CHAPTER 4: What the future hold for us?

'What?' Sue Ellen screamed, shocked. She couldn't believe in what JR just told her. *He can't have cancer. It's impossible* she kept telling to herself, but she was sure about what she heard. She suddenly had tears in her eyes.

'Sue Ellen, you shouldn't have to know it. I didn't want to make you suffer again' JR said, caressing her face. Sue Ellen tried to fight back the tears.

'Did you really think that I wouldn't have found it out sooner or later?'. Sue Ellen burst into tears.

'Don't cry, darlin' JR said, trying to wipe the tears on her cheeks. 'Please. I want to spend my final years with you, happily and without having any problems'.

Sue Ellen watched him, shocked. 'Are you not gonna fight?'. She was staring JR's eyes.

'The disease it's only at the beginning but I won't spend the time I've got left in a bed or on a wheelchair because I won't longer walk due to the medical care too invasive' JR took a breath. Sue Ellen couldn't help but cry in front of those words.

'No, JR. You have to fight' she said with a torn voice. 'You sent me that letter and came back in my life just to let me see you dying in front of me? Leaving me once for all?'. She started to raise her voice 'You promised me that this time you wouldn't have hurt me again' the tears were still dropping on her cheeks. "You promised that, JR' she screamed, without stop crying.

JR hugged her in a warm and protective hug. He was touching her hair, trying to calm her down but nothing could help her. After all these years she could be finally happy with the love of her life but the fate decided that she didn't deserve to be happy. She lived a tough life, she spent days and nights crying over JR's behavior; she spent the last years alone because she didn't want another man in her life; she's been in a sanitarium because of alcohol; she had been publicly humiliated because she bribed a medical examiner to tried to get John Ross out of jail, but apparently it wasn't enough for one life.

'That's why I didn't want you to know it. I wanted to stay together happily. You've suffered enough in your life, I didn't want to see you suffering again'. They were still hugging themselves. JR flinched himself just to hold Sue Ellen's face in his hands and to watch her in her eyes. 'I'm sorry, darlin'.

She was still crying. 'I can't lose you, JR. Not again' she said, sobbing.

'For me it's too late to fight this losing battle. We can enjoy the days I have got left doing what we always dreamed to do' JR said, trying to watch her.

'You said that the disease is at the beginning, you can fight and you can beat it. You're a strong man and I'll be there, by your side to help you. Don't leave me, JR' she said holding his hands.

'Sue Ellen..' JR stared.

She knew that he was trying to convince her but she wouldn't have let him do it, not this time. 'JR' she said, trying to find the strength to continue and to stop crying. 'Listen to me. I gave you another chance because I still love you after all the harm you've done to me. You're the love of my life. If you really meant what you wrote in that letter and if you really love me today more than you ever did..' she took a breath '..you have to fight this. Fight for me'. JR sighed and lowered his head. 'Fight for us, JR' she said. JR rose his head and the moment she could see his eyes, she burst into tears again.

Sue Ellen lowered her head, she couldn't face his gaze. JR hold her hands. Suddenly a tear dropped on their wrapped hands, it wasn't hers. She rose her head, trying to take a breath in between sobs and she saw that JR had tears on his cheeks. It was the first time, in her whole life, that she saw him crying. 'JR?' she whispered with a sad-surprised tone.

'You deserve better, Sue Ellen' JR whispered.

'I want you' she said, without giving to him a second to continue. She would never let him dying without fight. 'Our relationship is never been ordinary or perfect, but we are here after all. Don't give up now, I'll be here with you' she continued.

JR with one hand caressed her wet face by the tears, still holding her hand with the other one. 'I can survive this only if you'll be by my side' he said. 'I.. I'll fight this only for you, Sue Ellen'.

She found some peace in those words but she was still shocked.

Next morning

JR woke up in Sue Ellen's bedroom. He turned to the right part of it and touched the pillow. She wasn't there so he got out of the bed. After the tough conversation in front of the fireplace they didn't say too much. She just lied her head on his shoulder and he hold her hands. No one of them knew what to say. He didn't want to fight and he knew that if Sue Ellen had found it out, she would have done everything to convince him to fight the disease and that exactly what happened. The thing that really mattered to JR was that Sue Ellen wouldn't suffer again because of him. Taking his dressing gown, he started to walking over door. He walked down and he reached her in the living room. She didn't hear him so he took few seconds to watch her, sitting on the armchair; she was taking a sip of tea and she was watching out of the window, thinking of something.

'Good morning, darlin' he whispered, reaching her.

She rose her head, he was next to her. 'Good morning, JR' she said, smiling at him.

He gave her a sweet kiss and he sat in front of her. 'What are you doing here alone? I'd like to have breakfast with you' he broke the silence.

'I'm sorry JR, I couldn't stay in the bed anymore'. Her voice was low and worried. JR reached out her hand to hold hers. 'I called Dr Sanders. He is an expert in cancers at an early stage and he said that we can meet him here in Dallas this morning' she said without taking a breath. He saw that she needed to tell it to him.

'Sue Ellen. I..' he stared. He wanted to tell her that he didn't want to meet another doctor because the diagnosis would be the same, but he really appreciated her help. Then he remembered that they would be busy that morning. 'We can't today. We have to be on the rig with the rest of the family this morning' he said.

'They can handle it without us, unlike me, that I can't make it without you' she said, begging him just with her eyes.

'Okay, darlin' he said and a little smile appeared on her sweet face. 'Just give me a minute. I have to call Bobby and tell him that we won't be there' he said, getting up. She just nodded her head and she turned to the window again. He didn't need to have supernatural abilities to know what she was thinking of and what makes her so upset, but he couldn't do anything to help her, except go with her to this doctor.

JR picked the phone and he entered the Southfork ranch number. A female voice replied.

'Hello?' her sister-in-law said.

'Hi, Ann. JR is here. Is Bobby at home?' he asked.

'No, he had something to do at the stables before to go to the rig. Do you want to leave a message?' she said.

'Just tell him that Sue Ellen and I won't be on the ring this morning' he replied.

'Is everything all right, JR?' she asked.

'We just have to do something more important. Can you tell it to Bobby?' he said, trying to conclude the conversation as soon as he could.

'Sure. Say hi to Sue Ellen from me' she replied.

'Okay. Bye, Ann' he said, closing the conversation.

JR went into the kitchen and he took a cup of coffee than he came back to Sue Ellen. They were sitting in the living room but no one of them said anything, even if they both were thinking about the same matter. Suddenly Sue Ellen said that they had to preparing themselves to go to the doctor or they would be in late. JR got up, he hold her hand and they started to walk over the stairs.

Sue Ellen drove to Dr. Sanders' office in Dallas and they were walking over the door of his office. She knocked at the door and he invited them to come in.

'Dr. Sanders?' she said walking in the room, followed by JR. He didn't say much on the way. The doctor stood up and he walked over them.

'Mrs. Ewing, right? Nice to meet you' he said, shaking her hand. 'Nice to meet you, Mr. Ewing' he said, turning to him and they shook their hands. 'Please, have a sit' the doctor said starting to walk back over the desk.

JR and Sue Ellen sat in front of him and she gave him the results of tests that JR had previously. Dr. Sanders took few minutes to read all the results, without saying anything. Then he rose his head and he watched both of them.

'From what these results report, the cancer is at the first stage of the disease and it hasn't spread in other parts of his body, Mr. Ewing' Sue Ellen took a breath. She felt relieved to hearing that the cancer hasn't spread. 'We can operate you, but we have to do it as soon as possible so we can prevent future risks' he said. She turned to JR and she saw that something was bothering him.

'Listen to me, Dr. Sanders' he stared to talk, trying to sound more peaceful possible. 'I want you to tell me all the possible consequences of this surgery' he took a breath and he hold Sue Ellen's hand. 'I don't want to spend my golden ages on a wheelchair or in a bed. You know, I want to spend them with..' he turned to her '..with this beautiful woman'. A tear dropped on her face. It was too hard to fight it back.

'Mr. Ewing, this surgery won't be too invasive. You'll be able to walk with your legs and enjoy your life with Mrs. Ewing. Of course we will have to keep your body under control periodically and you'll have to take some medicines but we have to do this surgery as soon as possible' the doctor said.

'When we can do the surgery, Dr. Sanders?' she asked.

'We have to make some preliminarily tests before the surgery, but we can do into 2 weeks, Mrs. Ewing' he replied to her.

'That's a good news, darlin' she said, turning to JR and smiling. JR turned to her back and he smiled to her. It was hard for her to understand the meaning of that silent smile but the important thing was that he would have done the surgery.

'So, I will call you soon for fix the day for the tests, Mr. Ewing' the doctor interrupted her thoughts.

'Thank you, Dr. Sanders' JR said, waking up. The doctor smiled at him and they shook their hands.

'Mrs. Ewing..' he said, smiling at her.

They walked out of Dr. Sanders' office. JR hold Sue Ellen's hand they walked over her car in the parking when her cell phone rang.

She took it and she read the name. John Ross. 'Hi darlin. How was Christopher's presentation?' she said. were lot of background noise.

'Mom. There's been an explosion on the ring. We're all at the Dallas Memorial' John Ross replied to her. Her blood froze hearing those words.

'I'm coming' she said, closing the conversation and jumping in the car. JR watched her, shocked, but he got in the car as well.

Sue Ellen told to JR what John Ross told to her. She couldn't believe in what she was saying to him. An explosion. A lot of people were on it, people of her family.

*John Ross, Ann, Bobby, Christopher, Elena and.. Oh my God, Pamela* she thought. *She's pregnant*.

Sue Ellen knew what were the consequences of an accident during pregnancy. She almost lost little John during the last months of her pregnancy after the car accident, running away from the sanitarium. She almost lost the only thing who could save her relationship with JR. She couldn't imagine a life without John Ross, he brought a lot of joy in her life.

She drove as fast as she could. She had to know how her family was.