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Chapter 2
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At a moment like this, Jean could really do with having Marco at his side. He's not sure where his friend is, but without the distraction he's forced to listen to both Samuel and Thomas praise Eren on his ranking and the way they can't believe that someone wouldn't take advantage of that and enlist with the Military Police.
Clearly, Jean thinks, they've been training with some other asshole, because why the fuck else would they be so damned surprised to hear that? No wonder they didn't crack the top ten, being as thick headed as they are.
He might be feeling a bit too hostile for no real reason, but he blames that on coming in after Eren as far as their scores go. Only that, nothing else. Nothing at all.
He's pulled out his thoughts when Thomas goes off the deep end and starts shouting about how many have been eaten by Titans. It calls everyone's attention, and already Jean knows where this will start going.
He props his elbow up and rests against his hand. He feels the frown on his face grow as Thomas comes to the end of what he has to say. Not only have his words completely dampened the mood of the party, now there's no way that Eren will refrain from another one of his self-righteous tirades.
He's right, of course, and the more Eren speaks, the more pissed off he becomes.
Because it's going to work out so perfectly for him, isn't it? Because Eren Jeagar, who so desperately believes in his own stupid words will accomplish his dream and go off to fuck knows where to do fuck knows what once he gets rid of all the Titans like it's such a goddam easy thing to do.
Jean bites the inside of his cheek to ease down his rising temper. He wants to leap up from his seat, wants to shout at him for being so stupid, wants to make him see reason, but he knows better. There's no convincing Eren, and besides, he might give off the wrong kind of impression. One wrong word and it'll seem like he actually cares about Eren's well being.
He can't go around having that.
Instead, Jean lets Eren rant, watches his emotions get the better of him and run out of the room with Mikasa and Armin following close after like always.
Go outside those walls if you want it so bad, he thinks. Go ahead and go die all you want.
Just the thought leaves a sour taste in his mouth and he has to down the rest of his drink just to get rid of it. Of course, now is the time Marco makes his appearance. He slides in right next to Jean just as the room regains it's former atmosphere, looking more care free than he feels at the moment.
"Where've you been?" he asks.
"I was just saying some goodbyes," Marco replies. "You didn't have to worry though, I was still pretty close by to keep you from going off on Eren, just in case."
To this Jean scoffs and looks to refill his drink. He spots a nearby tankard, and not even bothering to consider to whom it belongs, takes it for his own.
"More like you didn't have to worry. All that between me and him is over and done now."
For some reason, Marco seems thrilled to hear this.
"Ah, okay, so the two of you must made up today over whatever it was that happened between you."
Jean hates that he knows his cheeks are flushed.
"What the hell are you talking about?! What the hell makes you say that?"
Marco shrugs.
"Well, the two of you were barely talking to each other. And today Mikasa was looking for him for the longest time, and Armin didn't know where he was, and you were gone for a pretty long time. I figured that the two of you were off somewhere together."
"Okay, now whey the hell would you figure something like that?"
Again, Marco shrugs.
"No reason really."
"Shut up, then."
The silence that grows between them is awkward at best. And it's as if Marco feels the need to make it disperse as Jean hears him start up on a new topic.
"Oh, I just remembered."
"What?"
"When you came back to the barracks-"
"What about it?!"
"N-Nothing! Just, you started to dress in your civilian clothes right away."
"What's wrong with that? I wanted to be comfortable."
"There's nothing wrong with that."
"Alright then."
Jean knows that he's being too defensive with his replies. He knows but he can't seem to stop himself. To keep himself from looking even more ridiculous, he attempts to finish off the drink in one long go. So far, so good, until Marco starts talking again.
"Just you have a really nasty bruise on your hip, I was gonna ask if you were okay and how that happened."
Another spectacle disrupts the party. Only this time it's Jean choking on his drink.
xx
Finally, the day he's been looking forward to since he's started his training.
"Hey, Marco! Look a little more excited, why don't you? You've been waiting for this day too, right?"
Jean has both hands on Marco's shoulders, shakes him a little, tries to wriggle out some more emotion from his friend. Marco, in comparison to Jean, looks a bit more underwhelmed by the situation. Still, rather than be put off by his friend's behavior, Marco gives him a small grin.
"You're more pumped up than usual today. I think you're more excited about graduating than I am."
"Hell yeah, I'm excited! Last day of this kind of grunt work. Tomorrow we'll be headed for Wall Sina and everything'll be smooth sailing for us."
Jean does his best to not think of those they'll leave behind, cuts his thoughts off before they can settle on any one particular person, and instead he offers up his hand to his friend. Marco takes it without a second thought, claps his own hand around it, and his smile grows larger.
"Serving our King," he says and grips Jeans hand tight.
"Sure." When he lets go of Marco's hand, he moves to rest both of his own upon his hips, puffs his chest out, and says, "Everything's going good."
It's not until later, when everything settles again that Jean will remember what he's said and chalk what happens next up to his luck (and life) being just utter shit.
The ground beneath them starts shaking, begins as small tremors before evolving into a full blown rumbling that unsettles the ground beneath them. Both boys lose their balance, fall into each other and stumble over non too gracefully. They remain that way until something sounding like a large explosions sounds out and washes over them. It's only then do they scramble up and straighten themselves out, take their bearings as soldiers and try to discern the problem.
"What the fuck was that?!"
He's not the only one whose first reaction is to shout just that. He's also not the first to notice the large clouds of steam billowing upwards in the distance, but the cries and many fingers pointing in it's direction have him notice it quickly.
"The hell is going on now?" he mutters out loud.
"You don't think...?" Marco begins and then allows his words to trail off. "Jean, do you think it's happening again? The same thing that happened five years ago?"
"No way! Now?!"
He can't believe it, or more like he doesn't want to. Though the lingering vibrations from whatever has just happened and the continuous puffs of white that bleeds into and stands out so clearly against the sky is a grim reality; one that the echoing sounds of the alarm ringing loud in his ears and the scurrying of soldiers set in stone.
He hates the way it pops into his head, a sudden thought that just does not want to be kept quiet, but he knows that somewhere over there, Eren's doing something stupid. He doesn't even recognize that his feet are moving him forward, towards the commotion, and Marco has to physically grab at his arm to hold him back.
"Where are you going?!" he asks. "We have to get to Headquarters."
Jean doesn't respond. He honestly doesn't know what could possibly be said of his strange behavior, so instead he does the only thing that makes the most sense for the moment and follows Marco.
Everyone is panicking, running off in every direction to get themselves properly equipped or restocked. The adrenaline pumping through him because of everything happening around him mixed with all the tidbits of story that he's picked up from overheard conversations make everything such a blur that before he knows it, Jean is standing in formation and listening to the orders and explanations being barked out at them.
"Just like in the training, split up into your individual squads! You will be under Garrison command!"
Jean can't even focus on the words that are being addressed to him. He's heard so many accounts of what's happened at the wall and he doesn't know which one to believe. One thing that is consistent though, is that Eren had been the one to make contact with the Colossal Titan, the only one to go up against it and yes that makes the most fucking sense because he is an idiot. An idiot that may or may not already be dead, that little fact seems to be the only indecisive one passed on by all those who bother spouting the story on to others.
It'd be so easy to just take a look around at those standing at attention. He could easily pick out if Eren is still among them or if the reports of his demise when facing the monster are the ones that are true instead of mere second hand gossip. He could, but he doesn't. Jean would rather not know, it's almost like he's afraid of what he'll find.
He barely registers the call for their salute. If anyone were paying attention to him, they'd notice he's a fraction of a beat out of sync and he internally beats himself over it. Because really, he's being ridiculous, he knew it would happen eventually so why...
Again, everyone scatters and all that remains are his own squad and Marco's. Naturally, none of them appear to be all too excited (Half of them are on the floor, either on the brink of tears or actually crying.) for the first battle.
"Jean, I'll see you out there, yeah?"
He glances over at Marco, who is ready to run off to join his squad right at this moment, and nods.
"Yeah, I'll see you soon."
They give each other's fists a small bump, a word of good luck, and then Marco goes off running, leaving Jean alone with the handful of people still trapped in their own mindless self-pity. It gives him a moment of weakness, makes him bury his face into his hand and lament his own bad luck before the sounds of retching reaches his ears. He's lucky enough to see Christa rubbing the back of another soldier, asking if he's alright before more vomit spews out of his mouth from the fear. The pathetic sight is enough to shake Jean out of his own whining lest he appear to be as ill-suited as this guy. He clenches his teeth and begins to stalk off, not even paying attention to where he's going.
It should have been obvious that with his eyes glued to the floor he'd run into something, or someone as such is the case.
He's prepared to apologize, some small token that he doesn't even really mean, but looking up to see who it is and suddenly he can't say a damn thing.
Seeing Eren's just as surprised face is both a blessing and a curse. On one hand it's the highest form of proof that he hasn't gotten himself killed, but at the same time it makes him want to throttle him for actually trying to take down that damn Titan and on his own for that matter. It's annoying, it's confusing, it's frustrating, it's aggravating, it's every negative emotion that he's felt since letting Eren into his life like he has and he's not sure who hates more for letting that happen.
"Fuck off!" he shouts and pushes him off to the side angrily, because that seems like it'd be such a better alternative to starting a fight here over something that's already over and done with.
Only, Eren doesn't feel that way. He grabs at Jean's arm, forces him to stay and demands to know what his problem is. It all comes out then, there's no holding it back.
"Don't give me that crap, you suicidal asshole!
Jean grabs at his jacket, uses enough of his own strength to even go as far as lift him off his feet, and yells in his face. In all honesty, Eren's lucky that Jean still has some lingering recognition that Mikasa may still be around, otherwise yes, a definite punch would have been thrown.
"You wanted to join the Scouting Legion! You were prepared to feed yourself to the Titans already! But I was going into the Interior tomorrow! You couldn't wait until I was gone for good to do something like this?!"
"You think I started this?! Calm down!"
"Calm down and accept my death?!"
"No!'
All of the wind is knocked out of him as with a fresh surge of power, Eren dominates over the hold he has and forces Jean back into the pillar behind him. His hands hang limp at his sides while Eren claws into his clothing and forces him to see reason. His own brand of shouts surpasses Jean's as far as passion goes, lights up his eyes in a way that makes Jean's chest tighten. It's almost distracting enough to keep him from paying attention to the words spoken to him. Almost, not quite.
"Don't you remember our three years of training?! We've been on the verge of death many times during those three years. Some actually died. Some ran away, and some were sent away. But we survived! Didn't we?! We're gonna survive today too! You'll survive today, and you're damn well going to the Interior tomorrow! I know you can, and I know you will!"
Eren's grip loosens. Jean feels the fabric of his uniform slipping out from between his long fingers and watches blankly as Eren steps away with him, that burning conviction of him still radiating off him in waves. It's a bit too enticing, and it takes only a fraction of a second for Jean to overlook all conflicting emotions that stir up in him when it comes to the person in front of him and allows himself the courage needed to the step forward, to close the space between them again for something more intimate than just a screaming match.
With his hands on either side of Eren's face, Jean tilts his chin up higher and lowers his own head down to capture Eren's lips. There's absolutely nothing gentle about their kiss, even with Eren's hands sliding into Jean's hair instinctively, their open mouths move against each other in a hot desperate frenzy that isn't allowed to go even all that far. Just as Jean moves to pull Eren right flush up against him, he's sent flying backwards, back into the same pillar he had been pushed against not minuted before and falls down to the ground.
Jean resists the urge to make a big deal about the pain now throbbing at the back of his head. Instead, he looks up to spy that besides Eren's own wide eyes are Mikasa's narrowed ones spelling out his imminent doom. He brushes it off the best he can, picks himself up, dusts himself off, and ignores the stares of those that are still remaining. He turns his back on the two, more than ready to leave the scene the same way he'd left their last similar encounter.
"Hey! What the hell was that about?! You're gonna leave just like last time?!"
It's enough to make him turn around and face Eren again. It doesn't take him long to notice how his jaw is clenched and his brows furrow with a semblance of irritation. He wants an answer, and Jean gives him the most honest one he knows.
"I don't know. I just felt like doing it. Don't die on me out there, Jeager."
Something flickers over Eren's face, he doesn't know what it is, and he doesn't bother to try to figure it out for the moment. Mikasa's looking angrier, and he needs to get out of there fast. He's thankful that Eren doesn't try to stop him a second time as he turns to leave.
"Let's go, Daz! How long are you gonna keep crying?!"
"Eren?!"
He hears Mikasa yell a long string of questions as he collects Daz, a barrage of "Just what was that?!" and "Why did he kiss you?!" and "What happened last time?!" coming from behind him. He allows himself a small smile to himself when Eren finally answer with and "I don't know, Mikasa, it just happened! Leave it alone right now!" because at least he's not the only one.
Whatever is said between them after that is lost to him. He's too far away and he'll only be putting more distance between them when he takes off with his Gear. All the same, Jean is resolved to not think about it now. He has a job to do, and like Eren said, he'll leave his emotions alone for right now. He'll deal with them later.
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Except... maybe later won't ever come...
They're stranded on rooftops and they're low on gas. Even with their orders for retreat, there's little to no chance of them making it back over the wall. Connie's treating the whole scenario differently than the rest of them. He's spouting out Eren-like nonsense and if Jean wasn't feeling as exhausted as he does right now he might do a little more to fight off the comparison, but as it stands he just cannot bring himself to care.
By the looks of everyone else, he isn't the only one.
Armin is in particular bad shape. Ever since Connie's dropped him off to the side when joining up with Jean and the others, he hasn't spoken, hasn't moved. It doesn't bode well with him, it's leaving him anxious. If it weren't for the fact that Mikasa is also not present among them, he might be a little more concerned. She's always off with him, always off looking for him, always annoying him with being wanting to protect him. Armin may have been separated from Eren, but Mikasa's always there, right?
Right?
"Mikasa! Weren't you with the rear guard?"
Jean's pivots to where Mikasa suddenly lands near Annie and the others, listens in to their conversation and hears that she's trying to locate Eren. He feels his stomach drop.
She wasn't with Eren. She hasn't found Eren. She is trying to find Eren. She's trying to find Eren.
She's-
Mikasa approaches Armin. Already she's calling out his name and going through the formalities of asking after his own well being before asking after Eren. Jean hears the blood pounding in his ears. Here it comes.
"Our unit... The 34th cadet unit... Thomas Wagner. Nic Tius. Milius Zeramuski. Mina Carolina. Eren Jeager. All five of them have fulfilled their duty and died heroic deaths in battle!"
Armin's timid voice cuts through the air clearly. They all hear what he says, knowing he has no reason to lie...
"No way..."
Well... there it is. Didn't happen earlier, but it's happened now. Even after going out of the way to make sure he knew how much he wanted him to live through this.
Goddamn, he really hates his shit life.
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-So many favorites!
-And some nice reviews, thank you! I really appreciate it!
-Those have definitely moved this fic up to number 3 on my priority list.
-But anyway, I'm thinking the next chapter might be a little short? Good thing being that it'll come out faster maybe. It's gonna be the end of what I'm calling "The Jean Arc". (But who knows I say it'll be short and watch I'll take three weeks and come back with 7k+ words and two smut scenes because I always end up doing the opposite of what I start out wanting to do.)