AN: Thought I'd throw in a final dedication to Frost. I'm in mad love with Jane n Maura, but I still love the whole main cast.
Also, to those that take the time to review or PM me, if you have noticed, I take just about all your idea's (and incorporate them). Thanks for the support.
Maura was going through a round of self-inflicted torture in Casey's half bathroom. She hated her mind for going through those kind of rounds in all the wrong places. couldn't this wait till I got home?, she said to herself through angry tears. She'd been in there almost ten minutes and she knew someone would come knocking. Maura just had no idea how to collect herself enough to leave the small room.
Jane's patience was wearing thin and she was getting super nervous about Maura and Casey being in the house alone for that long (not for reasons sexual though….that would be funny...well maybe not so funny). Just as she was about to drag herself out of the car, Casey walked over to her.
''Whats taking so long?''
''She's been in the bathroom for a while now. Is she alright?''
''Oh boy'', Jane let out a loud sigh. She knew something was wrong.
''What did you say to her?'', she was suddenly angry at Casey.
''Nothing to make her lock herself up for that long''
Jane shot him a look that could kill as she tried to make her way back inside the house. Her foot wouldn't let her move so fast, so Casey gave her a hand, despite her protests. When she got to the door she placed her ear on it to try and make out any sounds she could hear.
I should have never let her do this, Jane told herself. Do what?, she thought. Come here? Talk to Casey alone? She wasn't sure.
''Maura honey, it's me.''
Jane was not expecting those four words to get Maura to open the door. And Maura saw it by the surprised look on Jane's face.
''I have caused enough of a scene. I didn't want us to be shouting through closed doors. Casey probably thinks I'm a lunatic''
Jane locked the door behind her and gathered her girlfriend in a hug.
''I promised I would never be the cause of your pain or such tears. I didn't keep my promise, I'm so sorry'', Jane spoke through a strangled voice.
''Its not you Jane. You did nothing wrong''
''So why are you crying? What did Casey say to you?''
''Can we go home Jane. I don't want to do this here'', Maura felt so weak. The truth was that after the tears started falling, she was now just waiting for Jane to come and get her. This is not the person Jane needs, she thought to herself.
Casey thankfully stayed in the kitchen, so Maura made a smooth exit. Jane stayed to have a word with the man though.
''Damn it Casey, what did you say to her?'', Jane was furious now.
''Jane, there is no need to shout''.
''If Maura is crying, there is need to shout. What the fuck did you say to her?''
''Geez Jane. I just told her you were a wonderful person and warned her not to make the same mistake I made''
''So why is she crying?''
''How the hell should I know'', Casey said innocently. He didn't understand either.
Jane just walked away, packed boxes forgotten. She was greatful when she saw Maura sitting in the passenger side, she wasn't going to let her drive feeling that emotional. Maura was too distraught to even offer to drive. Luckily Jane had hurt her left foot so she managed to drive them back home.
Maura cried the whole way home and didn't say a single thing.
''I'll ask Frankie to go and pick up the boxes when he's free'', Jane rasped.
''Ok'', Maura walked out of the car and headed indoors before remembering Jane had hurt herself. She stupidly walked back to the car to assist the detective.
''Its ok Maura, I'll manage'', Jane told Maura seeing that the woman desperately needed sometime to herself.
''I want to help you''. That effectively shut Jane up, and they walked into the house.
''Oh my God! What happened baby'', Angela looked like she was looking at Jane's dead body.
''It just a little cut Ma, would you calm down''
''Then why is it all bandaged like that? What happened?''. Angela was sitting by Jane's side and had pulled the woman's leg onto her lap.
Maura took advantage of the distraction and hurried to their room before Angela realized she had been crying, that would lead to another story altogether.
Jane rested her head against the couch and shut her eyes tightly. Four things were bothering her the most. First, and most importantly, the unknown reason behind Maura's hurt. Secondly, her mother's presence – or proximity therefore. Third, the excruciating pain in her leg. And last, what Casey might have been thinking. The last thought she quickly dismissed, fuck Casey and what he thinks.
''Jane, can you tell me what happened'', Angela now spoke softly after witnessing her daughter struggle by herself, ''and where did Maura run off to?'', she added as an afterthought looking around the room. ''Wait, did something happen?'', she turned back to Jane. ''I knew it. I told you to at least let me come with you guys'', she was wailing hysterically now. ''I better go and see if she is alr-''
''NO!'', Jane snapped her eyes open. ''Just leave her a little bit please. I'll go and talk to her in a bit, she'll be fine'', the last part was not so convincing, even to Jane herself.
The two women sat in silence for a short while, two Rizzoli women didn't exactly equal peace. Jane finally stood; she didn't want her mother to start blubbing off again. ''I'm going to check on her.'' The statement and tone left no room for argument or questioning.
Jane was surprised when she knocked on the door and Maura told her to enter. That's not what surprised her though – it was the sight in front of her. Maura was clad in form fitting jeans and a light brown hoody. She had short boots on and a purse in hand. The only evidence pointing to her earlier tears was a faintly puffy face and red tinged eyes. The doctor had already done her make up well, tied her hair back and was undoubtedly ready to leave. Jane looked at her pointedly, not wanting to upset her by blurting a series of question – especially the wrong questions.
''How is your leg?''. Ever considerate Maura was.
''It's a little better now'', Jane shrugged.
''I'm heading out for a little while'', Maura shifted nervously.
''You are 'heading out'?'' Jane reiterated, knowing Maura never used such phrases.
''Yes Jane. I can 'head out' as well you know''
Jane smiled. ''I know honey. Do you want me to come with you?'', she knew the answer though.
''Thank you Jane, but I think I will be alright. I will text you when I'm coming back, I don't really know how long I am going to be'', Maura was already making her way towards the door.
Jane stopped her with a light tug to her hand. Maura stopped dead in her tracks and looked into hurt chocolaty eyes. ''I don't mean to hold it against you, but remember you promised me? You promised me you'd tell me. And I know you don't want to talk about this now, but when you come back, can we?'' Maura nodded, appreciating that Jane had given her the space she needed. ''Are we ok Maura?'', Jane asked with such a vulnerable voice that broke Maura's heart all over again.
''Yes we are'', she nodded.
Jane knew Maura couldn't lie, so if she said they were fine it meant they were. So she let go of Maura's hand and let her be. The doctor walked two steps before reversing and pulling Jane into a hard kiss. After literally taking Jane's breath away, she pulled back. ''I love you Jane''. She looked at Jane for a long moment.
''Always and forever'', they said in unison. Then Maura walked out, leaving a thoroughly turned on Jane.
It was common knowledge that Jane's day was going to be a very tough one. Her girlfriend was upset, she wasn't completely sure why, and hence had no idea how to make things better. She sat for almost an hour in their bedroom, wallowing in the pain from her leg while trying to figure out how she could make herself useful instead of just sitting around and waiting.
The idea came like an epiphany to Jane. Maura had been the one to take Jane out the whole time they were away. It wasn't entirely Jane's fault, she knew zero to nothing about New Zealand. But she knew Boston like the back of her hand, so it was her turn to treat her gorgeous lady. Ignoring the pain in her leg, Jane went about making preparations for the evening.
She walked out of the house leaving her mother shouting about how she needed to use her car. Maura had taken their rental so she had no choice. The brunette drove to the mall, where she willingly entered a boutique for the first time in her life. She didn't have to spend too much time in there though; a beautiful and elegant red dress caught her eye immediately. It was long and promised an adequate amount of cleavage display. Together with that she purchased a pair of black heels and a matching black clutch. All in all it cost her about $300. No price could ever be too much for her Maura, and besides, she had a lump sum granted to her after the whole scandal that befell her a year ago. Leaving the boutique she headed for a shop that sold clothing a little more to her taste. In there she bought some nice grey slacks and a black dress shirt. She remembered to also get a pair of black low heeled shoes – her leg still hurt badly from the mini accident that morning. Her outfit perfectly complimented Maura's and she felt so proud of herself.
Jane despised being one of those women that walked around the mall with numerous bags of shopping, but here she was today – doing just that. Her legs was making it a difficult to continuously walk, but she wasn't finished yet, so she went back to the car to drop the bags she had and went back inside the mall to finish off her shopping. In the jewellery shop she took a little more time. She was well out of her depth and felt her pride would be wounded a little by divulging that to the sales assistant, so she walked up and down and round and round, unsuccessfully. Feeling a little sceptical about her true intentions, the lady ended up walking over to Jane again and requesting that she help the brunette. Jane felt dumb for not having just sought assistance to begin with.
Forth-five minutes later she walked out of the jewellery shop with a set of matching silver necklace, bracelet and earrings for her girlfriend. For herself she bought a much simpler silver necklace and fancy earrings. She wouldn't deny how silly she felt spending a near $800 on that jewellery. All their clothes hadn't cost that much. But she had to continue with her mantra ''you're doing it for Maura, you're doing it for Maura''.
With the attires ready, she was faced with the hardest task that in hindsight, she figured should have been done first. She drove over to the most expensive side of Boston and parked by the fanciest restaurant she knew. Luck was on her side, or maybe not so much, she wasn't sure yet. A couple had just cancelled their reservation for that night, leaving Jane with a vacant table to take. However, it was one of the most expensive. The table was situated on a semi private balcony, fenced with glass and overlooking a lovely lack. Knowing Maura would love it, the choice was simple.
One last stop, she comforted herself. The brunette pulled up in front of a florist. She bought 18 red roses bound together by a black ribbon, and a card to accompany the flowers. She shouldn't have wasted time wishing her mother wasn't home when she got there; she had taken the woman's car after all. Before she even got her seatbelt off Angela was already opening the door to the passenger side pulling the bags out. She was such a little kid at times. Jane knew better than to be angry and just embraced it. It was now 5pm and Jane hadn't heard from Maura. She decided to get the last surprise ready for Maura before calling her. Arrangements made for what Jane had in store after their date, she spared sometime to indulge her mother.
Angela was going on and on about how sweet Jane's planned gesture was. The woman was opening through everything Jane had bought and talking none stop. Jane barely got a word in. After she'd exhausted herself she decided to text Maura
I hope everything is ok honey. You have been away for some time now. I miss you. Please tell me you are alright. J
Jane wasn't expecting an instant reply, so when her phone pinged it startled her.
Sorry. Got caught up. I am doing alright. It was unfair of me to run off like that. I hope you understand. Miss you too. M
Jane made quick work of replying, not wanting the blonde to disappear on her again.
When are you coming home? J
She didn't want to come off as pushy or clingy, but the circumstances leading to their separation were less than ideal so she had to inquire.
Strange actually, I was just jumping into the car. Will be home in half an hour at most. M
The smile that graced Jane's features was goofy and she knew it.
Yay. I really really REALLY miss you Maura. See you in a bit. I love you sweetheart, always and forever. J
The 'always and forever' saying had become somewhat of a thing between them. When no reply came, Jane figured Maura was now driving. Angela out of Jane's hair, the detective began to prepare for Maura's surprise. She neatly laid the gorgeous red dress on the bed with the shoes on the floor just below it. The clutch was set just beside the dress portraying the full look of the whole outfit. Jane took the flowers and placed them where the head would be if someone was actually wearing the dress. She then pulled out the card she bought at the store and began to write inside, trying her hardest to be as neat as possible:
God sent me an angel up from above,
That's gonna love me for life.
Might as well be perfect,
Only because it's the only way
I can describe.
After quoting a Jennifer Hudson song she placed the card next to the flowers. Realizing the bunch had a dangling card of their own, Jane made another quick scribble.
18 roses to represent everyday that you have been my girlfriend. I love you Maura...
Quickly, she packed a bag she knew they were going to need for what she had planned after their dinner. When all was in place, she went to sit on the porch outside waiting for Maura – resting her foot too.
When Maura got back from Casey's place….
She was tired of crying and being unsure. She didn't want to drag Jane into a conversation if she didn't have anything sensible to say. So that day, instead of crying like she always did and waiting for Jane to come to her rescue again, she acted. She pulled out her phone and dialed Frost's number.
''Hello Barry, I hope I didn't catch you at a bad time'', she tried to make her voice sound normal, but it betrayed her.
''Hey doc, are you alright?'', Frost asked, concerned.
''Sort of, yes. No emergency though. I was wondering if you were free….''she waited a beat.
''Yes….'', Frost assisted.
''I wanted to speak to you about something. Alone, preferably''. Frost knew it had to do with Jane. He really didn't want to be caught in the middle of a lovers quarrel, but he remembered he had told Maura at the dinner that she could come to him for anything – so here she was.
''Sure. I am home now. Do you want to come over?''
''I would like that, yes. Thank you Barry''
''No sweat doc''
''I'll be there in about half an hour''
''See you then. Bye''
Maura was relieved he was available so she dressed up fast, made herself look presentable and after her mini delay from Jane she set off.
Frost's house was very neat for a young man who lived on his own. Maura found herself instantly comfortable in the small apartment. She settled on the couch as Frost brought her a cup of tea.
''Thank you Barry. You didn't really have to''
''I wanted to. It's a bit chilly outside also'', he was very sweet and considerate all the time.
Of all the people, Maura had come to Barry. She wanted some insight into her situation. She needed someone who knew and understood her and Jane and was intelligent enough to offer a clear perspective – no offence to the other people she hadn't approached.
''I needed someone to talk to Barry, a friend'', she sighed. ''it's probably the type of conversation I would present to a girlfriend, but I have none. I don't mean to make you uncomfortable in any way.''
Frost felt a little sorry for Maura. He had always had many friends so he didn't quite understand what it felt like not having anyone to confide in. But he wouldn't deny the pride he felt at being the person Doctor Maura Isles sought advice from. He playfully wondered if he could put it on his résumé.
''I'm thrilled you came to me Maura. What's wrong?''. He sat on the one-sitter beside the two-sitter Maura sat on, looking at her with concerned eyes.
''Everyone I know is partial to Jane's feelings, and I needed objective eyes. Not to say you don't have Jane's best interests at heart, but I am led to believe you care for me too. So I was hoping you would have my best interests at heart too''. Frost looked like he wasn't quite following, so she had to select a different set of word.
''Answer me honestly, please. I am what is best for Jane?'', her voice cracked a little as she averted her eyes from Frosts'.
''From my perspective, yes''
''And from other people?'', Maura's eyes went wide. She had convinced herself she was ready for whatever Frost had to say, but clearly she had deluded herself''
''Maura…'', it wasn't often that the detective addressed Maura by her first name; it was usually just 'doc'. ''…if you are waiting for me to tell you that you aren't good enough for Jane then you're wasting your time'', she was about to speak but Frost went on, ''you are good for Jane. You're the best there is for her. What happened doc?''
Maura already felt foolishly juvenile for what she was about to say, ''we went to Casey's place to get her belongings''
''Ahhh..'', Frost nodded in agreement. Then quickly thought, ''did he do anything?''
''NO!'', the doctor shouted a little too loudly. ''that's part of the problem. He was so nice and…..''
A loud sigh.
''….I feel like I am clouding Jane's judgment. It's as if I am blocking her from the happiness she deserves and her family by extension. She loved me before…..you know'', Frost encouraged her to continue, ''then I went away, and her first love came to her rescue. Then when things were going well for her I showed up. Not only that, I drove her into making a choice immediately. And there could be two reasons at the root of my problem today.'', she was so focused on getting her point across that the younger man was afraid to interject. ''one'', she stuck a finger out, ''we never had a chance to explore our love so she may have chosen to be with me because she wasn't sure. You know…like how does someone choose between one thing they know and has failed, and one thing they haven't tried? It's human nature to want to go for the unknown instead of back paddle to the failed. '', it all came out so fast she had to take a moment to catch her breath. ''two'', she stuck another finger out, ''when she got into this relationship with me she now had the justification for comparison. What if she realized she was better off with Casey, that she would much rather want to be with this kind and gentle loving man. A man who could offer her fulfillment and children and her mother would be so happy and proud of her. He understands her job and she wouldn't even have to worry about fitting into society due to her sexual orientation. And now maybe she's scared to tell me she wants to go back to Casey. Maybe she is staying with me just because she cares about me and doesn't want to hurt me. Oh Barry…'', she wept.
Frost had never thought he would live to see the day the composed doctor fell apart like that. When Korsak had told him about the suicide attempt he had had a very hard time believing it. In fact, he hadn't quite come to grips with it. But there in that moment he saw how feasible it was. Maura was a mess and couldn't control herself. He quickly shifted from his chair and rushed to gather the good doctor into his arms. ''shhhh'', he purred. ''I hate to have to say this doc, but you got it all wrong. So so wrong Maura, you have no idea''
She pulled away and looked at him incredulously.
''The first word I can use to describe Jane is 'fighter'. Jane is a fighter – for what she wants and for what she believes in. She didn't fight hard enough for you when you were away because she told herself she was doing what she thought you would appreciate. That was her way of putting your feeling before hers. So she allowed herself to suffer under the impression that you were doing alright, that you never wanted to come back to Boston.'' He looked her in the eye to make sure what he was saying was entering her brain, then continued.
''She will never forgive herself for not working hard enough to find you, do you know that?'', Maura was just looking at him, and occasionally digging into her palms. ''You ever heard the saying 'the things we love the most about people are the things we hate the most about them'?'', Maura shook her head, face painted with nothing but confusion. ''we all love Jane because she is fiercely loyal. Because she loves with everything within her and she puts her loved ones before her always. But that's ultimately her downfall. She loved you too much to put her needs before you. If she put her needs before yours, we both know there is nowhere in the world you could go that she wouldn't find you'', Maura finally smiled a little. Frost was glad he was getting his point across.
''Look at me Maura'', the woman had hung her head but Frost wanted her to look at him so she could fully understand. When she obliged he went on, ''She went on to put her mother's happiness before hers. She didn't want to be with Casey Maura. But Angela was so elated Jane couldn't bring herself to do anything else.''
He took a deep breath, ''Excuse me for this, but I do know she slept with Casey'', Frost saw Maura flinch a little and he hated himself for a second for mentioning it, but he soldiered on knowing he had the doctors' best interests at heart', as she herself had phrased it. ''again, she was putting his feeling before her own. All her actions stem from her unwavering loyalty and love, but they sometimes don't do her good – this case for instance. I won't deny it, Casey is a great guy. But that's not who Jane loves. She loves you Maura, only you. And I can vouch for her; she will do everything to make you happy. She will walk on fire every single day if it meant she could just be with you'', again Frost saw that beautiful smile of hers.
''Then why do I feel like I am not enough. Like I am not the best she could have'', her tone was so sad, it broke Frost's heart. He hoped to God he could find a love even nearly as strong as Jane and Maura's
''Because you are making decisions and thinking for her. You are worrying too much and trying to compare yourself to Casey. If she hasn't shown you, just give her a little time ok. She will show you that you are perfect and more than enough for her.'' The doctor nodded in agreement.
The pair spent the next few hours talking and laughing. Maura hadn't realized how funny the guy actually was. She told him about their time together with Jane in New Zealand and their first date.
''LIAR!'', Frost said in complete and utter shock.
''You know I can't lie Barry''
''So you mean to tell me you actually sang for Jane'', Maura nodded feeling thoroughly embarrassed. ''wow! That's something you should have saved for Boston. We all would have loved to see that'', he laughed.
''Maybe one day if I'm feeling super excited I may indulge you a little''
''I would pay big money to see that''
''Maybe Jane and I could start a business and make money off of people'', Maura said with childlike amusement.
''Doctor, Jane sure is rubbing off on you. All these jokes and wild escapades. And you dare to think you two aren't meant for each other''
''Just insecurity I guess. I never studied that particular topic you know. It actually never at all occurred to me. I guess when you have never been in love things like that are frivolous to you''
''She's your first love?'', Frost asked a tentatively. His intention wasn't to pry, but just to make conversation.
''Yes. Yes she is.'' Maura answered with a distant look as if she was looking at Jane.
''You're both lucky to have each other Maura. And you deserve one another'', he emphasized. ''Come to me, anytime you need to ask or talk about anything ok. I will never judge you, or lie to you''. Those words meant more to Maura that Frost could ever imagine. She pulled the young detective into her embrace for a long moment.
''Thank you sooo much Barry.''
''Can I ask something again though'', he asked after Maura let go.
''Of course'', she skipped over the lectures about how he had already asked a question and was seeking permission to ask another one.
''Why really did you come to me?'', he knew Maura wouldn't be offended and would understand that he was just plain curious.
''Angela loves Casey and wants grandchildren, she may have told me Casey was better for Jane, but for selfish reasons. Frankie loves and respects Jane too much; he probably would have told me if Jane was with me that means she loves me. But you can see how that isn't convincing enough in my situation'', they both chuckled a little. ''And Tommy….well…I don't think he is the right person to seek this sort of advice from, no offence'',
''None taken'', Frost said raising his two hands in the air to make his point.
''And Korsak…after what happened. I'm not too comfortable talking to him. That is something I will never forgive myself for. And those are really all the options I had, so I came to you''.
They talked a little more, and Frost even made sandwiches for them. When Maura was just entering her car, she heard her phone vibrate. She pulled it out and saw a text from the one person in the world she really wanted to hear from. Few texts back and forth and she was on her way.
AN: Ooooh they're going for another da...aate *singing*. What does Jane have planned for after the date? with a packed bag and all...ooooohh...lol. I'm silly, sorry.