Thanks for all the reviews :)
A huge thank you to bodybroke who is now my beta :) She's super awesome.
I hope you enjoy this chapter.
14th February 2019
Santana walked down from her bedroom, her recently showered hair lay damp against her mint green vest; she moved around her mother to pour herself a mug of coffee.
"You got a letter." Maribel said softly, tapping her daughter's hip with a baby pink envelope.
Santana took a half glance at the colour before resuming sipping her coffee. Placing her mug down, she began opening it.
Dear Santana
To Santana.
I wish you were here.
Simple to say, too simple to say. I honestly don't care. I made my dream come true, and you're not here to celebrate with me. You pushed me to do this even after… I hurt you. I betrayed you, and that's why you did this… because you're such a great person, and I love you for it.
It's hell, literally hell without you. Minutes are like days, days are like months. I can't believe I haven't seen you in three months… November… God, it feels like I'm always missing something. A part of me. I know it's you… and I know how cliché it is of me to say that.
Would you dance with me? I've forgotten how many times we actually danced with each other. I think the last time was our honeymoon. In Florence… You were always so beautiful when you danced… I hoped you'd become a dancer… But writing was always your passion.
Can I resent you? You mentioned that you held me back before… Straight out of college. I wanted to dance… I went to a few auditions without… happiness. Am I able to hate that you were allowed to achieve your dream and I wasn't?
Of course I could never resent you. It would be like resenting ducks for having wings instead of arms. You're my wife, and you needed me, and I was always going to be there. And I always will. As you said, I'm only a phone call away.
Speaking of phone calls, after our last disastrous phone call. I decided not to call again. Writing is your forte, so I'll appeal to that. I will not ever sleep with Sam. Never. First of all, he's nothing compared to you… And second, he was simply an object. It doesn't even matter anymore. He was there to simply excite me. Not in a sexual way. But life in the diner became the same. Each day. And instead of talking to you, about a change… I lied, and betrayed your trust.
You're my first love, Santana. And you'll be my last.
Seeing other people, I hope you read this letter before you tend to the hundreds of single lesbian/bisexual women who are probably queuing up for you. I never wanted to see other people. A separation confused me. I thought we were over. You were ignoring my calls. I assumed the worst. This can work, we can be together, but apart while we sort our issues out. I love you, so much that… There's nothing we can't overcome.
Please, write back. The address is on the back of the envelope.
Yours, so ever faithfully.
Brittany.
After reading the letter, Santana took her coffee to her room, closing the door; she immediately began calling Brittany.
"Hello?" Kitty's rough voice answered
"Who is this?" Santana asked, not knowing who had Brittany's phone
"Kitty… Wilde… You can call me baby, especially on V day." Kitty mumbled, before she cried out in pain; "Shit, Britt… That hurt."
"Shut up… San, is that you?" Brittany asked
Santana hummed softly; "Yeah… I got your letter… Happy Valentine's day."
"I wish I could spend it with you." Brittany said
"Yeah… I'm sorry about our phone call… I just went completely crazy on you. I thought you were trying to tell me that now that we were taking some time apart… and Sam was single, you were gonna try him." Santana said, letting her head slowly tilt backwards until it hit the wooden headboard; "I'm sorry about that. I know you must have been so mad at me."
"I was just confused… It seems like all we do is not talk and not listen." Brittany said softly
"I know… It's hard, Britt. It's so hard to talk to you when I feel like… I don't even know you anymore…" Santana revealed sadly; "In the whole of our relationship… I have ever thought that you'd do something like this… Or that I could ever ignore you. But…. Things happen, and you find the truth of a person."
Brittany scratched her head, not really understanding what Santana was trying to say. She looked over at Kitty who was watching her.
"Santana, what is this for us? Are we still together… Are we seeing other people… What's going on? Are we actually dealing with our problems?" Brittany asked
"I don't think a few phone calls when we're both free is going to solve anything." Santana said honestly
"I want to try, Santana." Brittany replied, tugging on the end of her sleeve; "Don't you wanna try?"
"I love you, Britt… I'd try anything if it meant keeping our relationship… I just… I have so many doubts. You got bored with us once… What's stopping it from happening again?" Santana mused, scratching her stomach over her vest
"Because I'm not an idiot… If I'm bored, I'm gonna talk to you… I'm not gonna hide anything from you ever again." Brittany said
Santana sighed lightly; "I think you're right, we should at least try…"
"Okay… We can start now." Brittany said
"Start how?" Santana asked
Brittany hummed, licking her dry pink lips; "I think we need to be completely honest. I think you need to tell me exactly how you feel."
"I feel cheated honestly. You went to a complete stranger… Ignoring the fact he's a guy which makes me feel like you did want an affair… He was a complete stranger, and you felt more than comfortable talking to him, than talking to me." Santana replied; "That made me feel worthless. I wasn't even on your radar… I know I'm not that good at talking about important things but I have always shown how much I love you."
Brittany lightly sighed; "You think I wanted an affair? Santana, I have never wanted anyone else but you… Was I attracted to Sam? Yes, he's good-looking… and he made me feel at ease… He came to the diner, and I didn't focus on how every day felt the same."
"I get you had attractions… I get them too… But you went out of your way to befriend him… Didn't you realise how that would make me feel?" Santana asked
"No… I never even thought about you finding out, or you feeling worthless… I just completely forgot about everything." Brittany said softly
Santana ran her fingers through her hair, brushing any strands out of her eyes; "You still lied, Britt… Did you honestly think I wouldn't find out… That someone wouldn't find out?"
"I know Marley told you… She was the right to tell you… I guess I didn't want you to know because I knew you'd stop me." Brittany said
"You don't have to stop speaking to him… You can do what you want… You just won't have me if you do." Santana replied; "I'm supposed to be your wife… and I've never felt more than a stranger to you. I have no idea what's going on with you… And the worst part is I don't know if I want to know."
"Santana, you know how much I regret this. I never should have done it. You know I'm sorry. I made you feel so… bad about yourself. I know how my actions have affected us." Brittany said softly; "I love you so much… It's killing me to be apart from you."
Santana sighed deeply, almost sadly; "I love you too… But this is for the best, Britt… You get to have the freedom you needed."
"I don't need freedom." Brittany said
"You don't need a wife hanging over you." Santana stated simply; "You're a dancer, you're on tour… This is a separation… which allows you to do whatever you need to… and for me to try to get over you lying to me…"
"So what's going on between us?" Brittany asked
"We'll talk… more often… and we'll rebuild the trust between us." Santana said
"And we're allowed to see other people?" Brittany questioned
"You're gonna be away from me for a few more months… I think if you need someone… Then you don't have to worry about me." Santana said
"So you won't let me be friends with someone but I can fuck someone?" Brittany asked
"You lied to me about it, Britt. I'm not stopping you from having friends, just be honest with me… And now, we're not exclusive, we're separated so you can fuck Sam, your dancer friends, anyone you want…" Santana said
"Fine." Brittany stated
"Britt, you know it's just because I don't wanna force you to do anything you don't want to. I've tried to control you since we began dating. Forcing you to go to the same college, go to New York with me… Get married… get a boring job… You've done everything I asked because you loved me…" Santana said softly; "This time I'm letting you have a choice… You're not bound to me just because we're married… Just be yourself."
"Santana, I don't wanna lose you." Brittany murmured, trying to avoid Kitty's curious gaze
"You won't… Even if we fail… I'll always be in your life." Santana replied
"Just not as my wife, right?" Brittany asked
"If we can't fix things than no…" Santana replied; "But I want to fix things, and so do you."
"So we'll talk more often… and try fix our marriage?" Brittany asked
"Exactly… Listen, I have to go… I've got an interview for a magazine." Santana said
"I'm sure you'll get it." Brittany said, scratching the back of her neck; "Do you need me to send you so more clothes?"
"Don't worry about it… I'll sort it out." Santana replied
"I'll speak to you soon then." Brittany murmured
"Enjoy your show, okay?" Santana replied, before hanging up,
Brittany let the phone drop from her ear; Kitty crinkled her nose at Brittany.
"What happened with your lady-love?" Kitty asked
"We're… We're gonna talk more," Brittany said
"That's what you wanted, right?" Kitty questioned
"I guess so…" Brittany mumbled; taking a seat on the edge of her bed; "She's… She said we can see other people… Is that a bad thing?"
Kitty pursed her lips; "I guess it depends on the couple… If Santana slept with someone tonight, would you be okay with that?"
"I guess I'd have to be… She's told me that we can see other people." Brittany said
Kitty clapped her hands together; "Look at it this way… It's been a long time to be with just one person… Maybe some time apart will be beneficial…"
Brittany bit her bottom lip; "I don't know… Maybe Santana does."
"Maybe you both need to. We've been together since high school. It's a really long time." Kitty said softly; "I'm not saying sleep with everyone… but don't just put it off the table."
Brittany hummed in thought; "I just get the feeling that if I see someone else… Then I will lose Santana for good."
"She wouldn't say that you could if you can't, Britt…" Kitty replied, walking over to Brittany, she slapped her shoulder; "Think about it… while you get me some snacks."
Brittany tipped her head back to laugh; "You're such a bitch…"
"Own it." Kitty called behind her, as she slammed the door to the bathroom.