Words: 911

Warning: Self-harm, May Trigger

"Can we talk about the other night? Please" Lucius said in a soft voice coming into the sitting room.

Narcissa was sitting on the sofa. She closed the book that was resting on her lap. "I won't let Draco see, I don't even want you to see. I need it to escape. I need to control my stress and my pain and my emotions. You don't understand the feeling."

"There are other ways, Narcissa!" he said trying not to lose his temper. He took a few deep breaths and made his way over to the sofa, so sit down next to his wife. He pulled her close and wrapped a protective arm around her.

"No, there's not. The Dark Lord needs you and Draco. He doesn't need me, I'm not like Bellatrix!" she said on the verge of tears again. She knew there was more to it, but she didn't know how to put it into words. Cutting had been a struggle for her since her teens. She loved the feeling it gave her, loved how she could escape, and loved the control she had.

She tried to do everything. Narcissa was the type of person that wanted to please other people ever since she was a little girl. While she was at Hogwarts, she tried to please everyone. She did as much work as she could in all her classes, she tried to help out all of her friends, and she also tried to please the man she knew she would one day be married to, Lucius Malfoy. When she was at home, she also tried to please her parents and her sisters. She always felt like she was never good enough. Narcissa never got top marks from her teachers and her friends and family never seemed happy enough with her. Lucius was the worst though.

At Hogwarts, Narcissa tried to befriend the older boy. He seemed to have no interest in her though. She started to blame herself for his disinterest. Once after a particularly long day, Narcissa went back to her dormitory to find it empty. She was upset that Bellatrix had told her off in the common room in front of all of her classmates and that she had failed an essay she had spent hours working on. She pulled out a razor she had hidden for weeks.

Narcissa slowly moved the razor blade to her pale wrist. She took it and pressed it ever so lightly against her skin. There was a slight twinge of pain and then small ruby red bubbles came out of the line as soon as she lifted the razor blade. She pressed it into her pale wrist again, harder this time. She lifted the blade away as a big, dark crimson bubble formed. The bubble grew until it broke and the blood ran down onto her robes.

She immediately felt better. The ball of stress wound up inside her was gone. The humiliation of Belltrix's confrontation from earlier was gone. The worry about her grades and exams were gone. And most importantly, the hurt she felt from Lucius' rejection was gone. It was exhilarating and exhausting all at once. It wasn't even dinner yet and she went straight to sleep. Narcissa knew that it was a bad choice the first time she did it. And she knows it's still a bad choice now, but simply cannot stop.

Thinking back on this memory brought a wave of unshed tears to her eyes. "Share what you're thinking about, Cissa."

"I'm thinking about how I wasn't a good student at Hogwarts, a good daughter at home, a good friend and good lover to you." she whispered feeling that need again. "Especially not being a good lover to you."

"Cissy, how many times do we have to discuss this? I love you. And I couldn't have picked anyone better to be married to." he said looking her in the eyes.

She kissed him lightly on the lips. "I love you too, Lucius"

"You need to believe me Narcissa. You're perfect." he said to her.

"That's a lie Lucius." she said. "I was never good enough. Ever."

"Cissa, when did this all begin?" he asked her softly.

"One night during my sixth year. It was a particularly rough day. You had ignored me, I failed an essay, Bellatrix was being an arse. I just couldn't stand it anymore. I did it with an actual razor though. I started doing it whenever I was stressed and it was the only way that I could have gotten through the rest of sixth and seventh year."

"This has put a serious problem in your life though Cissa. You're putting yourself in danger every time you do this." Lucius said.

"I don't want to die Lucius, I just want to escape the stress and pain. I won't cut to deep. I promise." she said holding his hands.

"Narcissa, will you please allow me to try and help you? Will you please work with me? Can we try and stop you from cutting?" he asked sincerely.

"I'll try Lucius, but it is going to be very hard until I know that you and Draco are safe. I can't control my emotions when you both are gone. And I know you want to help me, but you won't be able to if you have to leave."

"I know, but you don't need this Cissa. You can figure out something else. I promise."

A/N: Happy Easter everyone! I hope you guys like this chapter, it's still a little on the short side, but the next ones are longer. I promise! I'm waiting on a beta to get the next few chapters back to me, but I don't know how long that will take. In the near future I'm probably going to go without beta's because of the amount of time it takes to write, sent, receive and edit beta's work. Let me know what you guys think(: