemoaning your bad luck, but then bam you're back to being dead set on winning her over. You're not the only person it's affecting."
"Oh, what? Now suddenly you're involved? I don't see you trying to get someone to like you when they're hung up on someone else!" his words hit home and the irony of the statement stung. He'd literally just proven that any progress I thought I'd been making was lost on him. He hadn't noticed even a sliver of my affection
"That's just my point, Jean, you don't see anything other than your own stupid problems! You don't see anything!" I practically shout back, surging to my feet, feeling the sudden need to be higher than him.
"Oh what's that supposed to mean?" he wasn't really sure why either of us were angry, but he too was suddenly feeling the need to vent. He also didn't appreciate being looking down on and stood as well, suddenly much closer than I'd been on the ground. Under any other circumstances, the proximity would've made me blush, but I was too worked up to notice.
"It means: Learn to notice what's going on around you, the world doesn't revolve around Jean Kirschtein, and other people have problems too!"
"What, you think I assume everyone else has a peachy life?"
"Obviously you do! Because you don't acknowledge anyone else's issues but your own!"
"That's because I don't understand other peoples' problems, and they don't understand mine, I don't give advice when I don't understand the situation and I don't want anyone else to try to manipulate me around when they clearly don't understand my issues!"
"Open your eyes Jean! Some people might just have the same problem as you! Except unlike you, they might actually like the person they're after and want a genuine relationship, not just some inflated ego and a pretty face!" I instantly realized I'd practically just told him I had a one-sided crush, but he was so imperceptive he wouldn't notice, I hoped. I struggled to keep my cheeks from flushing scarlet, but it was a losing battle.
"Hang on, hang on," he was suddenly not yelling, his scowl growing thoughtful. Damn, he'd noticed, "Are you saying that you…?" he trailed off uncertainly.
"There we go, you're finally getting the picture," I avoided actually answering the question, sighing dramatically.
I could practically see the thoughts, the questions, whizzing around in his head, I just hoped he wouldn't ask too many. I didn't plan on lying to him, but I was suddenly not sure that I really wanted him to know.
"So, you like someone…" he started, "but they don't pay any attention to you…" he spoke slowly, like he was unsure of where his words would lead him and was fearful of where he would end up, "because they obsess over somebody else…"
"You might be on to something," I said evasively, hoping against hope that he wouldn't put two and two together and-
"Wait a sec.," he said again, realization dawning in his eyes. I made an exasperated noise. He was being too uncharacteristically perceptive and I wasn't sure I appreciated it. He just raised an eyebrow, not wanting to make assumptions aloud in case he was wrong and make the whole situation unnecessarily uncomfortable. I just stared him down, not wanting to admit it aloud in case he hadn't really figured it out.
"Yep, I'm waiting…" I said, hoping to prompt a further statement, and also trying to word it in a way that would imply he was on the right track without out and out saying it.
"You don't mean…" he swallowed uncomfortably. I finally sensed that no matter how many clues I dropped, he wasn't about to say it first. I also realized, judging by the panic stricken look on his face, he didn't feel the same and I'd just made my friendship ridiculously awkward.
"Sorry I brought it up, I'll leave you to your wallowing," I suddenly said, turning on my heel and heading off briskly.
"Hey!" he said in a huff, grabbing me by the shoulder and effectively stopping me in my tracks. I didn't turn around for fear he'd see the disappointment in my eyes, "You don't have too- I uh-" his sudden loss for words rekindled the hope he might actually return my feelings, "What I mean is…"
I found myself suddenly wrapped in the most suffocating hug I'd ever experienced in my life, my back still to Jean's chest, his nose just high enough to rest on the top of my head.
"Sorry…" he mumbled into my hair, "I was a jerk… I know you've got issues just as much as anyone else, so… uh… Good luck, I guess, hopefully you'll have a better shot than I do."
I didn't know how to feel. He was apologizing, a rare thing in and of itself, I supposed I ought to be grateful. But then there was what he said after. Either he hadn't clued in or he'd chosen not to acknowledge it. I wasn't sure which thought hurt more. Maybe I should be grateful that I could go on being good friends, but my shot at being more than friends was dashed, which made it hard to be positive.
"Thanks…" I said quietly, managing to wriggle around in his snug embrace so that I was facing him and could reciprocate the hug, "Same to you…"
"Just out of, uh, curiosity," he started and I knew where this was going, I wasn't in the clear yet, "Who is it?"
"What's it to you?" I tried to mimic his voice from the start of the conversation, it just sounded ridiculous.
"Just wanna know, maybe I could put in a good word for you, if I know him, or something…"
"You sure you aren't just being nosey?" I snicker into his shirt, not wanting to break the hug and face him.
"Mmm, maybe that too, but what can I say?"
"Well, I'll tell you this much: You know him. He's in this barracks. He's taller than me. And he's an idiot."
"That really doesn't help me," he laughed, "I obviously know everyone in this barracks and the only one not any taller than you is Connie. Besides, I'm pretty sure you consider everyone in there an idiot, don't you?" he loosens his grip on my back and I get the hint that he's sick of the hug.
"You're right about that!" I laugh, reluctantly uncurling my fists and releasing the back of his jacket, taking a small step back.
"If I guess his name, will you tell me if I'm right?" he sits back down and I follow his lead.
"Maybe," I tease, "I'll give you three shots, after that I'll say no to anyone you guess."
"Okay fine, but can I have at least three more questions before I guess?"
"Two."
"What? Why two?"
"Three's too many! There's not that many guys in that barracks and you'll know for sure if I give you many more details!"
"Fine, fine. First question then… Which force is he gonna join after training?"
"Military police was his plan, but I figure he'll have second thoughts," I answer without hesitation. That could mean anyone but Armin and Eren (although I remembered I ruled out Connie with the earlier height statement).
"Okay," he said, drawing out the word as he thought of his final question, "Do you talk to him on a regular basis?"
"I would say so." That didn't knock off any of the remaining guys. I talked to Reiner, Bert, Jean, and Marco almost daily. That meant that he wouldn't be able to guess the fourth option, and knowing him he wouldn't guess himself until he'd used all his other options. But if he left himself for last and he was the only one left over, he'd have to be pretty dense not to figure it out. At least I'd save some embarrassment by not haven't to say it. I cursed myself for mentioning the height thing.
"Interesting…" he said, shutting his eyes and pressing his fingers to his temples, as if gather some sort of psychic data, "I'm thinking maybe Bert…?" he started, "He seems like the type of guy you'd be into, besides, I think it'd work out… But he's to quiet to be obsessive…"
"That your first guess?"
"No, I'm thinking out loud, now shush," he waved a hand at me, "Maybe Reiner's a possibility… But he doesn't seem to be too much of a fanatic over anyone… Except maybe Annie's ass…"
"Jean!" I swatted his arm for that last remark, "Are you going to guess or what?"
"Not yet! I'm thinking!" he shushed me again and I crossed my arms, wishing he'd be less strategic in his thinking, "Marco maybe, he's a nice dude, I could see you liking him, but I don't think he's got a thing for anyone…" he ponder, before joking, "Except for his very obvious man-crush on yours truly!"
"Oh you wish!' I laughed, poking at his ribs, "Is that a guess then?"
"Nope, gotta go through all my options before I start guessing!" he dismissed, "So, Connie's too short, Eren and Armin aren't interested in the military police, that leaves, Reiner, Berthold, Marco, and me…"
"No more thinking. Time to guess."
"Fine then: Bert."
"That's your first guess?"
"Yep."
"Wrong."
"Damn… I could have totally made it work if it were Bert…"
"You just guessed Bert because that's who you wanted it to be, isn't it?" I laughed.
"Now why would I waste a guess on something as stupid as that?" he mocked, obviously I was right, "Fine then, not Bert, second guess? Marco."
"Not Marco," I grinned, "You totally wish he had an obsessive man-crush on you that was cock-blocking my dream relationship!"
"Oh, you know I do!" he teased, "You're being honest with these answers right, you haven't lied about any sneaky little details? I swear, if it's Connie and you made up that height thing to throw me off-"
"I haven't been lying, go: Third guess!"
"Well my obvious next thought would be Reiner," he shrugged, not really thinking it was him, but not wanting to be the one to confront the actual truth.
"Nope. Wrong again," I silently hoped he'd figure it out and not be weirded out.
"So let me just go over this again, not Connie- he's short-, not Eren or Armin- they aren't into the Military Police-, and not Bert, Marco, or Reiner because you say so…"
"That would be correct…" I said slowly.
"That only leaves one guy, am I right?"
"That would also be correct…" he had to know, he just had to. Now it was just a matter of how he'd react.
"And that one guy is the guy you like, am I right?"
"Again, that would be correct."
"Am, uh," he was having trouble speaking again, "Is it- um…"
"I'm just going to say yes now, it'll save us a lot of time and stuttering," I interjected rather harshly, "I know, it's weird, I'll leave you alone forever now," I started to my feet again, but his hand on my wrist forced me to remain seated.
"S'not weird…" he mumbled, his face just as red as mine, his fairer complexion making it more noticeable, "I mean…"
"You don't have to feel bad, you're obviously not-" I never got to say what he obviously wasn't, because he cut me off with a hasty, slightly awkward kiss. My eyes went wide briefly, staring at his face- scrunched up nervously- before I quickly closed them, not wanting him to catch me gawking.
The kiss wasn't long or anything particularly heated, just enough to convey his point and get me to shut up, but it made my heart race so quickly I thought I might have a coronary.
Neither of us spoke for a moment after we pulled apart, both of us glancing shyly between the dirt and each other, before I turned quickly towards him and buried my face in his chest, hugging him tightly. For a second, his arms awkwardly stuck out to the side, before he returned the gesture, nuzzling gentle into my hair.
He mumbled something, but it was so quiet I couldn't hear, it definitely wasn't what he added louder afterwards, however, so I wasn't sure I'd ever know what he'd said just then.
"I think I can forget Mikasa," he said, just loud enough to be heard. My smile couldn't have been any wider without overstepping the bounds of my face.