"Would you please stop fidgeting?" Anders gave Leigh a stern look, but it was offset by the fact he was smiling.

"I can't help it. I am going stir crazy being laid up in bed yet again. Maker I swear this is done to me on purpose."

"I know love, but I am not letting you go out and do anything without making sure that wound is healed. It is a miracle all your organs are still in one piece."

"I just want to go and visit Merrill. How much trouble can I get into doing that?"

"Knowing you a lot." Her hand shot up and gently smacked his arm. "Hey, there is no need to smack me, especially when I am telling the truth." She let out a huff and tried to stay still for him. The longer she stayed coped up in her home the more chance there was of another demon coming to call or worse her powers flaring causing her to hurt someone. She had only ever used them in the Fade at full strength and only hand full of times in the real world. Those times she was damn lucky that it did not backfire on her. Anders hands swept over her now healed over wound in her abdomen, even the scar looked like it was fading away. He could not help but glance at her and see her lips were puckered out in a pout. Inside he laughed seeing her look like a small child that was not getting her way. "Well it looks like you are all healed my love."

"Well that is because I was in good hands all this time." Her smile had returned and the pout she had been wearing was all, but a memory.

"Please tell me you are going to behave yourself and not run into anymore swords."

"I will behave. I am just going to see Merrill and you my dear have to go make sure you have no patients waiting for you down at the clinic while you have been up here playing nurse maid for me."

"I know, but...I nearly lost you Leigh. Can't I be the least bit cautious about letting you out of my sight?" Leigh stood up and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Yes you can, but you can't keep me safe all the time. I am like you, I hate to be locked up even by you." Anders shook his head and chuckled at her.

"Using my own words against me are you?"

"Maybe."

"I hopefully will be back before sunset if I am lucky. Varric said once you were well enough he wanted all of us to meet at the Hanged Man to celebrate the Champion of Kirkwall."

"Then we will not disappoint. I will come back here and get you after sunset." They said their goodbyes and Leigh headed to the Chantry. She felt she had to check on Sebastian, since it was her hound that bit him regardless of why. She also wanted to clear the air about why he attacked Anders in the first place. Sebastian was normally very gentlemanly, but the look on his face when he slammed the mage into the wall was anything but. She valued the prince as a friend and confidant. He had helped her through the lost of her sister and her mother. The last thing Leigh wanted was to lose him because she chose someone else to be with. As she walked up the stairs she saw a line had formed outside the doors. "Confession day. Great this is going to take a while." She waited in the shadows til she saw the last of the faithful go in. Once she was certain it was clear she went into the Chantry. "Excuse me, could you tell me where I could find Brother Sebastian?"

"He is up talking to the Grand Cleric. You can go right up Champion." The young lay sister bowed to her, it made Leigh a little bit uncomfortable. She did not feel like she was above anyone even being a noble. She could hear Sebastian's raised voice coming from above her.

"I do not do this blindly Your Grace. I want to reaffirm my vows. Let my cousin rule, I do not have the stomach for dealing with the backstabbing nobles and..."

"You have done this before Sebastian. Those vows are not to be made then thrown away on a whim."

"I...yes, Your Grace."

"Ah here is your friend Hawke. Maybe she can talk some sense into you." The Grand Cleric threw her hands up in frustration and took her leave.

"She seemed frustrated with you. What did you do?" Leigh kept her voice friendly and soft.

"She thinks I am being foolish for giving up my claim to Starkhaven's throne."

"Can I say I agree with her? Your country needs you."

"What would you have me do Hawke? I made vows to serve the Maker and his bride. Am I to throw them away so easily just to take what was never to be mine to begin with?"

"Your people will suffer under your cousin's rule. I have heard some nasty things about the man and this was even before I became a noble. Maybe you were never suppose to be the one to rule, but you are now. And correct me if I am wrong, but I thought you were free from your vows."

"I was, but I am going to take them again."

"Please tell me this has nothing to do with me." When he did not look at her she knew it did. "Oh for the love of...why? What makes me so bloody desirable?"

"Hawke I..." Leigh threw her hands in the air just as Elthina did moments earlier and started to walk away. Sebastian's hand caught hers before she made it to the stairs. "Please let me explain, just not here."

"Where pray tell would you like to discuss this?" He led her to what looked like a small dormitory room. "Is this your room?"

"Yes, since I am one of the few men who lives here so I am lucky enough to have my own room."

"I never knew they were so bare and plain."

"We take a vow of, poverty, chastity, and faith. The Maker gives us all we need."

"A simple life." He smiled and nodded. "So are you ready to explain to me why?"

"I did not want to fall for you Hawke, it just happened. When you came to me and told me that you had taken care of Flint Company I was blown away. Here was this beautiful woman who avenged the killers of my family. Then you went with me to confront Lady Harimann and talked me down afterward. The grace you show to everyone is something to be seen. You treat all of us like family. How could I not want to be with a woman like you?"

"I am nothing special Sebastian. I was a dirt poor refugee from Ferelden. My father was an apostate as is my sister. I have nothing to offer someone like you."

"But you can offer something to Anders?"

"That is none of your business. I love him, he loves me that's all I need."

"What he is will get you killed one day and I don't want to see that. I care about you too much."

"Sebastian...I'm sorry I can't be what you want, but I don't want to lose you as a friend. You have been here for me through some of the worst times in my life. I can never repay you for what you have done for me."

"You never have to. I did it because I care for you not to have something over your head."

"I know." Leigh took his hands and squeezed them. Before she knew what was happening his lips were crushing hers. She felt his arms wrap around her back as he pulled her against him. He smelled like incense, leather and wood. The scent filled her senses and her body relaxed into his. Somewhere in her head she suddenly realized he was not in his armor. The cut of his muscles could be felt under his soft linen shirt, it made Leigh shutter. Sebastian deepened the kiss and ran his hands along her stomach. Anders face flashed in her mind and she pushed Sebastian back. "I can't do this."

"Forgive me, I never should have...I know you love him, but...Maker, please forgive me."

"There is nothing to forgive. This never happened."

"It never happened." The look on his face broke her heart. He looked like she had just ripped open his chest and danced on his heart. Part of her wanted to hug him, but she was not sure she would be able to stop him if he kissed her again. She wasn't sure if she would want to. She could not say the thought had not crossed her mind when she first met him, but his vows and her attraction to Anders made it impossible. Every woman wants a prince to sweep them off their feet at least one time in their lives. Leigh was no different hence why she was drawn to Cullen years ago.

"I better go." She backed her way to the door with her hands up. Before she left the room she tried to think of something to say. "Sebastian if things had been different, I would have chosen you. I know it does not help the matter at all. You are a good man and your people would be very lucky to have you. If you need me you always know where I am. I will always be here for you, but I can't be with you the way you want me to." She ran before he could speak and headed for Lowtown. She wanted nothing more than to forget what had just happened. In the back of her head she could hear Pash, but she ignored it. She did not want to think about what had just happened for fear she would turn around and make the biggest mistake of her life.

OoO

"Merrill are you home?"

"Back here Hawke. I am working on the eluvian." Leigh stopped in the doorway and leaned against the door jam. Merrill finished what she was doing and put a drape back over the mirror. "Let me clean off a space for you to sit. I am so happy you are alright after the fight with the Qunari."

"I am doing well as far as Anders has told me. I was lucky."

"How are things with Anders? I heard he lives with you now. Are you two getting married or is it just a physical thing?" Leigh nearly spit out the water Merrill had offered her, instead she choked on a bit of it. Merrill jumped up from her chair and went to help Leigh. "Oh I'm sorry did I say something wrong again. I am still don't know how to act around people."

"It's...it's okay Merrill. I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but the Chantry will never allow us to marry. He is a mage and it is against Chanrty law for them to marry."

"I am so glad he finally stopped being stupid and told you he loves you. He seems so much happier now. It is a nice change from him being grumpy."

"It is nice to see him smile more than he has since I've known him."

"I'm sorry I didn't visit when you were hurt. I have been so consumed with trying to fix the eluvian that I have lost track of what day it is."

"Well is there any way I could pry you from it for a while? I need your help with something."

"I do need a break. What is the mission?"

"No mission I...I need you help with something else."

"What is it?" Leigh held out her hand and called forth a fire ball. Merrill's eyes went wide and she backed away.

"I need you help to learn to control my magic." The fire ball died when she closed her hand and she waited for Merrill to calm down.

"By the Creators, but your not a mage how...why...are you possessed?" Leigh gave a dark laugh and stood up.

"Sort of. It is not a demon though so please don't look at me like that. If you let me I will explain." Merrill sat back down and listened as Leigh told her everything. To her credit the elf stayed calm through the whole explanation. "So that is it, I was born a mage and now I need your help. I have never learned to control my powers outside of the Fade and I already unknowingly brought a demon from the Fade into my home."

"What type?"

"A rage demon. I was angry about something that had happened and it attacked me. Thankfully Anders and Sebastian made short work of it. I don't trust myself and I don't want to worry Anders anymore that he already is. I trust you Merrill, will you help me?"

"I'm no teacher. I would have made a horrible Keeper, I am not sure how much help I would be to you. Hawke you would be better off learning from Anders."

"That is what Pash said too, but he is always on edge and I afraid this might send him over it."

"Who is Pash?"

"She is the spirit. I could not say Compassion when I was a child so I called her Pash. She said it is endearing."

"Is she nicer than Justice?"

"So far yes she is. She is better with human emotions than Justice is." Merrill's face showed signs of relief. She had seen Justice just once and he had threatened her. If Leigh had not been with them to talk him down, Merrill had a sneaking suspicion that she would have been hurt or worse by Justice.

"Well that is good. I could show you how to do a few spells. Most of mine are primal spells and some elemental."

"That's good because I think that is the type of mage I am. I was very good with fire, ice and stone in the Fade."

"Well the day is still young we can go and see what you can do."

"Let's go." It took over an hour for them to get to Merrill's secluded practice hideaway. Leigh could see scorch marks and bits of stone that had been blow apart by the stonefist spell. "You have been busy."

"Fighting along side all of you has made me practice controlling my spells better. Remember when I almost set Fenris on fire, well I don't want to do that again. What would you like to start with first?"

"I need to understand the basics mostly. I was always good with fire so I know how to call it, but my emotions seem to send my magic into fits. I need to rein it in."

"Then we should start by getting you to feel the emotions that set your magic out of control. Anger is always a good one. Rage demons are the weakest so let's start there." Finding things to make Leigh angry were not hard. She dredged up things from her past that outraged her. The first that came to mind was the Templars who hurt her father. Merrill watched from a safe distance just in case something went wrong. Leigh struggled to control a fireball and it ended up sputtering out on her.

"How do you do this? Maker this is hard."

"It is just like when you learned to fight with daggers, it takes practice and patience. You are new to this it will take time." Leigh stared at her hand and tried to call back the fireball, but it would not light. She took a deep breath and tried again, this time it ignited and held. "Now toss it between your hands and try keep it the same size."

"Like this?" She tossed it back and forth before flipping it in the air and catching it behind her back. Merrill began to laugh.

"Yes that will do. Are you sure you have never used your magic before?"

"I have, but only a few times. The last time was to help a wayward apostate that happened to wander into Lothering." A small secret smile came up on Leigh's lips. "I stopped the Templars from hurting him by hanging them from the tree in the woods, naked."

"Naked?"

"I didn't hurt anything, but their pride. The mage and I laughed for over an hour over it." Merrill tittered and Leigh let out a rolling laugh. "I haven't thought of that in years."

"You look a little sad."

"Not really, I was happy to help him escape, but there was a part of me that wanted to go with him. He was charismatic and handsome. He knew so much more about the world than I did."

"You sound wistful when you talk about him." Merrill came and sat beside her on the boulder Leigh had perched herself on. "He sounds like he was special to you."

"He was. I know I was just a stop in the road for him, but he marked my life. I will always remember him."

"What would you do if you saw him again?"

"I would hope to find him well and free. I was so young when I met him. I have learned a lot since then and I am with Anders now. I would not give up my life with him for anything in Thedas or anyone."

"I know it is none of my business, but was that mage your first?" The crimson flush ran right up to the very tips of Merrill's ears after she asked that question. "What I meant to say was he...by the dread wolf you can stop me anytime now." Leigh just laughed and waved Merrill's embarrassment off.

"It is fine Merrill I don't mind talking about it. I am not ashamed of my past. Was he my first, yes he was. What can I say I have a thing for blonde haired, brown eyed runaway apostates." A thoughtful look played on Leigh's face as her memories of the man resurfaced. Merrill hated to bring her friend back to the present, but the day was ending. Being on the coast was not good after dark.

"The sun is going down Hawke. We should get back." The rogue sighed and got to her feet

"Yes we should. Thank you Merrill for helping me. I just want to learn enough to control it then I promise I will tell Anders. If it is alright with you we can try to meet here away from the others til I get more comfortable with my powers. I am not ready for the world to know what I am yet. If the Knight Commander finds out it will not end well. I want the woman gone not dead."

"I am the only one who knows?"

"Yes, I have never told anyone. Not even my mother." Merrill jumped up and hugged Leigh tight.

"I have never had anyone trust me like this before."

"Merrill I trust you with my life. You are my friend and one of the kindest people I know aside from Bethany."

"You don't know how much that means to me Hawke. You have always treated me kindly and supported me even when everyone has told you not to. I will never forget this lethallan."

"Lethallan?"

"It means cousin or kin. That is how I see you, like a sister. All of you are my family now."

"You are my family. I would never have been able to make it this far without all of you." Leigh threw her arm over Merrill's shoulder and the two women began to head back to Kirkwall. After the hour walk back she left Merrill with Varric at the Hanged Man. "I have to go home and get Anders. I should be back within the hour."

"We will start without you two then. Almost everyone else is here, save Choir Boy. He said he had something else to do."

"Oh, I guess it is just as well. He doesn't drink anyway."

"Neither does Blondie, but that is his loss."

"You know why he can't, Justice won't let him."

"That spirit is such a killjoy. Go and get your man Hawke. We will try not to get too drunk before you get back."

OoO

"Love are you home?" The Hawke estate was eerily quiet. "Anders?"

"Up here." Leigh ran up the stairs and went into their room. She stopped dead when she saw him. The dark circles under his eyes made him look decades older.

"You look so tired. Are you alright?"

"I had a boy come in that was mangled in the mines...he didn't make it. I wasn't strong enough." She could see the tears in his eyes and she hugged him to her.

"It is not your fault. There is only so much magic can do."

"It does not make it any less tragic. He should have never been in those damned mines in the first place."

"Aveline and I are planning to write to the powers that be in Ferelden and see if we can get some of our people home."

"One can only hope they will come for them. I never thought I would even miss Ferelden. I hated it there and now there is a part of me that wished I had never left. Though if I hadn't left I never would have found you and I can't imagine my life without you."

"I know how hard it had been for you here, but I am glad you came to Kirkwall. Are you up to going to the Hanged Man for drinks and cards?"

"I could use a break from this. Justice has been very quiet so maybe I will be able to have a few mugs of ale. I probably lost my tolerance, so I will pass out after half a one."

"You better not pass out on me. I won't be able to carry you home and I don't want to stay at the tavern for the night."

"Aw, don't you want to be near the dregs of Lowtown?"

"No, but I don't mind being near a mage from Darktown." Her fingers played with the feathers on his coat. "Very near." Her lips brushed his chin inciting him to dip his head down so his lips could meet hers. She pushed all thought of Sebastian from her mind.

"If we don't go now, I doubt we will make it at all. I am very tempted to carry you up stairs and ravage you."

"We could do that, but then Varric will come looking for us." He opened his mouth in rebuttal, but her hand came up to silence him. "We both know he will." Anders leaned his head against her shoulder and sighed. His breath tickled her skin. "We can go get nice and tipsy, then we come back here and..." She whispered in his ear and his face perked up. Leigh had a sly smirk on her face as he stared at her hungrily.

"Minx! How am I to concentrate about anything else now?"

"That was the point love, that was the point."

I want to thank everyone that has been reading this and sticking with me so far. To all those who have added me to their alert and favorite list you have my deepest thanks. It has been years since I sat down and wrote any kind of fan fiction or story of my own making. It feels good to be doing this again. I also have to thank Bioware for making a world so rip with possibilities for fan writers. They might own all rights to it, but we get to play around in the world they created. Again thank you for reading and I hope you continue to enjoy.

Raven