Hey guys I'm so so sorry for the delay in the update. I've been so busy lately with school so I haven't really had the chance. Thank you all so much for your views and reviews they mean the world. I really I hope you enjoy this chapter and sorry for any mistakes:)

Chapter 15: crying

I'm surrounded by blackness. Everything is pitch black and it's as of there was never such thing as light. However, I suddenly feel a warmth run through my hand. I try to find out where the warmth is coming from but all I see is black. As if by magic someone turns on a light and I can see clearly now. Things then go to the next extreme and suddenly things get to bright giving me a searing headache.

I jerk slightly as I open my eyes. The realization that I passed out hits me and I suddenly feel really embarrassed.

"Dad." Is the first thing I groan out. I look down to see that the warmth was coming from his hand and it was him who of me out of the darkness.

"Decided to take a nap did we." Dad said trying to make me feel better even though I could tell how worried he really was.

"Yeah, I thought I'd get Derek to carry me." I said sarcastically. Trying to keep the mood light.

"Here, drink this." Emily said passing me a glass of water. I was extremely thankful for this because my throat suddenly felt very dry. I slowly sat up and sipped it.

"Not to fast mini reid, you'll get dizzy." Derek warned. He looked concerned as well but I couldn't really blame him, I did just pass out on him.

"I'm fine honestly." I said slightly embarrassed. It was stupid of me to be so weak and pass out at the sign if a hurst.

"We know, just don't do anything like that again." Dad said hugging me tightly. His talk with Emily must of really taken it out of him because his eyes were now even more bloodshot and although dad hugged me a lot he rarely hugged me so hard that I couldn't breath.

"Dad I really love you and all but we should probably get going I don't want to be late." I said softly, even though I secretly wanted to stay here all day.

"Your right. Are you sure your okay still going though?" Dad asked still concerned.

"Dad I'm fine, we just need to get this over with." I said half to myself and half to dad.

"I know stel. I'll leave you with Emily to get yourself sorted and I'll go sort a few things out." dad said standing up, Derek also followed taking his que to leave.

"You sure your alright, your looking a bit pale?" Emily saiD concerned.

"I'm fine." I lied, I still felt a bit light headed. Ignoring the dizziness I swung my pegs over the sofa preparing myself to stand up.

"Well I'm not sure I believe that." Emily said, profiling me. I don't know why they all have a rule of not doing it, none of them take any notice of it. "Listen stel, if anytime in the funeral gets to much, then tell me."

"Thanks Em, it means a lot." I said sincerely. I didn't plan on running out but I knew that it could possibly happen.

"Anytime Stella. I know it must be so hard to loose your mum at such a young age but I just want you to know that you are like the daughter I never had." Emily said, her eyes full of kindness. This was probably one of the nicest things Emily had ever said to me and I felt tears sting the back of my eyes, but I quickly blinked them away.

"Thank you Emily, thank you for everything." I whispered before pulling her into a hug.

"Sorry to ruin the moment but we have to leave." Derek said switch a small smile, leaning against the door.

"Man Derek, why do you always have to come at the worst moments, Derek!" Emily cried, her eyes slightly watery.

"I'm sorry we just can't be late." dad said aplogetically.

"dad it's fine, I'll meet you outside, I just need to get my jacket." I said finally standing up. The whole room spun but I carried on walking towards my room. If dad knew that I still wasn't feeling great ice wouldn't let me go. When I got to my room I grabbed my jacket and took a moment to let everything sink in. I was about to go to my mums funeral, it was finally time to say goodbye, it was time to leave her. Standing up I made my way to a loose floorboard under my bed and got out a box inside. In the box was a mish mash of things I wasn't allowed. One of them was a bar of chocolate, I'd only put it in their a week or two ago so it hadn't gone off yet. Breaking off a large price and putting it in my mouth. Lupin advised harry to eat chocolate after the dementor attack so I couldn't see any harm in testing his theory. Mum was the one who got me into to harry potter and she said that when dad came round for my birthday this year she would try and get him into it too. I shook away the thoughts running through my mind, wiped away a few stray tears and got up to leave. When I finally made my way outside dad, Emily and Derek were waiting for me at he cars. We had all secretly decided that no one was going to ride with the coffin, even though none of us wanted to in the first place.

"You ready?" Dad asked, holding the door of the hurst open. I nodded and slid inside. Dad joined followed by Derek and Emily. The journey to the crematorium wasn't a long one and it was spent mostly in silence. Nerves filled me when we reached it and I didn't want to leave the strange comfort of the car. Stubbornly I followed dad, Derek and Emily put and was greeted by Ellie and her mum. The crematorium wasn't going to be a big deal and we'd only invited Derek, Emily, Ellie and Irene. When I got out of the car I was instantly greeted by Ellie, who hugged me tightly. I may of lied earlier, I said that none of my friends have seen my cry, that isn't entirely true. To clear things up a little the only people who have seen me full on cry are dad, Ellie, mum and Irene. Derek and Emily had seen me sad and with tears in my eyes but never fully crying.

"Stel, you okay. Sorry stupid thing to say your obviously not." Ellie sad quickly.

"I'm fine, lets just get this over with." I said. My feet wobbled as I walked into the crematorium. I felt the urge to run in the opposite direction but my legs kept going. I managed to get myself in one of the pews near the front and sat nervously waiting for dad. Soon enough he found me and took the seat next to me. I suddenly realized that I'd been boxed in which wasn't the smartest idea if I needed to get a quick get away. Panicking I started to fiddle with my was something I happened to do when I was stressed.

"Want to swap." Dad whispered gently. I looked up to him with a thankful expression and we subtly swapped places. A few minutes later one of mums favorite songs started playing and everyone rose as the casket came in. My stomach churned when I thought about what was inside the casket and I started to feel slightly light headed.I tried my hardest to hold back these thoughts and keep it together for the rest of the service. When the song finished the vicar took over. The service was fairly short and consisted of hymns and prayers. However it was the end of the service I was dreading the most. Once the vicar ahead finished I knew what was scoring and I started to feel physically sock. The coffin started moving down on the platform and I knew that it would burn, just like in my dreams. My mum would be burnt into dust and she'd be gone forever. Dad started crying silently but heavily. Ellie was crying too along with Irene and Emily. I was even shocked to see that Derek had a few tears falling down his face. What was wrong with me, why wasn't I crying, why wasn't I doing anything to stop this. It all got to much and I couldn't take it anymore. Without thinking I ran out of the crematorium and didn't look back. I ran as fast as I could until my lungs burnt and when I knew I was far away, O collapsed under a large tree and cried. I cried harder than I've probably ever cried in my entire life and my whole body was overwhelmed with sadness. I tried my hardest to stop but it seemed that my body wouldn't let me.

"Stella." Came a gentle voice. Even though it was quiet it made me jump. I looked up to see Emily crouching down at me. I guess I could now add her to my list of people who have seen me cry, I thought to se self very sarcastically.

"What are you doing here." I sobbed weakly.

"I'm keeping my word. I said I'd follow you if it all got to much." Emily said, her eyes were full of sadness as well.

"thank you." I said, for some reason this made the tears full even harder.

"ooh Stella, it's going to be alright. I know it may not seem like it now but trust me things will get better." Emily said reassuringly.

"I-I know I j-just want my mum." I sobbed out, I sounded like a two year old but I couldn't care less, it was true. This must of broken Emily's heart because she pulled me into a very comforting hug.

"I know Stella, I know. But you've got to be strong she wouldn't want you to be like this. I don't want you to be like this. Never once have I seen you this upset and it's killing me." Emily said rubbing circles into my back.

"I know emily and I'm sorry I can't help it." I croaked.

"Stella there is no need to be sorry." Emily said pulling my face out of her shoulder so she could look me in the eye. She gently got her finger and brushed away a few of the tears.

"But there is, I shouldn't of run out like that, it was selfish and unfair on dad." I said, I was becoming a little less hysterical but I was still in a state.

"Stella all your dad cares about is that your alright. How about we slowly make our way back over and show him." Emily said gently. I just nodded. Speaking would mean tears and I had to sort myself out. Emily slowly guided me up and together we slowly walked over to the crematorium. Throughout the way she told me how proud she was of me and comforted me and even though I was a wreck she did manage to make me feel the tiniest bit better.