CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Silence

"Ryuzaki, Higuchi has a gun on him! The chief's been shot and...and Emiko is down."

The three men in the helicopter froze, even the sound of Watari checking his sniper suddenly stopped and L had stilled all over, his black eyes wide. No. He – he couldn't think. Every thought, every idea was too far fetched, as if it was all out of his reach and he just could not hold on to one of it. For the first time ever, his mind was shutting down and it was Light who was responding. "Higuchi's escaping!"

"I'm all right, but we need to get help – now."

"This is bad," Light panicked his heart thumping loudly. But when he turned to L, he was simply staring straight ahead with his lips parted and eyes glazed over. His stomach lurched as he felt the seat beneath him buckle and the helicopter take a dip. "Ryuzaki! " he called out desperately. "Focus! She'll be okay – but, but Ryuzaki!" Light scrambled for words, wanting to shake the man before they all plummeted to their deaths but he blinked at last. His hands tightened around the controls.

"Ryuzaki."

The sound of Watari's voice brought him back, but his mind still wasn't thinking straight. It was on repeat and only on one name. Ellie. Ellie. Ellie...

"Ryuzaki!" Light screamed again.

And then he snapped out of it. He wasn't sure, maybe it was the sheer terror in Light's usually controlled voice that brought him back. As if nothing happened, he turned to Light and spoke in a calm voice. "This leaves us no choice. We'll have to move in and apprehend him. Watari, are you ready?" He raised a gun between his thumb and index at him, and Light saw the visible tremble in his hands. "Light, I think you should hold on to this...for self-defence. This is Kira we're after."

"But -"

"Emiko has just been shot," he said and his voice was horribly quiet and the shake in it was so clear that Light suddenly doubted himself. Doubted everything. Doubted that this was even the renowned detective in front of him when all he saw was an anxious, maybe even frightened, dark haired man. For the first time ever, this was not Ryuzaki or L. He was just a man, and one that had heard this only friend get shot down and he could not have done anything about it.

L tried to steady his hand when he finally realized that Light was staring at him too hard and too openly, but the idea of Ellie dead...of her bleeding on the ground so far away...She had to be okay. She simply had to be. "You have to protect yourself," and even as he said this, he wasn't talking to Light, not really. Only one face remained on his mind: the face of a girl with a bright smile, even brighter gray eyes and a laughter he had always associated with sunny days and...and bliss.

Ellie.

xxx-xx-xxx

Beep.

Inhale.

Beep.

Exhale.

Beep.

She squeezed her eyes.

Beep.

And then her eyes flew open, white light blinding her as she squinted and looked around. She was...she was in the hospital. She rolled her head to the side, feeling the stiff and itchy pillow sheet on her cheeks and it was practically all she could do, but her core felt sore – felt weak, like a part of here wasn't there. She tried to move her arm and she was well aware that there were things lodged inside her skin but she had to touch her stomach, to make sure that it was still there. She gently probed the area, wincing. It didn't feel quite like pain, more like a sense of raw, openness. What happened? She remembered racing down the night of Tokyo, of running into the building and the feeling of control – until...until...I was shot.

She blinked, and suddenly her mind cleared up.

I was shot by that son of a bitch Higuchi.

"Someone!" she shouted, but it came out more like a hoarse, cracking plea. Her voice was raw and rough and her throat constricted. "Can -"

The pain had started slowly, sharply...and then all at once. From the initial piercing, it stretched out like a web of knives all over her stomach and all she thought was I'm dying, I'm dying before she saw a kaleidoscope of light, and then...

Blackness.

And ever so faintly, the beeping slowed.

xxx-xx-xxx

"Can – can I go see him?" Misa whispered to Light. It had only been a day since she left the building, but she needed to see Ryuzaki again, to see his face. After regaining her memory and her Death Note exactly as Light planned, she thought that everything was finally going to click in place - but she missed a vital component. L's name. She couldn't let Light down just because her memory gave up on her, she couldn't.

"It's too risky," Light said. It was risky for him that was.

"Then...then I can say that I'm visiting Emiko," she whispered, urgent to prove Light her worth. His face cracked, and he looked away. Ryuk laughed behind them, knowing that shocked expression was more than just rare. It was obvious that Ryuzaki would be with Emi and it would not arouse suspicion for Misa to go to the hospital where they would indirectly meet. Whether it would be Misa or Rem who ended up killing L didn't matter to him, as long as that detective was dead. The sweet victory was only days, maybe hours before him. He nodded.

She hugged Light, wondering why she couldn't stay like this ever – in the arms of her saviour, of someone so brilliantly smart, someone that would and had took care of her. But a lingering whisper in her mind told her that the only reason why he was holding her because there were others watching and -

No. She would not think that. Light loved her. He saved her. He stopped his entire plan and erased his memory and went through months of torture, confinement and being chained up to someone just to get her out of the strait jacket. He loved her. What other possible reason for undergoing all of that if not love? Yet when he pulled away, his brown eyes were not gentle or kind or even intelligent. They were cold. Stern. Untouchable, unreachable. "Remember what I told you?"

Yes. She did. Kill as much as she could. She would do that – for him. After all, look at all he did for her. She nodded. When she left the building, she immediately went to visit Emiko. The girl was staying at a hospital that was also located within the city, only a short, direct fifteen minute walk away. She checked in with the nurse easily with a bubbly laughter and friendly but worried smile, finding out the room.

But as the sound of nurses and people faded behind her, that smile slowly faded away and she felt a growing anxiety twisting in her stomach. By the time she stood in front of the room, she wanted to run out. She couldn't breathe. She didn't want to be here.

She prepared herself for it, for seeing the girl that had been always around for weeks all bandaged up and unconscious. They weren't close, they weren't best friends or anything...but Emiko had left an impression on her the way older students did when they talked to a junior or freshmen kindly. They looked out for each other. They irritated each other – a lot. And often. But...but...but she couldn't forget the late night talks. The way her gray eyes softened, the way her voice dropped when she told to be careful.

Misa's thoughts switched to Rem, who cared for her as well and the memory of the Shinigami by her side triggered the memory of another day, months ago...

She remembered why she was so nervous, but why she felt like she absolutely needed to see Emiko. The memory was too hazy...of being in Aoyama disguised, seeing Emi on Light's arm – her real name, her life span. And when she walked into that room, where the girl lay...she regretted. She regretted seeing Emiko, breathing softly. Her hair was like a smoke underneath her, long and dark and flowing around her sleeping face. And she looked calm, and peaceful – not nervous, or frantic, or trying to seem happy for everyone else's sake.

But then Misa saw her life span, and looked at the date. "No, no," she whispered, taking a step back, and then another. And then she was racing out of the hospital, not even bothering to look for Ryuzaki before she ran out to the cold air, trying to catch a breath.

I was right.

xxx-xx-xxx

"Good morning."

There was no response but the hum of the machinery, the shallow breathing and he was more sleep deprived than usual or perhaps simply paranoid but he thought he could hear each drip coming from the intravenous therapy that was feeding the body medication. For the past four days, he had not slept for a standard ninety minute cycle, nor had he stopped trying to talk to her as if she could hear him. "You should wake up sometime. Watari finally got around to make hot chocolate the way you like it – you know, melted chocolate bars and cream?"

She didn't say anything.

Instead, she simply laid in bed and he brought the blanket up closer to her neck. He wondered if she was cold. Or if she was even conscious – was she dreaming? Or was she in just a state of nothingness? Was her brain working, but just the function of physical control not being carried out? He remembered reading an essay about it somewhere when he was maybe nine or eight but for the life of him, he couldn't pull the words or even the points made together. It was like that lately. His thoughts were muddled, racing from one to another.

Every time he looked at her, something felt terribly wrong. It was torn between a sense of shock - she wasn't supposed to be there - and guilt for letting her go. He was an idiot. But he remembered how happy, how alive and clear she sounded when she was on that motorcycle, and he knew who he had to blame – Higuchi but he was dead before he could torture him. Correction. Interrogate.

And now here he was, unsure what to do next. He wanted to wait for Elaine to wake up before he made a move with the Death Note, but he knew the Task Force – and Light especially – would push ahead. Light...that was another problem altogether. One he wanted Elaine's opinion on.

And of course, everything rooted back to her.

He sighed, looking down at her before looking out the window. It was raining, and raining hard. "Wake up, Ellie," he murmured quietly, his eyes flickering back to the brown haired girl. He kept his hands in his pockets, fighting back the urge to brush her hair back and touch her face. He felt his fingers twitch, trembling but his face remained unmoving, eyes hidden behind his hair. "Please, just wake up." He reclined back into the chair, one feet at a time and his voice was a whisper by the time his head was resting between his knees. "I don't know what to do." Without you.

Yes, this is a bit short...but the next (and final, not including epilogue) chapter is a lot longer! Reviews would be lovely :)