I'm so happy that this story is liked! It's been quite some time since I've written, so I felt a little scared doing this. I'm glad I did now. And if anyone was wondering, the title comes from the song Let Her Go by Passenger. Wonderful song.

Once again, I don't own TBBT or any of the characters.

Chapter 3: The Toast Derivation

"What happened to 'finding a hiney to bite'?"

Penny tore her eyes away from staring out the window of the cab they were currently riding in to look at her quirky friend sitting beside her.

The shorter friend sitting near the opposite window agreed," Yeah, Penny, something is up. You turned down four guys tonight and only had two glasses of wine!" She gave Penny a look of confusion and concern.

Penny found herself shrugging and turning back to the window to avoid their stares. "I guess I just wasn't up to 'having a wild time' tonight. It's been a long day. Boring job, absolutely no career ahead of me, you know..the usual." Not to mention Leonard dating another woman.

"All the more reason to let loose and let men who, I assume, have abs that look like they've been painted on do jello shots off your breathtaking body." Amy exclaimed, raising her eyebrows at Penny and giving her a smile. When Penny let out a small laugh, but said nothing, Amy decided to try again, but a more serious approach this time," C'mon, Bestie. What's wrong?"

Penny turned when she heard the genuine concern in her 'Bestie's' voice. She smiled slightly, "Sorry, Ames. I promise, I'm okay. Just feeling a little.."She paused as she searched for the right word to describe this. Lost? Crushed? Heartbroken? "confused," she finally admitted.

She saw Bernadette frown and a look of worry cross her face," Confused? About Leonard?" She questioned.

Penny felt her heart rate speed up and her palms start to instantly sweat. She really didn't want to discuss this, too afraid of what she might confess to her friends. And to herself.

The silence from Penny seemed to give them their answer. Amy spoke up, tentatively, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Penny found her nerves being overridden by the love she felt from her two friends. She couldn't help but be filled with pride at the people she had been lucky enough to have in her life. She never pictured being friends with people like Amy and Bernadette, a Neuroscientist and a Microbiologist. People with PHDs, people with a side of nerdiness that was beginning to grow on her. These two, along with her other friends, Sheldon, Howard, Raj, and, of course, Leonard, made her happy on days where she didn't think it was possible. Her friends made every day worth getting up in the morning. And she was blessed to have found that in not just one person, but a group of them. Even Sheldon had his moments of kindness that touched her heart.

Brought back from her thoughts by Amy calling her name, Penny spoke again, "Sorry, I just don't think I'm quite ready to talk yet." She saw both Amy and Bernadette's faces drop," Maybe sometime soon though," She reassured them.

"Whenever you're ready, Bestie. We'll be here," Amy nodded and reached to wrap her arms around Penny.

Penny hugged her back, just as the cab was pulling up to her apartment complex. "Thanks, guys." She handed the cab driver her share of the money and climbed out. Before shutting the door, Penny stuck her head back in, smiling, "Guys?" Both heads turned to give her their attention. "I love you. I'm happy that I've got friends as great as you."

Bernadette smiled kindly, while Amy couldn't contain herself. She threw her arms around Penny once again,"We love you too, Bestie!" She pulled back with a smile as big as Texas planted on her face, her eyes lit up with happiness.

Penny smiled once more and waved goodbye, finally shutting the door. Watching them drive away, she sighed, before turning and making the walk into her building and up the unavoidable four flights of stairs that awaited her.

When she finally reached the fourth floor landing, while cursing the shoes she had decided on wearing tonight, she saw Leonard standing in front of his door, searching for his keys. She felt her heart skip a beat as she watched him, his expression full of concentration, brows furrowed as he patted down his front pockets. His face finally lit up with relief when he extracted his missing keys from his right coat pocket. Penny didn't even realize she had been staring, until his voice caught her attention.

"Penny? You okay?"

She shook her head clear of the inappropriate thoughts she'd been having that involved Leonard pushing her against that door, his body pressed right up against hers, lips on her neck. What was that about? She found herself thinking. Months after breaking up, she really thought they could move past all of this and still remain friends. She was confident about that and the idea made her happy. Sure, she missed him at times, but she knew she couldn't lose Leonard as a friend. And she really thought they were moving past their failed relationship, up until that night in her apartment. No, even before that. Remember that night in the hotel room? Or that night of the costume party? Or the night you stumbled into his apartment, drunk and pulling him to his bedroom, then becoming so embarrassed and ashamed the next day that you claimed it was a "mistake"? Penny frowned at the voice in her head. Okay, so maybe her feelings for him had never truly disappeared, just merely pushed to the back of her mind. She couldn't afford to cross those lines again with him.

"Penny?"

Penny snapped to attention, "What?"

Leonard, face full of confusion, continued to stare at her," You've been standing in that same spot, staring at me for like five minutes. Everything okay?" He took a step closer, obviously concerned. "How much did you drink tonight?" He asked as he took in her attire for the night.

Penny, suddenly letting her anger take over and her walls come up, walked around Leonard and towards the safety of her apartment," I barely even drink, Leonard." She huffed," And what's it matter to you anyway?" She turned on her heel to stare at him again," What are you even doing home? Shouldn't you be out at your girlfriend's having a good time with the guys and ditching your best friend and roommate?" She spat out. Smooth, Penny.

Leonard looked at his watch, "It's nearly midnight, Penny." He furrowed his brows, once again." And how did you know about that?"

Penny scoffed, "Sheldon came by at work and complained. He's really hurt Leonard. You should feel bad," She said, accusingly. With that, she turned and walked into her apartment. Eyes wide and not fully understanding why she was treating him this way, she started to close the door in his face. Before she could though, he spoke up again.

"Now, hang on." He stepped forward and through the door. "You know that's not fair. You know how he is."

"Yes, I do. But he's also your best friend and you should be more considerate of him!" She had no idea where all this was coming from. She just felt..angry ..all of a sudden. And sad. But the anger overpowered that.

"More considerate?" He nearly shouted at her," I do so much for that man! Is it so wrong for me to want to be away from him for a night? A night without him criticizing everything I do or that Priya does."

The look on his face finally broke her. His expression a mixture of tired, confused, and hurt. She let out a soft sigh, "Of course, Leonard. You are entitled to a night away." She sat down on her couch, looking at her feet. "I'm sorry for snapping." She shrugged and forced a laugh, "Maybe I did drink too much tonight." Wrong. But he doesn't know that.

She could tell by the look on his face, he didn't believe her. He took a seat next to her and spoke softer this time, "Penny..you can talk to me-"

"Don't." Penny interrupted. "I'm fine. So please..don't" She pleaded, her eyes meeting his. She couldn't do this right now, especially not with him.

He shook his head, "Penny, you are still my friend. My best friend. I don't like seeing you hurt."

Penny felt tears burn in her eyes. No. I won't let him see me break. Penny knew he'd be able to tell though. He always could. Without really thinking about it, she threw her arms around him and buried her head into his chest. "Just hold me," She mumbled, "Please?"

She felt his arms encircle her. She held in a sigh of contentment. She had missed this. So much. She had never felt safer anywhere else. Even with guy's with more muscles or who were taller. None of them compared to this feeling. As his fingers started to trace circular patterns on her arm, she felt her eyes getting heavy.

When she awoke, she was in her bed, still in her dress. Penny sat up, confused. She felt something crinkle beneath her left hand. Looking, she found a piece of paper.

'You fell asleep, so I laid you down. Sorry, I didn't change you myself, I know that dress must not be too comfortable to sleep in , but..well you know how I am. Shy nerd and all.'

Penny found herself smiling as she read. He was always the gentleman, even when he had a chance to sneak a peek. She continued to read the note.

'Just remember, I'm here if you ever need to talk. And you know, nothing will stop me from being there for you. Nothing. I hope you know that. Get some rest and I'll see you in the morning."

Setting the letter back down and climbing out of bed, penny discarded her dress and pulled on more comfortable clothes, before getting back under her covers. She sighed. Of course she knew he'd put her first. She had no doubt. She knew if she asked him to, he'd drop Priya like a hot potato and come back to her. That was the problem. She had had her chance with him and screwed it up. She pushed him away. He deserved so much better than her, some waitress with an unrealistic dream of being a famous star. He deserved someone like Priya. Someone with a career, a life ahead of them. Someone that wouldn't hurt him like she did.

Penny turned on her side, determined to shake these thoughts and go back to sleep. Her eyes found the item on her nightstand instead. Her snowflake. She remembered the day he gave it to her. She remembered the feelings she experienced, the butterflies that danced around in her stomach. Little did she know then, that that was just the beginning. Her feelings would become much stronger, run much deeper with each sweet gesture he did for her , each look of pure love he shot her way. She knew long before he voiced those words exactly how he felt. It was in every look, every touch. Yet..she still freaked. She still let her fears get the better of her. Penny felt the tears sting again.

This was going to be a long night.