"The aliens are too distant a threat to be worrying our dear
Majesty yet. Perhaps we should just introduce the aliens to each other and then
stand well back while they fight it out. The cyberats are too few and far
between to be anything but a nuisance, and the clone underground lacks the
funding necessary to emerge as & real political force. And the elves have been
surprisingly quiet these past few days. Obviously that won't last, but I would
have to say they've done nothing outrageous enough just recently to justify our
dear Majesty's abrupt summons. No, I fear it's more simple than that. Dear
Lionstone has caught someone of standing with his pants down or his hand in the
till, and she wants us to watch and take notes while she has something extremely

unpleasant and instructive done to him. La belle dame sans merci. Our Lady of
Pain. The Iron Bitch."

Quote by Valentine Wolfe, of the Deathstalker series, by Simon R Green. disclaimer Simon R Green owns both Valentine and the speech, i'm just reintroducing Valentine's personage to the public.

Flashback, Sylvanas Windrunner POV.

I walked around the citadel, aimlessly. For what seemed like days, but was probably only about 20 or 30 minutes. When I came to a black door.

I paused at it, not quite sure why I did so and I stared up at its gruesome countenance. The door was covered in ugly misshaped faces and what looked like crudely drawn Orc/Draenei/Naga porn. And I felt my stomach rise just a bit and I had to swallow to keep from vomiting right there and then.

I looked up at the words carved into the top of the great door and understood exactly why I'd stopped here.

High Apothecary, Valentine Wolfe's den… enter at your own risk. You die knowing of the stories about him, you will be given a posthumous reward, for removing your disgraced gene pool, from this world and taking it to the next where you'll be their problem, instead of ours. Thank you and have a nice day.

I snorted, as I reread it and knew this was the guy I was looking for.

I entered the room, letting the door shut behind me. The room was about the same as every other insane Apothecary's, I'd ever encountered. Dark, dripping, cold, with all sorts of bubbling potions and stuff, plus the screams of some poor stupid human who'd wondered down. "Hello!" I called out.

"Be with you in but a moment." I heard a low melodic voice, like gray velvet, smooth and flawlessly attractive, slightly feminine.

I shrugged and glanced down at a nearby Elf, who was writhing on the floor, low happy moans flowing from his mouth, the front of his pants was wet and bulging just slightly to reveal a very poorly endowed erection, as well as reveal that he was having multiple orgasms.

I looked away from his twitching body, in disgust and decided to go on to where I'd heard the voice.

On the way I was forced to step over a red skinned Orc, who's face was a mask of pleasure and pain as he both experienced multiple orgasms and as he rubbed his cock, raw on the stone floor, crying and laughing all the while and blood streaming down his face.

I sighed, *The things people and creatures will do for the things they crave* I thought, just a little bit hypocritically, as I was here to do pretty much the same thing.

I entered the backroom, unimpressed by the various corpses hanging by their entrails, all around the room, of all different shapes and sizes.

I saw, not entirely to my surprise prince Kael'Thas, conversing with a tall thin man, more than fashionably pale, with shoulder length black hair that fell in oiled curls and ringlets, his face was long and thin with a crimson smile painted onto his face to conceal his true emotions from one and all, his fever bright eyes were deep dark pools of demented energy highlighted with heavy mascara, he stood about 6'1 with a lanky build with just a hint of muscle in his upper arms. He was dressed in thick black dragon scale boots akin to my own, black trousers and a burgundy gold embroidered long sleeve shirt closed at the front with silver threads.

He glanced at me and his smile actually showed teeth now, "Ahhh, if it isn't the mysterious Fallen Ranger, with an even more mysterious substance to act as blood, I've been hearing so much about, be with you in a moment." he turned back to Kael'Thas, who was staring at me uneasily, something close to panic in his eyes.

"Here you go Kael'Thas," the man whom I presumed to be Valentine Wolfe, said. Handing Kael'Thas, several syringes full of green and amethyst liquids. "Distilled magic, Chaos and Arcane, just as you requested, remember inject through the tear ducts only, otherwise you'll likely fall over dead of a heart attack, the stuff needs to go to your brain, through its own little path, if it goes through the heart, well lets just say last time someone did that the servants had to wash his room every day for a year to get all the bloodstains out… have a nice day, mister Kael'Thas."

Kael'Thas, nodded and pushed past me, obviously trying very hard not to notice me.

I mentally jotted this information down. I'd heard of people injecting themselves with Distilled magic, before… it was dangerous as hell and the effects were highly unpredictable, especially where Chaos magic was concerned. Only the most power hungry Warlocks, tried things like that… Kael'Thas, really must be heavily addicted to the stuff.

"Now, what can I do for you, miss Sylvanas Windrunner?" Valentine asked, clapping his hands together eagerly, "Would you liked some Fear dust? that's the big thing among warriors and fallen heroes such as yourself, particularly the undead ones."

I blinked at him and decided to overlook the fallen hero bit, "Fear dust?" I asked. He nodded, "Yes fear dust, or fear gas depending on how and when you want it. Its fear put into solid form, basically. Whatever it is you fear most comes alive in your eyes, you see it, you feel it, you taste and you smell it. Its as real to you as the real world if not more so and highly addictive as well. The more you take of it.. The less and less you tend to get afraid, its like pretty much any drug really, fear, or any of the other emotions when you get right down to it. Things like fear, happiness, Grief, Sorrow, lust and anger, its all just chemicals in the brain, to be easily manipulated and drawn upon and if your not careful you can find yourself quite hopelessly addicted to it."

I blinked, as I thought of Fear, put into semi solid form and shook my head. "Umm, no none of that stuff… I'm looking, for intoxicants, heavy duty ones." he nodded, the teeth disappeared. "Ahhh, and I suppose you couldn't find these at a local tavern?"

I shook my head, "No, I can't because that even more mysterious substance, you mentioned that acts as my blood, won't let me. One of the first things I tried when I first got the stuff which flows through my veins, was to get drunk… I am somewhat immune, it would seem, to everything or at least highly tolerant. I need something that will punch through that tolerance like a Saronite fist." he nodded the perfect white teeth back into sight, "Ahhh, yes, that does sound interesting. Tell me what beverages and drugs have you tried to attempt to achieve intoxication?" he asked.

I shrugged, "All sorts. Dwarven stout, Don Carlos Tequila, molasses fire water, Nethergarde Bitter, Sulfuron Slammer, Gordok green grog, Loch Modan Lager." I counted off all the various beverages I'd tried as well as the various amounts and he nodded, a speculative look on his face now.

"And none of those even got you tipsy?" he asked. I nodded. "Hmm, fascinating, I wonder than, are you perhaps immune to these or just highly resistant… guess we'll just have to find out." he said in a cheerful tone of voice and I was about to ask just how he intended to do this, when he sprayed a pale blue gas into my face from some hidden canister up his sleeve.

I coughed and sputtered and sneezed a little… and then the hallucinations started and I felt laughter bubble up inside of me and I couldn't hold it in. I giggled, I pressed my hand to my mouth to stifle it but it still got out and I giggled some more and fell over onto the floor, giggling and trying my best to stifle it with my hands, helpless to do anything else.

Valentine's eyes loomed above me and he smirked, "Yep, just highly resistant exactly as I thought. Even to this your resistance is amazing, by all rights, you should be half dead with laughter, considering the size and the concentration of the dose I gave you. Well that gives us a place to start anyway."

""Y-y-ou…. You bastard-" I giggled, unable to sober myself up, enough to properly swear at him… "Y-youuu- oh forget it!" I gave and just laughed.

"Yesss, I get that quite a lot. Especially when I tried it on Illidan, though I have to say it really was rather amusing to see him caught up in the midst of approximately 50 orgasms all at once and he really was quite a bit more bearable to be around after that… well after he got done beating me to a bloody pulp for having the dare to drug him without his consent…plus there was the whole thing about how he needed new pants cause the ones he was wearing at the time had a rather large hole in the front of them after that!" Valentine laughed and I laughed as well imagining that.

When I was sober enough to get to my feet and stifle back most of my giggles, I asked him. "S-so, do you think you can give me something, something, like this but… more powerful and well intoxicating, I need to drown my sorrows." I sighed sadly, as the last of the mirth gas, left my system, forced out by my synthetic blood. And I was left feeling somewhat hollow and memories of my fallen kinsmen were starting to come back to me.

"Yes," Valentine grinned widely at me, "yes I do believe I can indeed cook something for you, but I'll need just a drop of your blood, if I'm going to have a real shot at it, if that won't be too much trouble."

I stared at him, thoughtfully for a long second. Before I nodded and he clapped his hands together in glee, "Oh wonderful, now let me just get a syringe, don't worry it shouldn't hurt at all. Question are you allergic to shellfish?" he asked I shook my head, "No why?"

He shrugged, "Oh because those syringes I gave, to Kael'Thas were some of the last I had left, that were made of metal, so I'm going to have to use the ones I made from sea shells."

So I let him take my blood, or whatever it was, he tested it for a while, made a few ooing and awing noises as he did so, before he finally came back to me with a swirling purple black potion. "Drink this, Lady Sylvanas, and I promise, you'll have quite the night, a night you'll possibly never forget, a night that'll be filled with your most beautiful dreams… or your most potent horrendously spectacularly terrifying nightmares… it depends on how well your Synthablood gets along with my chemicals."

I frowned at him, "Synthablood?" I asked, "Synthetic blood, I just named it. Since I suppose you haven't named it yourself and the person who gave it to you probably didn't give you a name for it either, I just figured you might like to call it something, so here you go. Now if you'll excuse me, I might go looking for my genitals.. They appeared to have crawled away down my leg while I was making your potion, they tend to do that." and with that I left the giggling madman, to his stuff. Shivering slightly as my fingers briefly touched his. They were as cold as ice and I could practically taste sickness and insanity about him.

I quickly left the room and stared down at the potion, "Well, bottoms up." I muttered before gulping down the contents of the vial… and the world… went to the shadows and twisting shapes and hallucinations.

End Flashback.

I thought long and hard about what happened after all that, but for the life of me I just couldn't remember anything that made any possible sense! There were other holes in my memory too, holes that dated back to shortly before I ran off for some reason, I was rather fuzzy on, to this mad Valentine person.

I shifted and got out of the bed, briefly enjoying the sensation of the warm silk sliding across the bare flesh of my legs, like a lover's caress. I spotted my boots in the corner of the room and sighed thankfully, now where are my pants? My blouse is long enough to cover my hips, but not much else. Wait is that someone approaching the door?

"Lord Illidan, I have returned with those pants, you requested be magically cleaned, but I have to say they don't exactly look to be your…" Kael'Thas broke off the instant he stepped into the room as he found himself staring right at me.

"size…" he finished, staring first at me… then at my bare legs.

"IF you value your life, Sunstrider, I'd put your eyes back in your sockets and give me my pants now!" I said, glaring daggers of pure venom at him.

He hastily complied with my wishes and got the hell out of there, while I was still feeling merciful.

"So, I'm in Illidan's quarters." I murmured to myself, as I got my pants and boots on. "That isn't worrying at all, nope certainly not…"

If I'm Illidan's quarters… then that has to mean that Illidan was the one who undressed me right? If he undressed me then… oh light, what else did he do! What did I do! Oh LIGHT! I never should have accepted that potion from that Apothacary, mother always said to "Never accept a drink from a man named Valentine Constantine."

I was just getting around to well and truly panicking about what might have happened last night, when Illidan showed up…I'm not sure if I'm glad or horrified by this.

I looked up at him and said quickly, before he had time get a word in edgewise, "Did we have sex last night?" I don't why I said that, but I really want to take it back.

Illidan Stormrage, POV.

I stared down at Sylvanas, amusedly. Seeing the panic in her eyes, I decided to fuck with her just a bit more. "Hmm, I don't know about you but as a gentleman I never tell of my conquests and even if I did I'd never tell you who I may or may not have slept with last night, if only to keep her honor intact. How about you did you have sex with anyone last night? Anyone I know perhaps?" I grinned down at her, loving how confused she looked and a little confused myself by my words, but then Malfurion always was the one with the elaborate speeches, I most just hung around silently in the background, more focused on my power and Tyrande than anything or anyone else.

"That's! you.. I!-" she paused to take in a deep breath and tried to speak more calmly and coherently, "What I mean is, did you and I have sex last night, with each other?" I could see a rush of the black Synthablood to her cheeks and I grinned even wider.

Valentine had told me of what he had decided to call the stuff, shortly before I'd beat him to a bloody pulp and let a bunch of rats and cats into the room, when his genitals tried to scurry away to safety.

"Hmm," now she had asked me a direct question, now I had to decide, was I going be a liar, a jackass who didn't answer her questions and let her assume things on her own, or was I going to be the good and honest man, Tyrande thought me to be at one time… I smiled "It was one hell of a night, hope to meet up with you like that again some time, it really was a GREAT pleasure to experience you using that mouth for something other than insulting me."

With that I smirked and leapt out the window, to fly off towards the forests, to leave her to ponder my words.

I sighed happily, as I flew over my land, the wind flowing through my hair and over my skin, ignoring the little voice from over my shoulder telling me what I did was cruel and that I should be ashamed of myself. Life felt too good right now, to pay heed to little voices like that, besides I hadn't technically lied, after all it really had been one of hell of a night and I did hope to see her drunk like that again, it truly had been entertaining and it had been a great pleasure to hear her compliment me, instead of insulting me. I sighed contentedly and shifted my wings slightly so I glided easily over the great lake of power I'd created. I looked down into its tempting waters, wistfully, wishing I could indulge in my addiction and dive in deep into the lavender colored waters, but knowing to do so would be unwise, as I might not come back out again for a while and I had business to attend to concerning a Draenei and a Kodo Beast brought over from Azeroth.

Warlock, POV.

Location, unknown, some damp, cold cave that smells like sulfur.

I watched the great citadel, frowning as I observed the one known among the Kaldorei as, The Betrayer, flew off.

The citadel was heavily guarded and even with almost two hundred of the Raiders, that I'd been able to salvage, under my command, I didn't exactly see victory anywhere near the horizon if I went off blindly and attacked.

Sure my Black Revenants of Death, were strong and quite fast and could heal really quickly, but Illidan had over a thousand highly trained very dangerous Demons, five hundred Fel Orcs and about three thousand of those blasted Naga and an unknown amount of sorcerers inside and around that Black Citadel and those were just the ones I could see and no telling how many traps magical and otherwise, lay within that place.

My Black Revenants, were powerful true, but even they would be overwhelmed by a force that size.

So I turned my attention to a nearby desert, that used to be a sea and inspiration struck.

I didn't know much about those Naga things, but I did know that some of them had been transported to this land ten thousand years ago, by the explosion that had transformed them to be like this in the first place and I also knew that life tends to find ways to live and breed and even prosper in hazardous environments.

I smiled and started walking, away from the mouth of the cave which lead down to some underground caverns where my Revenants cooled their heels.

I had an idea, true it wasn't exactly a great idea and it all depended on a theory that might or might not be correct, but I was willing to take a few chances.

On the way I was assaulted, by several worm things, I quickly dispatched of and after examining their mouths and seeing another quickly grab up a nearby mad dwarf raving about the end of the world, quickly dubbed them Graboids.

I shrugged off the apprehension I felt as after about an hour I found myself standing in the middle of the desert that I knew to have been an ocean at one time or another.

After a few moments to get the proper spells aligned in my head, I started the summoning.

Lets see which betrayer has the upper hand by tonight! I though smugly as I began the chant. I didn't doubt that even if everything went half as well as I really didn't expect it to but hoped it did anyway, that I'd still have to do a bit of sniping away at his forces before I went on a full attack, but hey, its not like I was in any hurry, after all no druids on this god forsaken rock, or any minor gods or dragons or anything really, that would recognize my master's signature, I had all the time in the world.

Sylvanas Windrunner POV.

I thought mechanically about all the possible meanings that Illidan's last words could have had, before the bastard flew off and unfortunately I really couldn't find very many.

I worked my jaw, as I tried to keep a firm grip on my embarrassment and anger, remembered his last words and quickly stopped to flex my fingers instead. I tried to remember what my mouth had tasted like, in my early moments of sleep and found to my increasing panic, embarrassment and disgust and… a few other things I couldn't name, that I just couldn't for the life of me recall anything more than the nausea I'd felt and how I'd really wanted to die at that moment from the headache… just like how I really wanted to die right now from embarrassment and possible humiliation.

I finally just let out a frustrated cry and flung open the door, leaving the room just as flustered and confused as when I'd first woken up to silken sheets and sans pants.

Servants gawked at me, as I did this, undoubtedly taking note of my harried, ruffled, appearance and undoubtedly coming to conclusions similar to what I myself was currently considering with mounting dread and shame and… excitement? Mixed with a slight disappointment? Disappointment for what! I thought to myself irritated and indignant at myself for… well being disappointed, disappointed in what! that I was so drunk I couldn't even remember how big the bastard had been or how good he had been possibly administering cunni- I cut that line of thought off right there, shuddering slightly. Where in the hell is my mind going to, cause its not the gutter, gutters are cleaner than that! I thought to myself, even as I trudged past smirking Naga males and tittering Naga females. As they all watched me, do the possible walk of shame, news of where I'd been last night and where I'd slept already having reached them. I swear if ever there was a way to harness gossip to your own advantage and your own advantage alone, you'd be virtually omniscient. I thought bitterly.

I was maybe a yard from my door, when I was assaulted by about 230 pounds, of Naga sea wench.

She hurled herself at me, screaming, "You whore!" and it was more or less her screaming that saved me from being crushed half to death.

I ducked out of the way just in time to avoid her and she slammed into the metal of my door with an unpleasant slurping, slap sound and I winced in sympathy pain.

She hissed a little and spun around to face me, her cobalt eyes, were ablaze with fiery, passionate, killing rage.

"You!" she hissed, "You wench! You spent then night in his quarters, I was up all night watching for your return to your quarters after you lost me in this confounded corridors and you never returned and now I hear that you were in his quarters and that you didn't have any pants on!" the Naga woman seethed and spat venomous loathing at me and I felt just the tiniest flicker of fear, for there was a certain saying about sea wenches, that my grandfather had told me once… something about them dragging you under when you least expected it, in your bath or… something.

In any case this appeared to be a woman that I didn't want to screw around with… except maybe if I swung that way and even then I think I'd be to scared to do any such thing with her. The woman was.. Well beautiful, she had a small delicate heart shaped face with deep teal colored skin, azure eyes, full blue colored lips, a small delicate nose and long black serpents for hair, her body was… well it was Naga but, it too possessed a certain femininity about it that drew the eye to her serpentine curves and her full firm unrestrained breasts.

"Umm, listen," I began, in my most soothing, put down the dynamite its not worth it, tone of voice. For while I was fast and had great reflexes, I was pretty sure even I couldn't match her in speed and probably not strength, plus there was the thing about teeth. "I don't know what you heard, but uhmm, its not true, at least I don't think it was, umm-" the Naga didn't let me finish my bumbling excuses, she leapt for my throat and I squeaked just a little and rolled off to the side again, really not liking how those teeth dripped or how they had appeared to lengthen.

The woman, snapped her tail back towards my feet and I just barely had time to summersault over the great scaly appendage, before it would have smashed me against the wall.

"I didn't sleep with him!" I yelled out desperately, she hissed and drew her tail back, "Why should I believe anything you say, whore!" she snarled and let fly with her tail once more.

"Because I was drunk on Valentine's potions!" I cried out even as I leapt to avoid the tail.

The woman paused, in her rage to stare at me for a long few seconds, "And, what is that supposed to mean to me?" she demanded and I took in a deep breath grateful for the reprieve no matter how brief it was.

"It means, even if I did sleep with him, which I doubt, I auuuhmm, I, wasn't exactly ummm, in my right mind? Or umm, well auhh hell, I don't remember anything from last night okay, maybe I slept with Stormrage, maybe I didn't, I don't know. But this uhmm, Valentine guy, he's a pretty extreme sorta guy right? All sorts of things happen when people drink his potions, they can't exactly be blamed for their actions.. Right?" I knew I was taking a big chance here, thinking that maybe this Naga harpy, might have sympathy for me if she figured that I wasn't quite one doing any of the… well whatever it was I did do last night.. But I had to try.

She stared at me right in the eyes for long hard couple of moments, before she nodded, "Yes I can see the truth in your eyes… maybe you didn't sleep with Lord Illidan, maybe you did, I'll have to think long and hard on whether or not that you were under the effects of that madman's potions, means anything to me though, if you did… watch yourself, Windrunner."

And with that she slithered off and I sighed gratefully and wondered what the hell else could go wrong today.

Heh quite a lot actually, dear Sylvanas. review please people. I do not own any of this.. BLizzard owns all, well most, except Valentine. and i came up with Warlock all on my own.