Spending their last night together in LA felt like the hardest thing in the world to Chris. If he'd ever thought anything else he'd ever done had been difficult, he'd been so wrong. This made him feel like someone was clawing at his heart, trying to drag it away from his body. He so much wanted to make their last night together special, but he just felt bitter about the whole thing, he just wanted to cry like a baby.
The last thing he wanted to do was to take it out on Darren, especially on their last night together for a few weeks, but he hated this cruel twist of fate that had done this to them. A cruel twist of fate that had had a menacing hand to help it along the way, and that's what made him feel the most angry. He just knew that the next time he saw Ryan he would just feel like punching him in the face. Not that he would ever do that of course, but he was sure he was sure his sharp tongue would make up for what he couldn't do physically.
Darren was being much more optimistic about the whole situation than he could ever be. His ability to always look on the bright side of everything was a quality that Chris could only admire and love him for, but particularly in this, not an outlook Chris could share. Of course Darren had looked on the positives, planning the dates when Chris would be able to join him, whereas Chris could only focus on the time they would be apart, and there was a lot more of those than the times they would be together.
Darren had asked Chris what he would like to do for their last night, and Chris could only think of one thing. The one thing that would then make him feel even more miserable than ever. "Just let me take care of you," Darren had gently soothed, and so after the Chinese takeaway that Chris had no appetite for, Darren had carried him to the bedroom and done just that.
Chris had been hard and desperate from the moment Darren had gently laid him on the bed, lovingly settling between Chris' parted thighs to kiss him softly. "Darren!" he'd cried out, arching his body as pressure of Darren's clothed erection rubbing against his own, coupled with the tenderness of the kiss became too much. Darren had simply deepened the kiss, taking his own sweet time, wanting more than anything to help Chris forget, and Chris had to admit when his legs were hooked over Darren's shoulders, his bare ass being thoroughly fucked, New York didn't cross his mind once.
When he allowed himself touch his own cock as Darren pounded into him, each thrust at the perfect angle, the only thing he could remember was the name of the beautiful face smiling down at him. The name of the man who was telling him over and over how much he loved him. He might just have screamed Darren's name as he let go of his cock and moved his hands to grasp at his own hair for the last few thrusts before they both came., Chris without any further touching.
When he stared wide eyed at Darren as they both breathily came down from their climaxes, Chris couldn't help the stupid big fat tears that started leaking from his eyes. He'd turned his head to the side in the hope that Darren wouldn't see, but of course he noticed. Darren gently held Chris' chin, moving his face back to look at Darren's, and that's when Chris noticed matching tears in his boyfriend's eyes. Chris gave Darren a shaky smile pulling him down to press their wet, salty lips together.
Chris had excused himself to shower, on his own this time, where he'd taken the opportunity to really let go. With the running water drowning out the sounds, he'd sobbed his heart out until he was so sated he could barely stand. Then it was time time to pull himself together, to put the mask on and be as happy for Darren as he knew he should be. New York was a great career move for Darren, and Chris was so proud of him; it was just he didn't want to be apart from him. Chris knew that Darren didn't want to be away from him either, but there was no other realistic choice - There'd probably never be a perfect time to go, and if he turned this down he may never get the chance again.
When Chris walked into work the next day Darren's absence seemed to rest heavily on him. Here more than anywhere. Darren was always the life and soul of the party, and whenever he wasn't in, it was immediately noticeable. Whether it was by fate or design, Chris didn't know, but he'd been given a late start today, and for that he was thankful. He'd had time to pull himself together, drinking several cups of coffee before bracing himself for the day ahead.
Today was only rehearsals so everyone was in a laid back, casual mood. Settling into the relaxed atmosphere, Chris began to feel a little more at home, fooling around along with everyone else, when they could get away with it. He could do this. He was being ridiculous to think he couldn't cope without Darren…. all of these people were good friends of his; they were like family to each other.
And of course it was obvious that Darren had asked everyone to look out for him. He was barely alone for a minute, so much so that at one point he had to bite his tongue to avoid telling Lea to just go away. He had gone from being worried about being lonely, to being desperate to be alone in an amazingly short time. In his head he was beginning to sound like a spoilt ungrateful brat, but seriously he wasn't that fragile that he couldn't cope without Darren, he would have just preferred it if Darren had been there.
Before Darren had joined Glee, Chris had always prided himself on his independence, and was very happy spending time on his own, thank you very much. He loved the new friends he'd made at work and after the bullying he'd suffered at school, where there very few people he could actually call friends, to actually be liked for who he was gave him an amazing feeling. And as wonderful as all that was, he still enjoyed going home at night, content to write, watch tv and concoct himself culinary masterpieces, completely happy with his own company.
Then one bright morning he'd arrived for work and been introduced to his new co star, Darren Criss. Looking back, his life had been divided into two clearly defined segments. Life before Darren joined Glee, and life after Darren joined Glee. How they had become so close Chris couldn't say. It seemed that one minute Chris was sharing a coffee with the friendly new guy, and the next minute - well they were keeping spare clothes and a toothbrush at each others' apartments, they slept over so much. Suddenly his own company wasn't quite so appealing as spending time with Darren. and he just missed him like crazy when they weren't together.
Chris agreed to go out with the rest of the cast while Darren was away, on a couple of occasions. His heart wasn't really in it, but it was nice of everyone to try and make his life a bit more bearable, and anyway even Brian was sick of his cuddles at home, he'd done so much of it while he was missing Darren. A pet was no substitute for a boyfriend! Luckily Chris was a good actor and nobody could tell he would rather be eating a tub of ice cream in front of a sad movie, instead of listening to hilarious stories from his friends over dinner.
On the plus side, there was the regular night time phone call with Darren to look forward to - things weren't all bad. The first couple of nights they talked about their day, Darren's sounding so much more exciting than Chris' - it was all such a new experience. Darren was actually more interested in any scraps of 'Glee' gossip Chris had to tell, which he managed to exaggerate to make everything sound far more exciting than it really was. Broadway was great for Darren, but he was missing the camaraderie of the Glee cast and crew, and if the truth be told, feeling a little lonely. Chris knew Darren had nothing to worry about. He was the world's best at making friends, and it wouldn't take long for him to fit right in alongside his new colleagues and make new friends….he was just one of those guys who was easy to get along with.
Something changed with their phone call on the third evening. They'd never really tried to turn each other on over the phone before, ever, but they were missing each other badly. Five minutes in and Chris had his pyjama pants pulled down across his thighs as he lay on his bed, a thin layer of sweat covering his body. His hand that wasn't holding the phone was stroking his dick languidly up and down in response to the sexy voice on the other end of the phone. "Tell me what you'd like me to do to you Chris," Darren whispered huskily.
"Touch me," Chris pleaded, "please, please touch me."
"Where would you like me to touch you? Tell me." Darren could hear an audible groan on the other end of the phone. "Tell me what you'd like me to do."
"Ugh… Darren." Chris' eyes rolled back into his head. God, the man knew how to get him. Darren had instigated this with a casual remark about being naked on his bed, breathily telling Chris how he wished they were together. Right. Now.
Chris had been pretty sure Darren was already stroking himself at this point, and with that image in his head, Chris was rock hard in his pyjama pants in no time at all.
"Tell me," Darren whispered, a slight hint of desperation in his voice.
"I.. I want.. you to touch my..my cock... Pleeease….." Chris smartened up his strokes at the thought of Darren's hand taking over from his own.
"Then what?" Darren sighed happily.
Oh. Chris' toes curled into the mattress. "Fuck me. I want you to fuck me…. I really want you to," his voice tailed off.
"Yes baby," Darren growled. "… I'm going to fuck you so hard. So, so…hard." They both panted heavily. "I want to see you when you come.." That simple statement was enough to send them both over the edge.
"I miss you," Chris whispered, near to tears, as he came back down to reality."
"Oh Chris," Darren paused, "I'm missing you too…."
Chris wiped a stray tear off his face with the back of his hand, careful not to get anything else on his face in the process. He heard Darren sigh. "It's only three weeks until you're coming to my opening night, it's not that long. "And…." Darren lowered his voice, "I promise you, Chris Colfer, when I get you alone, you won't want for anything….I can assure you..."
Chris couldn't wait.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Darren stared at his laptop in disbelief. No matter how hard he stared at it, he couldn't make the current image in front of his eyes go away. This was not good. Darren could feel a wave of despair creep over him.
He was currently crashed out on the couch after a long tiring day of vocal rehearsals. He was ten days in, and things had been going well. Darren had settled in enough to actually realise he could do this, take on this major role on Broadway. He'd had nothing but praise and encouragement from everyone involved in the show, and had just stopped trying to convince himself that any minute someone might turn round and tell him it had all been a big mistake.
Things with Chris had been going well too. They'd settled down, accepting that it was okay to miss each other, but were counting off the days until Chris was flying into New York to see Darren. The phone sex between them had become a regular thing, and was amazing. Darren had tried to persuade Chris to use Skype or FaceTime for their nightly rendezvous, and although Chris was currently reluctant, Darren knew it was only a matter of time…..and he was excited at the prospect. At the end of the day the phone calls were just foreplay for what was to come though - the minute Darren got Chris back to this snazzy apartment that had been rented for him, they were going to make love on every available surface..
At least that was the plan. Providing Chris wasn't too pissed at him….
He should probably phone him now…..
Chris could sense something was wrong as soon as he walked into work this morning. Chord was the first one to notice him walk in, clearing his throat as he stood up straight from looking at the laptop everyone was gathered round. Silence fell in the room as Chord offered Chris a wary greeting. "Oh…..Hi um…Chris."
"Hi…guys.." Chris felt nervous all of a sudden. "What's going on?" He tried to ignore the fact that no one seemed to want to look at him. This had to be bad. Everyone is just ignoring me! Chris headed over to the table where everyone was gathered, beginning to feel slightly aggravated. "Ignore me, why don't you," he muttered quietly.
As he got nearer Chris spotted Darren's face on the laptop screen, and before he could look any further, Lea shot up out of her seat, enveloping Chris in a tight hug. "don't jump to any conclusions when you look at this," she said kindly. "It's just a picture of Darren at a function or something last night… and you know how these websites choose the photos….." she tailed off as Chris moved closer to the scree.n. Darren's smiling face was beaming out from the screen as everyone moved clear of the computer, giving Chris complete access. He swallowed heavily as he noticed that the smile Darren was giving was directed at an extremely hot guy who had his arm draped over Darren's shoulder.
Chris felt dizzy as he looked away from the screen. Everyone in the room was looking at him cautiously. He had nowhere to hide. A further look at the offending photo, he noticed that as Lea had said, Darren was at a charity event which Chris had known he was attending. The reason they'd only been able to exchange a quick 'goodnight' text, instead of their usual lengthly phone call last night. Darren's companion was a tall blonde guy, of the 'model' variety, a smile equally as becoming as Darren's. They made a great couple in this picture which had obviously been taken during the fund raising evening. Chris could see that the smile Darren directed at said other guy, and looked suspiciously like the smile that Chris thought Darren saved only for him. He was sure Darren would never purposely do anything to hurt him, but Chris knew how, after a few drinks, it was easy to lose some of your inhibitions.
As Chris ran from the room, knowing he had seconds to make it to the bathroom before throwing up, he just caught a glimpse of a headline inferring that already, the charismatic Darren Criss had moved on from the young effeminate Chris Colfer. Over his years in the public eye, Chris had learnt not to take anything he read or heard in the media at face value, but at the moment all common sense seemed to evade him.
Having thrown up the contents of his stomach, Chris slumped against the wall in the small cubicle, his legs feeling like jelly. He normally would never dream of sitting on public bathroom floors, the idea usually pretty distasteful, but as his legs were unable to take his own weight at the moment, he would worry about it later. He really needed to get back to his trailer, where he thankfully had already deposited his bag; he couldn't face seeing anyone else just yet. A strong coffee and a sensible think was what he desperately needed - he had to pull himself together and get to work in a couple of hours. He was just glad he'd decided to come into work early today, and not been rolling in with minutes to spare like he sometimes did.
Eventually Chris found the energy to get up and leave the bathroom. He'd have a shower back in his trailer, and he had some fresh clothes there to change in to as well. Hopefully he wouldn't see anyone else, he wasn't ready for that yet. Heaven knows what must they all be thinking! Mostly though, his friends knew when he needed space without being told, but Chris was a little surprised to see Chord lurking near the bathroom as he stepped outside. While they were friends, if anything Chris would say Chord was really Darren's friend - they were kind of 'dudes' when they got together, often having impromptu 'jamming' sessions when the mood took them, both being in love with their guitars. Chord gave Chris an apologetic smile, handing him over a coffee he'd been patiently holding. Chris was oddly touched by the kind gesture. "Mind if I walk with you?" he asked Chris warily.
Chris nodded, thanking him for the coffee. God, he needed that coffee. He took a big, grateful gulp before setting off through the building.
"Darren's one of the good guys…" Chord offered hesitantly, trying to keep up with Chris' strides, "he really wouldn't hurt you…"
Chris looked over at Chord as they walked. He knew he probably looked a wreck, but he was past caring. "Oh.. Chord - I know that… I'm just being stupid. I'm inexplicably tired and overemotional, and I think it was the shock of it…. I like to think I'm all grown up here in the big wide world - and now look at me." Chris smiled wryly.
"Just speak to Darren… okay? I know how much in love with you he is. I've always known he was in love with you, just by looking at the two of you together….. " Chord looked embarrassed all of a sudden, "sorry.. sorry if I've overstepped, but..." he tailed off. They had reached Chris' trailer at this point.
"Chord, it's fine," Chris felt unable to put anything else into words at the moment. He touched Chord lightly on the arm, hoping the small gesture could convey what he felt unable to say, before making his way up the steps to the sanctuary of his own private space.
Chris had thought that after he'd showered and changed, he might have a more rational look at the offending piece of internet gossip, but when it came to it, he didn't have the heart. Darren couldn't and wouldn't hurt him, and Chris knew that, but he couldn't help the green eyed monster that had taken over him as soon as he'd seen the photo. More than anything, he was annoyed with himself for letting it get to him. As a rule he rarely looked at anything that was written about him or that concerned him, mainly because one bad thing was always the thing you remembered. Now he had let this crazy idea that Darren might have been having a good time with another guy seep into his psyche, while he, poor little Chris sat at home petting his cat as a replacement for the boyfriend who was many miles away.
He just needed to get through today and speak to Darren this evening, like they did most evenings. Once he heard Darren's voice he knew everything would be right. It was time to go and be the aspiring and confident Kurt Hummel, and to put this whole thing to the back of his mind.
Chris made himself another coffee and grabbed some fruit and yoghurt. He couldn't face anything on an empty stomach, and after tackling his small breakfast, he decided he needed to phone the one person who's voice could make him feel better. Someone who wouldn't judge him. He scrolled through the contacts on his phone, selecting the number and praying he was going to get an answer.
"Hi Mom," he said as the phone was picked up the other end.
Just as Darren had been contemplating how his conversation with Chris was going to go, he got the phone call. He knew that Chris had seen the photo published on 'Entertainment! Entertainment!': He may just have been given the heads up by Chord, who hadn't elaborated beyond telling Darren that Chris had seen 'it'. If he knew Chris as well as he thought he did, Chris would probably wait for Darren to take the initiative and phone him.
So when Darren received the emergency phone call from the producer of the Mamma Mia, it was obvious that nothing was going to go to plan. The understudy for Sophie had been called away on a family emergency, and Darren was needed to run through a few scenes with the second understudy in case she were needed. He wasn't sure why one of the other understudies for his part couldn't rehearse with her, but he guessed there must be a reason. Oh I really need to have an important conversation with my boyfriend. Not something he could say, so of course he had no choice but to say he'd be right in.
He just had time to shoot off a quick text to Chris, hoping it would suffice for now.
Had emergency call into work. So sorry as we need to talk. Please don't worry about photo. I love you. (Darren)
Chris woke the next morning with a missed call and a sweet goodnight text from Darren from the previous night. He'd been bitterly disappointed when he'd read Darren's first text yesterday, telling him he'd been called back into work. He'd stayed awake as long as he could , hoping to speak to Darren when he'd finished at the theatre. Obviously things must have gone on really late, as Darren's missed call was well after midnight. He was adamant he wasn't going to get any more upset over this whole debacle than he already had - it was bad enough that most of his friends at work had seen him go a little crazy at the first sight of Darren's photo.
They'd definitely talk tonight, maybe even Skype, Chris mused. He'd text Darren later and fix a time.
When Chris came out of work after a long day of filming, the last thing he expected to see as he entered the parking lot, was Darren leaning up against Chris' car. Chris grinned broadly as he approached him, taking in and appreciating how sexy he looked in his simple well fitting jeans and shirt which was casually rolled up at the sleeves. And then Darren was wearing his glasses; Chris loved him in his glasses…
"Darren! What are you doing here?" Chris asked incredulously as Darren pulled him in for a tight hug. "Everything is ok, isn't it?
Darren nodded as he pressed their lips together in a chaste kiss. "I've been given a couple of days off for good behaviour. I just wanted to see my gorgeous boyfriend….. I've missed you."
"I'm just so surprised to see you," Chris said excitedly. "Really pleased to see you…." He tailed off, pressing back in for another kiss, this time demanding entry into Darren's mouth as he ran his tongue along his boyfriend's top lip. He deepened the kiss, involuntarily emitting a small moan at the sensation, he'd missed this so much in the last week and a half.
"Shall we get out of here?" Darren whispered, pulling away slightly, "much as I love the parking lot here…"
"Yeah, let's.." Chris unlocked his car, eager to get away from work and have Darren all to himself. He jumped in the driver's seat hurriedly starting the car before Darren had barely got the passenger door closed. Darren raised his eyebrows as the car began rolling into motion before he'd got his seatbelt completely clicked into place.
"Ok….ay. You're keen." Darren glanced over at Chris, looking carefully at his set jawline. Chris caught his eye and smiled over softly, but Darren could sense Chris was annoyed with him in some way, despite the obvious pleasure Chris showed in seeing him this evening. It wouldn't be apparent to most people, but Darren could read him pretty well.
"Just can't wait to get away from here today. You know how it is. It's been a long day." Chris didn't elaborate, knowing Darren knew why. He was under no illusions as to why Darren had flown back to New York to see him, as pleased as he was with the surprised visit.
"Shall we go somewhere to eat first?" Darren ventured, "you know…. have a talk."
"Mmm… if you want." Chris didn't sound completely sold on the idea. "Where?"
"Oh, I don't know. How about that diner we've been to before - something simple." Darren sighed. "I just know if we go straight back to your place… well we won't talk will we? We would no doubt end up in bed before we'd reached any reasonable conversation."
"Oh my god, we don't want that do we?" Chris said a little louder than necessary. "Heavens. I haven't seen my boyfriend for nearly two weeks. We definitely need a chat."
"I think you know where I'm coming from," Darren said quietly, looking out of his side window, "even if you're pretending you don't….. and for the record," Darren looked back over at Chris, "as soon as we get back to your apartment and close that door… well let's just say your pants and underwear are going to be pooled around your ankles, in fact probably before we've closed the front door. PLeeease tell me you're wearing those tight boxer briefs.."
Darren watched Chris' trademark smirk form on his lips. "Always." Chris kept his eyes firmly on the road, trying to ignore the tightness of his jeans. He wanted to be annoyed with Darren, but he just made it so difficult….