Words : 1,510

Warning: swearing, mentions of cutting

"Narcissa, we need to talk." Lucius said.

"You're making me nervous Lucius." she said looking up at him.

"Come on, let's go upstairs."

Narcissa followed her husband upstairs to their room. Lucius took a seat on the edge of their bed and Narcissa stood in front of him.

"Sit down with me." he said to her as she complied. "I really don't know how you're going to feel about this, but The Dark Lord has requested to have headquarters for the death eaters here. In the drawing room, I presume."

Narcissa stared at her husband for many moments before she finally spoke. "And you can't say no." It wasn't a question. She knew that if The Dark Lord wanted headquarters at the manor, that they would have headquarters at the manor. Lucius nodded and she spoke again. "Lucius, I don't know if I can do this. I really don't. I'll have to sit in on the meetings, won't I? Will I have to go on missions? I can't do that!"

"Shh, calm down Ciss. I don't know what having headquarters here will entail, but you won't have to do anything your not comfortable with."

"That's a fucking lie! You know I will and you'll make me! If The Dark Lord says I have to go on missions I'm going to have to go. And if he finds out about me cutting, that will make us the laughingstock of the death eaters! It will mean more punishment for me and you and Draco. Why did you have to get involved with this? Why can't this all just go away?!" she replied with tears streaming down her face. Lucius looked taken aback. He had expected her to be upset, but he hadn't expected her to become angry. He knew that she regretted him getting involved with The Dark Lord, but at the time, that was what she had believed in too. Narcissa continued, "I just want to run away from all this. Pack up and leave! But I can't. I have to stay here and try and be strong for you and Draco. Especially now. It's hard enough to pretend to be strong in front of Draco when he's here. Now I'm going to have to be strong in front of The Dark Lord every fucking day. I'm sick of this."

"I'm sorry Ciss." Lucius said reaching out to touch her shoulder. She flinched away from him.

"Don't touch me." she glared at him.

"Why are you so angry?" he asked her softly.

"I don't know." she snapped back at him. "I really don't. I'm thankful that you and Draco and Severus are back and safe but I'm angry. I'm really angry. I cut myself last night and it wasn't the same. It scared me. A lot. And I don't want that feeling again. Maybe I'm mad because it wasn't the same, maybe I'm mad because it made me not want to cut right now. Because that's what I feel like I should be doing right now."

"It's good that you don't want to cut right now, Cissa. It really is." he replied to her softly.

"I don't like it. It would make me a hell of a lot calmer right now. And instead I'm taking it out on you."

"But that's okay!" Lucius exclaimed. "I can handle it Ciss, that's what I'm here for. How many times are you on the other end of my anger outbursts? And how many times have you stopped me from hurting Draco? That's something to be ashamed of Ciss. You take your anger and sadness out on yourself and I take mine out on you and Draco. I'm so much worse than you."

"No you're not Lucius. I cut myself! That's pathetic. I hate myself for it and I wish I didn't do it. Especially now that we're having headquarters here. It's going to be so hard for me." Narcissa said as her tears slowed their tracks.

"You'll be okay. I'll be next to you the whole time."

"When's the first meeting?" she asked dreading the answer.

"A week from yesterday."

"I'm going to take a shower, and then I'm going to try and get some more sleep." she said softly, rising from their bed. "Have you talked to Draco?"

"No, but I will go do that now. Would you like to sleep alone tonight?" he asked her.

"No, if you don't mind." Narcissa said without looking at him.

"Of course I don't mind. I'll see you in a little bit." he said standing up and heading for the door.

o.O

"Come in." Draco replied to the knock on his door. Lucius entered and waited for Draco to sit up from his bed.

"Can we talk, Draco?"

"I'm not talking about mother if she's not in here too. I'm sick of her cutting and you trying to explain it to me. I want to hear it from her." he said lying back down on the bed.

"I didn't come in here to talk about that." Lucius lied. "I wanted to say that the last few days have made me realize that I take out my anger on you and your mother. And I wanted to apologize for the way I've treated you growing up. I know that I've been tough on you, but you know the reasons for that." Draco sat back up to look at his father. "It is not my place to ever punish you to some of the severity I have, and I'm sorry for that. Now, with headquarters being here and our first meeting in less than a week, all three of us have to trust and help each other get through this. No one can find out about your mothers cutting. Understand?" Draco nodded. "Just because we're hosting headquarters does not mean The Dark Lord will treat us any different or give us any leeway. It might make his treatment of us even worse. We have to work really hard to get through this and stay strong as a family."

"Does mum know?" Draco asked.

"Yes, I just told her. She got angry more than upset, which actually surprised me, but she is taking a shower and then her and I are going to talk more about it."

"Okay, will you tell her that I would like to speak to her about yesterday please?"

"Yes, son." Lucius said as he stood up to exit the room.

o.O

Narcissa entered Draco's room quietly.

"Draco," she whispered, "Are you awake? You're father said you wanted to speak to me."

"Yes I am." he replied sitting up. "You can sit down."

"What happened at Hogwarts yesterday, Draco?"

He would not look her in the eyes as he replied. "I was supposed to kill Dumbledore, but I couldn't. Severus did it instead."

"Oh, Draco!" she gasped as she pulled him into a tight embrace. Narcissa felt her son relax into her. "I'm so glad you didn't kill him!"

Draco pulled himself away from her, "But I was supposed to. When The Dark Lord finds out he's going to be angry. I'm going to get all of us in trouble."

"Draco, it doesn't matter. Dumbledore is dead, that is all He cared about for last night. He doesn't care who kills who as long as he is the one to kill Potter."

"Do you really believe that?" Draco asked her and she nodded. "Father came in here earlier. I think it was to talk about you, but I told him I didn't want to hear it, so he started talking about something else. I've realized the fact that you need to cut, and I know that I alone can't stop you from doing it. I don't want you to do it, but I know you need it. I'm scared to lose you and I'm scared of what will happen with headquarters here."

"Draco, I'm really going to try and stop cutting. I cut yesterday while you guys were gone and it was different. It scared me. And I'm going to try and remember that feeling so that I don't cut again. I don't know if it will work forever, but I'm going to try for now. Have you slept at all today?"

"Not really." he answered.

"Okay, why don't you try and get some sleep. We'll have dinner as a family tomorrow, okay?" Narcissa told him as she stood up.

"Okay. I love you, mum."

"I love you too, Draco."

o.O

"How was he?" Lucius asked as Narcissa climbed into bed.

"Okay, scared and worried. But I know he'll be strong with us. I told him I'm trying to stop cutting, I just hope he believes me." she said looking at Lucius.

"I'm sure he does. He always believes you better than me."

"What did you talk to him about today?" Narcissa asked shutting her eyes.

"I apologized for how I've treated him growing up and told him we all have to be strong with headquarters here."

"I'm glad." she said drifting off into sleep.

A/N: So I'm on my week break from college and thought I'd update this lovely little story. Hopefully my fall semester will give me a little more free time than summer! I hope to post a few more chapters. Please please please let me know what you think :))