AN : Maura and Jane WILL get together, it would be a sin for them not to. Happy times will come.

She had gotten up at 6am and couldn't go back to sleep. It was too early to be headed to the BPD, so she decided to tick her trip to the basement off the list first.

Jane held onto Maura's favourite dress like she was holding a new born baby. It hadn't been dry cleaned and smelled just like Maura. She found it strange how something as frivolous as smell could trigger such enormous amounts of emotion. Reverently, she hung the dress back where she picked it from. She looked around Angela's basement, trying to summon the courage to rummage through her belongings. It was like walking in fire; Maura's things gathered on one end and hers on the other, she wanted to just run out.

Gathering every ounce of maturity she had, she took the long walk towards Maura's remaining possessions. She was looking for something, anything, to tell her that Maura at least felt the same way about her. The vulnerable part of her was scared of finding anything in the negative. She knew she would never heal if that happened. Neatly, as if Maura was keeping an eye on her, she opened the first box with Maura's things. Angela had taken a great deal of time folding everything to Maura's standards. If it was possible, she loved her mother even more for that.

The box contained the doctor's clothes, the more casual ones (to Maura that is). The next had shoes, so did the next three. Good God, did she really have that many shoes, Jane thought. It was ridiculous. Jane would never own that much shoes in her entire life time. She skipped the suitcase with her undergarments. That was a problem of its own nature, a separate mountain to climb on its own. She would tackle it at another time or maybe never. It just seemed indecent, and she didn't want to feel like a fifteen year old boy smelling a girl's underwear.

She finally got to the box she wanted. It held a mixture of items - various books, calendars, wall hangings, ornaments, and a photo album. Obviously, the last tickled her fancy, so she grabbed it fast. The album held photographs of the whole Rizzoli family (and Maura) from the time they had met. They all appeared to be innocent pictures of random shots at various get togethers. The one that caused the biggest smile Jane had ever smiled in a long time was the one with the bottom inscription The Best Day Of My Life. It was a picture of the Thanksgiving holiday Jane had ditched her family to spend the day with Maura. They were sitting shoulder to shoulder and Jane held a pathetically large turkey drumstick to both their mouths as the two of them tried to sink their teeth into it. Maura was holding the camera with one hand at a distance and their eyes both sparkled with joy. Jane had completely forgotten about that picture and she couldn't stop the tears that welled in her eyes.

Before she started thinking about romance, Maura was her best friend, and she wanted her so bad. With that thought, she exited the basement at a slightly faster than normal pace with the album in hand. Her determination was at the forefront, so she set forth for her next destination. Angela had obviously given her grief about eating, and she had acquiesced, derailing her plans a little. She felt like she was living a new life now. She couldn't say no to her mother. The way she had seen her mother look at her and cry, had left Jane scarred for life. She wanted to do anything to make Angela happy and secure.

The department hadn't changed, with the exception of Jane's replacement, and Maura's. Everyone was thrilled to see her back, alive and unharmed. She went through all the mandatory protocol and report writing. No doubt she would be in the Boston Times again the next day. That was the very least of her worries as it was anyway. The gentleman who had taken her place would be given four weeks to wrap up his cases while Jane got settled, and then she would be back to work. That obviously didn't sit well with her, given a choice she would have been back to work the very next day.

When all the boring stuff (and quite frankly unimportant stuff-to Jane) was over with, she rushed to the bullpen to get some serious issues dealt with. She needed Maura's attorney's contact details, as well as Constance's'. Before leaving she verified that Frost had indeed done the most thorough of jobs, and then with reluctant satisfaction she left.

Jane knew how to control her nerves, well most of the time anyway. Despite frequently dwelling on the 'what-if's', she could mostly be defined as optimistic. But now she realized that character partly stemmed from saying….what was it again?...right….''people can be liberal about anything until it directly affects them''. If what she was going through was happening to somebody else, she would have been gushing with all the right things to say. She would have been preaching about how pointless it was to postpone the inevitable. Every time she thought about the gravity of love she held for her best friend, her heart swelled all over again. Any logical person would have been frantic now, forcefully pressing the digits on the telephone, impatiently waiting for an answer. But no, Jane wasn't logical like that in that moment. Anyone watching her might have thought she was actively trying to pull her hair out. She probably had worn out a trail on Angela's rag from the heavy pacing she was engaged in.

Frost and Korsak were as good as it got when it came to these kinds of things. If they had done all they could in their might to find Maura and came up with nothing, how could she? The previous night she had slept feeling all positive and sure about herself, but now reality had kicked in. she couldn't understand why she felt so fearful. No! In fact, she could. She was afraid of getting concrete confirmation of what Frost had just told her. She was well aware that if Maura didn't want anyone to know where she was, no one would – she was smart like that. But she hoped. She held onto the tiniest shred of positivity she could muster, silently praying that Maura may have slipped up somewhere. Suddenly a part of her started feeling that maybe Maura's mother and attorney really had no idea where Maura was. She hadn't made a contingency plan, so if those two failed her, she didn't know what she would do.

By this time she knew Constance's number by head just from looking at it. She had to call, and prolonging it was doing her absolutely no good. She was just scared, that's what it was. And she wouldn't admit it to anyone or herself for that matter. As if it was s sign, someone rang the doorbell. All the while she had been thankful that Angela had not been home to prod her. Now who the fuck is this? She walked lazily and unwillingly to the door, and opened it to a very smiley faced Tommy Rizzoli. Instantly her worries disappeared (temporarily).

Her relationship with her youngest brother had always been strained. They were two highly passionate and strongly opinionated individuals, causing them to clash on a daily basis. That did nothing to their love though. The pair adored each other.

Jane was more than grateful for the miniature distraction, and took full advantage of it. She and Tommy caught up on everything she had missed out on. The fun things that is, thought they were few. One thing she appreciated most about Tommy is that they always had light conversations. Nothing too heavy laden with emotion for more time than was necessary. It was rather ironic, given their severely passionate nature. Maybe they both found fresh air from each other. So after the 'necessary' hugs and I-miss-you's they had already shifted to something entirely different.

Jane knew Tommy was horrible when it came to hiding things from her, and when questioned the right way he always blurted out the truth. So she took advantage of it instantly. And she wasn't even sorry about it.

''Did you talk to Maura before she left?'', Jane tactically began.

''No man, she just up and left from nowhere. I didn't even see her, I was in hospital with Ma when the accidental shooting happened''

Jane's jaw almost hit the ground from Tommy's revelation. Her breathing came to a COMPLETE stop for a few seconds. Hospital? Shooting? Tommy noticed none of this as he was half way towards the fridge helping himself to a can of soda. A few moments later and Jane was somewhat back to earth.

''I'm gonna need you to rewind a little bit Tommy. Why was Ma in hospital, and what the hell kinda shooting happened?'', she surprised herself with how calm she was. Maybe it was the fear over ruling all other emotions.

''I'm guessing no one told you huh'', When this was met with an impatient encouragement Tommy obliviously went on. Obviously they hadn't given Jane these details for a reason, but Tommy didn't know better. That is another reason Jane loved him so much. He didn't protect her like a child. He was outright with whatever was going on, never sparring you in the hopes of causing less damage.

''A little while after Ma got the news about you she collapsed. I was the only one capable enough to be by her side when Frankie and Korsak went to your apartment. Apparently Maura was there, and she accidentally shot Korsak on the arm. Don't bother asking me any specifics, because that's all I know. Even though I have a feeling I was not told the entire story''. He seriously had to add that last part, just fucking dandy!

Jane was now starting to glue a few things together. Because first and fore most she could not for the life of her understand why Maura wouldn't want anyone to know where she was. She would have wanted to know if Jane was somehow found, right? (Her body, that was). And nobody seemed to speak of her, and Angela had been weird about the topic the previous night. It was also strange that Maura would just go leaving ALL her possession, every single thing. These are some of the many questions Jane had conjured but failed to voice.

Tommy suddenly sensing he should have not said anything, belatedly tried to rescue himself, ''don't work yourself up too much sis, I'm sure she'll be back. And Korsak is ok now anyway''.

Great! That was helpful.

And it's things like these that Jane in turn despised about her brother. You drop a bomb like that on someone and go on to say something that fucking stupid.

He had helped her anyway, and she was grateful. She made a quick mental note to herself to make sure when she got time she would give her little brother a few lessons on word and information selection and screening.

''I need to make a few calls hey. Do you mind?'', she tried not to sound so harsh, and hoped Tommy would take his cue to leave.

''Sure, I have to get to work anyway. I better go and get ready. Will you come over to see your apartment?''

''Of course. Tomorrow. And it's your apartment now ok. I'll be staying here with Ma''

Tommy was delighted. He had feared Jane would want her place back and he would have to start looking for somewhere else to stay.

With Tommy out of sight, Jane sank into the sofa. Just when she thought things were getting better. It all seemed so mysterious to her, something was amiss obviously. But what? At the precinct she knew her partners where busy, Angela wouldn't be back for another two hours or so, and calling Constance was frightening the shit out of her. But she knew she had to at least do something.

Detective work was her refuge. In the back of her mind she knew if Korsak or her mother didn't want to tell her something, she would never be able to get it out of them. So for the full truth she had two options – Frost or searching the house for information. The readily available option was the house, so she began.

Angela was old fashioned if not anything else. Jane knew she wasn't the type to keep documents in the office in drawers specially compartmentalized like normal people. No! Angela kept her shit in sock drawers, under the mattress, on the top shelf of her shoe cupboard or some weird place like that. Unless she had changed in the past few months, which Jane strongly doubted.

So Jane began searching in all those awkward places. True to form, Angela had an A4 sized envelope hidden on the top little shelf in her closet. Its contents are what made the detective want to throw up. Her knees failed to hold her as she hit the ground on her bottom with a loud thud. Her hands were shaking of their own accord and the tears had long started before she even realized. Just like Angela reacted the first time she opened the folder, Jane's interest was immediately held by the small note in Maura's script.

'Sorry for what I did to Korsak, sorry for what I wanted to do to myself'

'You will never understand why I wanted to do what I did'

'I want you to know she was loved beyond words. I will ALWAYS love her'

Those words from Angela's letter where in a merry-go-round in Jane's mind. This was what people referred to as opposite sides of the spectrum. Jane wasn't a retard. From what Frankie told her, Maura's words she just read, and the pity looks she had been receiving since her return, Jane knew fully well Maura had attempted suicide. And she also knew fully well Maura loved her, the same way Jane loved her. It's all Jane had wanted to know since the day she wrote to Maura. Now she had the information to her disposal, excepted it was walking side by side with a machete. Like the devil and an angel walking hand in hand.

Jane wanted to scream to the world that the woman she loved with all the air in her body loved her equally. But what had that love done? It had almost caused the most horrific of things. And even though that loved hadn't completely massacred all things good, it left in its wake irreparable damage.

If Jane wasn't sure before, she was now. She would never find Maura, not until the doctor herself wanted to be found. The sad part was that she wasn't even entirely sad about it. If she was in Maura's shoes she would not come back. How do you go on everyday knowing the person you love is dead, having people pity you for that and then facing friends that know you are suicidal, one of whom you 'accidentally' shot. It was an impossible life. Especially for Maura who already only had the Rizzoli's and Frost and Korsak. There was nowhere to run. At home she would have Angela, at work there would be the guys. She took her best option, and Jane didn't blame her. She blamed herself. She cursed herself for writing that letter. She kicked herself for her cowardice. If she had just told Maura face to face, or better still, if she had kept her pie hole shut. This may never have happened the way it did. Maybe Maura might have resorted to alternative ways of coping.

Jane was crying, but not for herself. She was shedding tears for her best friend. The woman who she knew was all alone in that moment. The woman she knew was hurting beyond words. The woman she knew she could not comfort. The woman she loved to death. The woman she would run to the end of the world for.

She would find Maura, even if she couldn't bring her back. She would let her know she was alive and she would tell her in her face how much she loved her. If Maura never wanted to come back because of the humiliation she felt, Jane would move to which ever part of the world Maura wanted to live. If Jane had to move mountains she was going to. If she had to break the law she would happily do that. Nothing and no one would stop her. She knew she may not be able to find her love today, tomorrow or in a month, but eventually she would. If it took ten years that was fine, as long as she found her, and she knew she would. It's ONCE in a lifetime that you find the one you really love. Letting go is just plain stupid, and Jane Rizzoli was not stupid.

The rest of the folder contained paperwork regarding Maura's car and house, but that did not hold her interest for longer than ten seconds. Jane neatly put everything back and with renewed courage she dialled Maura's attorney's number.

''Hello, could I take your name, message, and call back number please'', a female voice spoke with confidence.

''My name is Jane, ummm, Jane Rizzoli, caa..an I speak with'', a long pause. She just remembered she didn't even know his name. Shit. And why the fuck am I stammering?

''Mr Perkins? He's out of the country on business at the moment. He won't be back for another two weeks. Can I be of assistance in any way?

Thank God she was a tad forward, or maybe just impatient. Either way, Jane had been saved.

''I just had an emergency personal matter to discuss with him. Is there no other way I can contact him directly?''

''Are you a client Miss Rizzoli?'', the lady was already typing in her computer looking for Jane's name, which she didn't find of course.

''No. A friend of mine is a client of his, and I just needed some help with something''

''I apologize miss; there is no way to contact him as it is. If I cannot be of any immediate assistance you will have to wait a fortnight for his return''

Jane hated being called 'miss'.

''Sure, I will ring then. Thank you'' She quickly hung up.

Great. She muttered to herself. Constance now. She had her fingers crossed for good luck. Most of her hope was lying on this Mr Perkins. She had never spoken to Constance before, and from what Maura told her, the woman was cold as ice. The two barely even spoke. She thought of rehearsing her conversation but found that winging it would be much more ideal – at least in her mind.

On the third ring the phone was answered. Even from her voice one could tell she was cold.

''Yes, hello''. Her voice meant business, nothing else. And the accent only made it much more intimidating.

''Ummm, hello. Is..uh..is this Constance, I mean, Mrs Isles?'' Smooth Rizzoli, very smooth. What the hell's up with the stuttering for pete's sake. Geez.

''I'm sorry, who is calling''

''My name is Jane Rizzoli. I am, umm, I am Maura's friend''

Constance paused for some time. First of all her daughter didn't have friends. Even if they didn't talk, what she gathered from Maura's years growing up told her all she need to know about the rest of her daughter's life – she stood corrected though. Secondly, in the unlikely event that Maura did have friends, why the hell would they be calling her? Unless….

''OH my God, is Maura alright?'' she was starting to sound panicked now. Jane could practically feel the air of confidence slipping away. As someone who knew how to take advantage of her situations at all costs, she saw this moment as no exception.

''I am not very sure Mrs Isles''

''I don't understand''

''There was a major misunderstanding of events some months ago, and I haven't seen Maura since. I was wondering if you by any chance knew where she was''

Jane's first mistake.

''I'm sorry, what was your name?''

''Jane-'' she didn't even get to her surname before Constance chimed in. Clearly her attempt at trying to freak the woman out into spilling information held no ground.

''Listen Jane, I don't have the time to run around looking for Maura all over the world. She's an adult. And my job certainly doesn't entail sorting out your minor squabbles. Is that all you needed?''

Jane knew the irritated woman was about to hang up and quickly spoke, ''it was not a minor squabble ok! It was a life and death situation. Very serious mind you. Your daughter is my best friend, MY BEST FRIEND!'' she was choking on the tears now. She needed to plead her case with this woman, and fast, ''she's been through hell; God knows she still is going through hell. I'm not asking you to do anything. I just want to know where she is. I am perfectly capable of taking care of Maura on my own''. She was crying now.

Constance had absolutely no idea what to make of the conversation. She was silent for a long time, and all Jane could hear was her breathing, but she waited patiently.

''I don't know where she is'', she spoke truthfully, in a more tender tone.

''When did you last speak to her?'' Jane asked

''it's probably been a year now'', Jane wished she could see this woman's face.

''You're kidding right?''

''No'', Constance replied shamelessly.

It was now Jane's turn to go silent for a while.

''I won't pretend to understand what is really going on here Jane. If you could see it from my perspective, maybe it would shed some light for you. I don't know much about Maura's private life. What I do know is that she runs from situations she can't handle. So this little misunderstanding you say you had, she probably ran away from that. And she could be anywhere in the world as we speak. I cannot help you. Maybe you should just wait for her-''

Jane had heard enough, ''it was not a MINOR misunderstanding. She thought I was dead, ok. Dead! Now I need to find her so she knows I'm ok. I..'', she stopped herself before she lost her mouth.

''I apologize; I really cannot be of any use to you. But if I do hear from her, I will be sure to tell her you are alive'', she sounded a little sarcastic and Jane hated her even more. Before Jane could respond, the line went dead.

Jane sank in her mother's couch (well, Maura's technically), thinking of how she would have to wait a whole two weeks for the Mr Perkins guy to show up. She felt defeated, for lack of a better word. Before she got the chance to drown herself in sorrow, the doorbell rang. The last thing she needed was company. She dragged her body to the door and opened it, revealing Casey Jones.

AN : You guys are going to hate me right? Oh boy. This is all JTam's fault!