AN: This little thing called life kinda just showed up unannounced. It won't be visiting again (hopefully). so sorry guys.
Jane, quite resigned to a life of not being a 'morning person', nearly shocked herself to death when she was up and lively by 7am. Looking at the beauty that lay beside her, the detective just wanted to lay in bed holding Maura forever. Many mornings in the past she had occasionally gave in and stayed sleeping as long as Maura was still asleep (the few nights she had been the one to get up first). But that particular morning it was a battle already failed. Her whole body felt as if it had been plugged to an electrical socket. She wanted to bolt up and get everything done at sonic-speed so she and Maura could get the hell out of Boston.
It was a tug-of-war of sorts. Desperately trying to get out of bed yet helplessly trying to savour her intimate moment with the doctor. She knew she was going to drive herself crazy, but she didn't care. The mere thought that Maura loved her, and was back in her life, was enough to keep her going for years to come. It proved so hard to hold onto a single line of thought; different things were going through her mind like a movie rolling. ''So does this mean me and her are dating? Wait, no! I haven't even asked her out. Worse still, I haven't yet broken up with Casey. What are we going to do and talk about the whole three weeks in New Zealand? Holy shit, I'm going to fucking New Zealand. Who even goes there? Should I ask her out soon, or do I wait a while? How long is a while anyway? What if we argue about something then I end up stranded in freaking New Zealand? Oh God, how do I even begin to dump Casey? That means I have to move out. Where am I going to stay? With Ma? Fuck no. Do Maura and I move in together when we get back? Because she needs a house to stay in right? What if she doesn't want to move back to Boston ? What's wrong with me? I wonder what our first kiss will be like, God I can't wait.''
Jane would have written books from the mess going about in her head. At one point she started actually feeling dizzy. Maura might have sensed the unease spilling over from Jane because she began to lightly stir beside Jane. The taller woman still had her in a spooning position as she slowly met consciousness. Jane didn't even bother wondering if she should let go, because she knew she wasn't going to be able too, even if she wanted.
''You're up early'', Maura breathed in a super sexy sleepy voice.
Jane couldn't respond.
''Morning'', Maura tried again.
''Morning Maur''
''Penny for your thoughts''
''Isn't it too early for that doctor Isles?'', Jane tried to joke.
''I know you are thinking Jane. From the sound of your voice I know you have been up a long while now, which means you have done a lot of thinking. It's clearly not too early to not think, hence, not too early to start discussing it''
''Boy, you sure waste no time. As soon as you get up you get right to it''
Maura just waited for Jane to tell her what she was thinking, knowing full well that Jane knew that too.
''It feels so nice to wake up holding you like this, and finally not have to run away. And I was thinking about all the pleasant and unpleasant things we have to discuss when we go away.''
''Try not to stress so much. If we're honest with each other, I see no reason why anything should turn negative''
''I just don't want to mess up Maura. I don't wanna lose you''
''If there is anything you can do to mess things up, you have already done it. You have hurt me so badly Jane, I refuse to think of anything that could be any worse than what's already been done. So don't waste your time worrying about making a mess of things, they already are a mess. Instead, focus on making amends.'', Maura turned in Jane's one arm and they were now facing each other, ''I don't want you to hurt me again. Whatever your plans are, please don't hurt me. I have been through enough; I couldn't possibly take any more. I love you Jane''.
It took a while for Jane's jaw to connect with the top of her mouth. By then Maura had already slid out of bed and walked out of the room. Anyone looking at Jane might have thought she had just been served.
Maura was back from the bathroom before Jane had even got the chance to so much as think to move. It was cold so Maura jumped back into bed as fast as she could. Jane was relieved the doctor had come back, because she didn't want to get up even though she was already awake.
''You hungry?'', Jane inquired.
''A little. You?''
''Ya. I'll bring us some cereal and coffee. Is that fine?''
''Thanks Jane'', Maura smiled sweetly as Jane took enthusiastic long strides towards the kitchen. She was back in no time, breakfast in hand. They shared light conversation over the quick meal, obviously skipping anything deep.
When they finished, they got into a minor squabble about the packing. Maura suggested they do it in the morning before they headed out to sort other things. Jane, on the other hand, wanted to sort things out first and deal with the boring stuff last. Maura won after putting up just a small fight.
So they spent the better part of the morning pulling out some of Jane's summer clothes from the items in Angela's basement. The only things Jane needed were inner garments that they decided she could purchase upon arrival. She opted to make do with the few Angela had accidentally kept. It was either that or going to her home with Casey to pick those up. An easy choice it was in the end.
Angela silently watched them argue like an already married couple whilst they packed. She knew she didn't have to worry about her daughter's happiness ever again. She had never looked before, and therefore never saw the fire that burned between the two. Unmistakeable, undeniable.
It was the hardest thing Jane ever had to do when she pulled out of Maura's arms that afternoon. She knew she was going to have a distressful conversation with Casey later on that afternoon, but what left her in utter devastation was the look in her friend's eyes. She saw how Maura hated to willingly let Jane put herself into Casey's presence. She did not like how unhappy and tight pulled Maura's smile was. It hurt Jane to know Maura would be torn till she got back. She knew Maura would be wondering if things would go wrong with Casey, or if she would change her mind and go back to Casey. Jane knew it was irrationally but she surmised she would be feeling the same if the tables were turned. Hell, she'd have been breaking things. At least Maura was being all civilized about it.
So before Jane left she went through a lecture of reminding Maura how much she meant to her. Telling Maura she loved her to bits, hugging her like there was no tomorrow and reassuring her she'd be back home before dinner and would be by her side when they guys came.
At 2pm Jane walked into Cavanagh's office after the painful separating episode with her love. Cavanagh let her in and she settled herself in front of the good lieutenant. On her way there she had contemplated beating about the bush or diving into an explanation of why she deserved a vacation immediately. But sitting in the office in front of her boss she realized she was going to New Zealand whether Cavanagh gave her the go ahead or not. So with her mind set she just explained the situation as it was, skirting around the love triangle in between the whole story.
The lieutenant was understanding and granted Jane immediate leave for three weeks. It wasn't often than Jane asked for a break, so he was more than happy to let her go. After that Jane headed to see her partners. She invited them over for dinner and told them she was going to New Zealand with Maura. Frost being slightly nosey, had wanted to start asking about her relationship status, but Korsak quickly shut him off knowing Jane might take back the invitation if they started interrogating her.
With the easy things off the list, it was a little before 4pm and she was on her way to a restaurant she had asked Casey to meet her at.
Maura had been a nervous wreck since Jane left. She had cried hard in the bedroom for a lengthy period and Angela had failed to comfort her. It took a lot of persuading for her to finally get out of the house to sort out their travel. It didn't take long for Maura to get two tickets for Jane and herself. She didn't like the idea of Jane being with Casey that afternoon one bit, so the flight was scheduled to leave the next morning. With time on her right side and anxiety on her left, Maura settled for some retail therapy. She went to get some undergarments for Jane and a few other light clothes (a few for Maura wasn't normally considered few for the average person). She knew Jane would hate that she was buying her knickers and bra's, but it was better than the alternative (climbing up the wall).
When she got home Angela had left a note that she was out buying extra food stuffs for dinner. Great, more time to myself. This is going to kill me, she thought. So she started taking out the clothes Jane had packed that morning, replacing then with the new stuff she had purchased. Maura had actually bought two new suitcases for them which she was currently putting the newly bought things in. Repacking kept her occupied till Angela got back, and they started making dinner together. It didn't go unnoticed by Angela how she kept glancing at the clock every 5minutes. The Rizzoli matriarch did not know what the best thing to say in such a situation would be, so she just offered her usual upper arm squeeze.
Meanwhile on the other side of town, Jane was sitting in a quiet restaurant on a secluded table in the far back of the restaurant, when Casey Jones walked in, he approached her and left a light kiss on her cheek before sitting himself down.
''So….'', he dragged it out. ''is there a reason we are meeting to talk in a public place when we have a home of our own?''. Casey was purposely being dense. Maybe it was what they called hope. He knew this was a break up. What he didn't know, and wanted to know above all else was why Jane had decided to leave him.
''I'm in love with someone Casey''.
The man's eyes went wide. He expected that line about half an hour into the conversation after the ''I care about you a lot, you are my good friend…blah blah blah''. And he also heard that Jane didn't say ''I'm in love with someone else'', meaning she wasn't even in love with him. That hurt him the most.
''Have you been having an affair?''
Jane wasn't even going to bother not rolling her eyes. Affair, seriously? When was she going to have it? Casey had been around since she got back. And between that and her family and work, there was no room for an affair.
''You're kidding right?''
''Well I guess that wasn't the right question to ask'', he amended.
Jane stayed silent for a while, thinking of what to say. ''I want to be with the person I love'', she let out.
''I don't understand Jane. Is this someone from before?''
''Yes''
''So why now?'', he was so surprised he couldn't help it. When he thought of all the things Jane could say to him, this was definitely not even a possibility.
''Because I can't cheat on one of you. And it hurts me when I'm deceitful with you. I would also like to follow my heart for once.''
''I don't know what to say Jane''. Casey felt speechless for sure.
After another short pause he continued, ''does this have anything to do with your friend Maura?''. There was still stuff about the day before that was very unclear.
''Yes'', she answered truthfully, but not entirely.
''Jane, maybe you should be honest and thorough with me here so I can understand. I'm not forcing you to be with me, but that doesn't mean I don't love you. You know I do. And I messed up in the past, I just really hoped you would give me the chance to make it up, and show you that I really do love you. What? Is this Maura some kind of influence to you? It's not adding up Jane. I at least deserve to know, right?'' Jane just let him exhaust all he had to say without interjecting.
''I'm in love with Maura''. She wasn't going to hide that from anyone, not even him. Maura deserved it. And if she thought he was shocked before, she hadn't seen anything. He actually chocked on his glass of wine. Boy was he glad they hadn't started eating yet.
''You're serious?''
''Never been more serious about anything''. The reply was instant and needed no thought at all.
''So you're gay?'', Casey curiously asked, suddenly feeling better about not being the absolute problem in their relationship.
''Maybe, I guess, I donno. That's not really the point anyway''
Casey sensing Jane was starting to feel agitated quickly shifted gears, ''well I guess it makes perfect sense now. I have been wondering why she reacted to me the way she did, and why you wouldn't leave yesterday. You two started dating after we broke up, and now she's back, and you love her more than you love me, right?''
''I love her more than I love myself'', she corrected. ''we never dated, and we aren't now. But she loves me too''
Looking confused he asked, ''so why aren't you dating?''
''Because she just got back Casey, and I'm dating you in case you have forgotten''
''Right. So this is where we break up I suppose''
''Yes'', she answered truthfully again. ''I'm sorry Casey''
''Don't be Jane. You can't blame yourself for being in love. And I know you tried with me Jane, I'll give you that. It just wasn't meant to be I guess.''
If Jane said she was surprised it would be a lie. She knew Casey wasn't daft and he picked up on those things ages ago. He was just being selfish in satisfying his own needs.
''I'm going to New Zealand with her for three weeks''. The news kept coming. Casey wasn't sure when Jane was going to quit throwing bombs at him. But in spite of the negative topic and her calm front, Casey could see how much Jane was glowing. He saw how happy she was, and how her voice changed its tone when she said Maura's name and talked about her. He wouldn't deny her that kind of love. He grew up with Jane, hence knew her very well. She wasn't the type to be jumping in and out of meaningless relationships, which is one reason he trusted a long distance relationship with her. So he knew if Jane was moving full throttle into a relationship, with a woman, it had to be someone damn well worth it.
So they had their meal and talked about everything. Casey asked all he wanted to know about Jane and Maura – from the day they met. The stories were funny, a few sad. He couldn't believe all the things he didn't know about Jane. She seemed like a whole different person to him in that moment. But he loved the person Maura turned Jane into, and he couldn't help wishing that he could have been the one to do that. He knew Jane's heart was so far gone, and if one day she and Maura were not together, the person who would have Jane would just be having left overs (if there ever was going to be such a time- he doubted it).
After their meal it was almost 7pm. They had been wrapped up talking that she hadn't realized she was running late.
''Tell her she's lucky. I hope she knows it, Jane'', Casey said as he embraced Jane by the car.
''After you really meet her you won't think that''
''Is that so?''
''She's amazing Casey. And we're not even dating yet''
They both laughed and went their separate ways. Jane had told Casey she would tell him when they're leaving after she finds out from Maura and then when she got back they'd make arrangements for her moving out. She hurried home, knowing Maura would be beside herself by the time she got there. She found consolation in knowing she had wonderful news to share, and the delay was definitely worth it.
It seemed like Maura was waiting by the door because as soon as Jane walked in the doctor jumped on her, literally jumped on her. Jane almost fell over and Maura felt completely embarrassed.
''Please tell me everything is ok. You took so long Jane. You don't know how many times I wanted to call you, but I didn't want to disturb. Are you ok? You did meet Casey right?'' she was frantically asking the questions.
''Maur, calm down. Everything is fine, perfect actually'', Jane smiled.
''But-''
''Can I fully get in? It's kinda cold''
''Sure, sorry'', Maura blushed.
''Hi Ma'', Jane shouted to the woman in the kitchen.
''Hey Janie. The guys just called, they're on their way. Can I get you a hot drink, aren't you cold?''. Angela sounded just as worried as Maura did.
''I'm fine, thanks.'' She said as she dragged Maura towards the isolation of their room. ''can you just give us a moment Ma. A quiet moment'', she emphasized.
The answer was unheard as the two made their way to the bedroom. Jane closed the door and pulled Maura into the tightest hug she could.
''I love you. Always have, always will'', Jane whispered.
''I love you too Jane''
When Jane let go she pulled Maura to the bed with her. ''I talked to Casey''. She saw how Maura tensed ever so slightly. ''he said to tell you how lucky you are''. Jane made sure to wear a serious face so that Maura could fully comprehend what she was implying.
Maura didn't know what to say so she just looked at Jane hoping for more information.
''I told him everything about us''
''EVERYTHING?'' Maura asked in shock. When Jane asked her if she could talk to Casey, she had been too scared to ask Jane if she was going to explain to Casey that they were in love. She wasn't sure what she herself preferred anyway.
''Everything, from the day we met. Well except things like how you never wear a bra and panty that don't match'', they both laughed out loud, and Maura's face coloured a little bit as she bit her lip and cast her glance downwards like a school girl in love. ''He said he loves me, but he's happy for us. I told him I would ring him when I was sure when we were leaving and tell him when I would go to pack my stuff. Can't be soon anyway, I don't even have a place, and there is no way in heaven or hell I am moving in with Ma''
They both chuckled.
''I got tickets for tomorrow morning'', Maura added.
''Tomorrow morning! That's soon.''
''Yes. Figured there wasn't need to wait right''. Jane knew what Maura did that for, but all she was grateful for was the time alone with Maura to rekindle. So if that was starting tomorrow, so be it.
''Guess so. I got three weeks off''
''Excellent'', Maura beamed.
''Thanks Maura''
Maura just smiled and shrugged. Jane took her into a sweet hug. She would never tire of hugging Maura, never. They could hear that the guys had walked in and the house suddenly turned loud. The detective knew her friend needed all the support she could when facing Korsak and Frankie, especially, after all that had transpired.
When Jane let go she didn't need to search hard for Maura's tears, as they were already running down her cheeks.
''Maura honey, don't cry now. It's going to be ok, I promise''
''I'm not ready to meet them Jane. I thought I was, but I'm not'', Maura sobbed.
''Hey, hey, look at me. It's ok'', Jane pulled her close. ''it's fine. I'll tell them to come when we g-''
''No!'', Maura cut off. ''You can't send them away because I'm failing to pull myself together. Your mother worked hard to make a beautiful dinner''
''So let's go. It will be fine Maura. It's just the guys. They love you. And they have forgotten about what happened in the past''
''No they haven't Jane. You go and have dinner. I'll take a shower and have an early night. Please''
''I don't think I can eat and have a nice time with you sitting alone in here''
''Please. It will make me feel better if you join them and I stay here'', Maura begged.
Jane didn't like the idea, but she didn't want to pressure Maura into doing something she clearly wasn't ready for. The doctor was starting to shake a bit; Jane could feel her tremble a little in her embrace. It wasn't fair to ask anything of her. The doctor had spent the day drowning in worry with the whole Casey thing, now this. Maura was making a reasonable request and Jane understood that, and she would give Maura anything she asked for- anything that made her comfortable.
''I'm not happy about this. Can I at least bring you a plate of dinner?'', Jane pouted a little in an attempt to get her friend to agree.
''Sure Jane. I'd love that''
''Call me if you need anything. And I will be checking on you, that's non-negotiable'', she pointed her finger at Maura.
''Yes ma'am'', Maura joked.
After an extra-long embrace, they parted ways – Jane headed for the living room, Maura the bathroom.
When the HELL did I become a hugger?, Jane asked herself as she lazily made her way towards the noise.