To Masturbate is Devine, To Speak of It Is a Sin

"Oh my god, that is hysterical!" Alice was bent over in stitches, her languid guffaws tearing through the kitchen as Bella watched her in exasperation.

"It's not funny!" Bella huffed, crossing her arms over her chest and trying to hide the smile that started at the corners of her mouth.

"It's classic, Bella. What did he say? What did you say?'

"Nothing," Bella replied, turning toward the boiling water on her stove. "I just told him that I sounded flustered because I'd just gotten out of the shower."

"Oh, and I'm sure he bought that, with you saying 'take me, right here' before you realized her was on the phone." Alice's laughter started anew. "Oh my gosh, I'm going to pee my pants."

"What's so funny?" Jasper asked, coming through the entryway carrying two brown paper bags full of groceries. He'd been sent out to gather provisions for dinner, and Bella had taken the opportunity to tell Alice about her embarrassing encounter with Edward over the phone the night before.

"Bella may have been in the process of masturbating when Edward called last night," Alice told him through her giggles, making Bella redden in embarrassment. She glanced at Jasper who'd become rigid. His brow furrowed as she set the bags onto the counter with a resounding thud.

"I've got a headache," he said by way of excuse, and made his way out into the living room, miraculously fisting a beer out of nowhere and subsequently chugging half of its contents.

"Alice," Bella growled, swatting her hip in chastisement.

"Oh come on, Bella. Like you two haven't talked about sex before."

"Yeah, but not about . . . that!"

Alice looked at her curiously, and then placed her hands on her tiny hips, her expression becoming challenging. "About what, Bella?"

"You know what I mean, Alice."

"Say it."

"What?" Bella asked, her focus returning toward the slow to boil H2O.

"Say. It."

"Don't be a child, Alice. I can say it when I want to say it."

"Oh, Jesus, Bella. How are you going to get over your aversion for sex if you can't even say the word 'masturbate?'''

"I don't have an aversion to sex."

"No? Than why haven't you had any since you dumped Michael, huh?"

Fucking, know-it-all, damn Pixie.

Keep the reviews coming, my pretties. It keeps the ideas flowing.