From space, Mustafar looks like one giant, glowing ember. I feel a pit growing in my stomach as soon as it comes into view and quickly takes over the entire range of sight from the cockpit.
Our ship flies down into the industrial sectors, and I narrow my eyes, trying to see through all of the smoke and fog plumes that cloud our flight path. I can almost feel the heat of the lava flows and molten rivers from inside the Skiff.
What kind of hell is this? I think to myself, trying to steer the Skiff closer to the complexes where our transmitters say Anakin's starfighter rests.
Systems like Mustafar only make me long for Naboo more. Everything here is so threatening, so evil: menacing rivers of lava, plumes of black smoke rising into the sky, heat so thick, I could choke on it.
I can almost feel his presence again. I don't feel any internal connections like before. I cannot see where he is, or what he's feeling, but I know he's near. I know we'll be together soon.
"I do believe we are to land the ship over on Platform B, just over there. Mhm. Yes." Threepio rambles to me.
I nod along. When I try to open my mouth, nothing comes out. I cannot speak words suddenly, and I can only think of how far I've come to know the truth. I've disobeyed our promises. I've broken my oath to my husband. But I need to know. I need to see for myself that just because everything around us has changed, my Anakin is still the same.
The Skiff lands, and just as the engines die down, I place my hand to my forehead, wiping away the instant beads of sweat from the heat, also massaging away the premature headache all this stress has given me.
I feel the warm tears fill my eyes before I can stop them. I exhale though the tears, and a small sob escapes my mouth. There's no turning back now. If Anakin doesn't already know, he'll soon know I'm here, and I'll have to explain myself to him. And I'll find out the truth.
I use all the hope within me to envision the Anakin I fell in love with three years ago. Please. Please, let this be the Anakin that comes to me now. Let Obi-Wan be wrong. Let these ridiculous accusations be complete lies and misconstrued stories.
I try to imagine the handsome Jedi Apprentice who kissed me on the Lake House's balcony. For the slightest moment, I almost hear the whispers of our love theme play in the back of my mind. I'd give anything to hear its beautiful chorus crescendo in my ears one more time.
Finally, I see him. In the distance, he emerges from one of the buildings across a bridge that connects building to platform. He lowers the hood of his cloak, and he breaks into a run, coming closer and closer to me.
Without hesitating, I press a button to lower the boarding ramp and turn out of my chair, running towards the exit.
The outside heat hits me harder than I expected it to, but I keep running down the platform without thinking. I only care about getting to Anakin, making sure he is safe and he is the same. My same.
As soon as he comes close enough, I can see on the outside he is my Anakin. He is just as handsome, just as flawless as the last time I saw him. His eyes glow just the same as they always did. His lips, his hair, his arms are all the same.
I throw myself into his arms, absorbing the warmth of his embrace. I just want to soak him in right now. I just want to hold him and know that he is here with me.
These are the same arms that held me for years. These are the same arms that left me on Coruscant. Nothing has changed. I breathe a sigh of relief into his chest and let out a few tears of relief. I'm so happy. Now we can leave. Now we can be together as a family, just as I'd always dreamed. Obi-Wan was wrong. He is my Anakin.
I look up at my husband, and as soon as out eyes connect and he sees the tears in mine, he wipes them dry and places his soft, familiar lips on mine. Finally, once again I hear the love theme in my ears. It's still faint, but I can hear it just as well. I know it. I can feel it. Once we leave this place and live happily together, I know I'll be able to hear it louder than ever.
"Padme," he begins, ending the kiss. Just to hear his voice say my name feels good. It makes me feel safe. All is well. "I saw your ship."
"Oh Anakin," I breathe into his chest. I'm still checking to make sure he is real.
"It's all right. You're safe now." He calms me down, but I cannot suppress the sobs. "What are you doing out here?"
I finally realize that I can be calm. I can relax now. All of my worries leave me, and the sobs become less panicked and more controlled. "I was so worried about you." I say, when I can finally find my voice, "Obi-Wan, told me terrible things."
Anakin backs away and looks into my eyes.
"What things?" He asks with an offended undertone.
I worry about telling him the truth. I don't want to anger him, but now that I've finally seen him, finally felt his reality, I know I have nothing more to worry about. I can be honest with him—fully—for the first time. Now that I know he is my good, loving Anakin, I can tell him anything, no matter how ridiculous, even what Obi-Wan accused him of.
"He said you've turned to the Dark Side," I say, still breathing heavily, "that you killed younglings." I try not to sound like I believe it. I try not to sound like I'm accusing him of these horrid acts.
Anakin's eyes look down on me and his mouth curls playfully. It's that same look he gives when it's like I'm a child saying laughable, outlandish things.
"Obi-Wan is trying to turn you against me." He claims.
I don't understand what he means. Sure, Obi-Wan may be mistaken about Anakin's place in the Empire, but he has no intentions of trying to turn me against Anakin. I'm sure of it. He's kept our secret for months, and even when he tried to pry information from me, he stopped asking when he knew I was not about to divulge anything.
"He cares about us." I say to Anakin, hoping he knows what I mean.
"Us?" He asks.
"He knows…he wants to help you." I say to him, hoping I can reconcile the broken relationship between Master and Apprentice, Friend and Friend, Brother and Brother.
But the look Anakin gives me instead shows jealousy. "Is Obi-Wan going to protect you? He cant…he can't help you. He's not strong enough." He says, making it seem as though he's fighting Obi-Wan for my allegiance.
Not this again, I think to myself. I'm tired of hearing about strength and saving me. Yes, my health may be at risk. And yes, recent tragedies have left me feeling brokenhearted. But none of that matters anymore.
If only Anakin could see that all I need is to be with him. All I want is his presence. I would take a broken Republic if it meant I could have him and our family together. If only he could see that I don't need saving anymore; I just need him.
"Anakin, all I want is your love." I say to him, placing my hands on the sides of his face. I can feel the angular contours of his tightly clenched jaw.
"Love won't save you, Padme. Only my new powers can do that." He says, looking down at me as though I'm too foolish to understand.
I don't want to hear about these powers. I'm sick of him thinking I need to be saved.
"At what cost? You're a good person. Don't do this." I plead to him. I need him to see that he doesn't have to risk his life—his goodness—to save me. I don't need saving!
"I wont lose you the way I lost my mother." He says, but it sounds like more of a threat than a promise, "I've become more powerful than any Jedi has ever dreamed of. And I'm doing it for you…to protect you."
I begin to panic again. I have to try to get his mind off of this. I have to make him stop thinking about power and duty for once and flood him with thoughts of happiness and our love.
"Come away with me. Help me raise our child. Leave everything else behind while we still can." I beg to him, choking on suppressed tears.
But that same, twisted smile returns to his face. It completely conquers what used to be his innocent, playful grin. I look into his eyes, hoping to see love and happiness within the dark pools of deep brown. But all I see is sick ambition and the reflection of fiery lava.
"Don't you see we don't have to run away anymore? I have brought peace to the Republic." He says, sounding proud, but hungry for more. "I am more powerful than the Chancellor. I can overthrow him. And together you and I can rule the galaxy. Make things the way we want them to be."
I lose all hope.
My heart sinks as low as it could in my stomach, and I notice that I've absent-mindedly slipped out of his arms, and slowly taken steps back away from him.
"I don't believe what I'm hearing. Obi-Wan was right. You've changed." I gasp, horrified.
I've lost him.
I've lost my Anakin.
I've lost him to the infinity of the galaxy. He is obsessed with not only himself, but also the possibility of always becoming greater than what he is. He is never satisfied. He never was, but now it's become his demise. And the fear of my death was just a catalyst in the experiment.
A monster was produced from the ambition of a boy, and along the way, murdered my loving husband, Anakin Skywalker, war hero and friend.
Even now, as I back away from him, look him in the eyes, and confront him with the truth, he does not show any sign of remorse—any hint that he's done wrong.
"I don't want to hear any more about Obi-Wan. The Jedi turned against me, the Republic turned against me, don't you turn against me." He growls at me angrily.
It breaks my heart.
I go cold at the fact that he could even think I would turn against him. It pains me to hear him abhor Obi-Wan, his Master, friend, and brother so much. It near kills me to hear him think so low of my love for him.
His anger makes me jump. It makes the baby kick within me. It makes hot tears fill my eyes. It makes me lose all hope.
This is not Anakin Skywalker. This is a monster.
"I don't know you anymore," I sob, tears breaking free from my eyes, and running down my cheeks. "Anakin, you're breaking my heart. I'll never stop loving you, but you're going down a path I can't follow."
He becomes silent and raises his head, looking at me with a low glare.
"Because of Obi-Wan?" He asks sounding dangerously quiet and reserved.
A voice rises up within me. "Because of what you've done. What you plan to do." I try to connect with him. I try to let him into my mind, so he can come back from the darkness he's given himself to. "Stop, stop now. Come back! I love you." I plead more hoping to bring back the man I love.
I see Anakin's eyes go to the Skiff. He looks into the interior, just above the boarding ramp.
"LIAR!" He bellows, and turns back to me.
"No!" I cry, seeing what he sees.
It's Obi-Wan. Somehow, someway, Obi-Wan is standing in the doorway of my Naboo Skiff.
How? When? A million questions attack my mind, and I feel my head go light. I want to collapse. I feel weak. What's happening?
How did Obi-Wan get on board the Skiff? How did he know I would run to Anakin?
"You're with him." Anakin yells at me, "You brought him here to kill me."
I try to cry out in defense. I try to tell him "no." I try to explain myself, and how I ran to him as an escape, not an attack.
I try to say, "No! Anakin, I swear….I…" But nothing comes out and I see fury and rage take over Anakin's face like never before.
He reaches out a hand in a clenched position, and I feel sudden tightness around my throat. My hands cling to my throat in an attempt to ease the pain, or pry his grip from my throat on my own.
Heat spreads throughout my body and I'm choking on hot air that I cannot inhale. I'm choking. I'm dying.
Anakin Skywalker, my husband, hero of the Galactic Republic, is killing me.
"Let her go Anakin." I hear Obi-Wan command. Through my tear-filled eyes, I think I see him marching closer to Anakin.
I try to scream out. I try to cry for help. I try to do anything, but I'm frozen in fear and pain.
"Let. Her. Go." is the last thing my ears hear before they begin to ring.
My vision goes black on the sides, and tears have filled my eyes, causing everything to go blurry.
I feel hot. I feel light. I begin to panic for the safety of the baby.
Please stop Anakin! Don't kill the baby! I scream in my mind, hoping he can hear me—hoping that even if he kills me, the baby won't die with me.
My knees give out, and I feel myself slipping out of consciousness.
Relief spreads throughout my body. My vision was too blurry to see Anakin's face. If his rage were to continue, at least I will not have to see it.
Engulfed in darkness, I feel myself falling endlessly; the image of Anakin's fury, forever burned in the blackness of my insentient mind.