"Let's do it now," Darren repeated to himself as he sorted out more coffee for him and Chris. What was he thinking? So now he was going to have to back into Chris' room and explain himself, risking the fact that Chris may not want to talk to him again after this.

He and Chris rarely felt uncomfortable with each other Darren reasoned. They would talk about anything and everything, and it had been like this from virtually the first day they met. Darren had never known anyone as easy to talk to as Chris, and Darren had loads of friends. Good friends, old friends - he was the best at staying in touch, and genuinely cared about his friends, moving heaven and earth if any of them were ever in trouble. But what he had with Chris was definitely something different, something special. And now, due to his stupidity there was this elephant in the room that had to be addressed - there was no getting away from it! Darren had to sort this out himself, and if he'd handled things differently he wouldn't be in this position. There was no one to blame but himself. He was painfully aware there was more to lose than just his pride here.

So it was with these thoughts still spinning in his head that Darren found himself back in Chris' room, sitting on the other side of the bed to Chris, resting against the headboard. Chris had had his laptop out when Darren had come back in the room, obviously checking his emails or something. And now, Chris snapped his laptop closed after tapping out a reply to one if his messages and moved it onto the bedside table. Darren suddenly realised Chris was looking at him expectantly a small smile on his face.

Darren found he was hanging on to his coffee cup for dear life. He glanced down at his hands which were white at the knuckles from gripping his cup so tightly. He looked back up at Chris as he released his grip slightly. "Boy, this feels awkward, " he offered. "Weird even.."

Chris turned his body sideways to look more carefully at Darren. "Darren... Please don't feel awkward. What I said last night.. Well, you know , that was me being completely irrational. You know me - over reacting for no reason.."

"No Chris. You were right." Darren interrupted. "I really didn't mean to hurt you, I just got caught up in the heat if the moment." Darren's cheeks turned a little pink, as he appeared to be rethinking everything that had happened. "The last thing I'd want to do is hurt you and.."

This time it was Chris' turn to interrupt Darren. "And I know that. Don't think that I don't know that." He reached across and briefly rubbed his hand over Darren's knuckles of his right hand.

"We've never really discussed that much about my personal life," Darren cleared his throat with a small awkward cough. "You know, relationships and stuff."

Darren took a big gulp of his coffee. "In fact, since I joined Glee and met you, relationships have been non existent really, so it's hardly a hot topic."

Chris snorted quietly at Darren's statement. "Hmm, I know what you mean. Our life's no longer our own."

Darren nodded in agreement with Chris before carrying on, "however I maybe should have broached the subject about past relationships at some point - certainly before last night." He smiled wryly. Darren put his cup down on the bedside table. He reached out, laying his hand on top of Chris'. Darren looked down at his hand

"There's no rush Darren," Chris moved his hand so his fingers curled round Darren's hand. Chris' breath hitched at the sensation the action caused.

"It's ok. I want to talk about it with you. I mean, the relationship thing.. Look there's no point beating about the bush here - I don't know if you'll be surprised or not when I tell you that I'm most definitely gay." He paused for a shaky breath, then ploughed on. " I had a couple of boyfriends while in college, and I've known since I was 15..."

Chris' eyes grew wide as Darren continued.

"Oh I was pictured in the beginning with a couple of girls - nothing romantic. But you know how the press are. They latched onto it, and the next minute I'm in a relationship and I'm straight, and.." He paused. "I took the cowards way out by not denying it. It just seemed easier, but in retrospect it was really stupid. I'm sorry.."

"Hey," Chris whispered to Darren. "Please don't be sorry." He knelt up next to Darren, clasping his hand tighter on Darren's. "I just want to hug you right now. You're good, we're good, everything will be fine."

Darren smiled nervously. " I just want you to know that I haven't purposely kept it from you. It just never came up in the beginning and then we've had this really great friendship and as time went on I just became scared of ruining it. I've been so in love with you I just can't think straight, and by the time I realised - it was, well how do you suddenly drop that in the conversation with your best friend who may or may not feel the same as you."

Darren's cheeks were flushed even pinker as he looked Chris in the eyes, trying to show him how sincere he was. He saw tears forming in Chris' eyes and nothing but love. "Hey," he whispered leaning towards Chris, "don't cry." He moved his hand to gently stroke his thumb across Chris' cheekbone. Darren paused. "I could sure do with that hug right now."

Chris gave Darren a watery smile. In a bold move he straddled Darren's lap - really the only thing to do to give a proper hug from their positions on the bed - and wrapped his arms around Darren's neck. He gave a shaky breath into Darren's neck as Darren's arms wrapped tightly around Chris' torso.

Chris pulled back slightly to look at Darren, their faces close. "I wish I'd known how you felt, " he said quietly. "I've been pretty much in love with you from the day we met, and I can honestly say I've fallen deeper with every passing day."

"Chris," Darren sighed, himself close to tears. "I'm sorry - I had no idea. God... I'm so stupid."

Chris huffed a small laugh. "There was me worried I was so obvious - I can't usually hide anything from you."

"Turns out I'm not that smart after all," Darren smiled, rubbing his hand soothingly over Chris' back.

Chris absentmindedly began slowly running the fingers of one hand through the curls at the nape of Darren's neck. " I think on some level I already knew," he paused, "but you know I've misread signals before, and I was determined not to let that happen this time."

They hugged more, in silence, just the sounds of their breathing. This time it was Darren's turn to pull back, looking Chris in the eyes. Chris wondered if Darren was about to kiss him again, but instead Darren spoke. "I really don't want to mess this up Chris. I already thought I had after last night, and that was scary. More than I'd have ever thought." Darren paused. "I want us to do this right. You're this amazing, brilliant guy and I'm really looking forward to getting to know all the bits of you I don't already know." Darren lowered his voice to a whisper, "it's something that I really want with you."

Chris was pretty sure he could see stars. Was this really happening? He felt hot - his face must be bright red. He realised Darren was still talking.

"That's if you'll have me - after everything I've put you through."

Chris smiled. "What do you mean, if I'll still have you? As far as I'm concerned you're already mine." His voice sounded jokey, his insides felt like jelly. He somehow felt like two different people - smooth on the outside, quivering on the inside. All this information was a lot to take in after very little sleep. Darren's declaration firstly of apparently preferring 'boys', and then if that wasn't enough - choosing Chris as the boy he was in love with. He was sure he'd wake up any minute and realise this was all a dream.

"Anyway." Darren was still talking. "I think I need to give you some time. I'm really not assuming anything here." He rubbed slow circles on Chris' back as he spoke. "Neither of us got much sleep last night", Darren smiled. "I think I should let you get some rest for now and perhaps we can do something later when we've caught up a bit." He gave Chris a chaste kiss on the lips.

"Hmm," Chris hummed. "Sleep sounds good." He was still reeling from Darren's light kiss. He moved off of Darren to lie down next to him.

"I'll leave you to get some sleep then. I think we'll both feel better after we've had some sleep." Darren began yawning at the thought of it, moving to get off the bed.

"No!" Chris almost shouted in a panic. "No," he said in a calmer voice grabbing Darren's wrist. "Stay here with me ...please." He looked Darren in the eyes as Darren turned to him. "If you want to that is," he said lowering his gaze, "I'd like you to though." His voice quiet at this stage.

Why he felt so self conscious Chris had no idea. Because Darren was still Darren, and at Chris' words he moved swiftly to lie down next to Chris, gathering him up in his arms. "Of course I'll stay here, silly. I just thought you might like some space." Darren pulled Chris in closer. "This is still 'us' you know. We don't have to rush anything, but at some point hopefully it'll still just be 'us' but with bells and whistles on."

Chris chuckled quietly into the crook of Darren's neck, smacking him playfully on the arm. "You're quite the romantic! I can see there's a whole new side to you that I need to get to know."

"I've been thinking," Darren stroked Chris' arm, "today would be a great day for ice skating ... So definitely get some sleep,"

As Chris was lacing up his ice skates he decided he didn't mind the idea of ice skating so much after all. He and Darren had found some snow boots buried in a cupboard in Chuck's apartment and had taken a long walk through the snow to get here. They'd held hands all the way here, their gloved fingers intertwined, and Chris could say he'd never felt happier. He tried not to think too hard about all the things they had to come now he and Darren were obviously about to embark on a new level in their relationship, in case he lost his nerve and turned into a stuttering mess.

Even though Chris was still rubbish at ice skating he found it didn't really matter when you had someone you could legitimately hold on to. That knowledge alone kept him floating on cloud nine as Darren's hand remained firmly locked with his.

"It's actually quite nice skating without our christmas duet belting out at ten thousand decibels for five solid hours," Darren commented. "I had actually quite liked it when we first recorded it, but that would have tested the most ardent fans I'm sure."

After about an hour of skating attached to Darren, Chris decided he felt brave enough to skate on his own. He had skated on his own when they were filming the duet scene, but here in the public session there were far more people whizzing past him, which meant he had to concentrate very hard on not wobbling over. However he knew Darren deserved a bit of time to show off on his own, being the much better skater of the two of them. And show off he did - flashing Chris a big cheesy grin every time he swooped round him.

Chris couldn't even bring himself to make his usual sarcastic comments to Darren in case he fell over and made an idiot of himself. So he put his energy into staying upright. Plus Darren was happy, and Chris had to admit, so was he, even though this definitely wasn't his activity of choice.

Just when Chris' head was beginning to hurt with the effort of putting one skate in front of the other without looking like a complete novice, Chris felt Darren's arms hug him round the waist from behind. "Hi," Darren said close to Chris' ear, as he guided them into the side of the rink, " fancy a hot chocolate?"

"Actually that was fun," Chris found himself admitting, as they sat next to each other, nursing hot chocolates ten minutes later. They certainly needed the heat of the drinks in this cold weather, and even then they knew they wouldn't be sitting around outside for long.

Darren looped his arm around Chris' shoulders pulling him in closer. "Thanks for coming with me today - I know it wouldn't have been exactly your choice of what to do, even though it wasn't as bad as you thought!" He turned his face to give Chris a kiss on the forehead.

The contact of the kiss stirred something in both of them. Darren turned his body towards Chris, moving in to kiss him on the lips. A light lingering kiss, which in turn caused a moan to escape Chris' mouth. The moan from Chris caused a vibration right to the core of Darren. He held the back of Chris' head, deepening the kiss, pushing his tongue against Chris'. Chris kissed back hard, dueling his tongue with Darren's, moaning more in the process and gently cupping Darren's cheek. Regretfully they both pulled apart after a few moments, knowing this wasn't the place for a heavy make out session. They were both breathing heavily as Darren touched their foreheads together. "I think we need to go home," Darren whispered breathily. Chris could only nod in agreement, butterflies engulfing his whole stomach.

They barely made it away from the ice rink before they had to stop for another deep kiss, their bodies pressed close together. They kept their lips against each other's when they eventually stopped for air, smiling childishly at each other. "I don't think we're going to make it home," Darren panted, moving in for another kiss this time deeper and more desperate than the last.

Eventually they knew they had to stop for long enough to get home and settled for wrapping one arm round each other for the walk back, just stealing the occasional chaste kiss when their eyes happened to meet.

Chris knew he was gone for when he was pressed up against the elevator wall, his head back, as Darren kissed down his neck, pulling off Chris' scarf to gain better access. He seemed to be making noises he had no control over as his pants grew tighter, already aroused since their first deep kiss at the ice rink. Darren hummed happily against Chris' skin as he moved his kisses to Chris' jawline, stopped from going any further by his coat. "Too many clothes," Darren murmured as the elevator arrived at their floor.

Darren fumbled with the key to the apartment, still keeping Chris close. They both had a small chuckle at the ridiculousness of the situation, Chris pressing his lips against Darren's as he finally got the key in the lock.

They moved inside, closing the door firmly behind them, separating to take off their coats and boots. Suddenly things didn't feel so frantic, they knew they had hours stretching before them. Darren cupped Chris' face gently, "this is just you and me," Darren sounded so caring, "and I want you to know I really love you." He ran his thumb across Chris' bottom lip, following it with his mouth, running his tongue along the path his thumb had taken until Chris opened his mouth to grant him entry. This time the kiss was slow and sensual, and they both became lost to everything else around them.

Chris couldn't help but gasp when they pulled apart, it felt so intimate. "Take a shower with me," Darren spoke close to Chris' ear.

Darren looked Chris in the eyes, running his thumb along Chris' jawline tenderly. "Take a shower with me?"

"Okay... Yes, okay."

(thanks for reading)