CHAPTER FOUR – DECISION
Somehow Stephanie managed to drive back to her apartment without getting herself or anyone else killed. This was no small achievement considering she was looking through a veil of tears. At first the tears were of rejection. Ranger had thrown her out, something he had never done before. Then the tears were of humiliation. Ranger had made her feel more used than a whore. And finally the tears were of sorrow. The life she had dreamed with Ranger was not to be.
But what was more troubling to her was the unexpected reaction her body had to all this…she had been turned on more than she could ever remember. This made no sense. It went against everything she had been taught and everything she knew to be right. Something was very wrong with the whole situation or with her. And she was going to find out what. For a nice girl raised in the Burg and known by all the nuns in the area this whole obsession seemed beyond sinful. This only added to her excitement and to the eventual guilt she knew would follow.
Two weeks passed without any contact with Ranger. And during that time every spare moment Steph had was spent on the internet. Not on Wikipedia, as Ranger had mentioned. But on any and all sites that discussed sexual deviations and practices. Somewhere out there was the answer as to why, instead of being repulsed and angry over his treatment, she was aroused and drawn to Ranger with an insatiable need.
She learned that the Dom/sub life was not a form of slavery. Surprisingly the sub has as much power in the relationship as the Dom. The Dominant takes full responsibility for every aspect of the sub's safety, happiness, health and satisfaction. Every decision he makes is taken with this responsibility in mind. But the sub must be totally open with him as to her needs and desires. If she is not honest, if she neglects to or is afraid to tell him everything, he cannot make the right choices for both of them. This didn't sound so bad to Steph. It was the second part that made her hesitant.
All the Dom asks in return is total trust and obedience…obedience to a set of rules that are mutually agreed upon by both parties. But rules, nonetheless. Failure on the submissive's part to obey these rules would result in punishment. Punishment by the Dom in any way and at any time that he deemed fit. Corporal punishment…like spanking, flogging and paddling. Nothing beyond what the two of them had agreed upon when starting the relationship could be done to the sub. These limits were called "hard limits" and were never crossed. Even while being punished, the sub could stop the whole thing by simply saying her "safe word". This is a word agreed upon, again at the start of the relationship, and treated as a sacred trust. Upon the use of the "safe word" the Dom would cease any and all activity immediately and see to the wellbeing of the sub.
There, at last, was the problem. That is what Ranger was trying to tell her. Stephanie had two outstanding characteristics to her personality. She could lie like a braided rug and get away with it. This survival tactic had helped her out of many awkward situations and many dangerous ones, too. Lying was second nature to her…not big lies, nothing serious…just a plethora of little white ones. And sometimes the lies became so real she believed them. Many times Steph couldn't tell what was the actual from the fictional.
And then there was the kicker…obedience. She had been a handful as a child. Her parents had never spanked her, but she spent equally as much time "thinking in her room about her behavior" as she did out and about in the world. Telling Stephanie "don't do this" or "don't touch this" turned a switch on in her head that immediately compelled her to "do" and "touch". Keeping both of these character traits in mind, she realized that any Dom/sub relationship would involve more time in "punishment mode" than it would ever be in "reward mode". What could be a loving and trusting alliance would quickly devolve into a seemingly abusive one. Ranger was right…this type of relationship would break her and transform her into someone she was not.
Well fine, I understand all that. But it sure doesn't explain why the whole idea turns me into warm jelly. Was it just because it was Ranger? Would I feel this way if it were someone else? Am I a closet pervert? I've got to know! But how? I just can't advertise in the paper…"wanted: temporary Dom for experimental purposes". Wait a minute! I don't have to!
Remembering some of the sites she visited earlier, Steph returned to a few of them that advertised classes or training sessions for would-be Doms and subs.
Of course. That's it! Strangers wouldn't judge her. Hell, they wouldn't even know her. She would go secretly to one of these places using a fake name and find out exactly what she needed to know about the lifestyle, and more importantly, about herself. It's perfect!
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The first thing she did was open a new e-mail account under her new alias…Stefana Plume. If this doesn't work out, at least I have my new stripper name.She joked with herself, but the reality was her undercover name had to be something close to her own because she would forget to answer to anything else. Next she selected the two sites that were mentioned the most on the chat rooms she had visited. She poured herself a jelly glass full of boxed wine and started typing.
First up was "US…Unknowing Submissive". It touted its purpose as "awakening the submissive within". US offered both a series of weekend classes and a full week of classes available at their campus. The price was $200 either way. The location was across the river in Levittown, PA, which made the odds of running into someone who would recognize her pretty high. Still, it was convenient and the price was right. She clicked on the "Send me more information" box and moved on to her second choice and her second glass of wine.
"Awakenings" had a very impressive web page. There was a selection of photos of their Hermitage Spa. It offered instruction "in the many intricacies of the alternate sexual lifestyle" in the quiet mountain town of Tuttle's Corner located in the Stokes State Forest of northern New Jersey. The cost was more, $400 for a two-week experience. This would be perfect. It's away from home and as long as I'm taking vacation time I might as well go to a place with saunas and a pool. After all, it is a Spa! Well, "Awakenings" meet Stephana Plume! She filled out the initial application and noted that she would be sending a money order for the fee. Ha! I haven't worked all this time in the business without learning stealth!
Two weeks at a private spa and some sex education to boot. No one to bother her with their problems because no one would know where she was. Just time to think and explore her own needs. What could possibly go wrong with this picture? Pouring her third glass of wine, she began planning her vacation.