Chris was beginning to think his brain was a menace to his own head. All the times he'd berated the fact that he had no time to himself when he was busy busy busy, and now he was sitting at the bar clutching his vodka and tonic, wishing he could just stop thinking. In theory thinking was fine, but he knew he was balancing on a knife edge, in serious danger if making a fool of himself. Then there would be the consequences of making a fool of himself. How he would ever look Darren in the eye again, never mind work with him, and he was sure their friendship would never be quite the same again. Oh Darren would brush it to one side with his usual ease and charm, but it would be out there, hanging over them. Never had Chris felt so young and vulnerable as he did at this moment.
Chris was shaken from his thoughts by the barman. "You here to see Darren tonight? " he asked.
Chris nodded. "Yeah, that's right. He should be up soon."
"I thought I recognised you. You two boyfriends in real life too?"
"No," Chris smiled across the bar at him. "Just friends in real life. He doesn't play for the same team as me."
"Shame. You two make such a cute couple."
This was all beginning to feel like a bad dream.
Luckily Darren appeared on the stage at this point and the conversation was over.
Darren had obviously already scouted out where Chris was sitting, because he smiled over at him through the audience before beginning his set. Sure, Chris had heard Darren sing live before, often just tinkering about with the guitar for relaxation, but he'd forgotten how good he sounded. Just Darren and his guitar, mainly looking at him as he sang. He of course looked round the audience as he bantered between numbers. But each time he began singing, Chris could see Darren's eyes on him. Chris couldn't look away even if he wanted to. Plus it would seemed chagrin to, even if he'd forced himself.
Chris was pretty glad the bar was darkened for the performance because he knew his face was flushed. He took a big gulp of his drink- not the best idea, alcohol when he hadn't eaten for ages, but his options felt limited at that moment in time.
"Thank you, and goodnight." Chris could hear Darren saying in the hazy background. He was given a rapturous applause. He was SO good. It was easy to forget how talented Darren actually was when he was just his normal self, goofing around.
The bar area started to get busier after Darren finished performing. Everyone trying to get drinks before the next act came on. It was a testament to Darren's singing how everyone had stayed to watch his act before coming up to the bar. Despite how famous Darren had become since joining Glee, he still managed to exude that boy-next-door charm, and Chris had 'fallen' for it a long time ago on many levels.
Chris fiddled with his glass amidst the throng of customers. The buzz of chatter swam around in his head. He was definitely having a soft drink next. It had been a mistake to have even ijust one drink judging by the lightheadedness he was feeling.
Slowly the bar became a little less crowded. Chris felt hot air on the back of his neck and hands on his shoulders as Darren appeared behind him. 'What did you think?' Darren asked peering over Chris' shoulder and talking quietly in his ear. A small shiver went down Chris' spine. Hopefully Darren hadn't noticed. He turned his head to meet Darren's eyes, smiling at him. 'Hey! That was really great. You just look so comfortable up there. I loved it.'
"I'm glad you enjoyed it. I know I asked you to come, but I was a bit nervous, you being here."
Really! "Really. Why on earth would you be?" Chris was genuinely surprised. "I always love your singing Darren, wherever we are. I'm just happy I could come and watch. Although,"Chris paused and glanced up at Darren with a slight smirk, "I was tempted to stay in and watch something Disney."
"Ha ha, very funny. You know you're not allowed to watch any of those films without me. It's a punishable offence."
"Ooh, what's the punishment?" Chris goaded "Eating your cooking?"
Darren raised his eyebrows in mock annoyance. "I'll have you know I'm a very good cook if I want to be." Darren paused lowering his voice as he leaned in slightly. "Talking of food, shall we duck out of here and go and grab something to eat?"
Chris nodded, their foreheads almost touching. Without moving away Darren spoke quietly. "I'll just go and grab my guitar...don't move."
The snow was falling quite heavily when they exited the bar. They made a quick decision to pick up some Chinese and take it back to the apartment. It was the type of evening to get somewhere warm and stay there. They virtually ran back home once they'd collected their food, snow swirling around their heads.
They quickly changed into sweatpants and hoodies and in no time they were settled with food and coffee in front of a movie. Darren had grabbed a couple if blankets in case they were cold later. "Just so we don't have to move unless we really want to." They were all set for lazy movie night.
They usually watched movies they'd seen before so they could chat and watch, maybe just staying silent for favourite scenes. "I bet Chuck must be disappointed he can't spend Christmas here," Chris commented.
"Oh, he's spending a few days with his girlfriend's family so I'm sure he'll have a good time there. Anyway I'm secretly glad he's away, I mean how lucky am I being able to come here for Christmas. Timing wise it's turned out perfectly," Darren smiled.
"I hadn't really thought, said Chris, "Are you going to be spending Christmas by yourself? What about your parents?"
Darren glanced over to him, "Oh they're away in Europe somewhere. I'm fine - I saw them for Thanksgiving. Luckily I like my own company. I can flirt with myself with no repercussions and laugh at all my own jokes! It'll be great." Darren grinned at the thought.
"Why do I get the feeling you're not even joking," Chris groaned.
After a while Chris found he'd zoned out of the movie. He watched Darren who was fully engrossed in this latest scene. He really just seemed to be his normal self - slouched on the couch, chatting and enjoying the film. The only thing making things awkward was Chris and his own thoughts. Not that Darren seemed to have noticed, and he was actually usually quite perceptive when Chris was a bit out of sorts. It was time to snap out of this and start to enjoy himself and not ruin this rare chance of a proper break from the rat race of life.
Chris moved closer to snuggle against Darren, just like they often did. Darren adjusted his position so they could lay back comfortably while chuckling at the latest scene of the movie and rested his arm over Chris' shoulder.
Chris couldn't resist splaying the fingers on his left hand around Darren's ribs, digging them in, knowing how ticklish he was there. Darren yelped at the touch. "You tease!" He jumped up, set on revenge, movie suddenly forgotten. The next minute Chris had been flipped over onto his back, as Darren straddled him tickling his tummy. Chris wriggled trying to break free. They were both laughing.
It was all fine. Until it wasn't.
Chris squealed, "We're quits now. Stop PLEASE Darren."He wriggled more.
"I seem to recall you started this,"Darren smiled. "Not sure if I should stop." However Darren did slow down his actions, dipping his head down to look Chris in the eyes. "I think you're being exceptionally naughty tonight." His voice dropped an octave. "What were you thinking Mr Colfer?"
Still looking directly into Darren's hazel eyes, Chris couldn't help but giggle. He tried to sound serious, "I'm sorry Mr Criss, I couldn't resist."
Darren didn't speak, just carried on looking at Chris close range. The air felt thick with anticipation. And just like that Darren's lips were on Chris', soft and wet and OH so delicious. Chris' brain was playing catch up with his body, as he found himself reciprocating the kiss, reaching up and running his hands through Darrens hair. It all felt so good, so right.
This is what he'd dreamed of right? Gorgeous, sexy Darren. But not this with straight Darren, kissing Chris for whatever reason. A reason Chris really wasn't sure of at the moment. As Darren pushed his tongue into Chris' mouth to deepen the kiss, something snapped in Chris. His emotions were already in tatters these last few days, struggling not to stray beyond the realms of 'best friend'. This was going to fuck up any chance he had of remaining sane, being a platonic best friend, suppressing how he was just so in love with Darren. Even though this was what often happened in his dreams, this was really not HOW he wanted things to happen.
"STOP," Chris heard himself saying as he pulled out if the kiss. Darren moved his head back, wide eyed in alarm. "Just what's happening Darren?" Chris knew he sounded harsh but he couldn't help it. His heart was thumping so hard in his chest he could barely hear himself speaking. Darren moved right back off of Chris, still in shock himself.
Chris sat up on the couch.
"God Darren!" He ran his fingers through his hair. "Please, just please don't play with my emotions like this." Unusually Darren stayed silent, still wide eyed. "What were you.. were we doing. I adore you, but remember I'm gay, you're straight and my crazy heart can't cope with this sort of thing happening." Chris felt tears building up behind his eyes. No way was he about to cry in front of Darren though. He knew he was beginning to rant. "You've no idea what it's like for me - trying not to feel like the predatory 'gay' around a guy that I really like."
Chris was now standing in front of the couch, talking animatedly at Darren who was still seated, keeping his eyes cast down. Even if he'd wanted to speak at this point, he wouldn't have been able to get a word in. Chris knew he was beginning to sound hysterical, but he couldn't help it. "It's so unfair. I've had to work so hard at keeping my boundaries, and respecting the fact that my feelings can't be reciprocated. Nnnh I'm just so mad at you" Chris flung his arms up. "I think it's best I just leave in the morning. I just need to go home." Chris' voice began to crack as he turned and flounced off to his room, slamming the door firmly behind him as he entered.