"Everything looks fine, Doctor. The power pack doesn't show any noticeable drain. I'd say that you could run a couple of weeks in the holoemitter, in a pinch, before running into any problems."
"That certainly is good news. Lt. Torres had discussed running some further tests about the power question, but I guess we will have to wait for her return, won't we. How soon will that be, Ensign?"
"A few more days at least, Doctor. We still aren't up to full strength on the shields or on the propulsion system. We've had to prioritize our repair schedule according to which systems needed to be completed first."
"Well, I guess that means that the Holodecks are the last priority, then. Who needs entertainment when everyone is so busy fixing things?" The Doctor's smile appeared to be somewhat forced.
"Actually, Doc, the holodecks have already been fixed. They're a separate system anyway, and we needed their replicators for manufacturing extra parts. Why are you interested in the Holodecks?"
The Doctor looked over at Kes, who smiled encouragingly. When the EMH did not immediately respond to Harry's question, Kes did. "The Doctor has been trying to decide about whether or not to continue his family program."
Harry was surprised. "Doctor, wasn't that program pretty painful for you? Tom said he didn't think you'd want to continue it, since you had so much trouble finishing up with it last time, when your daughter, uh . . . " The ensign's voice faded away. Just how personal could he be with a hologram? Would he have his feelings hurt?
The EMH took on a decidedly pained expression. "Mr. Paris' advice to go back and face Belle's death was extremely difficult to take, but I must admit, it was good advice. I had my chance to say goodbye to her. She was a . . . remarkable child, but I also have the rest of my family, Ensign. I created them for a purpose, and that purpose still exists. I have learned much about humanoid emotions and behavior from it already, and, while I certainly hope I will not have to go through a great many tragedies in order to improve my programming, I believe it is time to face my future without hesitation."
"Doctor, the last time you went back was when Belle died. How are you going to handle the lapse of time? If you go back immediately after her death, you are going to have to deal with your wife's grief. If you leave a gap of time, you will owe your wife and son an explanation," Kes said worriedly.
"Thank you for your concern, Kes, but I went back on one other occasion, for Belle's memorial services. Mr. Paris accompanied me, since he had programmed the services. We discussed then whether or not I would continue the program, and I wasn't sure. Mr. Paris modified the program to indicate that I had to go off-planet for a special conference to account for an absence of several weeks so that, if I ever did decide to return, the explanation for my being gone would already be in place. Mr. Paris can be very helpful when he wants to be."
Kes and Harry smiled at each other. "Yes, we know, Doctor," commented Kes.
"If you want to see your family, I'll check with Engineering and see if they're still using the Holodecks for repairs. As soon as it's clear, I'll let you know so you can reserve some time."
"Thank you, Ensign. I appreciate that. Now, I have some tests to run, so if you are quite finished here . . . "
"Of course, Doc. We can take a hint." With Kes' help, Harry packed up the last of his equipment.
Sniffing the air, Tom teased B'Elanna, "Catching the lover's scent is definitely not a problem right about now, is it?
Tossing over another chunk of vine for her grinning companion to add to their mid-morning meal fire, B'Elanna answered, "Speak for yourself, Paris. I smell just fine."
"I'm not going to argue with a Klingon."
She grinned back at him. "The air is just getting a little zesty from your - how shall I say it - manly scent?"
"Seriously, B'Elanna, I need a bath desperately. These wipes with a washcloth are simply not good enough. At midday the air is warm enough for a good scrub, especially if we do it in front of the cliff in the sun. I think even your thin Klingon blood could take it then."
"I agree. Besides, washing our bodies could be fun, as long as I get to scrub yours and you scrub mine." A calculating gleam appeared in her eyes as she looked the lanky lieutenant up and down.
"Predator," he said, prompting a laugh and a swift, "And don't you just love it?" from B'Elanna.
"Actually, Tom, just bathing ourselves won't be good enough. Our clothes need it, too, before they can be propped up standing in the corner, waiting for us to put them back on. How can we do this?"
"We could launder our clothes together and then wash up while they are drying; or we could take turns. One of us could bathe while the other washed the clothes in the creek, then vice-versa. The sun will dry the clothes pretty fast, as long as it stays out."
"Sounds reasonable."
After their meal, Tom went outside with the lighter, some vines for fuel, and the cook pot. Upon filling the pot with ice chunks and setting it upon the rough fire to melt the ice into water warm enough for bathing, Tom looked up at the sky. It was no longer a bright orange, even though the sun still was stained a warmer color than its natural yellow-white. It felt warm against his face, and he judged that removing their clothing to wash would not be too uncomfortable.
Retrieving all of their spare clothing, the blankets, and some soap from one of the backpacks, Tom washed their spare clothes, the sleeping bag blankets and all of his underwear in the frigid creek before B'Elanna came outside again.
"Do you want me to wash your clothing first, B'Elanna?"
"It will be warmer in the afternoon, Tom. I'd rather wait until then to wash up myself. So take off your clothes, Paris, and I'll wash them for you." She sent him a come-hither growl. After he stripped the rest of his garments off and handed them to her for washing, Tom sat on a rock, his body wrapped in Neelix's blanket that served as both towel and modesty covering, watching B'Elanna launder his clothes in the creek before spreading them on some nearby rocks to dry.
When she was done washing the clothing, they went up to the cook pot of now-warmed water. Tom rubbed a small chunk of soap on a washcloth and began to wash himself, acutely conscious of B'Elanna's self-interested scrutiny.
"Need help scrubbing your back, Flyboy?" she breathed into his ear, causing him to jump back from where he was standing.
One look at her face told him that she was going to have her way, no matter what he said. A Paris smirk appeared on his face as he handed her the washcloth and soap.
Her hands were strong, and the scrubbing she gave his back, shoulders, and the back of his neck was delicious. When B'Elanna moved around to his front and began to lave his chest, he grabbed her hand and said, "I can reach my chest, you know."
"Just want to make sure we do a thorough job." He relented gladly; he had seldom seen her in such a bubbly mood.
By the time she had moved her attentions from his chest, Tom was groaning, "I don't know how we are going to handle this, B'Elanna, without some 'adjournments' between personal hygiene sessions."
"I don't see anything to complain about with that, Mr. Paris." She sat down on the rock next to him and moved her hand to his bare thigh.
"Glad to hear it, Babe."
"What did you just call me? Baby!" Her romantic mood was immediately broken, and she squeezed his thigh so hard that he yelped. Calling a half-Klingon "Baby" was too close to calling her a weakling, and Tom was reminded once again that while B'Elanna might decry her Klingon side, it could still emerge with a vengeance on very little provocation.
"Not Baby. Babe. It probably started out being 'Baby,' but it's been used to refer to a beautiful woman for a couple of centuries now. A 'Babe' is particularly luscious and desirable. Just like you. Or, if you prefer, I'll just call you 'Be'.' That's Klingon for 'woman,' isn't it?"
"Why do you have to call me anything other than B'Elanna?"
"Hey, if you can call me Flyboy, Helmboy, and Hotshot, I should be able to call you Babe or Be'!" His smirk was fully visible now.
She blew out a bemused breath as she said, "OK, Hotshot, you can call me 'Woman,' if you want to. Your accent is really bad, you know that, don't you?"
"Sure, Be'. But fair is fair."
"Fair is fair," she agreed.
Tom was pushed back against the cliff wall by an engineer with designs upon his body. "I've created a monster." His smile was blissful, and he sounded like he was gloating.
"Do you want me to bring you anything else, Harry?" Kes placed his cup of Tarkalian tea on the table before him.
"No, this is fine."
"Don't you want any sugar?"
"If you have some, but don't go to any trouble."
"It's no trouble; I'm sure I have some." Kes poked around inside the minuscule storage cabinet next to her replicator. Taking out a small container, she set it in front of Harry from behind him, while she leaned her weight against his back and right shoulder. He was acutely aware of her warm softness and the scent of what seemed like lilac perfume. Kes remained behind him, both of her hands resting lightly on his shoulders, as she asked, "Are you sure you don't want anything else?"
"This is just great." Harry had to twist his body around to address her and found that her lush mouth was mere centimeters from his lips. 'My God,' he thought, 'She's coming on to me. Isn't she?' He became flustered again, as he had in the mess hall when she had insisted that he leave her hand near hers, without saying a word.
When they had gone to see the Doctor yesterday, Harry had convinced himself that he was mistaken about her reason for stroking his hand; she had only wanted to comfort him because of his concerns about Tom and B'Elanna. Tonight, as she took her seat at the table across from him in her quarters and favored him with the full force of those baby blue eyes, he was sure that making him comfortable was not her primary intent.
Her lips parted to admit a sip of tea, and as the cup left her lips, she delicately slipped the tip of her tongue from one side of her upper lip to the other. No, Harry Kim was not feeling particularly comfortable at the moment.
"Is something wrong, Harry?"
"Oh, no, nothing."
"You've gotten so quiet."
Conscious that he had been staring at her, Harry flushed deeply.
"A penny for your thoughts, Harry - that's an old Earth expression," she added helpfully.
Her bow mouth turned upward into a bright smile, bringing to Harry's mind that Kes had shown signs of having psychic powers. If he had been wrong about her coming on to him, and if she could read his thoughts . . . . Harry uneasily reviewed the possible explanations he could give her for his gaffe, without being able to think of anything remotely appropriate. The only utterance he could manage was a barely coherent, "I - um - a penny?"
Her laughter ascended a musical scale of merriment. "What's the matter, are your thoughts worth more than that?" Her body was leaning in towards his again, and the low pitched voice emanating from her grin was even breathier than usual.
"Uh, I guess I'm wondering if you know what I'm thinking already."
"I hope I do, Harry."
He gulped. "What am I thinking, then?"
"I hope you are thinking about how attracted to me you are, because I am very attracted to you."
The tension Harry was feeling changed, and his nervousness faded. Harry thrust his hand out in front of him, and Kes interlaced her fingers with his before closing their hands together in a warm grasp.
"I think we are on the same page, Kes. That's another old Earth expression that means we are thinking the same thing."
For a few minutes, Harry lost himself in Kes' smile, hoping that she was telepathically attuned to him as he indulged himself in thinking delightful thoughts about what he would like to be doing with her, other than holding her hand while they both sipped tea. From the shifting smiles that played upon her lips and reached to her eyes, she might well have been receiving his thoughts.
Then, the mood breaker. Harry suddenly realized that the angelic creature that he was fantasizing about wasn't even four years old yet, prompting him to shake his head and chuckle.
"What is it?"
"I was just thinking, Harry Kim, Cradle Robber."
She understood the reference. "Harry, that's not true! Neelix may have been a cradle robber; I was pretty young when we started our relationship. If you compare Ocampan life spans to humans, though, I would be older than you - well into my thirties, at least. I'd be getting close to middle age. I think I must be the cradle robber!"
"Can't be. You don't look a day over two."
As Kes' response turned pensive, she languidly ran her thumb up the inside of Harry's right forearm, eliciting a further thrill in the young operations officer.
"Thanks, Harry. I'm flattered, of course, but I've been thinking more and more about this lately. I've accepted that I'm only going to be around for a short time, compared to a human. Compared to a Vulcan, my life span is like a Kabarra fly's! It's over almost before it's begun. I don't mind, really, but I'm conscious that I don't have any time to waste. I'm going to be four soon, which means my Elogium can't be far in the future - the real one, this time - and I don't have a partner to father a child."
"Didn't Neelix say he would do it?"
She looked away from him, her mood becoming sadder. "Only after thinking about it for a VERY long time, and then he was very relieved when it wasn't the real thing. I think even then he would have preferred to put it off forever, and that's when we were a couple, supposedly committed to each other for life." Her eye gaze returned to Harry's face. "I have a confession to make, Harry. After that happened, I had doubts about my relationship with Neelix, whether I really wanted him to be a father to a child of mine. I still loved him very much, so I put it all out of my mind. I even begged Captain Janeway to bring him back to me when he and Tuvok were turned into Tuvix by that transporter accident. Things weren't really the same, though, and the seed was planted in my mind that being mated to Neelix for life, Ocampan tradition or not, might not be what I wanted for myself."
This confession was difficult for her, Harry could see. Her eyes blinked frequently , and her voice was intensely emotional, not like Kes' usual light, reserved tones. Trying to help relieve her of some of her distress, Harry contributed, "When both parties only live nine years or so, like the Ocampa, I would imagine that mating for life isn't really a hardship. It's different with other races that live so much longer. Mating for life is an ideal, and many are able to do it happily, but not everyone is cut out for that."
"You're right, Harry, of course, and since there are no other Ocampa for me to mate with here, everyone is from a longer-lived species. And that's a big problem for me. If I have a child with a man of another race, the child would have the genetic codes of a short-lived Ocampa and of the longer-lived species. Would the child's life span be like mine, like the father's or maybe a compromise? If it is like the father's or a compromise, I might not even see my son or daughter reach adulthood. The father would be the one to raise the child the rest of the way. He would need to be truly committed to parenthood. I didn't feel that commitment from Neelix when we were together; how can I expect that from him now that we are apart?"
In all honesty, she could not, and Harry knew it. Hearing her speak like this, he comprehended the reason for her seductiveness. She was looking for a father for her child. Harry had a feeling that he was going to be having a lot to think about, and soon.
Draining the last drop of tea from her cup, Kes continued, "That was in my mind for a long time, even though I was trying not to pay any attention to that little voice that was prodding me to do something about it. Then Tieran took over my mind and body, and one of the first things he did was break up with Neelix for me. After I got my body and mind back, I realized that he had only done what I really wanted done but was afraid to do myself. After Tieran, I was . . . different. A different person. Do you know what I am trying to say, Harry?"
"I think so, Kes. After all that's happened in the Delta Quadrant, I don't feel like the same Harry Kim that left Earth, either."
That brought a smile back to her lips. "Well, strictly speaking, you AREN'T the same Harry Kim, at least, not the one that left Earth on this Voyager."
That made him laugh, too, but only for a few seconds. "You're absolutely right, in fact, I guess you could say that I might even be the SECOND replacement Harry Kim. But that wasn't what I was getting at, Kes. Even the replacement Harry Kim changed after the Akiterian prison."
"Harry, you aren't still feeling guilty about that, are you? You were being tortured with that Clamp! Tom understands - he was going through it himself."
"All the same, I shouldn't have gotten so angry with him when he was so sick. He was injured protecting me, and if Captain Janeway and the rest hadn't gotten us out when they did, he would have died, and me too, probably."
"The captain did come though, and you are both fine now. Tom has accepted it; he's put it behind him."
Harry pushed himself away from Kes' table and stood, pacing her living area from one end of the room to the other, until Kes stepped in front of him, blocking his way.
"Tom doesn't blame you, Harry, he is grateful just to have survived."
"So am I, Kes, but that doesn't mean that I can forget that I almost killed my best friend."
"You didn't kill him."
"No, luckily, I didn't. Some things just don't go away so easily, that's all that I'm saying. Especially when I remember that Harry Kim, replacement or not, had his life saved by a Tom Paris who gave up his own life in another timeline, dimension, whatever, so that I could get back here to be standing in this room with you now."
"And of course, there was that other replacement Harry Kim who was the only survivor - only adult survivor, anyway - of that other Voyager, when the Tom Paris on that ship died, too. Aren't you feeling guilty about that, too, Harry? If you're going to feel guilty, you might as well go all the way with it."
"Kes, please . . . ."
"While we are spilling out all the guilt, Harry, what about me? When I was Tieran, I KILLED people. Maybe I wasn't in my 'right mind' when I did it, but this body is responsible for murder. I can't say that I'm really over that, either, but I am trying to keep it from haunting me."
"Kes . . . " Harry reached out for her, and they embraced for a long time. Finally, when she relaxed her hold, Harry allowed her to straighten up a little so that they could look into each other's faces, but he did not release her from his arms. "You're right about not letting it haunt me. I try not to, but the truth is, no matter which Harry Kim this is, I'm different. Maybe it isn't a bad different, either. I was really naïve when I arrived on Voyager. Did I ever tell you how Tom saved me from wasting a lot of money on junk gems that some Ferengi barkeeper tried to sell me?"
"I don't think so," she giggled lightly, "I'd like to hear about it sometime."
"Maybe later I'll tell you about it," he smiled back. "I guess growing up is just awfully hard, no matter how old you are when you are doing it."
"That's true of any change, Harry, not just growing up. Take it from a very mature, almost-four-year-old Ocampa."
"You are definitely the most mature three-year-old I have ever known."
Harry enfolded her in his arms again, at first, in a friendly hug. As they stood together, however, the ensign felt stronger feelings wash over him, and their hold tightened on each other. Was he feeling his own emotions, or was Kes projecting her own upon him? He finally decided that it didn't matter if he were feeling what Kes was feeling; he was sure that his own attachment to the beautiful woman in his arms was real.
As they held each other, Harry no longer thought of Kes as Neelix's former lover and child "bride" but as the warm, desirable woman to whom he had been attracted for a very long time. He knew that if he had been honest with himself, he would have realized long ago that the sole reason he had not approached Kes as soon as she had been free of Neelix was his own reluctance to let go of Libby.
Why HAD he borrowed all of those replicator rations from her, if not to have had the excuse of repaying them to her, a few at a time? Every time he had "made his loan payment," as they had laughingly called it, Kes and Harry had had what amounted to a date. He hadn't particularly wanted or needed the things he had obtained with the rations, either. Harry had blown them on frivolities.
Loosening his hold on Kes, Harry moved his hands from her back to gently cup her face before he kissed her. Like their hug, the kiss began as a gentle touch but deepened into an intense sharing of their feelings. When their lips parted, his dark eyes shone down into her pure blue ones, reading in them a passion that both realized would not be quenched without a more intimate bonding of their bodies. First, though, there was some unfinished business.
"Kes, I think we have some serious talking to do about Libby, Neelix, and exactly what I can expect when you go into this Elogium of yours." Her delighted grin was only the first of her replies to him.
Although Kes did not hear any alarm, she awoke at her customary time of 0545 hours. She was not in her customary position, lying in a fetal position on her bed. Instead she found herself curled up on her couch, wrapped in the arms of Harry Kim. They had fallen asleep there after talking half the night. As she rolled her body carefully away from Harry, so as not to disturb him too soon, her face glowed.
She had been feeling for some time that a change was coming, and now that she knew what shape that change would take, Kes felt happier than she had felt at any time in the three years since she left her homeworld forever to embark on this wild adventure to the stars. For the first time in ages, Kes had no doubts at all that her life was following a course that had been preordained for it. Painful as it was to think about from Neelix's point of view, Kes was sure that the Talaxian's one true role in bringing her away from her home planet and onto Voyager had been to deliver her into the arms of Harry Kim.
Loyal Harry, who, until he was ready to finally accept that his life with Libby could not reasonably be expected ever to happen, could not have come to her as he had last night. She wouldn't have wanted him to be any other way. Friendly, yet private, too. A responsible Starfleet officer, yet a passionate lover. The man who would father her child, or perhaps children. Now that she was not under the influence of the Caretaker, would the old Ocampan heritage of each mother having a multiple birth when she came to her Elogium return? Kes wished she had thought to ask the Ocampa who lived on Suspira's array more details about their childbearing; but she had forgotten.
For a moment Kes allowed herself to wish that her life span could be extended for a longer time, to let her be with Harry no matter how long it might take for her child or children to become adults. A few tears glistened in her eyes as Kes ruthlessly set aside her fantasy. Living a long life was not possible for her, that was something she knew intrinsically. Maybe that was just as well for Harry, and perhaps for Libby, too, if she proved just as loyal to him.
Kes had no illusions; she would never see the Alpha Quadrant, even if a shortcut was found for Voyager and her crew eventually. Kes simply knew for a fact that she would be gone by then, but she would make Harry happy for as long a time as she had with him. If Libby was the woman that Kes suspected she might be, if she had waited for Harry until he returned, would she be able to accept half-Harry, half-Ocampan offspring? Kes truly hoped so.
As she ran her fingers through Harry's hair, Kes thought sadly, 'Linnis, the Linnis I once met, you are not here. Harry is my love instead. Please forgive me, Linnis. I pray that your soul will be born into one of our descendants someday, maybe even to be OUR daughter. Just as long as you can find a man like Harry, Linnis, you will be blessed.'
The light touch of Kes' fingers gradually roused Harry from his slumber. "What time is it," he mumbled sleepily.
"Almost 0600, Harry. It's time for both of us to get ready for our shifts."
They stood up, straightening their rumpled clothing as they did, putting their arms around each other for a last embrace before Harry left. As Kes handed Harry the padds that he had brought with him to her quarters, he asked, "Meet you in an hour or so in the mess hall for breakfast?"
"I wouldn't miss it. What time do you think you can get free for lunch?"
"I'm not sure. Sometime between 1200 and 1330, I think. Is it okay if I hail you? If you get hungry, Kes, you can go on ahead, of course."
"I think I'll be able to hold out. We really should be together when we tell Neelix. Dinner here, around 1800."
"I'll be here. Do you want me to bring anything?"
"Just yourself. And a change of clothes and a toothbrush, unless you want to replicate them once you're here. I don't have any time to waste, you know!"
He grinned. "No, and I don't either. See you in a bit." As he walked to the door, he turned around again. "Love you."
She smiled. "Love you, Harry."
Despite the cold outside their den, Tom and B'Elanna felt warm wrapped in their sleeping bag and blankets, their bodies as close together as two bodies could be, touching along their entire lengths to share and conserve body heat. B'Elanna was amazed at the amount of heat Tom's male body could throw off after their passionate embraces.
More would be needed, of course, as the night was only about two thirds over. After sleeping for several hours between lovemaking sessions, however, Tom and B'Elanna were restless and looking for some other activity to pass the time before the desire for sleep reasserted itself. As B'Elanna had suggested that they leave the lights off unless they were absolutely necessary so as to conserve power, their soft voices sounded in utter darkness.
"You're big on Klingon customs, Tom. How about courting me? A love poem would be nice."
"Courting you, Torres? Haven't we already gotten close enough for you to skip the love poems? I've been thinking of us as an old married couple already, in the Klingon way, of course."
"Some student of Klingon tradition you are. Don't you know that you never really get past the courting part? Some matings always need it! Not that we are mated in the Klingon way, anyway. Come on, Paris, sweep me away with your verse."
"I've never found you to be the swept away type, B'Elanna."
"A tall, well-favored, well-connected man like yourself must have a repertoire of poems to impress a woman."
"Not this one."
"Come on, Tom, there must be one you know!"
He sighed. "Okay, B'Elanna. Here's one:
"You know that it would be untrue,
You know that I would be a liar,
If I were to say to you,
Girl, we couldn't get much higher.
Come on, baby, light my fire,
Try . . . "
"Tom, is that one of those dreadful songs you're always singing? The stone-and-whatever-you-call it songs?"
"Rock and roll songs, B'Elanna. It started out that way, but the lyrics have certainly stood the test of time . . . ."
"Forget it, Paris. That does not qualify as love poetry. Come up with something else."
"You know, Torres, if I had expected to be stranded here like this, I would have set aside some time to memorize a few Klingon-approved love poems. I had no idea we would get to this stage of our relationship for some time yet, and I've never been particularly interested in memorizing poetry for its own sake."
"Humor me. We're already skipping the throwing of heavy objects."
"Good thing, too. Just about the only heavy throwable things around here are rocks. If you brain me, Torres, it's gonna be awfully cold in here."
Pressed close to her body, Tom could feel as well as hear her stifle a laugh. He reached out to stroke her, trailing his fingertips up her back and across her shoulders, ending with a gentle caress of her cheekbone. As he turned to kiss her, he heard her say, "Not so fast, Flyboy. I'm still waiting for my love poem."
Sighing again, he thought a moment. "I guess there are a few tried and true poems that I can recall from my tramping-around-the-Alpha-Quadrant days. Let's see . . . I know, here's one:
"There once was a lass from Parduck,
Who found herself down on her luck,
She had nothing to sell but . . . ."
"Dirty limericks don't count either, Paris."
"B'Elanna, within the limited parameters you're allowing me, it's going to be getting awfully cold in here soon."
This time, she could not hold in her laughter. "Tom, you must remember some scrap of poetry that you can recite to me. Or don't you have a head for memorizing?"
"Come on, B'Elanna. You know a pilot has to memorize lots of things, but I never had much use for memorizing love poetry. Before coming on Voyager, I wasn't seeing the class of women who cared much for that sort of thing. They were more interested in credit lines."
"Or beautiful blue eyes."
"Well, maybe that too. I sure didn't have much of a credit line." Tom was chuckling now, too. Deepening the register of his voice as much as he could, he breathed seductively, "If we turned a light on, B'Elanna, I could try the blue eyes on you."
"I already know what they look like, Paris," she replied dryly. B'Elanna did not want to look into those eyes; they might distract her just as much as he hoped they would. "Come on, there must be some verse or two that you know that is really poetry."
"Of course there is. They just wouldn't qualify as love poems, I don't think."
"Recite one, Tom. I may cut you some slack."
Tom shifted his body, hoping she might take pity on him. Several seconds passed, but she wasn't responding. Tom thought over his limited poetic repertoire; there were a few poems, encountered during his student days, that had spoken to him strongly enough for him to remember them in full, but none seemed a good candidate for B'Elanna's request for love poetry.
"Tom. I'm waiting."
"Aren't we the demanding one tonight? All right, there is one poem I know that isn't a song lyric and isn't dirty, but I don't think it will meet your exacting standards as a love lyric. I've been thinking about this one a lot since we got stuck out here in the Delta Quadrant, and the words suit our situation here in a way - especially the icy weather part. But it doesn't even rhyme, at least, not in the version that I know."
"What do you mean, 'version?'"
"The original poem was written in Chinese almost two thousand years ago by a poet named Tu Fu. Maybe it rhymed in Chinese, I'm not sure. I only know it from a translation."
"Well, go on. At this point, I can accept a poem that doesn't rhyme."
Tom gathered up the words of the poem in his head before beginning, thinking that the darkness, in this case, might help him visualize what he had to say. Clearing his throat, he began:
"It is Spring in the mountains.
I come alone seeking you.
The sound of chopping wood echoes
Between the silent peaks.
The streams are still icy.
There is snow on the trail.
At sunset I reach your grove
In the stony mountain pass.
You want nothing, although at night
You can see the aura of gold
And silver ore all around you.
You have learned to be gentle
As the mountain deer you have tamed.
The way back forgotten, hidden
Away, I become like you,
An empty boat, floating, adrift."
When he finished, B'Elanna said nothing for long time. Her first thought was that it was very out of character for Tom Paris to have memorized such an introspective poem. As she savored the words, however, she realized how Tom could have identified strongly with its message. Feeling at sea, seeking something but not really knowing what it was - those were sentiments that she understood all too well herself.
Tom grew impatient. "So, B'Elanna, does it measure up to your high standards?"
She did not know what to say. True, it was not a love poem, but it was beautiful. She said the first words that came into her head: "I don't think I'm very gentle."
He laughed. "Since you don't have a knife to my throat and aren't biting my head off, or biting anything else, for that matter, I think you qualify as 'gentle' for the moment. So, do you like it? I've been remembering it a lot lately. 'Cast adrift' . . . ."
"It's hard to believe that that poem is so old."
"I guess some things don't change, Torres." He spoke softly to her and began to tickle her ear with the tip of his tongue.
"It's close, Tom. But not quite. Try again."
"B'Elanna! Take pity on me, please!"
"One more try, Tom."
Another big, dramatic sigh erupted from the pilot as he plumbed his memory for something else to please his lover. Finally, he recalled something that might work. "OK, there is one other I know that maybe is a love poem, if you think about it.
"This Is Just to Say
I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox
and which
you were probably
saving for breakfast
Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold."
"Tom, that's no more a love poem than the other one was."
"I don't know, B'Elanna. It's obviously a 'loving' message from one person to another - I always thought it was from a husband to his wife. I'm not sure that he was only talking about plums, either." His suggestive leer was lost in the darkness.
"Maybe so, but I . . . ." She stopped when she felt his body shift, followed by the sensation of his hand traveling around her waist. Seconds later, his mouth closed upon one of her breasts while the other was kneaded softly by one of his hands.
B'Elanna groaned at his touch as he lavished attention upon her body. After several blissful minutes, she heard him murmur, "Such sweet plums, so sweet, so cold," as his breath reached her face. He kissed her deeply, surely. Again she heard him say something, which finally penetrated her distracted brain as the word, "delicious," as Tom proceeded to show her exactly how delicious she was to him.
Afterward, with both of them sighing contentedly, B'Elanna was willing to concede to Tom that, yes, perhaps that plum thing qualified as a love poem after all.
Kes and Harry met outside the mess hall and exchanged a quick buss on the lips. Harry was nervous. He knew that they had to approach Neelix about their relationship, but he was not looking forward to it. After some debate, they had agreed to meet at 0145 for lunch, which was well after the rest of the crew should have finished eating. As they had expected, there were only a handful of diners in the mess hall when they entered, all in the final stages of their own meals.
"Kes, Harry, the two of you are certainly having a very late lunch. I've run out of Pleeka rind and grub casserole, I'm sorry to say."
"No problem, Neelix. What else is on the menu?" Harry was now exceedingly pleased to have come late for lunch.
"Not too much, I'm afraid. I have some of these bread circles that Larson likes so much - I think he calls them 'bagels.' And there is fruit and some sweet tuber pie for dessert. I can cook you up some eggs for a main entrée, but there isn't much else available, unless you want to replicate something."
"Eggs and bagels sound great, Neelix. I'll replicate some cream cheese for the bagels. And that pie sounds good. Those are the tubers from Tantrum IV, right?"
"Yes, everyone seems very enthusiastic about them." Neelix did not look too enthusiastic himself as he mentioned this. "I imagine that Lt. Torres and Mr. Paris have been eating a lot of them, where they are." His demeanor became even more subdued.
"Neelix, I am sure they're fine. Don't worry." Kes gave him the encouraging smile that she had given him so many times since they had arrived on Voyager.
"I'm sure. I just do get a little concerned, you know. Tom and I have become great friends, and I admire Lt. Torres so much. Isn't she an amazing person?" Without waiting for an answer to his obviously rhetorical question, Neelix added, "I'll get these eggs ready for you then. The bagels are over there. Take a seat, and I'll bring the eggs over to you when they are ready."
This suited the needs of Kes and Harry well, since Kes wanted to speak to Neelix in a more personal manner than leaning over the mess hall counter. The ensign went to the food replicator to get the cream cheese, while Kes assembled the rest of their choices, including the tuber pie, and carried them to a table in the back of the mess hall.
By the time Neelix brought the cooked eggs to the table, Harry and Kes were deeply involved in a discussion about wedding traditions from various cultures. When they saw Neelix coming toward them, they tried to make it all sound very academic. Neelix asked them if he could sit down at the table with them after delivering their food to them. "The rush is over, as you can see; and I think it would be nice to have a little chat about . . . things. You know."
"Yes, Neelix, it would be good to have a chat. There is something that Harry and I need to talk to you about anyway."
The Talaxian smiled somewhat sadly. "I don't think you need to actually tell me the subject. I noticed the way you were holding hands here the other night. I knew it was going to happen someday, Kessie; and I don't mind saying that it would have gone very hard for me, very hard indeed, if you had picked someone who wasn't worthy of you. I should have known you better than to worry about that. Mr. Kim, I can't think of a better man for Kes than you."
Kes said nothing, but she leaned over the table to give her former lover a hug and a kiss. Harry felt his eyes burn a little. "Thank you, Neelix. It means everything to me to hear you say that. I've been dreading this conversation all morning because we didn't want to hurt you, and you've made it easy for us to tell you. I mean, we didn't even have to tell you, you told us!"
Harry and Neelix shook hands. The Talaxian may have been hiding a bit of a broken heart as he gave them his blessing, but he meant what he had said about Harry and about realizing the inevitability of someone else becoming Kes' partner. When she did not immediately return to him after leaving him in the Holoresort months ago, Neelix gradually accepted that it was over between them. Harry Kim was a fine young man. Morale Officer Neelix quickly turned the conversation to a safer subject: wedding traditions, without the veneer of pretending the subject was only being discussed as a random subject of conversation. Neelix became extremely enthusiastic, pushing for a big wedding celebration, somewhat to Kes' and Harry's dismay.
"I, of course, will be the best choice to portray the father of the bride, since your own dear father has passed away, Kes," Neelix insisted.
"Neelix, when we thought I was having my Elogium, the Doctor had that role. He might expect to perform that same role again."
"Well, he might, of course, but that time I was going to be the groom. This time I am the logical choice, as I am the closest you have to family, you know that, Kes."
Harry could sense that Kes was unhappy about being caught in the middle of this discussion. Fortunately, Harry noticed someone else entering the mess hall that Kes and Harry needed to approach about their plans and who might be able to come to their assistance. "Captain Janeway! Do you think you could come over here for a moment?"
"Of course, Ensign. Just let me get some of Neelix's marvelous special brew first." Captain Janeway was constitutionally unable to call Neelix's Delta Quadrant concoctions "coffee." The captain and her mug of liquid arrived at the table, taking in the groupings at a glance. Neelix was on one side of the table, while on the facing side, Harry sat next to Kes, his arm draped possessively around her.
"There was something you wanted to talk to me about, Ensign?" She tried to keep herself from smiling, but the grin on Harry's face was so self-satisfied, she had a hard time controlling herself. And the arm around Kes' shoulders, could it be?
"Yes, Captain. We were wondering if we could meet with you after our shifts today to discuss a few things." Harry squeezed Kes' shoulder as he took the plunge. "Wedding plans and a request for bigger quarters for Kes and myself."
The captain's response was immediate and joyful, although she was definitely surprised. "Congratulations to both of you, but I have to ask, when did this all happen?"
"Actually, Harry and I have been feeling this way about each other for quite a while, Captain. The only sudden thing about it is that we just recognized it. We told Neelix this afternoon, and now we are in the middle of planning a wedding. Captain, my head is starting to spin! I didn't know there was so much involved in planning a human-style wedding."
"What is involved in an Ocampan wedding, Kes?" Both Harry and Neelix looked at each other abashed. Neither one had thought to ask her that very obvious question.
"Actually, there isn't a formal wedding ceremony. The rituals all center around the beginning of the Elogium, and the couple just carries on as mates afterward, raising their child or children."
Neelix's fluffy eyebrows rose to an arch the way Tuvok's Vulcan brows do as he heard the word "children." 'Yes,' he thought, 'Better Mr. Kim than me.'
"Kes, some human ceremonies aren't much more elaborate than that. You can have a huge affair with everyone on board in attendance, or you can have something small. The minimum number of people in attendance is usually considered to be the couple themselves, two witnesses, and the person who is to perform the ceremony. As captain of Voyager, I would expect that that would be my role. It can take a few minutes; or, as I understand still occasionally occurs in some Earth cultures, it can take days, with hundreds of people there."
"I don't think we want to do this with hundreds of people there, Captain." Kes looked a little overwhelmed at the prospect.
"You don't have to decide this minute. Take a while to talk things over."
"I'd like it settled pretty quickly, though, Captain," Kes said earnestly. "I don't have the time to waste!"
"It's okay, Sweetheart, we can take a few days to discuss it, at least. Maybe do some research. Besides, we aren't going to want to do anything about it until we get Tom and B'Elanna back anyway." At Harry's words, everyone nodded their head. The fate of the chief engineer and the helmsman had slipped their minds in the emotional rush of the moment, but now they were all brought back down a peg.
"A good point, Mr. Kim. And now, if I am not mistaken, both of us are due back on the bridge."
"Aye, Captain. We'll talk to you some more, Neelix, after we've had a chance to sort things out ourselves." Kes agreed to this as Harry leaned down to give her a peck on the cheek.
"Don't you worry about cleaning up, now. I'll take care of it," Neelix said, as he gathered up the dishes while the captain and the ensign walked out of the mess hall. "Kes, don't you have to get back to sickbay?" he added, when he realized that Kes was not leaving with the others.
"In a minute, Neelix. There is something else I wanted to talk to you about, but I didn't want to say it in front of Harry." As her serious expression registered with the Talaxian, he stopped his fussing and took up her hands.
"What's wrong, Sweeting?"
"Neelix, when we were together, we never spoke of this; but now, with Harry, I need to ask you a very huge favor, one that I will not be in a position to ever repay."
"Anything, Kes."
She took a deep breath to settle her emotions before continuing, "I am not going to have a very long life span, as we all know. That means that Harry is going to be left alone, a widower, as they say in Federation standard, at a very young age. Assuming that everything goes as we expect it may, that means that he will probably have a child to raise. Maybe the child would be an adult, like an Ocampa, but I think it would be more likely that he or she would still be very young. Harry's family is far away. He'll need help. If a lot of the people on this ship start to have babies - and I think that might start to happen soon - it may not be easy for him, since he will be on his own. I wanted to ask you to help Harry, and any children we might have, if . . . I mean when . . . ." Kes had to stop. It was much harder to talk about this with Neelix than she expected.
"Kessie." Neelix enfolded her in his arms. "Of course I will help him. I think I am much better suited to being an Uncle Neelix than I ever would have been to being a Daddy. I'll get to have some fun, but then I get to go home by myself, too!" That elicited a big smile from Kes. She had to agree, Neelix would make a much better uncle. "Don't you worry, from now on, you just think of me as your big brother Neelix. You let Harry know that, too, won't you?"
"Neelix, you are being wonderful about this. I really do love you, Neelix, but it is better this way, isn't it?"
"You know, I really think it is. And I love you, too." They shared a brotherly/ sisterly sort of hug, then said their good-byes.
While cleaning up the dishes as he had promised, Neelix thought about the promise he had made to Kes. Despite feeling a bit melancholy about not being with her anymore, he had to admit that he really meant what he had said to Harry and Kes. He had been dreading being a father to her child. He had loved his family, but since he lost them, his life had been very different from what it might have been had he remained on his home planet. Caring for a child was such a huge responsibility, one that he knew he did not wish to assume. Knowing how much having a child meant to Kes, he realized that they weren't suited at all to each other. Having a niece or nephew - now that sounded like a lot more fun, even if they weren't going to have any handsome spots.