AN : Just a special thank you to guest- iTyncWithReality. I cannot find the right words to thank you, it really means a lot to get such feedback. I don't have a beta for this story, so I am doing all I can to make the reading pleasurable. Thank you to everyone else - seriously! OH, Maura's journal entries are in bold print, italics flashbacks.

Disclaimer : I do not own our favourite show on telly.

It had been an agonizing three weeks of grief for Jane's loved ones. The dust was slowly starting to settle, though each person clung to their own set of feelings. Frost had been given a whole week off to compose himself then assigned a new partner on return. There couldn't be a more appropriate description of opposites when it came to his former partner and the new one. But life was unfair, and bullshit happened like that. Korsak was going back and forth between Angela, Frost, Frankie and himself. Tommy seemed the most put together, well he was always strange that way. Ultimately, things in Boston would never be the same again for everyone who knew Jane. She was one of those ''when she loves, she loves'' kind of person, 100% or nothing at all type. Angela had later learned what Maura had tried to do, and consequently put the pieces together; however, leaving plenty room for question marks. The letter from Jane remained in Frankie's possession and he never spoke of it to anyone. Combined, they never talked about the mysterious relationship between Jane and Maura. Both of them were no longer there, it just seemed like wasted effort. Cavanagh knew the situation was beyond Fitzgerald's control, or anyone else for that matter, but he would never forgive his friend and himself for what they had done to Jane's family and friends. The new medical examiner – well, she wasn't Maura. And that sucked to hell, for every damn person at the BPD. Predictably Frost had set to work in record time, trying to locate Maura. That endeavour was proved futile when no trace of Maura was anywhere to be found, only cash withdrawals or transfers to her attorney's account. Mr Perkins had his lips sealed liked a can of tuna fish, narrating confidentiality agreements when asked about his client.

The Beacon Hill home sold very fast, leaving Angela with a respectable amount of money. She thought better of selling the blue Prius and kept it for herself instead. After little deliberation she purchased a two bedroomed house close to Frankie's place. She didn't feel particularly good about acquiring all she had from the Medical Examiner, but she knew she was going to go mad if she didn't. Living in Maura's guest house was out of the question, so was living in the house. Her emotional state left her unable to work, meaning she needed a way to make ends meet. So the option of taking the money was just the more reasonable one.

After she bought her house, she had gone to Maura's place and packed up almost everything. That way she didn't have to buy new furniture and other things for the house. Tommy had taken over Jane's apartment so Angela had gone to pack all of Jane's personal belongings. It was the hardest thing the woman had ever done. The job took her twice the amount of time it would take someone doing it at a slow pace. She often stopped to cry in between the packing. And looking at Jane's pictures made the task no more easier.

She fixed up her basement and arranged all personal things Jane and Maura. She couldn't handle items that reminded her too much of her daughter and her best friend, but she couldn't part with the things either. So she neatly arranged said items within reach, giving her an opportunity to wallow in sorrow whenever she chose. She even kept some of the outfits she knew were Maura's favourite and those God awful tee's Jane consistently insisted on wearing. The only two framed photographs of her girls sat perfectly on her mantel piece. All in all, Angela's home turned out to be a beautiful and humble abode. She felt at home there, but the absence of sarcastic comments and intelligent remarks lingered permanently in the air. She wondered whether it would all go away eventually, or if Maura would one day come to visit, or even call. She missed her terribly.

In the little town of New Zealand, Maura had improved considerably (given that she had three weeks ago been suicidal). She wouldn't deny to herself that her insides were completely burned up, but externally, she sought a level of composure. Over the weeks she had practically wiped out all of her life as she knew it. The only person she was in contact with was her attorney, who had aided her in closing all her accounts, writing off her bills and getting her money's transferred into her new accounts. He had also assisted Maura in applying for her work visa. She knew sooner or later she would need it.

The place she settled seemed to be the best there was. It was a mountainous area occupied with plenty farms and green lands. The area was also close to the magnificent coast, she honestly didn't know how she could have done better. So she stayed there – and bought a sizable cottage with three moderately squared bedrooms. She went for a more antique décor this time around, turned the other room into a study and the other for storage. She was pretty sure there was no need for an extra bedroom.

Forensics was a field she would never get into again, and not working at all just seemed like something that would drive her up the wall on a daily basis. At the beginning of week three, Maura had gone out in search of a job. The options were limited in the outskirts of the country, and she really hadn't ever done anything else other than cut up dead bodies. So this particular attempt was not all that simple.

One day when she had passed by the library to pick up some tourist guides, her eyes caught sight of a sign that stated that a school in the local area was looking for an assistant teacher to help with the primary school children during meal times. Maura had never in her life considered ever doing such a thing, but after thinking about it – why not? She knew little to nothing about children, but was intrigued by the idea and thought to give it a go. It would be harmless, right? So she had jotted the number down and went home to ring them. To her surprise, the school was in urgent need. Due to her lack of experience in the field, the head teacher had said they would let her try it out for a week and see how it goes before making the job official.

November 22nd 2004

Oh how I wish you had been around to see me today Jane. You would not believe that I am working with CHILDREN. Just thinking about it still gives me chills. It's amazing though. At first it was funny not being referred to as Doctor Isles, but Miss Isles, in a formal setting. And then not being in charge and completely at a loss as to what procedures to take. It was all overwhelming and scary. But I think I actually like it, it's refreshing in a way…etc

Maura's first day on the job

Part of Maura's transition had been to change her wardrobe completely. She had taken to now wearing 'appropriate' clothing – reasonably priced. Not out of lack of funds, but in an effort to sculpt a new identity. So on the Monday morning she was beginning her job, she had woken up at 6:30am. Getting cleaned up and eating breakfast took her an impressive 30minutes. She had to her disposal a whole half hour to dress up and make her way. It was apparently spring time in New Zealand, and after extensive research on child friendly colours (that habit she couldn't break), Maura slipped on a simple lime coloured dress complemented with a deep yellow cardigan. Her black flats matched well with her black handbag. She put her blond hair into a loose ponytail and applied very little makeup. With that, she deemed herself ready to go.

Twenty minutes later and she had pulled up in the staff parking lot. She took one deep breath, told herself she could do it, and headed for the administration office to clock in and get instructions on what to do. The lady helping her saw she was nervous and had encouraged her to just be herself, ''children aren't too worried about much. They just need an approachable person, and you seem to fit the bill'', she had tried comforting her with these words and throwing in the American accent and expression for amusement. It calmed Maura down a little and they made it to the dining hall, where few kids had already started to filter in. The school served students from year 1 to year 6 of primary education and provided them with breakfast and lunch. It was a fairly small private school and there wasn't a great deal of work (or so Maura had been told, and subsequently believed).

Her job description basically entailed hovering over the children, the smaller ones especially. The school was rather strict on the student diet and Maura, together with two other ladies, had to ensure that everybody ate well. Occasionally (which turned out to be all the time), she had to sit with some of the children and encourage them to finish their meal. If they needed anything else extra (napkins, glass of water, spoon), she would be readily available to provide. The mornings proved to be the hardest because more often than not, the younger children cried to be back home with their mommies and daddies.

All in all, Maura's first days had been fine at the least. Being the smart woman she was, learning all tricks and techniques with the children wasn't physics- she did it well. To her advantage, Maura was a naturally warm, kind, and soft lady. The kids took to her fast and well.

There was a spot on one of the first graders table that had been empty for the whole week she had been there. They said the little girl was ill and would be back soon enough, and that was all that had been said on the subject. The following Monday, the seat was occupied. The little girl was of Chinese decent with dark black hair and sweet spectacles obscuring her narrow brown eyes. Maura had noticed her when one of her table mates had called Maura upon realizing this girl had fallen asleep. When Maura went to wake her she spotted the tell tale signs of tears and picked the little girl up.

''Hey honey, you just fell asleep'', Maura tried to sound as soft as she could so as to not startle the little one.

''Mummy?''

''No dear, it's Miss Isles. Are you feeling ok?''

''I want mummy'', the girl had begun to cry and was trying to get out of Maura's hold. The elder woman quickly dropped her gently to the floor.

''Come with me''. She knew the child would be embarrassed to be seen by her mates in that state and Maura didn't want anything to further upset her. When they reached the dispensary, Maura lifted her up and like an egg, placed her on the kid-sized bed. ''Do you mind if I stay in here with you?''. When she nodded Maura let out a sigh of relief and continued, ''what's your name honey?''

''Are you the new teacher? I haven't seen you here before. Are you going to take Mrs Wilson's place?''

''Yes I'm new. I already took Mrs Wilson's place and I will be staying for a long while. My name is Miss Isles, what is your name?''. Maura was gradually getting out of the habit of speaking so formally to the children. She was getting there – slowly, but surely.

''Jane Michelle Wang. But everyone calls me Janie''.

That was Maura's undoing. She had hoped every single day when she woke up that she wouldn't meet a trigger during her day. It had worked so well so far (with the exception of the day one of the other teachers had offered her a beer. She had managed to hide it well and only broke down when she was alone at home). Now there was this little girl. All vulnerable and cute. And she had to add that people call her 'Janie'. Maura wouldn't be able to pull herself together, even if her life depended upon it. Luckily for the poor child, Helena, the other woman Maura worked with had walked in to see if Maura needed any help. It was Janie's first day after all, and they had never met. To her astonishment, both teacher and child were in tears. Feeling utterly embarrassed, Maura excused herself and went to ask for a day release from the head teacher. Laying her eyes on the woman in front of her, the mistress was in no doubt Maura needed the rest of the day off.

Just like the day she had heard of Jane's incident and rushed to her apartment, Maura wept severely. She briefly recalled her first conversation with Jane, when she had told the detective that a person couldn't directly die from crying. She began to doubt herself in that moment. Air was in short supply, her heart hurt to no end. She tried but couldn't find anything to hold on to. That day she had had the letter from Jane. She had held on to that for a semblance of strength. Frankie had walked out with her letter that day and nothing Maura possessed had any link to Jane. Only the notebook she bought, which technically wasn't linked to Jane. But she needed something, and that would do. She wrapped her weak fingers around the red covered book and continued to cry. She wasn't sure how she would work every day with that adorable child that was Jane Michelle Wang.

After she had pulled herself together she decided to fill in her notebook entries.

November 29th 2004

I am in so much self-doubt. I fooled myself into believing I could do it. I imagined I could wipe away the years I spent with you and move on. But it's not possible Jane. I hurt every time I think you left without even knowing how I felt about you, without even getting to HEAR you tell me you love me. It's horrible. But you know what; I will endure the pain in your place. I thought about it one day, how it would have been if the tables were turned. If I had been the one to die, and leave you with this kind of pain. I would never wish this for you, EVER. If it means me suffering through it, then let it be. Better me than you. I am desperately unhappy Jane, so miserable. I loved you too much. Even if you are not here anymore, the love I have for you – it's the type that takes permanent residence in a person for a lifetime and beyond. I met a little girl at school (or at work? I am not yet sure what to call it) today. Her name is Janie...etc

The next few days left Maura horrendously crying herself to sleep every night. Her misery was enough to put her to sleep for five months in a row. Seeing the Jane child at school just brought a new memory every fucking day and she was so out of control. Journal entries certainly weren't enough therapy for her. Her next project was to find something else to completely take over her mind and leave her with no free time at all.

In an email from Frankie, Casey had learned that the woman of his desire had passed on. He was devastated at best. The commander in charge felt his pain and granted him a weeks visit home to get to grips with what had happened. Casey wasted no time travelling back and Frankie was more that surprised at seeing he actually cared enough to come in person. Frankie took a moment to study Casey while he spoke of how much he loved Jane and apologized for having let their relationship come to an end. He expressed how he felt like the tragedy that befell Jane would not have happened had he come back to be with her. He genuinely looked thoroughly distraught which left Frankie a little thrown. He briefly wondered what the man would do if he knew the woman he had loved so dearly died head over heels in love with someone else. After a long talk and exchange of condolences they headed over to see Angela.

This brought the matriarch to fresh hysterics. She started on a spiel about how they were meant for each other and would have gotten married and started a family. It was sad for Frankie for a whole different reason now. He wished they both knew what Jane had felt at her time of death. That all their hopes and dreams were nothing compared to what Jane would have wanted. Mind you, Angela had suspected there might have been something a little fishy between the two best friends due to Maura's actions. But she eventually attributed it to a rash action on Maura's part, or maybe a little harmless experimentation between the two – nothing serious. Besides, she didn't really know how Jane felt so for all she knew, it could have been one sided. It didn't matter to Frankie anymore anyway. It's not like Jane was there to oppose the fairy tale premade destiny the mother and ''son-in- law'' were indulged in.

The situation was quite tense, but Casey had loads of questions. Had Angela just won a bloody lottery? She had PURCHASED a HOUSE, with this expensive furniture in it. Was it some money from the NYPD or BPD in relation to Jane's death? He had lots of questions, but now wasn't the time. So Casey spent the whole week in Boston without questioning Angela, the woman didn't even think to mention it. Most of his time, Casey spent with Angela. The pair got along very well surprisingly, and a great deal of time was spent recapping Jane and Casey's time growing up. Casey was rather unobservant, or ignorant, or maybe polite, because he only noticed the two photos of Jane and Maura on the last day he spent with Angela before leaving.

''Who is that with Jane?'', he actually sounded like he was just seeing the pictures for the first time.

Angela looked sorrowfully at the framed photographs. One had the girls with their faces pressed together smiling as if their lips were going to slide off of their faces. They were in a tight sideways embrace and looked like they had just reached the climax of joy. The other had Jane and Maura standing in front of each other. Jane had her traditional white tank and had just given Maura a Red Sox t-shirt which she had just tried on. The picture captured them as they were looking into each other's eyes, Jane's left hand just making contact with Maura's right in a 'high-five'.

''It's Maura'', Angela had already began to tear.

''Jane's…friend, I presume?''. He had never known Jane to have girlfriends, let alone be so chummy with them.

''Her 'best friend''', Angela couldn't help but emphasize. It felt weird to be in the presence of someone who didn't know Jane and Maura's bond. She hoped he wouldn't ask more.

Too bad!

''She never mentioned her before''.

''They met while you were abroad, they actually worked together, she was their medical examiner'', Angela thought if she got the formalities out of the way, he may be satisfied with that and change subjects.

''I see. They seemed to get along very well. Where is she now? She probably is hurting really bad as well''. He only realized he was hitting on a soft spot when Angela fell into full blown sobs. ''I'm sorry Angela; I didn't mean to upset you. Is she ok though?''

''Its very hard Casey. Lets just not talk about it, ok? She moved away.'' Casey sensed it was a very, very sensitive situation and with that the issue of Maura was never spoke of until…