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"You want to tell me what's on your mind?" Morgan asked as he sat next to Reid, leaning back in the chair, legs spread in a wide stance, top buttons of his shirt popped open, beer bottle in hand. His body language screamed confidence. Reid, on the other hand, exuded insecurity from every pore. When he didn't reply, Morgan waved a hand in front of his face. "Reid? You in there man?"
Reid's head snapped as he came out of his mind and his thoughts. "Hmm?"
"I asked if wanted to talk about whatever's on your mind."
"Oh, um, nothing. Just a lot to process from the last seventy-two hours. I think I'm about ready to retire into Hotel Rossi."
"Yeah, I guess the party is kind of dying down." Reid hummed in agreement. "I know that his house is huge but it's crazy that he has enough room for all of us."
"Not everyone is staying. Kevin and that girl aren't. Anderson isn't. Hotch and Beth and Jack are leaving. JJ and Will are actually staying in the guest house. Strauss . . . don't even want to think about it. Point is, in the end, it's not that many people."
"Um, I'm almost afraid to ask, but what was that comment about Strauss about? Our rooms share a connecting bathroom, right?"
"I'll tell you later, when there are less people around to overhear. With regard to the connecting bathroom, I believe so, yes. Are you planning on using your room?"
"Scuse me?" Morgan said raising an eyebrow.
"I didn't know if you'd end up with Emily . . . or Penelope."
"C'mon man, you know I don't date women that carry guns on a daily basis."
"I'm not even going to start on your use of the word dating, but we both know Emily is leaving, even if she hasn't said it yet, and Garcia doesn't carry a gun," Reid reasoned.
"Yeah, but the shit she could do to you in cyber space . . . that shit might be worse than a simple gun shot." Morgan shuddered at the thought. "Besides, Henry is staying with his godmother tonight. No sense in giving JJ and Will the guest house if they'll have Henry." Reid nodded in understanding. "You do understand why they're getting the guest house, right man?" Morgan teased.
"Goodnight Morgan," Reid said as he stood.
"Aw, c'mon man, I was just kidding!"
Reid ignored him as he crossed the lawn and entered Rossi's home. Sighing as he entered his room, he yanked off his tie and slid out of his jacket. He unbuttoned his shirt, undid his belt, pants, and shoelaces, removed his mismatched socks and headed into the bathroom to take a hot and hopefully relaxing shower. His thoughts returned to Garcia's declaration from Saturday morning. He knew that she had said that she could never be sexually attracted to him, but his mind kept interpreting it as no one could ever be sexually attracted to him, that he was that undesirable. He understood why . . . his intellect was off-putting, he could seldom control what came out of his mouth, he talked too much and stuttered when he was nervous, he was too thin for how tall he was . . .
Reid was so lost in thought that he didn't hear the door to Morgan's adjoining room open. The older agent was silent, waiting patiently. When the younger man turned off the water, pulled the curtain back only a few inches, and stuck an arm out to retrieve his towel Morgan braced himself for the verbal assault he was about to receive.
Reid towel dried his hair before quickly running the towel up and down his long limbs and torso, finally wrapping it tightly around his waist. He pulled back the shower curtain and yelped in surprise at the sight of Morgan. "What the hell Morgan?! I thought we had a few boundaries."
"I just wanted to finish our conversation from earlier."
"There was nothing left to say; the conversation was over," Reid huffed as he brushed past him into his bedroom, but Morgan was hot on his heels.
"I would like to get dressed now, so do you mind?" the doctor questioned, his irritation evident in his voice.
"I don't mind, go right ahead. I'm not leaving until you tell me what's bothering you." Morgan smiled as he laid down on the bed, legs crossed at the ankles and arms behind his head. Of course he doesn't mind. No one could ever be sexually attracted to me, and certainly never him. He's so confident in his sexuality he doesn't even care if I get dressed in front of him . . . but I certainly care. If I tell him, I will NEVER hear the end of it! I can't! Maybe I can just wait until he falls asleep . . . but I'm getting cold . . . Reid quickly grabbed the pajamas he had set out before his shower and dashed into the bathroom, locking both doors. Finally, a little privacy. He hung his towel on the bar, pulled on the pajama pants, yanked his long-sleeved t-shirt over his head, and with a heavy sigh re-entered his room.
Morgan patted the other side of the queen-sized bed, indicating for Reid to join him. The doctor reluctantly trudged across the room.
"I'm glad that I showered so that I could go to bed clean, just to have you lay your sweaty body in my nice clean bed."
"C'mon man, how often do you get a hot, sweaty body beside you in bed?"
"Leave."
"No."
"Well, if you refuse to leave, then you could at least stop being a jerk?"
"I'm sorry man, I'll try." Reid gave him a look. "I really am," he replied, mustering as much sincerity as possible.
Morgan was starting to get a vague idea as to what was bothering his best friend. He waited patiently and after a few minutes his patience was rewarded. "Do you think I'm unattractive? That I'm sexually undesirable?"
Morgan shot up into a sitting position and turned to look at him. "I'm sorry, what? Wait . . . did somebody tell you that? Tell me who it was and I'll kick their ass!"
"I somehow doubt that," Reid replied, joining Morgan in a seated position but unable to make eye contact. "It was Garcia," he said by way of further explanation. "We saw Kevin and that girl at the convention and she explained to me that her bringing me was completely different because she could never be sexually attracted to me."
"Do you want Garcia to be sexually attracted to you?" Morgan asked, manipulating his eyebrows for emphasis.
"God no! It . . . it would just be nice if someone, somewhere in the world was." Reid focused his attention on the comforter.
"You were just very adamant when I asked if you wanted Garcia to be attracted to you because you're good friends and nothing more. Do you think maybe she was just expressing the same feeling?"
"I somehow doubt that since my problem with her is her gender," Reid muttered. Suddenly he realized what he had said and slapped a hand over his mouth, curling into a tight ball to comfort himself.
"Reid, hey c'mon man, it's not like I didn't know." This was enough for Reid's head to pop out of his ball, eyes wide with surprise. "I wasn't positive, but I suspected . . . I've thought maybe for a while, but didn't want to push the issue . . . but I'm your best friend and we've known each other for nearly a decade now . . . I'd be concerned if I hadn't had some inkling – even if I wasn't a profiler." Morgan had managed to coax a small smile from his friend.
"I guess it doesn't really matter. When no one wants you, what difference does your sexual orientation make?"
"Hey, stop saying shit like that. You know I think you're pretty."
Reid snorted derisively. "No I didn't; I always thought you were mocking me."
The pain Morgan felt at those words was written on his face. "Spencer Reid, you are attractive and you are desirable. Hasn't anyone ever told you that?"
"No," Reid answered softly.
"Lila thought you were attractive."
"That was transference."
"What about the bartender?"
"She thought I was cute, like a puppy."
"Well, haven't you ever dated anyone? Did you and Ethan ever?"
Reid cast his eyes downward and blushed a deep crimson. "Morgan I've never been with anyone. I'd never even been kissed until Lila. I'm so pathetic," he exclaimed, laying on his stomach and burying his face in a pillow.
Morgan rubbed his hand soothingly up and down Reid's back. "You're not pathetic."
Reid lifted his face from the pillow in order to speak. "I can't believe you can even say that with a straight face."
"Why not? It's the truth; it's what I think."
"Morgan . . . really, I've had quite enough humiliation for one night; now will you please go?"
"How about this?" Morgan began. "I'll go take a shower and then I'll come back."
"I plan on being asleep."
"That's okay."
"Fine. Whatever. Just leave me in peace." Morgan was reluctant to leave but eager to shower, so he left. When he came back a short while later dressed in boxers and an undershirt, Reid was sprawled out on his half of the bed. He noted that the pillow he had being lying on before he showered had disappeared and he suspected that it was the lump beneath the covers that Reid was seemingly cuddling. He slipped into the bed, resting himself on one elbow.
"I know you're not asleep."
". . ."
"I can tell by your breathing."
". . ."
"Seriously man, give it up."
"Whhhhhhhhhhhhy are you back?" whined Reid into his pillow.
"I told you I would be."
"Yeah, but I was hoping you wouldn't."
"I don't think we're done with this conversation. Have you ever been sexually attracted to anyone?"
"Yes," he mumbled.
"Did you ever ask him out or make a move?"
Reid simply shook his head into the pillow.
"Then how do you know he's not interested?"
"Because I'm a total cliché!" he bemoaned.
"Why?"
"Because he's straight."
"I'm sorry," Morgan said softly, gently stroking his hair.
"You have nothing to be sorry for."
"I know and I'm sorry. I, uh, I suspected more than just that you were gay."
"Oh . . . well if you know, then why are you here?"
He sighed heavily. "I don't know. Because you're my best friend, and I love you, and sometimes, when I least expect it, we have these little moments and they feel more than friendly."
This admission by Morgan was enough to make Reid turn and face him. "I'm not imagining them?"
Morgan smiled at him. "Nah Pretty Boy," he replied gently, "they're really happening."
"But . . . but you just said you're sorry . . . so . . . so they're happening but . . ."
Morgan pulled the genius tight against his body, wrapping his arms around him. "I'm sorry you've been hurting . . . that I'm the reason you're hurting . . . I'm sorry I don't know how to deal with the moments, and what they mean . . . I . . . I know I love you, I just . . . I just don't know . . ."
"Why now?"
He sighed again. "I'm not really sure. Maybe because I almost got blown up yesterday; maybe it's because I just saw one of my closest friends get married today; maybe it's the fact that in a few weeks I'll be forty; maybe it's a culmination of all those things and opportunity . . . I really don't know, but it seemed like the time." Morgan continued to stroke the genius' hair. "I'm glad you've let it grow out some," he murmured. "I like having something to run my hands through." Reid leaned into the touch. "I know that everyone you've ever loved has let you down, abandoned you, but I won't. I promise."
Reid's eyes were glistening and he nodded his head.
"Can I kiss you?"
The younger man nodded again and Morgan slowly leaned in until their lips just brushed against each other. Encouraged by Reid's hands on the back of his neck he leaned in again, this time pressing their lips together gently but firmly.
"Relax pretty boy," Morgan murmured against his lips. Reid sighed and Morgan took the opportunity to insert his tongue into the other's mouth. He slowly encouraged the other into returning the kiss and their tongues danced together as though they had been doing so for years. When the need for air became too great he reluctantly pulled back.
"Was that . . . are you . . ."
"That was more than a moment and I'm definitely interested."
"I don't have any experience . . ."
"Well, in a way, neither do I, so we'll go slow . . . and what I do know, I'll be more than happy to teach you."
"I'm a good student," Reid mumbled sleepily.
"Dr. Reid, are you flirting with me?"
"I honestly don't know. Was that flirting?"
"It sounded like it to me."
Reid snuggled into Morgan's side. "Then I was flirting."
"Can I stay the night? Hold you while I sleep?"
Reid nodded into Morgan's chest. "In case you couldn't tell, I'm planning on using you as a pillow," he murmured.
"I'm going to take that as a yes," replied Morgan, smiling happily as he hugged Reid a little closer.
