AN: Did anyone else what to commit suicide after that last episode of R&I? Casey and Jane – Married! I have diarrhoea…..ewwww!
Also, I have no beta. All mistakes are my own.
''What it is?'', Maura asked with uncharacteristic impatience.
''It's for both of you. I'll leave you to it'', Jane grabbed the envelope from Angela and the matriarch departed the room.
Maura and Jane had bolted the second the heard the key turn. They were so eager to learn how Angela and Constance' time alone had progressed, and what exactly it is they had gone to do – together.
Jane roughly opened the folder (while Maura kept a distance), and sank to the couch. ''Holy fuck'', she whispered.
''Jane!'', Maura scolded, not pleased by Jane's use of profanity in the least. ''What is it?'', she made her way to Jane and pulled the papers gently from Jane's grip.
''Oh my God''. She scanned the paper is pure disbelief before she pulled out the envelope with her name inscribed. ''please read it'', Maura handed the letter to Jane with shaky hands.
''Maura-''
''Please Jane. I just don't have the power right now'', Maura pleaded her case.
Jane glanced at her and saw the fear in her eyes. Maura was scared of what her mother might have written, despite the fact that she had expressed her desire to meet them for dinner and had bought them a house. Constance was funny like that. She could make you believe one thing then turn around and shock you with another. Maura had seen the look on her mother's face when she was around earlier, and she wouldn't be surprised if Constance bought the house because she thought Maura was broke. And also so she wouldn't be embarrassed by her daughter living in a place that is not up to her standard. She may also have just invited Jane just to vet her. Just so she could see the sort of person she was then pour a bucket of ice cold water at the end of the night. Yes, Constance was cold and mean and Maura wouldn't put any of that past her. Maura hadn't even told Jane about the dinner invite because of that. In all honesty, she was just going to pretend as if it was never there and spare her and her girlfriend the unnecessary pain. They had made enough progress and she sure as hell wasn't going to let her mother be the cause of a back-track. She wasn't entirely sure how she felt about the house thing anymore anyway.
Jane let all those thought pass through Maura's mind before she began reading aloud.
''My Dearest Daughter
I always knew I failed as a mother, but it is another thing having it thrown in your face. No one has ever made me feel as useless as Angela had me feel today. I have certainly never been more embarrassed. I cruised through life all these years thinking you would be fine because you made a person of yourself. But I learned today that I left scars, scars that you may not even realize you have. You went through all that pain alone Maura. I wish I could say 'why didn't you tell me?', but I know the answer to that already. Angela said you are very kind, and that if I am lucky I may have another chance with you. If not, I would never hold it against you – I deserve it. I am so sorry for being worse than awful to you my girl. I have no excuse for my behaviour other than selfishness. I am glad you are nothing like me Maura, don't ever change. Angela said you loved the house. If you refuse my apology, or refuse to see me, at least please take the house. We went to see it, it's gorgeous Maura. If it is not too much to ask, please, may you and Jane join me for dinner tonight? I would love nothing more than to meet this woman who has made you so happy. I may learn a thing or two from her. Call me darling. I'm truly sorry.
Your Mother.''
Maura threw herself into Jane's arms. She did not in the least expect those words from her mother. She was overwhelmed with joy.
''Do you want to go'', she asked Jane softly through the tears.
''Of course I want to. Do I look like the kind that could pass on an opportunity to teach'', Jane joked. It made Maura laugh and Jane could easily make that her sole purpose for living.
''And the house?''
''That's up to you Maura. And you don't have to make a decision now''
''It's up to us Jane. The house is for us'', Maura clarified.
''Well lets go for dinner. Take it one step at a time huh?''
''Ok''
So Maura called Constance and they arranged to meet at 7pm for dinner. Jane was nervous as hell. The whole idea seemed swell when they were discussing it in the afternoon, but now that it had come down to it, it wasn't so funny anymore.
''Jane, relax'', Maura said as they were driving up to the restaurant.
''I can't Maura. What if she doesn't like me? Oh and what if I put my foot in my mouth like I always do?'', Jane was holding on to the steering wheel looking barely alive. She was pale and slightly shaky.
''You can just try to think before you say anything'', Maura helped.
Jane glared at her for a brief moment before returning her sight to the road. ''You're serious?''
''Well things are so easy with everyone you know. They know you, they understand you. My mother won't. So you can just quickly think through things before you let the words out''
Jane just shook her head and let out a humourless laugh. ''You are going to pay big time for that''
''I know honey. I will willingly take the punishment''
Silence loomed as they approached their destination.
''Jane'', Maura tried.
Jane parked the car and wouldn't look at Maura. ''Jane!'', she tried more vehemently. ''My mother has hardly been part of my life. It will hurt to know she doesn't like you or approve of you, but it will change nothing at all. After we see her today, the next time will likely be two or more years from now. So she doesn't affect our lives in any way. No one is forcing us to be here, and stay. So if she starts to make us miserable, we can simply leave. I won't lie; it will hurt if this doesn't turn out well, only because I have my hopes up. But that hurt will only last a little while. You are a great person, and if my mother is blind to that, it will be like the same mistake she made with me. And that will be her loss. I love you Jane, you.''
Maura punctuated her words with a kiss that Jane melted into.
Hand in hand, they walked into the restaurant. Maura had in a simple ruffled grey dress and some black heels. Her hair was let down and she looked impeccable as ever. Her Jane on the other side had on a red satin blouse with jet black slacks and her hair was pulled to the back. The two looked picture perfect, and Constance let out as gasp as she watched them walk towards her.
''Mother'', ''Darling'', they exchanged their usual greeting. Jane stood decidedly close behind Maura with a plastered smile of politeness. ''this is Jane'', Maura pulled Jane forward from her back.
''it's a pleasure'', Jane extended her hand to Constance. The woman took the hand and passed on the same sentiment. Constance watched intently as Jane pulled out Maura's chair and smiled a sweet thank you.
Now settled, the awkwardness sunk in. Thankfully the waiter approached.
''Welcome'', he bowed, ''shall I get you ladies anything to drink?''
''I will have a glass of tonight's special'', Constance said.
Maura looked at Jane, who just nodded, ''we'll have the same'', she finally let out. That did not go unnoticed by Constance either.
''Mother, thank you for the gift. But you didn't really have to'', Maura broke the silence that was about to begin.
''I know honey, but I wanted to. For both of you'', she looked at Jane.
''Thank you'', Jane said sincerely. And ended there before she lost her mouth. She wanted this to go well for Maura, and if anyone ruined it, she didn't want that to be her.
The drinks came back, offering a much needed distraction. They went on to order as well. Maura saw the sour look on Jane's face and chuckled to herself.
''Are you laughing at me?'', Jane whispered.
''You don't have to look at the menu like it personally offending you'', Maura continued to laugh.
''It might have. I'm hungry. And there is nothing to eat here'', Jane whined.
''Jane come on, you are holding a four paged menu-''
''With nothing I can eat'', she cut in.
''Do you trust me to order something I know you will like?'', Jane looked at her.
''Thank you. Please do'', she couldn't help herself; she had to kiss that smug smile on Maura's face. They seemed to have completely forgotten they were in Constance' presence.
Jane shyly pulled away from Maura when reality kicked in, ''Sorry'', she rasped.
''don't be Jane. Its ok to love her the way you do. That's exactly where I got it wrong''
''Its ok mother''
''It's not Maura. It will never be ok. Look at you'', she waved her hand in Jane and Maura's direction. ''you both look so happy and in love. And you aren't ashamed or embarrassed of it. You show it to the whole world, you don't hold back. You know each other. I don't understand why I couldn't do that too. Why I felt I couldn't hold your hand like Jane does. I hid it, until I got to a point where it became normal to not do it, then I just completely phased it out. Jane-'', she directed her attention to the brunette, ''don't you ever feel ashamed to show her how much you love her. Do it anywhere you are, don't ever stop''
''I won't'', Jane answered, emotions spilling over. The Isles women were in tears and Jane wasn't quite sure what to do.
''I love her mother'', Maura didn't know where that came from. ''I love her so much'', she squeezed Jane's hand harder.
''I can see it. And I know she loves you too'', she looked at Jane for confirmation – Jane delivered. ''I am happy for you both ok, I truly am. Please have the house. I will try to be a better mother Maura. If only you can give me a chance''
''Yes'', At this, Constance stood up and embraced her daughter in the restaurant, something she had never done before. Maura knew what it took for Constance to that, and she knew the woman was trying already. Whatever Angela said to her really made an impact. It left a lasting impression.
''I am sorry for everything that happened between you two. And I am sorry for the way I treated you when you called Jane. I hope I am forgiven''
''It's alright Mrs Isles. It's forgotten'', the two smiled at each other.
Their meal came and they ate in light conversation. Jane spoke of her work as a detective and Constance told Jane what she did for a living. They spoke about Maura's father and Jane shared a bit about her family. Before desert came, Jane was called in to work.
''Murder calls'', she laughed humourlessly. ''I'm sorry but I have to go''
''that's alright Jane. I won't be leaving till after the weekend so I will see you again''
''Sure'', she shook Constance' hand.
''Bye honey. I'll text you when I know what's going on and how long I'll be'', Jane said to Maura.
''that's fine'', Maura said sadly. Jane shared a deep kiss with her before leaving.
''I love you'', she whispered.
''I love you too Jane'', with that the detective walked out.
''My my Maura, that is a very beautiful woman you have there''
Maura blushed, ''She is isn't she?'', she looked back towards the door. ''I consider myself lucky''
''Because you are. She's wonderful darling. Don't throw that away''
''I would never do that. Jane means everything to me''
''I know. I am very proud of you. Finding love like that doesn't happen to everyone''
''I suppose not''
So the ladies sat and talked some more. Maura told Constance about her time in New Zealand and her work dilemma. She also told her more about her relationship with Jane. She dished out her few insecurities and Constance was there to make her see things for the way they were. It was a wonderful catch up for Maura and her mother, and they planned to do it more often.
Two weeks later…..
With signing off and house inspections out of the way, Maura and Jane were ready to move into their new home. Maura had spent days upon days shopping for furniture and picking out paint colours for the walls. Jane was a little detached – shopping not being her strong suit. The detective mostly went with whatever Maura picked. The only thing she had put a tremendous effort in was picking up things for the 'man cave'. She had a massive plasma put in, bar decorated with her favourite beers, and a section set up as a mini gym for her. Maura had been in heaven. She sprung out of bed as early as her body would allow, and only rested when she had used up all the energy she had left in her for one day.
They were moving in the next day. It was a blessing not having much to transport. All purchased goods were delivered straight to the house, the only things they had were their clothes and a few personal items really.
Jane took Friday to Sunday off. A house warming party was in place for Saturday night. Even Constance was going to be there.
''I cannot believe this is our first night in our house'', Jane mused as they sat together in the hot tub on Friday night. Moving had been slightly exhausting. Not so much from the effort, but from Angela's excitement. The woman could not be stopped; she was up and down like fucking Charlie Chaplin. The two couldn't be happier to finally be on their own.
''It's wonderful isn't it. I would like to believe this is what they call perfection''
''It is'', Jane breathed.
They sat in the water in companionable silence with background music filling the air. ''…I could stay lost in this moment forever. Where every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure. Don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep Cause I'd miss you babe, And I don't want to miss a thing…''. Jane was sitting behind Maura holding onto her tightly swaying lightly side to side. After every few seconds she would drop kisses to the blonde's hair and rub her hands along Maura's arms. ''…Then I kiss your eyes, And thank God we're together, I just want to stay with you in this moment forever. Forever and ever, I don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep, Cause I'd miss you babe. And I don't want to miss a thing….''
The song played three more times before Jane got the strength to fish them out of the water and head to bed. They needed the rest; the next day was going to be quite eventful.
True to form, Angela was at their door step first thing in the morning with Constance in tow. The older Isles woman had gone a lengths way in trying to amend her past ways with her daughter, and things so far seemed to be working out well. Granted, Maura was a little on the edge, waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop. However, she had willed herself to enjoy what she could while it lasted, and that was exactly what she was doing.
So Saturday came and the party went well. It was really more or less the usual Sunday dinner, with the exception of a few workmates like Suzie Chang, Cavanagh, and the like. To add on to the obscene shopping Maura had already indulged in, they got more gifts. All in all it worked out great. Jane and Maura were thrilled to have such a strong and loving support network. Constance was astonished at the woman her daughter had grown up to be, she would have never in a million years pictured Maura the way she was in her eyes right at that moment, it seemed surreal.
With the stress of moving and the party out of the way, Maura and Jane were able to eventually satisfy their inner most desires. It was their first time making love in their home and Maura was hell bent on making it as special and memorable as could be. And it was. They bathed in passion for long hours that night, making sure both their needs were fulfilled to the maximum.
On Monday morning, Jane woke up to go to work, leaving Maura alone in the huge house for the first time. It was then that she began to serious thing of what she wanted to do with her life career wise. She had managed to avoid it for the past months because she was hiding behind the curtain of seeking permanent residence. With that out of the way as it was, she had no excuse. She could spend the rest of her days attending to Jane. That was a career in its own rights she realized. By the time she made Jane breakfast, cleaned up, met her for lunch, rested, made dinner - Jane was home. Then they spend the night enjoying each other's company and it was another day again. She could go on like this forever.
And then she thought of how it would be if they had children. They could adopt, she could carry. That would be another career as well. Yes, Maura could go on just the way she was. But was that what she really wanted?
So that Monday morning Maura lay on her back in their cosy king sized bed alone wondering what she wanted to do with her life, seeking a source of fulfilment. Part of her felt like a worthless housewife. But Jane had on no occasion complained or condemned Maura. Jane had never asked, or expected Maura to do all she did for her. And Maura enjoyed it; she did it out of pure love. But when thinking about it rationally, it wasn't what she wanted to do forever. It was ok from period to period, on occasions, but not as a permanent strategy.
She knew her potential; she knew how brilliant she was. That sort of brain needed to be put to good use. One thing she knew for sure though, was that she was NOT going back to BPD to be a Medical Examiner. The events of the past scarred her, regardless of how much she told herself she had moved on. And out of everything, going back to work seemed to be the one thing she couldn't move past, it seemed to be the one thing she was willing to not fight for. That was a chapter she would speak of as a story. That was a job she picked for a specific purpose. She picked it for the purpose of hiding from people and dealing with facts and figures instead of emotions or social interactions. She didn't want that anymore. She wanted to make herself better, more outgoing, normal. She wanted to be different for herself, for Jane, and for the children she wanted to have.
These thoughts left her with the serious mission of figuring out 'what next?', as her girlfriend was on the road to a promotion – very soon.
AN: Right! This may come as a surprise, (maybe).my apologies. There is one last chapter to this story then an epilogue. I have to be back in uni next week so I will not have time to write this at all. That is why I have also rushed things in the last two chapters. I hate stories that don't end and just leave you hanging, I wanted to provide closure. So in the next few days it will be the end of Where Do Broken Hearts Go. In my spare time I am going to work on a sequel. It will probably just be about 5 chapters, getting the girls to 2013 and seeing what has been happening in their lives since then and where they are heading in the future – again, for closure (I have a thing with it). I will just call the sequel Where Do Broken Hearts Go 2 (simple). That will most likely be up in a month (at most), sorry. And for those really interested in what I have to write, I have a new story idea. I have been sketching it out actually. So be on the look out, it will come after the sequel of course.
Thank you all so so so much for taking the time to read this, and enjoy it, and continue reading it. I can not find adequate words to express my gratitude. But please know that it means a heck of a lot to me. Sorry to those I angered, yay to those I pleased.