AN: Last chapter! It is not too long but if you thought so...well, you know...it's the last chapter before the Epilogue, which is pretty short. I don't usually put the A/N up here but...yep. ;) Let's just say that I did not make any grammar mistake.

Hope you enjoy!

CHAPTER NINETEEN

A Shout into the Void

Dry air, stiff sheets, silence.

Her eyes cracked open, and she slowly reached up to rub the crust out of her eyes and for a few seconds, she just laid there - not thinking.

Breathing.

And then her eyes sharpened as she remembered how fast she blacked out last time. Oh no, oh no - it's going to hurt again. I'm going to black out again. No. No, no no. And Elaine was frantic again, taking care this time as she sat up and her hands were shaking, her fingers not listening to the goddamn instructions of finding paper - of a pen - anything, anything that could leave a mark. Her hand smacked the bedside table in search of something, finding a pad of paper and thank the Lord a pen - but -

It. Would. Not. Work. "Fuck." A desperate cry. Her hands were unable to stay still as she scratched the pen against paper but nothing would appear, nothing but dents.

Her mind was thrown into panic. Why was this not working? Why was everything against her? Why was this happening - why didn't things go as plan? The pen had one job - one job - and yet here it was, doing nothing but stabbing her paper. It was useless. A waste of space. A waste of material and for once in her life, why did something happened that she and Lawliet were not prepared for? And now, now days afterwards God decided to give her a pen that could not work? And then she was sobbing. She didn't know why she was acting like a child, but she was just so frustrated of not being able to move without pain, of having Kira escape, of getting shot, of working on a case that had no end, of having a fucking pen that did not work - so she cried.

And she cried.

And even as she screamed, she cried.

"For once in your life, just work!" she shrieked, stabbing the pen against the paper again but there was no ink and she cried out again, whipping it against the wall before crumbling down, her face in her hands as she cried and cried for no particular reason. "You stupid, stupid pen," she sobbed, her body heaving, "stupid, useless pen." She wanted Lawliet here. She wanted him next to her. She wanted him to -

"You're going to hurt the pen's feeling like that, Ellie." She froze. And everything just -

- stopped.

And slowly, she turned her head and as soon as she saw the men with dark, tousled hair and observing dark eyes, with even larger shadows smudged beneath them - something in her chest collapsed. But it wasn't painful, it didn't make her want to burn down the world. And before she could even say anything, another sob choked her and she curled onto herself, shaking her head and wiping her palm against her eyes desperately.

"Ryuzaki?"

He waited at the door for what felt like forever. And then he closed the door behind him and that little motion clicked something inside her head – the first breakthrough. "Lawliet," she corrected and she tried to move towards him but a pain radiated from her stomach. He walked towards her, frustratingly slow but once he was close enough, she threw her arms around him, forcing herself to forget about the pain as she was on her knees on the bed, arms tight around his neck and face buried in his shoulder, whispering his name over and over.

"You're okay," he said quietly, never before feeling this relieved. He could practically drown in it. "You're okay." And she cried and laughed at once, her fingers digging into his back. "God," she hiccupped almost pathetically, "we're like broken records."

"I suppose we are," he pulled her back, examining her. She looked fine, the days of sleep and sudden rush of feelings bringing colour back to her face. Although her eyes were rimmed with lingering tears, she looked happy. "Don't do anything like that again," he said solemnly. "Understood?"

She laughed, resting her head back between the curve of his neck and shoulders, arms still like vines around him. She never wanted to let go of him ever again. What felt like a problem days ago - all those feelings - seemed like the best thing in the world right now. Everything made a little more sense. She pushed him back, her hands on his face as her eyes held his.

"I love you."

She felt him freeze, but she didn't care. She needed to get it out. Words rushed, eyes moving across his face in a desperate attempt to make him understand, she spoke. "My God, I love you. From the day I've met you, I wanted to take care of you. And I blame you for getting it this far – because," God, what didn't L do to her? "You keep me around and you yell at me, and you make me laugh and you look at me before you look at anyone else, and you call me Ellie and you always give me that same red velvet cupcake -" She stopped for air, laughing bitterly at how free it felt to just speak her raw and honest thoughts.

" - And I just love you so much."

What else could she say?

Her voice broke, gray eyes wide and begging. "Okay?"

He stared, speechless. "Okay." But she couldn't breathe. Okay? That was it? That was his response? His eyes flickered down to hers and he slowly guided her back on the bed and all she could do was stare.

"Okay?" she whispered, and suddenly she wanted to crawl back into a hole. To go back to several seconds ago. To be asleep and stay asleep for the rest of her life. "That's it?" He tilted his head the slightest, eyes on her and she was sure that her heart was cracking.

"Well of course," he said in a casual tone, pulling the blanket closer to her. He turned to look at the heart rate monitor, his lips parting the only reaction when he saw how rapid it was. "What could I possibly say after that?" His voice was almost flat, and his eyes that shifted to her almost annoyed – but not quite. She stared at him, like a deer in headlights. Not breathing still. She wasn't even sure if she had said anything, if she had whispered it or thought it.

But she had only one thought. "Oh."

But then L threw her a strange glance as if for once, he did not understand. His mouth twitched the slightest, and his dark eyes flickered across her puppy-sad face. She didn't look at him. He sighed. "You are like a monkey." And at that, her eyes - such a pale gray it was more like the colour of rain clouds than anything - looked up at him with that same expression she had when she was five and he became suddenly more aware of his breathing as he leaned in close enough to see each of her eyelashes, each little fleck of colour in those eyes. "Ellie." Her eyes moved away and her chin dipped and as if by instinct, he tipped her face back so that she was looking at him.

"Elaine," he said again, quieter this time. And then -

"I am in love with you."

Her face lit on fire and she couldn't look at him. She did not believe her own ears because there was no way that -

"But romance in the workplace -"

"Oh, shut up." And she pushed everything aside to close the distance between them and kissed him. Elaine kissed Lawliet. And she thought it may have been weird because this was L and yet her mouth was on his and her hands in his hair and he was kissing her back - L, she could not stress this enough - and it was as if she was pulled in deeper and deeper into it, like a part of her was finally connecting. And her heart. It ached and raced and stopped all at once.

And when he leaned back, it felt like he ripped a part of her away and she was left breathless. "No -"

He was speaking in English, and the native language was like honey to her ears: the pleasant, faint English tilt in his voice as he said, "Please try not to go off nearly dying again. Don't leave."

And for some reason, those words meant more than anything, even more than love. Because in those words she heard a vulnerability she thought only she had. It made her feel like despite everything, he needed her. That she was his Ellie to his identity of L. She pulled him close again, simply just to feel the line of his jaw on her fingertips and the heat of him surround her. And just before she kissed him again, she said:

"Attachment issues, Lawliet. Do work on that."

Because she was Elaine and he was Lawliet and that was simply who they were. She felt his smile against her mouth, and he said some mildly insulting things back at her but it didn't matter because he loved her and at last, she felt whole again.

xxx-xx-xxx

"Thank God you're awake."

Elaine's eyes fluttered open, and she murmured incomprehensibly as she rubbed her eyes. After a yawn and a good stretch, she looked up to see Light closing the door behind him. Maybe it was her mindset, maybe it was the drugs or maybe it was the new blood in her system – but he looked different.

Sure, he had on that usual white button down and dress pants. That expensive watch. Neat hair. A smile spread across his handsome face, but it looked...different. Calculated. Not the same as before. And it was definitely not the drugs because her mind felt sharper now.

"Hi." She smiled. She felt nervous as he came around and crossed his arms.

"How are you feeling?" he asked politely. Politely. Not worriedly or concerned or even curious. Maybe she was paranoid, but this Light felt...different. No, not different. Nostalgic. The Light before the imprisonment. And as if by instinct, she smiled wider. "Like I was just shot, but I feel better now." She sat up straighter, struggling but he simply watched, not trying to help her at all. She didn't know why, but she felt...disappointed. "Do you want to catch me up?"

He raised an eyebrow but his brown eyes did not shift in expression or interest. "I thought Ryuzaki came here this morning?"

She flushed. "We weren't talking about the case," she said quietly. Nope, she was too busy vomiting out words, twining her fingers with his and keeping him close as they...talked. They talked about the past. About the little details. About their favourite cooking shows. About lunch food, and about when Watari could start bringing in cakes instead of the horrible, tasteless hospital food.

Light smirked and any doubts she had before disappeared. Something changed. "So what happened?" she asked carefully. She made sure not to let his bias cover the truth of what happened. If something was different, Light may leave out critical points or...he could just flat out lie to her. He relaxed slightly, pulling up a chair.

"You've been out for several days," he began, "we retrieved the means of Kira's murdering." Her eyebrows shot up, and he continued unperturbed. He looked strangely interested in the metal rails on her bed as he leaned back. "It was a notebook full of names and, of course, it was all the criminals that had died. Not all of it – which led us to believe that each Kira has their own notebook."

So she was right. The impossible was possible. This was not a human – there was some sort of godly intervention in the whole case. No wonder why it was so difficult; it was them up against a supernatural. So how could they possibly win? Who was to say that this...this Shinigami could not transfer the notebook to another human?

"There were rules in this notebook, accompanied with the Shinigami...Rem," Light said slowly and at last, he looked at her from beneath his eyelashes. He watched her reaction carefully and was satisfied with her gasp. She looked at him sharply. "Misa was released and the killings continued – but there was a thirteen day rule and she was cleared. But it doesn't change the fact that there's another Kira out there..."

"The rules," she said slowly, "what are they?"

He moved and took out a sheet from his back pocket. But when Elaine gave him a questioning glance, Light simply smiled and said, "Sometimes, I refer back to it. The whole mess is stuck in my head." She stared at him. God, he was handsome. She couldn't describe him right now with any word except that he was...sharper. And clever. There was a new aura to him, something she couldn't put a finger on. But this new confidence was so different than the Light before.

She took the paper without breaking eye contact with him and it wasn't until it was directly in front of her that she glanced down and read off the rules carefully. And then again. And then one last time for good measure. Then she handed it back to him with a frown. "Thanks," she said quietly. Her head started to process these rules with all that was happening, trying to find a connection. Her eyebrow was furrowed, her thumb lining her lower lip, a trait that she shared with L.

Seeing her so deep in thought, Light's guarded expression slipped slightly.

He knew that she had to die. She was too closely connected with L, and L had to die himself. And with everything she found out in the recent weeks, Light had to consider the chance that she may actually be the one to discover who the true Kira is. He winced and looked away. He would be lying to himself if he said that he wanted her to die. If there was a way...a way to render her irrelevant to the case, he would carry it out. So rarely he met a girl refreshing quite like Emiko – an alias, of course. But he would only be deluding himself if he thought there was a way he could be the god he deserved to be with her alive and on his trail.

He closed his eyes, breathing deeply. The room was silent, nothing but the sound of rain outside between them. A harsh thunder snapped her eyes open, the gray orbs moving back to him.

"You should head home," she said softly, "before the real storm comes."

His eyes flashed up. "What?"

The smile she gave him was brief, but genuine. Even if Light was not what it seemed, the forecast called for a heavy shower that bordered on a thunderstorm. L had already left, promising to come back after his briefing with the Task Force, rain or not. "You don't want to be stuck at a hospital overnight, do you? Misa will miss you."

He didn't quite rolled his eyes but the expression he had made it clear that he didn't care and relaxed further into his seat. "You're alone, right?"

"Well yes," she said, "but it's a hospital. I'll be fine."

"I'll stay for a little longer then," he finalized. Any moment, Rem would be killing L. If he wasn't there, it would only be better for him. Visiting Emiko after she regained consciousness was a completely understandable reason and a valid alibi...although not a strong one if she was dead. He looked away from her again.

"Really, just head back," she insisted. "I'll be fine. I need time to think anyway."

His mouth twitched, and his expression turned dark again although his voice was still light. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, Light," she said heavily as if it was such a burden but there was still a smile, "I'm sure." And for whatever reason, she remembered when L called Light his friend. Maybe it was the fact that Light was being a friend to her now by staying, but whatever the reason, she remembered L's motive behind it. To throw him off. And before he left, she moved quickly so that she could grab his hand.

He froze and slowly turned around to see a girl leaning out, her hair hanging down her shoulders and gray eyes brightly looking at him. Eyes so light that it was a sharp contrast against the dark lashes and eyebrows, her hair. "Thanks, by the way," she said with that usual Emiko-kindness, "for visiting." He blinked and opened his mouth, but no words came out. And then it was as if he was shutting out from the world.

His eyes dulled. His facade shrouded his expression and slowly, he pulled his hand back. "Of course," he said in a low tone, "I'm glad you're okay."

She let him go, watching as Light Yagami walked away from her. Something was definitely different about him. Just in the past couple minutes, she had seen so many facets of his personality. No longer was that Light who she was working alongside, the Light that was the ambitious detective or the keeper between L and her. She didn't know what he was right now, but she knew that this was the same Light she had been trying to get close to, the one so bright and intelligent that she was drawn to him like a moth towards...well, like a moth towards light.

She decided to take this one step at a time.

Higuchi was dead. His killing power...went to another. Misa was released, and the killings resumed after a short pause. And Light was Light again. She thought about this hard again.

Higuchi.

Was.

Dead.

Therefore, whatever thing he possessed must have been transferred...and Misa and Light changed as a result. Could Light possibly be Kira...again? But that was impossible – the thirteenth rule clearly - but it was too convenient. It could be a lie, a falsely created rule. After all, did this Rem not hang around Higuchi? Who was to say that Higuchi could not simply ask her to write it in? Or maybe he wrote it in himself.

And she would assume this was a lie, the way she assumed that Higuchi killed by writing down the name that prompted her to take action. But if it was a lie...then Misa and Light could be the two original Kiras. And L would have been right the entire time. And the middle Kira was gone. The new Kira, the neoKiras, were simply the original once again.

That made sense. That worked.

Suddenly, her heart was racing and her stomach twisted. Anxiety flooded her the way it did during her days in the headquarters. She looked up at the clock -

What?

How had an hour already pass? She scrambled out of the bed in a rush, ignoring the pain in her gut. She threw one glance at the IVs hooked into her and took a deep breath before pulling them out – and crying out in the process. Her hand clamped over her mouth, and she fought back the reactive tears that clouded her eyes. She had to get out now and tell L.

Oh God. Rem would be there. Rem could kill him. Rem could kill L.

She felt sick to her stomach. She looked down the hallway, and there was only a single nurse at the counter and a visiting family. She was wearing the hospital gowns and knew that they would stop her...and she didn't have her police badge either. She had to be stealth.

Sucking in her breath, she tried to stand up straight despite the pain in her abdomen. She walked out of the room as if she had a right to and if there was a God, He must have been on her side because miraculously, no heads turned her way. It wasn't until the doors slid open that the crashing sound of heavy rain brought her out of that upcoming panic attack of stealth. Now she could scream whenever she wanted and limp without fear that a nurse would sedate her and drag her back inside.

She doubled over immediately, hands clutching her stomach as she limped out. The sharp, stabbing pain was still there, eating her away and sending pricks all over her body. Down her knees, over her wrist and around her fingers. The only thing that smothered it was folding in half so she was there, limping and bent over but still desperately trying to get out. This was a hospital close to Headquarters – she could see the sky scraper and the head of the building. L must have chosen it for easy access and in that moment, she loved him more than ever for that.

The rain was deafening now, blurring up her sight. Already her hair was drenched with water, and it clung to her face. Her gown felt like a second, sticky skin and the wet, bumpy concrete hurt her feet. And it was cold - the cold you felt through your bones, a cold you could not escape. Her teeth was chattering and she craved warmth to beat the chills and yet, she forced herself to keep going.

She needed a taxi – and for that, she needed money. She could pay them later. She needed to get out of hospital grounds first. She took a deep breath, and forced herself to walk. But walking allowed her to think.

An hour. He could have already died. Or she could be off and look like a crazy person but at least that would mean L was alive and she was willing to risk it – for him.

Ellie.

She had to get to L. She had promised him to never leave him and suddenly she was filled with panic again and she forced herself to walk – limp, crawl, it didn't matter – just go faster. And then she got up to the side walk and then the entrance and she was waving her arms frantically but no taxi would pass by, and there were no buses – even if there was, she wouldn't know which to take. Maybe if she was calm and rational she could figure it out but her mind kept on tracing back to Lawliet. To him, his voice.

Elaine.

"Hey!" she shouted out and this time, a taxi – an empty one – flat out ran by her and she shrieked again. She wasn't sure when she started crying. All she knew that her face was even more wet now, and she tasted salt on her lips. Angrily she wiped her face with the back of her palm but it didn't matter because God was against her after all and was trying to plunge the world into another flood.

I am in love with you.

Screw taxis, screw buses. Screw the fact that she had been shot. She was running now, ignoring the pain and all she thought about was making sure that L was still alive and away from Rem. And although it did not necessarily mean that he wouldn't die, she still needed to know that she did whatever she could to prevent it. Even if Rem had already seen his face. Even if Misa or Light was Kira. Even if they weren't and she was being paranoid – she had to at least confirm the fact that she did everything she could.

Despite the pain, she was running on adrenaline yet again. She ignored the pain in her foot, the pain in her abdomen. Her fingers tightened around the wound, and her feet were beating against the pavement as she ran down the streets of Tokyo, her hair whipping her in face. She felt each pebble, each crack on her soles. Please be alive, please be alive. Please let me just be crazy and over thinking it.

And after five, maybe six minutes of frantically running through the storm, she was able to breathe, in the metaphorical sense. She was panting and wheezing for a proper breath, but the endorphin allowed her to think a little clearer. Maybe she was just over thinking and it wasn't like L didn't know how to take care of himself. He was L after all. He was fine.

He would be fine.

Her legs started to slow down, the pause between each step becoming shorter and shorter. Her hands raked the wet, tangled locks hair away from her face and she took a deep breath, closing her eyes. A silly smile fought its way onto her mouth and she felt so relieved with the idea that L could handle himself that she could cry. He would be okay. The man she loved would be okay. She calmed down, her heart still racing but in a whole other way. She was coming back to reality, each sense returning one by one.

Pain. All over, on her heels of her foot.

Clarity. Sight. Blur of rain. Disfigured, disorientating lights. Gleam of cars and roads.

Sound. The roar of rain, of traffic, of shouting and honking and -