Chapter 4

Raphael

Raphael was back up in his tree. It was a great spot to be by one's self. He was high enough to see all the comings and goings of his house, not that he took much interest in those things now. He looked out at the sea without seeing it.

His thoughts were only of a song. Each breath he took was laced with the melody in his mind; it was him, just as any part of his body. He couldn't remember a time when this music was not in him. With that thought he paused, and pondered; when had he first heard it? He tried to get his thoughts in order, through the fog of his memories he remembered first a stormy night, slipping and falling, in a storm. The next thing he remembered was a beautiful face holding him close and music. The music seemed to come from this woman, he could feel her lips moving but all he heard was music. His next memory was of waking in a room full of light a young lady holding his hand. She was dressed in a habit, must be a nun, he had thought. Her eyes were so full of life they put fire into his heart. He smiled at her, she smiled back easily. He remembered thinking it must be nice to able to smile so easily.

Days must have passed in that room, but just brief glimpses came to the surface of his mind. He gave no thoughts to where Rory had been or where the music had come. He just knew he had to master the notes that were swimming in his mind.

He watched the sun sparkling on the surf. The beautiful day was lost to him, as the song tormented him. He had lost all interest in life. He knew he looked it, but it didn't matter now, nothing mattered except for the song. If he could only remember how it went, he knew he could find her. It would call to her; his beautiful savior.

How could Rory even think about comparing his small infatuations with women, to his great love? It had been so pathetic that Rory had confessed his 'secret' problems as if Phelle hadn't known. He had inferred this struggle was something to be rid of, an inconvenience. No, Rory had no idea that this made him alive. This song gave Raphael life, life he had never known before. Before he had always been afraid, afraid of strong desires, he could never take life freely as Rory had.

Raphael knew he had hidden behind a mask of fashion and style. Perfection was his wall, self-righteousness his excuse to not let anyone near. He didn't need anyone; relationships were all imperfect and full of pain.

Rory had somehow broken through his barriers. But Rory admitted he was flawed and never directed any emotion deeper than fun toward Phelle. Slowly Rory had won his trust and became a brother toward him; somehow knowing the other person in a relationship knew they were flawed made them easier to trust. Rory had never hurt him. Not like his parents, through their love for each other they killed his desire to love at all.

The music gave him now invoked all his desire. He knew he loved this girl, no she was so much more than a girl; this goddess. She was everything to him. He put his fingers on the smooth ivory keys, and played. Raphael's mind surfaced for a second out of the fog of obsession. For a brief second he wondered why was he at the piano inside, wasn't he just in his tree? The thought fled quickly as his fingers started to play and the notes came alive. At last he found a release from the tortured days and weeks. Fantastic colors flew up before his eyes. Laughing as the song sang on so beautifully almost on its own accord, he knew she could hear, he knew she would come. Even that revelation was pale compared to this feeling of complete ecstasy. He smiled knowing he had found it, he was in the midst of utter perfection.

She came to him with the morning light. He had played until his fingers bled, and then went on singing, as best he could, until he had no voice. Sleep had claimed him, and he was aroused by his perfect song, coming from a voice he knew well. He opened his eyes to see his goddess approaching him; she took his hand in hers, and kissed it gently. Her lips felt warm and soft. Her dark green eyes danced in the mornings light and she spoke, "let go, I release you". A tear ran down his cheek as the full meaning of her words hit him. "But I love you" was all he could pathetically say. She touched his cheek and spoke softly. "I am not yours to love."

Raphael jumped awake, his head felt as if he had been drinking all night with Rory. A dream seemed to struggle into his mind but he ignored it. The day was old, why had he slept so long? Looking in his mirror he saw a shadow of the man he once had been. What had happened to him?

While shaving, he recalled his dream but it didn't make since to him. To lose his grip on sanity so completely, wasn't like him. He must have hit his head in that storm. Rory would know the details. Where was Rory? Quickly he finished shaving. He washed and tried to make himself presentable, it was hard to do since he had lost so much weight. Nothing fit right; he would have to have his clothes taken in. Concern started to surface. "I have to find Rory." He ran out his room and down the stairs to the dining hall. The staff stared at him as he entered.

"Am I too early Mrs. Fellows?" He asked concerned at her reaction.

"No Sir, I will just inform the staff you will have your meal here instead of your quarters this evening."

"Yes, yes," he said trying to brush off the irregularity of her statement. He went to sit in his seat and realized instead of Rory, a dark haired girl sat at the hall table. She smiled barely looking at him. She kept her gaze on her place setting.

"Mrs. Fellows," he asked hesitantly, "Where is Rory this evening?"

"Didn't he tell you? He must 'ov left too fast. He just said he had to go. Didn't say when he'd be back. I'm sure the young lady may tell you more, she was with him before he left." With that the servers came in and soup was served.

He had never felt comfortable with women. If at all possible he avoided speaking with them. Having been raised by nuns, it was set in him that girls were a secret to which only immoral men sought to unlock. He sat gracefully and played with his soup. He looked over at the young girl and saw she still sat with her hands folded in her lap staring at her soup bowl. He sipped the soup silently. Without Rory's usual easy banter the silence became unbearably uncomfortable.

"I don't think we've met, please forgive my rude behavior. My name is Raphael, or Phel by Rory. I am a little confused as to where he has gone off to." He smiled gently at her. She looked so fragile and small. As the moments marched on he started to think she wouldn't answer, he took another sip of soup trying not to press her. Hoping she would speak.

"He has gone to sort out the source of the issue." Her voice was so smooth and even, it was lower than he had thought it would be. Like smooth, dark drinking chocolate, or a good wine. Her tone was all he could concentrate on until the words struck him.

"What 'issue'?" He began to become uneasy, this girl seemed to see through him. What if this dream was more real than he had initially thought? He cast his worry aside, he had to find out and she seemed to be the only one who could shed some light on the mystery. But something else came to his mind; why didn't she leave with Rory? That was his usual way with women, well; he thought it would be if Rory had ever brought a woman here. Glancing at the girl again he quickly decided she was not at all Rory's type anyway. Too plain.

"I'm sorry, it's just that I don't recall much of the past few weeks. Do you know what the issue could have been that caused him to leave so quickly?"

"He was going to find out about a song you have been humming." She said with a glint of understanding in her eyes. For the first time he really looked at her; her eyes sparkled in the dim light, and her smooth skin was pale. Her dark hair cascaded down her back. She really had no idea how to dress or to enhance her looks. He thought to himself, no she is not beautiful or even attractive. There is something about her though, striking, that is the word for her.

"A waste of a trip, had he stuck around longer he would have figured it out. Well I guess we will both have to do our best to muddle through his absence. He is by far the better company; I am more what you may call shy." He smiled at her, waiting to see her reaction.

"Then let us both teach each other how to be what you call 'the better company'." She smiled back a big beautiful smile that melted his heart; she looked as a small child might when they are searching for a much loved parents confirmation, she seemed so pure. His discomfort melted away.

"I think that we may have time to become masters." Smiling he was overtaken with a feeling for her that he had never felt before, a genuine attraction.

Authors note: I am going through a big move, so I will update as I can. Thank you for big patient with me during this time, and thank you for reading!