Thanks to readers, but a light warning, things are always going to get a little worse before they get better :)
A huge thank you to bodybroke, who is as awesome as always!
Enjoy :)
6th July 2020
"Are you serious?" Santana asked in a hushed whisper, as her eyes ran around the office floor to make sure no one was listening in.
"I'm sorry." Brittany replied, her tone slightly rough with her hangover and tiredness.
"You promised, Britt." Santana stressed softly, not bothering to hide her annoyance
"I can't get out of it. I've already tried." Brittany murmured
"Between nights out drinking with your dancing buddies." Santana mocked
"I haven't been out with them since I arrived." Brittany replied
Santana sighed;"You should go to sleep. You probably need it."
"Santana, I'm sorry." Brittany muttered lightly, her fingers coming up to rub against her temple.
"Don't bother apologising. I mean, you promised me and you easily forgot about that. What are you there for? Really?" Santana asked, her anger clearly building; "You told me, it was for us. For our family... I want a child, Britt. I do, but I'd rather have you here. I'd rather our family was here than somewhere in Canada, getting drunk with practical strangers."
Santana sniffed lightly wiping away stray tears; her eyes glancing around to make sure her phone call was going undetected. "I don't even think you believe you're doing this for us anymore."
Brittany sighed; "Santana, I am. Of course, I'm doing this for us."
"Don't kid yourself. This is an ego boost for you. This whole fucking dancing thing was for you... and you tricked me again. You did this for yourself." Santana replied
"I haven't tricked you. I haven't done anything wrong." Brittany mumbled, "I'm trying to get money for us, for our chance to have a child..."
Santana ran her fingers through her hair, sighing deeply. "I think you're not ready for a child."
"Santana, are you serious, right now?! I've always wanted a child." Brittany snapped; "This is what you do. When you don't get your own way, you punish people. You make petty comments, to hurt people."
"You don't think I'm hurting? I haven't seen you since April. It's been months, Britt." Santana replied; "Months where I spend countless nights alone, crying because you're not here... Because you can't pick up the phone at a reasonable time for me.. I don't even feel married, Britt... and you want me to bring a child into this."
"What are you saying?" Brittany asked
"I'm saying that I'm not happy... and you are." Santana murmured
"I am happy, I'm happy because I'm living my dream and I'm with you. I'm happy because I'm with you." Brittany replied
"I'm just so tired, Britt. I'm so tired of wanting more than I know you can give me." Santana said, gently wiping her tears away; "I think we should have a break... A proper one. Because I can't live like this."
Brittany didn't say anything.
"What? Why are you doing this?" Brittany finally settled on saying; her tone wasn't demanding, just slightly irked.
"I'm so tired, B... I'm so tired of living like this." Santana replied sadly; "You're happy, Britt... You're so happy; and I'm not... and you're not here; and it feels like I'm losing you."
"You're not losing me. Santana, I love you. I'll do anything for you." Brittany replied softly
"I need a break... I'm sorry, Britt... but I can't do this anymore. I can't keep wanting all of you, and only getting what you want me to have." Santana said, gently wiping her eyes; not bothering to feel self-conscious from the slight stares around the office floor.
"Take all the time you need... I'm going anywhere, San..." Brittany replied
Santana sighed; "Britt..."
Brittany clicked her tongue; before barking back; "What do you want me to say, Santana? Please break my heart a little slower, so I can practically feel the knife turning in it. You want a break, again. I can't stop you."
"I just... I don't want us to do this. I just don't see a way forward for us anymore." Santana murmured
Before Brittany could answer, Fran's voice could be heard in the background asking for Santana to come to her office.
"I have to go... I'll... I'll talk to you when you're free." Santana said
"There's no point now, Santana. You're a free lady, you can do whatever you want." Brittany hissed
"Goodbye, Britt." Santana ended the phone call.
4th September 2020
Brittany quickly placed the hot mug down; her hands coming up to touch her mouth or rather her burnt tongue.
"What... What did you say?" Brittany asked, carefully trying not to knock her tongue anywhere against her mouth.
"She's been seeing someone. I don't know if its casual or not. But i think she's making a mistake." Marley said softly; her fingers coming up to brush a curl of brown hair behind her ear; "Santana doesn't want to know... She's afraid of hurting you."
Brittany had to bite the inside of her mouth at those words. The thought of Santana not wanting her to know about her was actually painful to hear.
"You shouldn't have told me then." Brittany said
Marley shook her head; and leaned forward; "She regrets how things were left."
"Things weren't left, Marley. I was told she wanted a break, not a break up!" Brittany replied
"And she's upset about that, Britt." Marley said softly
"Oh she's upset, she's fucking someone else, Marley. She's not bothered about me is she?." Brittany asked, looking at Marley's face; "Who is it? Is it Fran?"
Marley nodded softly; "Yeah, apparently Quinn set them up as a surprise date."
Brittany bit the inside of her cheek hard; she knew Quinn was more Santana's friend but she would willing help her move on; even when they were only separated. Her forefinger circled the rim of the mug, as her thoughts ran wild with questions. How long had this been going? Did Santana like her? Had they had sex? The thought of having sex with anyone but Santana, made Brittany feel sick. She didn't want to think about Santana being with someone else.
"I don't think it's serious yet, if you're thinking that." Marley said scratching her neck nervously; it was obvious she didn't want to be in the middle anymore.
"She's still my wife, Marley. Even with this ridiculous break." Brittany said softly, glancing up at light brown eyes; "She still loves me. And that's all that matters."
Marley nodded rather unconvincingly; "I guess so, Britt. I just didn't want you to find out from someone else and be unprepared."
"It would have been better coming from my wife... But thank you, I guess." Brittany replied, lifting her mug to her lips; the warmth of the sweet hot chocolate easily coating her taste buds.
"Have you met Fran?" Marley asked, picking at the table-cloth
"Once. It was only in passing." Brittany said
Marley nodded; "So how is the tour going?"
"Good. I love it. I actually have a sort of announcement; I've been offered a choreography job in New York, after the tour's finished." Brittany said, letting a proud smile grace her mouth.
"Really? Britt, wow... That's awesome." Marley said, with a happy expression on her face; "You deserve it so bad. You've been killing it on the tour. Have you told Santana?"
Brittany shrugged her shoulders; "I wanted to. But if she can't tell me that she's gonna see other people. What's the point? I don't want a wife who only wants me when I'm in the same city as her. She didn't even give us a chance. She told me to go on tour again, and then punishes me for doing it."
"She just had enough, Britt. She couldn't deal with you not being there." Marley replied, with a soft voice; "I know you wanted it to work... but maybe it just wasn't the right time right now."
Brittany ran her fingers through her hair, sighing deeply; "Maybe you're right."
Marley squeezed Brittany's hand; "Just give her some time. She'll come back to you."
Brittany nodded without feeling any conviction that Santana would come back to her.
26th November 2020
Santana rubbed her hands together as the bitter November chill was taking New York by storm practically. Her eyes softening when they landed on bright blue eyes.
"Thanks for meeting me." Santana said softly
"I didn't have a choice, did I?" Brittany replied harshly, knowing what this meeting was about, the way Santana had asked to meet, the way she could barely look at her. Signs of clear guilt.
"Actually you did." Santana mumbled, slipping her hands into her pockets; "I wanted to tell you in person that I'm... I've been seeing someone. I am seeing someone."
Brittany looked away but stayed standing; her hands slipping into her own coat pocket just for something to distract her from focusing on Santana's words.
"I thought you would want to know..." Santana murmured, "I know you said you'd give me time to sort myself out... but I can't be with you when you wanna do this. I wanna be in New York, I wanna come home to my wife... and I can't do that with you."
"I get it, Santana." Brittany snapped, cutting Santana off; "You have someone else, I get it. What do you want me to say?"
Santana shook her head, looking away from Brittany; "I don't want you to say anything. I just want you to know that you don't have to wait for me to be okay with you being away. You can find someone you can accept that, someone who can accept you."
"You must be clueless, Santana. I said I'd wait for you, because it's you, San. You're the only person I've ever loved. I love you so much. And I can't just move on that easily." Brittany replied, looking away, her gloved hand coming up to wipe her tears away; "I don't even know how you can."
Brittany watched as Santana sucked in an intake of breath, fixing her impassable mask like Brittany's words hadn't effected her.
"I'd rather be miserable with someone else, than alone." Santana murmured lightly; "You paint me as such a bad guy, Britt. You have no idea how it feels... because you're there, having fun, doing your dream."
Brittany glanced back at Santana who was biting nervously at her bottom lip, the indents of her front teeth imprinted lightly on her full lip. Brittany turned away, choosing to watch the autumn leaves bristle along the ground.
"Clearly this was a mistake. But I wanted you to know because I'm bringing her to Marley and Jake's christmas party." Santana said
"Are you serious?" Brittany asked, twisting her body quickly to meet Santana's eyes
"Yeah, is that a problem for you?" Santana asked
Brittany shook her head; "No. You can bring whoever you want."
Santana nodded, "So can you? You're free to bring someone as a friend or date. Whatever you want."
Brittany ran her fingers through her hair; "I have a flight tomorrow morning, so I'll see you at the party then."
"Yeah, I guess so." Santana said
Brittany sent her a small smile; before slipping her hands into her coat, and walking away. Her body instinctively knowing Santana was watching her until the moment she left her sight.
19th December 2020
Brittany tugged on a plain purple cardigan over her little black dress which came to her middle thigh length. Brittany walked out of her hotel bedroom, and into the living room where Kitty was fixing her heels on.
"Nearly ready?" Brittany asked
"Yeah... Is the cab here?" Kitty asked, standing up to smooth her dress down
"Yeah, its outside. Can we go now? We're already late." Brittany replied, in an almost whining tone
Kitty looked up and saw the slight nerves on Brittany's face; "You look beautiful, Britt. Her loss, right?"
Brittany smiled softly, but it didn't reach her eyes. Kitty then pointed to the door, and both exited the hotel.
The taxi ride was relatively short for the journey which surprised Brittany; who was growing more anxious to see Santana; and her girlfriend. Well, not her girlfriend.
As they climbed out, and walked to the front door, Kitty rang the door bell. After a few seconds, Jake opened it with a wide smile and instantly let them both in.
"Party's happening outside, mostly." Jake said, as he passed them both a glass of champagne. They followed after him, Brittany almost stopped walking when she saw Santana. She was wearing a white dress which came dangerously close to upper thigh. Her tan legs proudly on display in white heels.
"The missus is looking' fine." Kitty commented as she quickly took a sip of her champagne; "Is that the bitch we hate?"
Brittany followed Kitty's eyes and found Fran's hand on Santana's lower back. She looked away, sipping most of her drink in order to focus on the way her stomach turned at the large amount of alcohol in a short time than on someone touching her wife in the way she wanted to.
"That's her." Brittany replied
Kitty sucked in a sharp intake of breath, before glaring at Fran; "You're so much better than her, Britt. She's not even in the same league as you."
Brittany nodded but didn't add anything; "I'm gonna get another drink, do you want one?"
"Um, sure...-" Kitty started before finding Brittany already walking away.
Santana excused herself before walking towards Kitty. "Hey, Kitty."
"Oh, hey... Santana." Kitty replied
Santana smiled softly; "How's the tour?"
"Good, we start again in January." Kitty said
"Cool." Santana mumbled, looking from side to side
Kitty sighed; "Britt's in the kitchen."
"I don't think she wants to talk to me..." Santana replied, brushing her hair behind her shoulder; "It was nice to see you again though."
"Yeah, you too." Kitty said, with a small smile
Santana smiled once more before turning back and walking back towards Quinn and Fran. Kitty sipped the rest of her drink before deciding to find Brittany.
"B, you okay?" Kitty asked walking into the kitchen and finding Brittany leaning against the counters sipping on a beer.
"She looks so beautiful." Brittany said softly
"Oh, B!" Kitty sighed, leaning back beside her; she nudged Brittany with her shoulder.
"I miss her, Kit. I miss her so much." Brittany mumbled, as she was immediately pulled into a tight hug. Kitty's hands rubbing along her back comfortingly.
"It'll be okay, B." Kitty said softly
Brittany sighed deeply, pulling her head away, she wiped her eyes; "I don't see how it will be. I need her, Kit. I never wanted to lose her."
"I know." Kitty replied
Brittany sighed, gently pulling the label off her beer bottle. "I just... I thought we'd wait for each other."
Kitty nodded; "Maybe it's just timing. You wanna tour, and she needs you here. Maybe when you're finished touring, it'll be right for both of you."
Brittany rubbed her temple gently; trying to ease the tension which was building up there. A small knock caused Kitty and Brittany to look to the kitchen walk way where Santana was standing.
"Can we talk?" Santana asked, her eyes fixed on Brittany
"Um... I don't think that's..." Brittany started before shaking her head, and going to walk out of the kitchen. Santana grabbed Brittany's forearm lightly, making Brittany look at her.
"Please, Britt." Santana replied
"No. I can't... I can't even look at you, right now, Santana." Brittany gritted out, her eyes blinking away a new wave of tears.
"Oh..." Santana muttered, letting go of Brittany's arm; "That's fine... I mean, I should let you be."
Santana smiled softly at Brittany and Kitty before turning round and leaving back out to the garden. Brittany turned to Kitty, who was biting her bottom lip.
"That went well?" Brittany asked
"Well, it couldn't have gone any worse..." Kitty said, before sucking in a short intake of breath; "Oh, maybe it can."
Brittany turned round and found Fran walking towards her.
"Brittany, can we talk?" Fran asked
Brittany couldn't hold in the scoff which was already threatening to burst; "Are you kidding me?"
"I just wanna talk." Fran said, softer
"Fine. Talk." Brittany snapped
"Look, I get it. Your wife has moved on... and you haven't. It's hard, and I get that. So I just want you to know that it doesn't have to be this awkward." Fran said; "We can get along... I mean, forgetting how you tried to steal my sister's now ex-husband, and I'm dating your separated wife."
Kitty gasped in shock that Fran was that blunt; "Seriously?!"
Brittany didn't recognise her hand until her palm smacked hard against Fran's cheek. "You know nothing about me... You're such a... Forget this."
Kitty tapped Brittany's arm; and they moved to storm out; Brittany stopped to glance at Santana who was looking along with everyone in surprise.
"I can't believe you, Santana..." Brittany hissed sadly; as she closed the front door behind her.
Santana followed after her; "You think hitting her, will make me take you back? This is just another reason why we're clearly not right for each other... It makes me wonder if we ever were."
Brittany whipped round to face Santana; "You bring the person who you've been fucking to our friend's christmas party. We're not even separated yet... You lack class, Santana. You couldn't forgive me one mistake. One mistake that you know killed me inside to do to you... God, what's the point, Santana? I can't keep pouring my heart out to you, only to have nothing in return."
Santana sighed softly, "Don't you have a flight to get to, Brittany? A new city to travel to? A wife to ignore until it suits you?"
"What wife, Santana? The one who chose to fuck other people without telling me that wife? Or the one who doesn't understand that I was in your position for five years, Santana... I was lonely, I didn't have my dreams... But I lived with that for you." Brittany snapped back, before slamming the cab door behind her.