AN: So..., thanks you guys!

Disclaimer: Rizzoli and Isles do not belong to me.

Maur….

First of all, there is no need for you to freak out, everything is alright. If anything, I am the one freaking out. Hope you don't mind, I borrowed some stationary from your office. And yes, I wrote this in the middle of the night. It's actually 1:03am right now. I couldn't fall asleep. There is so much I want to say to you Maura, it's driving me crazy. I know I am not the most eloquent person, heck, I am so far from it. But I figured if I write this all down I have enough time to think through what I have to say, and amend my mistakes where necessary. It's the coward's way out, I know, but this is really not my strong point. I won't lie to you, I am scared shitless right now. I am sorry that I couldn't tell you I was leaving and where I am going-protocol. I myself don't even know much. But I promise I will be back before you miss me too much. I still cannot believe I formed a friendship with you over breakfast in the middle of a café on one random morning. I had worked with you a while and I swear I have no idea how I never even thought to have just one non work related conversation with you. In fact I do know, my apologies. I was so wrapped up in Casey to see past my office desk. You saved me that day Maura, I don't know if I have told you enough times- but thank you. I just felt so helpless and angry that morning. Casey was such a huge part of my life, even in his absence. And I believed that my world was falling apart without him nearby.

Remember the first time you took me out to that fancy French restaurant for dinner? That was 7months 2weeks and 4days since we had become friends. I can tell you exactly the way you looked that day from my sleep. I know you are inwardly stating all the scientific reasons why that Is not possible, but still, I know I can. You looked radiant, glowing even. I had never seen you laugh so much Maura. Everything I kept doing and saying was stupid, but you genuinely enjoyed my company anyway. When I got home that night, Casey skyped me. I didn't answer his call. Instead, I sent you a text to say thank you. And do you remember what your reply was? I don't even know why I am asking, it's not like you are going to respond whilst I'm writing this. But anyway, you said, and I quote ''I cannot wait to that over and over again''. If you remember, I didn't reply. I honestly didn't think the English language had anything adequate to offer me. But when I laid in my bed that night, I tried to think of what it is I loved about Casey. The list had only one item – he accepted me. That was all I could come up with, not for lack of trying. God knows I searched my brain, heart and soul. But the only thing at that point I knew I ever loved about that man was that he accepted me. He accepted my dangerous job, my laid back lifestyle, my often sour mood and inability to tolerate bullshit, my short temper, my outdated wardrobe, my sloppy eating and my crazy family. I am not even sure if he liked all these things, but what I do know is that he accepted it. And at one point, that was enough for me.

In the midst of wrecking my mind, you sent me another text. It read ''will bring a movie to watch tomorrow night. And the unhealthy pizza for dinner''. It would be a sin for me to explain how I felt that night. Nothing put to words will ever equate. But the reason I am writing this to you in the first place, is to let you know that, that night is the night I knew with no doubt that I had fallen in love with you. There was no grey area, no misunderstanding or uncertainties. I was absolutely sure. And when I thought about all those things I love about you, I didn't end on number one as I did with Casey. In fact, I fell asleep counting all the reasons down. You don't just accept my behaviours and habits and attitude. You like it all. You don't just tolerate me, or humour me. You look for me, and find ways to not make me leave. When I say something you don't understand, you don't just brush it off and smile. You ask me. When you don't agree with my opinions you tell me, and state why. If I do or say something you don't appreciate or find offensive, you voice your concern. You are never afraid to piss me off, and when I am mad, you aren't scared to approach me. You ask if I need company or prefer to be alone, and never take offence in the answer. When I ignore you, you keep talking, because you know even though I will not be responding I will be listening. I don't know about you Maura, but I consider myself the luckiest person in the world. You share (almost) all of yourself with me. You share your house, your bed, your food, your time, your knowledge, your car, your stories, your happiness, your past, your sorrows, your future plans, your love, almost everything Maura. When it comes to you, I am a little speechless. I have never done much travelling, but I am confident in saying you are as beautiful as women come. I don't see myself living to the day someone will prove me wrong. It would definitely have to be centuries from now in a world consisting of a whole new species of humans. If we could take your smile to Africa, I am positive there would be no complains of power outages.

By now you should know that I am not one to pour my hear t out – to anyone, for whatever reason. But I am trying here Maura. You have made me do and feel things I never thought imaginable. I have never cared what people think of me, what comes out of my mouth, or what I wear. But now Maura, I do everything with you in mind. I often find my mind asking me ''what would Maura do?'' when I am faced with a situation I don't know how to handle. I filter my words before they come out of my mouth when I'm with you. The other day I went to the extent of going to buy some decent jeans for museum outing. I actually scared myself. I'm not reckless at work anymore. You know I couldn't care less if I injured myself. But I see how you worry about me, and I never want to be the source of your pain. I have tried countlessly to summon the courage to tell you how I feel to your face, but I have failed miserably. No words seem right. And I know I am slipping in coherence here, just bear with me please. This is much harder than I anticipated when I sat down.

I mentioned before that you share your love with me, when I also mentioned that you share 'almost' everything with me. There is nothing in the years we have known each other that has lead me to believe that you would object to starting a relationship with me, other than the fact that I have not made my feelings known to you. I don't want you to share your love with me Maura. I want you to give it to me. I don't want to share 'almost' all of you; I want ALL of you – everything you have to offer. I don't want to wake up in the morning and have to extract my body from you as if it's on fire (you know exactly what I am talking about, it happens all the time) I don't want to steal glances at you, actually I am tired. Tired of having to love you at arms length. I can't do it anymore, I refuse to do it. I am brave enough to say all of this now, despite the cowardly manner I have chosen. And I am also comfortable and confident in our friendship to know that if this is not what you want, it will not hinder the love we already have for each other. I now understand why my mother kept pushing me to find someone. It's because it completes a person, and until you experience it, you can never understand. I know you love me Maura, I am just not sure how much, or how far you are willing to go. It's a very terrible feeling, and I don't want you to have to live through all that wonder and doubt.

So I am telling you now, how much I love you, and how far I am willing to go. As far as how far I am willing to go, I am ready to go all the way Maura; everything that falls within the borders of relationships and beyond. I want it all with you, the dating, marriage, and children. Maybe I am getting ahead of myself here, and scaring you a little. But like I said Maura, I don't want you to wonder. This is not something that has to happen in a year, but I need you to know that it's a possibility, and something I do wish for. I am not looking for a try out or fling with you. Trust me, I have had enough time to think about this. And you may say I have not taken the liberty to date around enough to be able to conclude that I want to be with you forever. I don't know what I can say about that to be honest; all I have at hand is what I feel and what 'I' know. As far as how much I love you, I am laughing to myself right now. If there is love that can go beyond this, then I don't believe I know anything anymore.

I am not sure if love is a feeling or a decision. If it is a decision, then I choose you. It is you all the way to the end. Not even death stands a chance. I would happily sacrifice my life for your own Maura. If it is a feeling, I feel it. In every sense of the word feel. Do you know how many times I have dreamt about you? I can't even escape you in my sleep – good dreams and bad ones alike. I never want to pressure you. In my absence you will have all the time to think about it, without me biasing your judgement. If you are not sure about embarking on this journey with me, take all the time you need. But at least you know. At least you know that I love you to no end. At least you know that I want to be with you always and forever. I love you Maura, with every single bone in my body. Those three words are not nearly enough to describe how I feel about you, I know. I will put it into action, I will devote every single minute of every day I have here on earth. I want to stand on top of the BPD and shout how much I love you. (You know I will do that right?). I don't want to hide you; I don't want people to guess if we're together or not. You deserve someone who is proud to have you as their partner. I only ask that you let me show you how much you mean to me, with no restrictions. Just give me the chance; you will never regret it I assure you. Take care of yourself while I'm gone. See you soon!

Si intende il mondo per me. Ti amo Maura.

Jane

Translates to : You mean the world to me. I love you Maura. (I hope, lol)