Hey guys thank you so much for being so kind about the delay I really appreciate it. I really hope you enjoy this chapter and thank you so much for supporting me:)
I'm sitting in the wooden pews of the crematorium my legs swinging with anxiety. I look up and there's a shiny black casket right in front of me. Inside of it is mums body. Her rotting corpse. Just the thought of it makes me feel sick. The casket begins to sink, it's about to be burnt. It's nearly put of sight when I hear a banging noise coming from inside. I know straight away that it's my mother and that she's alive.
"Stop!" I shrieked, "She's alive stop, let her put." As much as I screamed and shouted no one took any notice of me. The banging started fading as the casket sank further and further into the ground, she was alive and I let her get burnt to a crisp. For some reason I kept screaming. It hurt so much that I was so helpless and no one would help me. Without thinking I got up and headed to the place where my mothers coffin had disappeared down. When I got there, I was greeted by a pit of fire. I felt the heat on my face and taking one look back I placed my foot over the edge ready to jump. My feet left the edge but someone was holding me back, as hard as I tried they wouldn't let go.
"Just let me die!" I screamed. Suddenly I woke up realizing it was all a dream. My face was hot and sweating as if I'd actually been facing the fire and my throat ached from my screaming.
"Stella!" Cried out dads firm voice. I looked up to see he was sitting next to me looking absolutely distraught.
"What do you mean just let me die?" Dad questioned sadly. I could see that his eyes were glimmering with tears.
"Dad I'm so sorry, it was just a dream." I said panicky, tears started forming in my eyes.
"Sssh, I know Stella, but dream or not I never want you saying things like that, do you understand?" Dad said, stroking my hair, his tone had completely changed.
"Yeah I'm sorry." I said weakly, giving him a hug.
"Now it's 8:00 so you might want to get up. We've got to leave here at half nine and Morgan and Emily are coming from their hotel at nine." Dad said gently, whilst he hugged me.
"Okay, I will, love you dad." I said, burying my face into his chest.
"Love you to stel." Dad said giving me a kiss on the cheek before he stood up and walked out of the room. I slowly got up and padded over to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror and realized how much of a state I looked. My hair was a matted greasy mess and my Waste was red and blotchy from where I'd been thrashing around so much. I turned on the shower quickly desperate for the warm droplets to indulge in my skin. After hit heated up I quickly slipped out of my clothes and let my body relax under the water. For some reason showers always seemed to relax me a lot. The thundering of the water always made me feel relusual and usually helped me forget anything bad I was thinking. I picked up the strawberry scented shower gel which mum always used and thoroughly washed my body. I desperetly wanted to have a little part of her, even if it was just the same shower gel she used. I then picked up the shampoo and conditioner and tried my best to wash out all the tangles. After standing in the shower for another five minutes, I finally decided it was time to get out and get ready. I wtapped myself in a towel and headed back over to my room. I layers down on my bed and stared at the black dress in front of me. I wasn't going to even bother wearing anything black but Emily had bought this dress for me and insisted that I wore it. It was a nice dress, don't get me wrong, it's just I knew that if I wore it today then I probably wouldn't be able to wear it again. I felt that once I wore it today I knew it would have almost a secret stain on it, putting me off ever wearing it again. Knowing I was going to have to get ready sooner or later, I got dressed and slid on the dress, I also wore some black tights, my blazer and my black pumps. I looked at myself in the mirror and instantly hated the appearance, I didn't usually wear black and I really couldn't pull it off. Putting all thoughts aside I sat in front of my mirror and began to work on my hair. I decided not to do anything special with it so I just blow dried it. My hair had never been the kind which just falls perfectly every morniout sit takes time and effort to get it at least decent so I usually just put it up in a bun. However I knew if I rocked up with my hair looking like a mop Emily would kill me so I did take time to get it at lesat decent. Once I was finished I headed downstairs to the kitchen. I really couldn't be bothered to put any make up on because I knew there was no point as it would probably end up smeared down my face.
As I entered the kitchen I was greeted by dad, who was sitting behind the table with a newspaper covering his face. He'd gone to the effort of making me sausages and bacon for breakfast and I swiftly tucked in.
"Man these are good." I said to dad with my mouth full.
"Thanks." Dad said quietly, lifting up the newspaper up a little. It's was when he did this I saw for the first time in my life him wearing a black suit and tie.
"I'm sorry dad, but you really don't suit a suit." I said, trying not to laugh.
"I feel like Hotch, it's really not my usual attire." Dad said, it was a joke but his voice don't sound like it. I knew straight away something was wrong. I quietly got up and walked over to him. Realizing that I'd figured him out, dad stubbornly dropped the newspaper and I was greteed by his bloodshot eyes.
"Dad." I breathed.
"I'm sorry stel, I didn't want you to see me like this." Dad said, his eyes watering up again.
"No dad it's fine, it's my fault. You've been so worried about me that you haven't let yourself greif properly and now it's the funeral and finally time to say goodbye it's hit you hard. Really hard." I said, slightly shocked. dDad paused for a moment.
"Since when did you become a profiler." dad said smiling a little.
"it's not that hard." I joked hugging him. I would of hugged him longer but there was a knock on the door.
"I'll get it." I said to dad before I left the kitchen. As ip opened the door I was greeted by Emily, who was wearing a black dress and heels and an odd looking Derek who was wearing a suit.
"wow Derek you look worse than dad." I joked.
"I know Emily made me wear it." Derek said pouting.
"I know how you feel, she made me wear this to." I said, pouting too.
"In case you haven't realized I'm standing right here." Emily laughed.
"sorry Emily, you know I love you." I said smiling.
"Of course you do, who doesn't." Emily laughed.
"I beg to differ." derek said chuckling. I elbowed him hard.
"Derek that was mean." I said with an evil smile.
"ow, I taught you well mini reid. Man you can pack a punch, no wonder your dad was concerned." Derek said rubbing his belly.
"speaking of Reid, where is he?" Emily asked. As if by magic dad appeared at the door. His eyes were still red and it was obvious to those who weren't profilers that he'd been crying.
"Stella, help me unload some food I bought for later." derek said, leaving Emily to talk to didn't refuse and followed him out to their rental car.
"Is he okay?" Derek asked concerned.
"I don't know, I'm worried about him. Its my fault really I haven't really been lokiong after him and I forgot that he's grieving to." I said sadly.
"Stella it's not your fault. He's just upset but trust me he will get over this and we are all here to help you. When my dad died, I felt like in some ways it was my fault, but it's not. It's no ones fault. You've just got to be there for you dad and we will help you." derek said patting my shoulder.
"thanks." I whispered, my voice failing me. Derek and I decided to sit in the boot for a while and talk so Emily and dad could talk in privacy. Derek was so good he even got my mind of things for a while. Well until. Something black caught my eye and suddenly two hursts pulled up to the house. One of them had something which I couldn't take my eyes off. It was a coffin and I knew inside of it was her, it was mum. I couldn't help but think that she was still alive but then I knew that she was definitely dead. Images of her rotting cose flooded my mind. Thinking of her burning the flames was the last thing I thought of before I passed out.