CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

As Steph's brain finally came back online, she heard the last part of Connie's question. "…and when did this all happen?"

A lump the size of a boulder formed in her stomach. Ranger's casual public display had put her on the spot. She remembered the words of the contract she signed almost a month ago – "Both parties have agreed that at all other times not involving a 'scene', their physical and social relationship will be that of a monogamous "vanilla" couple". Also front and center, was the phrase "The sub will be completely honest with her Dom. She will not fabricate lies nor distort the truth for any reason". Steph knew that this part of the contract was pertaining to her and Ranger's relationship; but she had been trying her best to take lying out of her repertoire. She found it harder to keep track of which lies went to whom, and did not want to error on the side of punishment from her Dom.

So half-truths it is. "We're just trying this relationship for now. Nothing's permanent. We're just testing the waters." No need to fill them in on how muddy the waters are. To keep her mouth from getting her into trouble, Steph reached for her second Boston cream.

"Girl, if you test the waters much deeper, you are going to need diving equipment. How deep do you plan on going?" Lula's last remark plus her eye-locking stare gave Steph an uncomfortable chill down her spine.

She knows something's up, damnit. Be cool. And then a brilliant insight popped into her head. At first opportunity, tell Ranger. He is the Dom. It's his problem. A sudden peace wrapped around her with that thought. She was not alone in facing the world. She had a guide, a protector and a lover all in a package called her Dom. He had her complete trust and she was working hard to deserve his. Sharing her fears and asking for guidance wasn't seen by him as a weakness-but as a testament to her honesty and faith in both him and their relationship.

Steph joined the conversation with a new perspective. She is with her posse and dishing about the hot man in her life. Many things would need to remain private, but she could satiate them with without going into details. "Please, some things are just too personal. Just use your obviously overworked imaginations and consider them totally inadequate," she told them with a laugh and accompanying eye-roll.

"I'm just green with envy," Connie gushed.

"You are all going to be blue and standing out in the cold and unemployed, if you don't get back to work…NOW!" Vinnie was barking at them from his doorway. Stephanie, I have an assignment for you. Come into my office." He held the door open and waited for her to enter his grotto.

"Well, everything's back to normal," Lula groaned as she picked up a stack of files.

"Not quite," Connie said low enough for only Lula to hear. "Steph is now a Rangeman contractor. All jobs go through that office first and get Okayed by boss-man himself."

"Shit-on-me! When did that happen?" Lula's eyes were as wide as her mouth was open.

"Earlier, during their 'meeting' this morning."

"'Testing the waters' my ass!" Lula began her filing with uncharacteristic silence the rest of the day.

########

His text came around four PM, "I'll be at your apartment at 8:00". There was nothing else; no indication of why or what to prepare for. Steph felt her stomach tighten up and her pulse begin to speed up. Oh goody! We're going to play at my place tonight!

Surprisingly, she felt there was more privacy at her place. With all the cameras and alert staff; it was hard to sneak to the 7th floor. And being seen going into his apartment at night was like announcing to them – "Yep, the boss is getting lucky tonight". Not that they would dare say anything, but still she always felt she couldn't look any of the men in the eye the next morning. With her apartment building being populated mostly by the partially-deaf or partially-sane elderly, Steph felt more at ease in "vocalizing" her passion. "No, I didn't hear anything last night, Mr. Kleinschmidt." "Strange banging on the floor? How odd, Mrs. Bestler." Tonight would hopefully be one of those nights. She would be on time and ready to play.

Ranger walked into her apartment at exactly eight o'clock. He placed the placed the box containing a large Shorty's pizza on the kitchen table and the six pack of Corona in the fridge. "Babe!" he called out. There was no answer. He walked into the living room. There was only the table light glowing and no Stephanie. Then he went to the bedroom.

He inhaled deeply. There, kneeling with her hair tied back and her head bowed was his woman. Her gift of submission went straight to his heart, but her timing was off. He had not planned on having a scene. He had come because it was time for a talk. Her misinterpretation is my fault. I should have been more specific in my text. I have to be careful not to make her feel unwanted or unappreciated.

Ranger touched her lovingly on the top of her bowed head. "You look beautiful, Babe," he spoke softly to her as he reached for her pink, fluffy bathrobe that hanging on the hook by the door. Taking her hand gently, he helped her to stand. "Perhaps we'll play later. But for now, slip this on. I brought pizza and we need to talk." He smiled, kissed her on the forehead and led her to the living room.

"We need to talk." – The most dreaded four words in a relationship. Those words always signaled a change; sometimes for the best but usually for the worst. What had she done wrong? What had she missed? Damn, I'm trying so hard here; and I still fucked up!

Steph thanked God that Ranger had her sit on the couch while he went to get the food. Her legs felt like jello and would never hold her up. Placing the opened pizza box and two bottles of beer on the coffee table, Ranger took his normal seat, opposite her, in the big comfy chair. Handing her one of the beers and picking up his own, he began.

"I want to apologize for today. I over-stepped my place as your Dom. I made major decisions regarding both this relationship and your career without ever discussing them with you. This whole monogamous-half-vanilla-half-kink lifestyle is awkward for me. That's not an excuse. You know I abhor excuses. It's just an honest explanation and a promise to do better. Will you forgive me?" His gaze never left her eyes as he spoke words that he obviously had been practicing for a while.

For one brief moment, Steph forgot how to speak. Then sanity (or insanity, depending on the outcome) took over. In the blink of an eye "submissive Stephanie" was replaced by "irate Stephanie". She forgot that she was nude under a pink robe. She forgot that she had planned for an evening of orgasmic sex. She even forgot that she was a submissive. All she knew was that she had a boatload of pent-up emotions that had found their way to her tongue and they would not be denied.

"I think it would have been nice to be included in the plans for my own damn future! I thought I was holding my own in doing my job. Now I need Rangeman to baby-sit me for even the simplest assignments? And as long as I'm self-destructing here, I'm sick and tired of always being afraid…afraid of someone finding out about us…afraid I'll commit some grievous lifestyle offense…afraid you've made the wrong decision…afraid I've made the wrong decision…afraid I'll like this too much and turn into some kind of a freak! I want to go out to a nice restaurant and eat what I damn feel like eating! I want to go to my parent's house and be able to look mom and gram in the eyes! I want you in my life forever and want to be part of yours! Oh, and top of all that, Lula suspects and I don't know what to tell her!" This entire tirade was released in what seemed like a single breath.

Steph had been pacing the floor as she spoke and as she finished she took her first glimpse at Ranger. She expected to see a red and angry face. Instead she was greeted with his 1000 watt smile.

"This isn't friggin funny!" she yelled.

"Babe, I'm not laughing. I'm just so happy to have my old Stephanie back. I've missed her." He stood and took her gently by her shoulders.

"Your fire and blind determination are two of my favorite things about you. I never wanted you to become something you weren't. I was hoping to help you discover who you really are. This arrangement isn't working out the way it should and we need to re-think our approach." Ranger sat her down on the couch and joined her there.

She started to sob either out of desperation or defeat. She didn't know which. "You…you don't want to be my Dom? Was I that bad?"

"Babe, I want to be you Dom, your lover, your best friend and anything else that is important in your life. YOU have not failed. WE have not failed. We just got lost in trying too hard." He reached into his pocket and brought out his copy of their agreement. He held it out in front of him and was about to tear it in half; when Steph cried out. "No! Don't do that! I want it…or at least most of it…ok, some of it. Please, don't tear it up."

Ranger gave a patient sigh and placed the document on the table next to the rapidly cooling pizza. "Let's put this aside and just talk for a moment. You remember how to 'just talk' and not indiscriminately yell, don't you?" He chuckled slightly as he reached for their beers. Steph wiped away a straggling tear with the cuff of her robe and nodded.

"Being a Dom 24/7 is just too much for me, Babe. I've been in the life now for almost ten years and most of it has been defined by scenes lasting no more than a couple of hours. The longer relationships were either training sessions or vacations out of the country. It was sex…in and for itself. I need control in the bedroom. It's what I like and who I am. I don't need control of another person, especially the one person who I do need in my life."

Steph tried to speak, but he held a gentle finger to her lips and continued. "I see so much in you that you don't see in yourself. You don't need to seek approval from people like Vinnie. You don't need to be a permanent child to have the love of your family. You can think for your self and act the way you want, without having to explain every little detail. What I did today at the bonds office wasn't to keep you under wraps. It was to free you to be the great investigator and bounty hunter that you are. I don't want to be looking over your shoulder every minute, and I don't want you to feel as though I am. I trust you more than you trust yourself."

Taking a big swallow of beer, Steph argued. "But I'll just screw up again. I always screw up when I make big decisions. You, of all people have seen that!"

Her statement caused a laugh and a head-shake from Ranger. "Babe, we all screw up. Some of us are better at making it look like the result was the intention all along. Now, back to this damn agreement…