The days seem to fly by. Before I know it I'm into my sixth month of pregnancy and it is also time to present the Petition of the Two Thousand to the Chancellor. My heart sinks to my stomach at the mere thought of the meeting.
The entire day seems to drag on, but it goes fast enough that I continually wish there was one more day for me to prepare for this critical meeting.
"You ready, My Lady?" Dorme asks me curtly from the bedroom. "I have your ensemble laid out and ready for you."
"Thank you Dorme. I'll be in a minute." I reply to her, turning my head to the interior of the empty apartment. The sun is setting and twilight is beginning to lower upon the city.
The Senators all agreed to meet outside his office. I become increasingly emotional as Dorme dresses me in a large shroud of robes. First, I slip on the large undress, which is a beautiful mixture of light blue and copper-colored fabric, matching the large, heavy overcoat that was more prominently brown, but had hints of blue and aqua embroidery on it. The dress itself seemed to transform and change color through my own movements in different variations of light.
When it comes to my hair, Dorme taps into her creative side and coils my hair into dozens of tight, thin ringlets that hang down to below my shoulders. I feel magical with this new, interesting hairstyle. Adding completion to the ensemble, Dorme adds a matching headpiece, keeping my hair firm and in place. It sits at the top of my head and feels so light; I barely notice it's there.
"What do you think?" She asks me, presenting a mirror in front of me.
"It's wonderful." I say simply. I look at myself standing in full Senatorial regalia. I'm glowing. I look beautiful in this gown of transforming color and shape. And yet, I feel so hurt and upset inside.
A tear falls from my eye before I can fight it back.
"What's wrong?" Dorme asks, sounding alarmed.
I cannot bother her with the ongoing list of burdens I've adopted over the last few months. I simply wave my hand and close my eyes. She understands not to ask any more questions.
This is truly it. After tonight, there will either be an end to the corruption of the Republic, or I, along with my fellow colleagues will be marked as traitors and presumably arrested.
What hurts me even more is knowing that Anakin will be there. My own husband, who should be supporting my career and my decisions, is not only unaware of all of this, but will never side with me on the issue. And in the worst case of it all, I will feel humiliated if Palpatine dismissed our petition and me in front of him.
I travel in silence to the Executive Building. Captain Typho asks no questions. When we pull into a docking port, I exit the craft with no assistance and walk to the entrance where the congregation of Senators stands waiting for me.
I can feel the anxiety and sense of panic in all the other Senators. We are all in this together. Any of us who have signed this petition will either become a hero or a traitor with one another by the end of this meeting.
The office doors slide open, and we march into the large, scarlet-hued room in silence.
Palpatine sits in matching robes of red, and Anakin stands quietly behind his broad, steel desk. I see him in my peripheral vision. But I dare not look at him.
I hope I am glowing just as I was in my apartment. I hope I look reminiscent to the same grandeur my appearance carried when I was Queen, and I would walk into a room full of delegates, in my large, dramatic gowns, stealing the spotlight, capturing all eyes and attention. I hope I look radiant and regal. I hope it is killing Anakin to be standing behind that desk, siding with that traitor to the Republic—to democracy.
I take one of four seats that face the Chancellor. The other three fill quickly, and the rest of our delegation stands behind our four chairs. I cannot focus on anything right now but our mission. I try to block out Anakin. I try to forget who he is. He is nothing but a nameless security guard to me in this moment. He's not a Jedi, and he cannot see the breaks in my heart his presence here has caused.
My heart leaps up into my throat and I feel the baby kicking furiously.
Calm. Down. I insist upon myself, taking a deep breath and giving my eyes a moment to gain confidence as I look upon my former friend, ally, and colleague, Supreme Chancellor Palpatine.
"Good evening, Your Excellency." I say courtly, one side of my mouth forming something of a smile.
Palpatine looks at me with his aged eyes. His complexion has grown paler and ghostly. Since his rescue from Dooku and Grievous, he looks substantially worn and withered.
"Good evening, My Lady. To what do I owe the pleasure?" He replies, giving a smile as if he is genuinely pleased to be meeting with all of us tonight. I fight the urge to reach across the desk and smack that smile from his aged face.
Speaking in my most proper Politicial Voice and gripping the document reader tighter than necessary, I find myself about to do all of the talking at this meeting. I don't care if Anakin assumes this was all my idea. Maybe it was. Maybe I want him to think it is.
"Firstly, I would like to establish the foundational understanding that we are by no way attempting to delegitimize your government. That is why we are here. If we were trying to organize an opposition, or if we sought to impose our requests as demands, we would hardly bring them before you in this fashion. The petition we are presenting to you tonight has been signed by two thousand Senators, Chancellor. We ask only that you instruct your governors not to interfere with the legitimate business of the Senate, and that you open peace talks with the Separatists. This senseless fighting has gone on long enough. We seek only to end the war, and bring peace and stability back to our homeworlds. Surely, coming from a peaceful world like Naboo, you must understand this request."
I feel proud of not only my ability to speak to him, but also to keep my eyes averted from Anakin. I don't care who is looking at him, as long as it is not me.
"I can understand a great many things, Senator Amidala. You will know this from our years as colleagues." He replies to me. His eyes force false kindness on me.
"This system of governors you have created is very troubling. It seems that you are imposing military controls even on loyalist systems." I retort, resisting submission to him.
"I understand your reservations completely, Senator. I assure you that the appointment of Republic governors is to keep safety and security in tact. They will in no way compete with the duties and power of the Senate." He clarifies.
"May I take it then that there will be no further amendments to the Constitution?" I ask, seeing just how much he will tell us.
"Let us see what we can accomplish before the Separatists are defeated before we talk about the Constitution again. Should I remind you that the powers granted to me by the Senate expire with the culmination of the war?" He answers.
This is contradictory to what we had discussed in our meeting at my apartment. We had all assumed that Palpatine only surrenders his power when the "emergency" is over.
"Will the governors 'expire' too, then?" I ask him, playing on his use of certain words.
"The fate of their positions will be in the hands of the Senate, My Lady. You should know that is the rule of the Senate." He says.
I remain quiet for moment, but there is nothing in my demeanor that suggests I am defeated just yet. However, it is the Chancellor who speaks before anyone else gets the opportunity.
"I want this terrible conflict to end just as much as you do, My Lady, and when it does, I guarantee an immediate return to democracy." Palpatine adds.
"You are pursuing a diplomatic solution to the war, then?" I challenge him again. I want to know. I need to know.
Palpatine studies me for a moment. I swear for the slightest second his eyes go to my belly, as if to look at my baby bump.
"You must trust me to do the right things, Senator," He says, almost hissing at me, "That is why I am here."
Fang Zar sits up in his chair, "But surely—"
"I said, I will do what is right." Palpatine spits at him, turning to meet his eyes, only after he spoke to him. His glare seems to say "How dare you?" to the Senator.
"Now, that should be enough for your…committee." He finishes, ending bitterly, as if our congregation was a weak and pathetic excuse for a presentation.
I do not reply with words. I compress my mouth to a set of pursed, tight lips.
"On behalf of the Delegation of the Two Thousand," I say, placing the document reader on the edge of his desk, and burying my arms back within the folds of my gown, "I thank you, Chancellor."
"I thank you, for bringing this to my attention, Senator." He says with a sigh and a tone that told us he was already over our meeting.
Was this apathetic monster the same man who had served as my ambassador during my years as Queen? Was he the same man who I had practically pushed into the all-powerful throne he now sits in? Was this really the man who had cared for my safety so much, three years ago? Was this the man who had brought Anakin and me together?
I turn on my heels and for the slightest moment of space, put my eyes on Anakin for the first time all evening.
Just as our eyes meet, he turns them away and looks down at his feet. He is a coward. Just like the coward who sits in the grand chair behind that broad, steel desk.
I feel frustrated. I feel defeated, though I do not allow my expression or appearance to show it. I exit the scarlet office with the group of Senators, and sigh, relaxing my shoulders. Whether I will be viewed as a hero or a traitor from this meeting, I know I will have my pride. Just like during my reign as Queen, I am willing to lay my life on the line for the preservation of democracy.
Years ago I told myself had I wanted to stand for the people of the Republic, I would have died a martyr in the execution arena. I would have died as a symbol of peace for people to rise up and avenge. I thought I had escaped that end three years ago. Perhaps that will be my fate after all.
Years ago I decided that I'm not afraid to die. I told this to Anakin when we were about to be executed on Geonosis. I was right. I'm not afraid.
I'm not afraid to die for democracy.