I finally got the new DVD so can now start re-watching and writing. I realise there has been precious little snogging in the last few chapters and, as that kinda is the point of this rambling excuse for a story, I hope to correct that soon! This chapter is inspired by Series 3, episode 1.

'What's the matter Mrs Newly-wed?'

Janet has taken every opportunity to remind herself that Rachel is married now, off limits. To remind them both. It helps. It's helping. In fact it's become such a habit that she has stopped having to remind herself about it. She has spent the last eight months telling herself so severely that she doesn't have feelings, inappropriate feelings, for her best friend that she almost believes she doesn't. No, she doesn't. She doesn't any more. The feelings she has are fine. It's normal to care about your friend, after all. So Janet relaxes her guard. She laughs with Rachel, she teases her, she touches her arm and smiles up at her and enjoys looking at her. Rachel is a beautiful woman, after all, she would brighten anyone's day. Janet lets herself look forward to seeing her again, in a way she hasn't in months. She anticipates the moment that Rachel will walk through the door each morning, makes a point of being at her desk to catch her. She tries to judge Rachel's mood by her first smile, nurtures the satisfaction she gets from being right, from knowing her so closely.

And it feels good. It feels normal again. And Rachel responds so that it feels like old times, like their old friendship and Janet thinks it must be ok, they must be singing from the same hymn-sheet because this is making them both happier. So she ignores the other old feelings that are chocking up within her, straining with anticipation of more than a smile. She almost doesn't notice that she lets herself slip back into old habits of looking a bit too closely and a bit too long. Moments that hold just a bit too much tension, so that when Gill interrupts them by claiming Janet's attention, they both almost laugh and have to catch their breath.

Almost. Almost.

.

And then the next night, out of the blue, Rachel asks, 'Can I stay at your house tonight?' And endless possibilities flood Janet's mind in a second. She can't process them. She can't figure out what Rachel means by it. Is she asking for more? And is it out of the blue? Or has Janet not been flirting with her, encouraging her, even up to a few seconds ago? The significance of her actions starts up at Janet like something that should have been obvious, but wasn't. She wasn't doing it on purpose. She was just... being herself. But maybe that's worse. It's confusing. All she can do is mechanically try to reassure Rachel about the nature of marriage, tripping out platitudes while her brain fights to catch up with what she has been doing, all unconsciously. She doesn't know what Rachel means, if she is suggesting what Janet thinks she might, just possibly, be suggesting, if she, Janet, is not losing her marbles entirely.

'Do you really want to stay at ours?' The moment is loaded. Heavy. They both hold their breath, weighing it between them.

'No.'

Almost. Almost.

Everything about her life feels almost about to happen.

...

'I wish there was someone I could really fall in love with.'

Janet says it without thinking, obviously – they have their deal after all, the agreement that Rachel herself insisted on, and Janet has stuck to it rigorously. So she can't mean anything by it. But it makes Rachel wonder. What would it be like to have Janet Scott really fall in love with you?

Later in the evening, when they have found a blessedly mother-free pub, the question is still niggling at her. She glances at her friend under her eyelashes as they sit beside each other on a padded bench. There have been times lately, more than a few times, when she has wished that Janet wasn't quite so honourable or quite so good at sticking to things, plenty of times when she has felt like going back on her word and breaking their deal. She has thought about it. In quiet patches at work sometimes, like when she's had to type up some dull report and Janet has been tapping away at her own computer, mere feet away, only the desks between them. It's easy to let her mind wander. Or at home, nights spent on the sofa fuming at Sean's steady rhythmic attempts to raise the roof. When his snores have grated every last nerve raw, Janet has crept into her mind, images, memories, scents and textures of thoughts. It is soothing, she has found, to distract herself from the paltry domesticity that threatens to suffocate her by imagining... well, she's half ashamed of her imaginings. Even skating over them in public rises a blush in her cheeks. She risks a look at Janet, hoping she doesn't notice anything off. No, Jan is still talking away and, to her own surprise, Rachel is managing to answer her appropriately, stick to a sensible tone, say something suitable for the environment. God she needs a drink. She's never going to keep this up. In her imagination, she always starts out by trying to talk to Janet, explain how she feels, and it always breaks down because she can't put the words together right. So it melts instead into easier things to dream of, touching Janet's face, taking her hand, pressing her nose into her hair, her lips to her lips and kissing her deeply, things that it would be easier, Rachel thinks, to do. There have even been a few times, just in the last week or so, when she's thought that Janet might accept them if she did.

But that's not the same as falling in love. Someone to really fall in love with, Janet had said. That's something special. That would be something special to see.

'Are you all right?' Janet creases her forehead in a curious look and Rachel realises that she has gone quiet for too long.

'Yeah, yeah.' She smiles, relaxed, reassuring. She hopes. From the amused puzzlement that she gets in return, she's not so sure that she succeeds.

'Ok.' Janet nods in a way that says she will pretend to believe her until Rachel decides to 'fess up and share with her. She turns the conversation again to Taisie's latest exploit in her ongoing battle with her form teacher. Rachel tries to pay attention but her mind is still worrying at the idea of Janet falling in love.

What if it's a stranger? Some bloke. How would Rachel feel about that? A sharp twist in her stomach. Or some woman? There's a nasty little voice in her head. But Janet's not like that, is she? She's never been into that in general. It's just a funny thing that started up between the two of them Rachel thinks. The head-voice jeers. But maybe, if Rachel won't give her what she wants...

'Oh I give up,' Janet is laughing at her but there's a slight edge to her tone. 'You're away with the fairies tonight. I might as well be talking to this wall.'

'Sorry.' Rachel shakes the thoughts in her head hard.

'Oh hello wall, how are you today? Why I'm very well thank you, how nice of you to ask.' Janet's eyes twinkle, even as she assumes grave seriousness as she address her new inanimate friend. She half turns toward Rachel to make sure she is appreciating the joke.

'Yeah all right. I get it.' Rachel struggles to quash the fizzing pleasure that rushes through her in reaction to Janet's smile, Janet's glances, her voice.

'It's just that I have this problem with my best mate here,' Janet continues to the wall then dissolves into chuckles, patting Rachel on the hand.

Yes, Rachel thinks, that's exactly it – I have this problem with my best friend here and I'm going to have to do something about it. Soon. The question is, what?