The battle is over. As soon as we hear word of it I ask Captain Typho to take Threepio and I to the Republic Executive Building in the Legislative Borough. I have to see my Anakin. I have to know that he's come back to me safe and sound, however, this time, I cannot wait for him to come to me.
I ask Dorme to dress me in some heavy robes that could conceal my secret while I go out in public. I suddenly become extremely nervous and anxious about leaving the confines of the apartment. I used it as a place of hiding for so long. This was not typical of me, but it's life I've had to get used to.
Politics was once my love, my life. Since, my life has been given to another—Anakin. I have created a reputation for myself within the Republic. To them, I am a fighter. I do not keep quiet. I am always at the ready to fight for our deserved and honored freedoms. The Senate thinks I am all of those things. I was those things. Now I belong to Anakin. I belong to our marriage. I have given my heart and my life to him.
When I tell Dorme that I will be going to the Senate, I neglect to tell her that I will be going in secrecy to see Anakin. She dresses me with the intent of being seen, which makes hiding my pregnancy the single most important objective. She dons me in fabulous, billowing robes of midnight blue. When the robes cover me, it is impossible to know that I am carrying a child. It is impossible to see any sign of pregnancy. She arranges my hair in a fashion that twists into two separate coils on both sides of my head, with gentle, pearl earrings hanging gracefully. With the intricate hairdo and beautiful jewelry, anyone who catches my eye will be drawn to my head, not even noticing my large robes or what they conceal. Dorme's styling mind works expertly this way.
"Perfect. Thank you, Dorme." I say to her, expressing my overwhelming gratitude.
She merely smiles back, but I cannot help but notice sadness behind her smile. Dorme has always been sympathetic toward me. She expressed her sadness and worry when I was first sent to hiding on Naboo before the war. I can see the pity in her eyes. I can read her like a book. She feels sorry that I have so many secrets, that I'm living a life of lies and deception.
Soon after, Captain Typho prepares a transport. I ask that we travel with no escorting troopers as to avoid attracting attention. In fact, I do not even plan on seeing any fellow Senators today. I only want to see Anakin. No one can see, but underneath my robes, my fingers are nervously fiddling with each other, my heart, pounding so loudly in my chest, I can swear it can be heard through the layers and layers of robes.
When we arrive at the Executive Building, I immediately dodge the congregating group of Senators, slipping out of sight and into hiding among the mammoth stone pillars in the atrium, but sending Threepio over to the group to represent my absence.
The burning, late afternoon sun hits the pillars perfectly, creating great shadows on the red floor, which aid in hiding my presence.
I take deep, calming breaths. My heart continues to pound. My insides begin to lurch. It's been five months too long, I think to myself as I struggle to form a clear mental image of him in my head. If the past five months away from him have felt like a lifetime, the thought of knowing he is so close to me makes these moments spent waiting for him seem eternal.
Eventually I do hear a transport zoom into the Chancellor's landing dock. The crowd of Senators quiet down and I watch as their shadows turn and move out into the open to greet their governmental leader.
I hear recognizable voices: first, the Chancellor's, then the familiar beeps of my former astromech droid, R2-D2. He could not be far behind.
Only once the congregation begins to move through the atrium and pass by me do I get my first, full glimpse of him. Yes, him. My husband. My hero. My Anakin.
Standing tall and straight among the group listening intently, sunlight catching golden strands of his wavy, growing hair, a broad, flattering smile across his handsome, angular face.
My Anakin. Just this glimpse from the shadows is enough to fill me with the happiness I have been missing for five months. Just this glimpse was enough to make me catch my breath and close my eyes that were now fighting back tears of pure bliss. Just this glimpse filled my heart with so much love that I could hear our love theme sounding from miles away.
As the congregation begins to pass by, I look on to my husband for one daring, last glance, then I sneak back into the shadows. I lean against the pillar, eyes filled with tears, biting my lips to keep me from smiling and weeping loud enough to be discovered. I don't want to be seen. I don't want to be heard. I just want to watch, watch him be alive, and be here, in the flesh, something I've wanted to see for the past five, lonely months.
I turn back to peer once more on the group. The Chancellor is speaking to more HoloNet reporters, and Anakin is locked in passive conversation with Bail Organa, Senator of Alderaan.
I hear Bail make a comment, and then I hold my breath once more, anticipating, waiting, because I know the next thing I hear would be his voice and I don't want anything to interrupt this moment or compete with the volume of his smooth, deep voice. I feel like the beating of my heart is even too loud in this moment.
"But the fighting won't continue until General Grievous is spare parts." He says with a playful smile.
I watch as they continue on, but when I see him look back, I know he has found me, just as he always has. He sees me, finally, and another, happier smile takes over his shining face.
"Excuse me," He says to Senator Organa.
"Certainly." The Senator replies, and Anakin turns his back, running to the shadows, running to me.
A moment later I throw my arms out from the depths of my overbearing robes and around him for the first time in five months, feeling like I never want to let go.
Our lips meet, the symphony crescendos in my head, and for the first time in five months, I feel whole again. I feel perfect.
I love Anakin. I owe him this moment. I owe him my life. He has given me the one thing my life lacked for twenty years. He devoted his life to me. He loved me for the ten years it took for us to be separated and reunited once again. He loved me for the ten years I devoted my life to my career and my duty rather than to him. I owe him this moment, if not the rest of my life.
"Oh Anakin! Thank goodness you're back." I breathe to him as we kiss. Clinging to him for dear life, I breathe into his broad chest, closing my eyes and taking in his presence. I feel myself shivering in his arms.
"I missed you, Padme. I've missed you so." He says back to me. His voice seems shaky, as if he is so excited and trying to say a million things—five months of sweet nothings—to me at once.
"There were whispers…that you'd been killed. I've been living with unbearable dread." I tell him, continuing to cling onto his chest, continuing to make sure he is real, and actually here, in my arms.
"I'm back," He says with a smile, giving me another series of small kisses, "I'm all right. It feels like we've been apart for a lifetime. And it might have been—if the Chancellor hadn't been kidnapped, I don't think they would have ever brought us back from the Outer Rim sieges."
He leans in for another kiss, and despite wanting it more than anything, I know we're beginning to press our luck. If we stay here much longer, surely someone will see. Surely someone will find us.
"Wait, not here," I say, denying him another kiss and stepping back.
"Yes, here!" I feel him grab me and pull me back into his tight hold. "I'm...I'm tired of all this deception. I don't care if they know we're married."
But I cut him off before he can say much more.
"Anakin don't say things like that. You're important to the Republic—to ending this war. I love you more than anything, but I won't let you give up your life as a Jedi for me. I told you this countless times before." I say to him. I cannot allow him to think these ridiculous thoughts after all we're devoted to outside of our marriage. I know he thinks our marriage is something to be celebrated like the trillions of life forms throughout the galaxy who marry in public and make it known. But the trillions of them are not in our situation. They are not Jedi, forbidden to love and marry, and have children. They are not Senators who are held in high regard, known for their dedication to service and duty. Even after all this time, Anakin still does not understand the gravity of our situation, the seriousness of the repercussions he will face on my accord if our secrets are found out.
"I've given my life for the Jedi Order, but I'd only give up my life for you." He says to me, ever so seriously, looking into my eyes.
I love it when he says things like this. But as much as I want to hear it, I know it isn't the truth. Anakin is important to this war. He is a beacon of hope to countless Systems that fight, feeling empowered by his story and what he means to them. He came from nothing. He started as a slave and through fate worked his way into the high Jedi ranks, now a dedicated war hero. His role in this war is vital. He must continue to fight. Millions of people depend on him and his story. I cannot take that away. I will surely face ridicule and hate if I was the one responsible for the banishment and fall of Anakin Skywalker.
"I wouldn't like that, I wouldn't like that one bit," I say playfully back, but my voice grows serious when I put the situation back into perspective and continue, "Patience, my handsome Jedi. Come to me later."
All he does is smile back. Feeling defeated in conversation, he pulls me back into a tight embrace once again. My thoughts immediately go to the secret I'm about to reveal to him, and my heart sinks once more.
"Are you all right? You're trembling. What's going on?" He asks me, looking deep into my eyes.
"I'm just…I'm just so excited to see you." I say, avoiding his eyes. For some reason, the words are fighting themselves on my tongue. Why can't I tell him?
"That's not it. I sense more…What is it?" He presses on.
"Nothing," I say, attempting to pull him in for another hug, "It's nothing."
But he stops me and holds me back, attempting to look deeply into my eyes.
"You're frightened." He says, sounding a little angry, "Tell me what's going on."
I cannot contain my emotions. Tears fill my eyes and I look away from him again.
"You've been gone five months. It's been very hard for me, Anakin. I've never felt so alone. And there's…" I attempt to say, but my heaving breaths forbid it and my voice trails off.
"…Is there someone else?" Anakin asks, jumping to a ridiculous assumption.
"No!" I fight back, becoming the angry one this time, "Why do you think that? Your jealousy upsets me so much, Anakin. I do nothing to betray you, yet you still don't trust me. Nothing has changed. Please, believe me."
"I'm just so afraid of failing you—of losing you, Padme. That's all. I just have to make sure. I need to know that you're still mine." He says, his words sounding comforting.
His. I only ever want to be his.
"I will never stop loving you, Anakin. I fear losing you to this war." I admit to him.
"It's just that I've never seen you like this. I've never seen you so…"
"Something wonderful has happened." I say finally feeling ready to tell him, the words ready to flow from my lips to his.
We look at each other for a long moment and I feel relaxed. I can tell that he senses it too, because his eyes are easy on me now.
"Ani, I'm pregnant." I say bluntly.
I read a hundred emotions on his face at once. Concern, fear, and worry among them, but the first once, and the most obvious one, which he expresses to me is joy. This sets my heart at ease. I have felt all the other emotions too, and I will feel them again and again as time moves on. But knowing that Anakin feels overwhelming joy first and foremost shows me that he is my Anakin. The war may have hurt him physically, but emotionally, he was still full of life.
He pulls me into his arms again and begins to stutter. I wait for his answer.
"That's…that's wonderful!" He says, fighting for more words.
"What are we going to do?" I ask him, hoping I have given him enough time to think and form a proposal as to how this baby will challenge our future, which already has its odds against us.
"We're not going to worry about anything right now, all right?" He replied. I am stunned. "This is a happy moment. The happiest moment of my life."
We embrace one more time, feeling as if it would be our last embrace. Though I know he will be coming to my apartment soon enough, I still hold him feeling as though I should never let go.
We break our embrace with one final kiss goodbye. Heading back to my transport with Threepio, I sit in silent admiration and watch as he runs off to rejoin the entourage of Senators, eager to depict the story of the rescue mission for the press and HoloNet.
Watching my beautiful husband return to his calling, his duty, and his life, I think of the last thing he said, that we should not worry about anything right now. I hear our transport roar to life and feel it lift off the ground and rise high into the air, en route back to my apartment. We should not worry about anything right now. But I have to worry. Because he never worries at all.