Place of the Lost

A/N: Be warned the language in this particular chapter is rather foul, my apologies.

Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer

Chapter 16: What a Tangled Web We Weave…

EPOV:

That's what I was going to give Bella, the opportunity that Widow Crowley and I never had. When I was strong enough to be in her presence, I'd give her the choice. I'd explain everything to her: how I craved blood, and I never aged. Then she could decide. She could be with the new cursed version of myself, or if she wanted, I would leave her. Bella could have a new life. Thinking of that hurt me deeply and made my chest tighten. Anger flared in my eyes. What if she didn't want me? What if she had already moved on…found someone else? I pulled my hands away from the widows, and buried my face in my palms. I scolded myself internally for being bitter over Bella's potential happiness. She deserved better than me, better than this life. If she decided to move on, I should be glad for her.

The widow began to tap her fingertips lightly on the wooden table, breaking the long silence. "What are you thinking?" She asked. "You look so angry and frightened."

I sighed deeply and spoke in a soft tone. "When I'm able, I'm going to give Bella a choice. I'm just worried she won't choose me, and this life. But I feel terrible for wanting her to pick the monster I've become and this strange existence."

She gave a half-smile. "Well you shouldn't feel bad Edward. That really isn't your decision to make. You just need to prepare yourself to accept every possible outcome. If she doesn't want to be with you, be happy because she'll live a normal life. If she does want to be with you, be happy because she obviously loves you… unconditionally."

"You're right, but it's still difficult."

"Of course it's difficult Edward! But it's all you can do. Please don't worry yourself, it'll only make you miserable. You're a good person Edward Masen, everything will turn out all right."

"How can you say that? I thought that you of all people would know that good things don't always happen to good people."

"I didn't say that only good things happen to good people, but everything does work out for good, in the end. After I lost my husband, I began studying herbal remedies. Do you know how many lives that knowledge has saved? I believe that's my life's purpose. I hate that it took a tragedy for me to discover it, but I've helped many people."

I nodded in agreement. "You've helped me."

A wide grin broke out across her wrinkled face, "Have I?"

I took her hand again. "More than you'll ever know." A tear ran down her cheek. She was deeply touched by my gratitude. "Well m'am, I better get going. I think I'm in the mood for mountain lion." I smiled wryly and she giggled. "Thank you for everything."

"You're very welcome Edward, it was wonderful to meet you. I wish you the best of luck, and you're welcome here anytime. If you ever need anything, please don't hesitate to ask."

"Yes m'am, I appreciate your kindness." I stood up from the table and pushed in my chair. It squeaked across the floor and I turned to make my way to the door. Widow Crowley stood up and followed behind me. I walked back through the living room, admiring the beautiful vase full of red flowers. The color reminded me of the shade Bella's cheeks blushed when I kissed her.

Reaching the front door, I turned back to the widow and waved goodbye. She smiled genuinely. "Goodbye Edward, be careful." The screen door swung closed behind me, and I walked out into the afternoon sun. We had spent at least two hours talking, Jacob was probably inside having lunch by now. I wanted to speak with him, but I wasn't going back to his house. Billy definitely knew my secret, and I didn't want to stir up any trouble. I wished I had never met that man. Jacob was going to be very suspicious now.

At the moment, I was concerned with other things. Being around the widow for so long made my thirst nearly unbearable. I liked hunting under the cover of night, but it couldn't wait. I was parched, and I needed something big. I lifted my head into the air and took a deep breath… humans. I wanted their blood, and I had depraved visions of callously murdering them to quench my thirst. As much as I wanted it, I couldn't let myself give in. I began to walk back toward the woods, trying to catch the scent of some suitable prey.

It took over an hour, but I finally tracked down a mountain lion. He was sleeping in his den…too easy. I really wanted a fight, but at least it quenched my fiery thirst. I took my time walking back to my camp. My shirt was blood stained again so I knew I'd have to wash it and build a fire.

It was late afternoon when I made it back to the river. I stripped my shirt off my pale lanky frame and knelt by the water. I found the same little rapid I used before and held my shirt in the rushing white stream. While I was cleaning the shirt, a foul odor filled the air around me. It had to be Jacob. I finally understood why his blood smelled like rotting garbage and wet dog.

"Edward!" His familiar voice echoed through the trees.

I replied loudly, "I'm over here Jake!" I heard his feet crunching leaves across the forest floor. The odor grew stronger with every step he took in my direction.

"Oh here you are." He exclaimed. "I brought your boots back." He tossed my shiny brown boots to the ground by my fire pit. "What are you doing?" I rolled my eyes at the obviousness of his question.

I smirked at him and spoke in a sarcastic tone. "What does it look like?"

"What did you get on your shirt?"

I didn't want to say blood. I could say I was hunting, but I didn't have a carcass or any weapons. I sighed deeply and lied. "Just some dirt."

He furrowed his brows in confusion. "Do you not have any other clothes with you?" He was starting to pry, and it was getting on my nerves.

He was forcing me to lie to him, and I hated that. "Of course I do, they're in my tent. It's just a short walk from here."

His eyes narrowed as he gazed at me intently. Jacob's thoughts revealed that he was suspicious. He knew something strange was going on. I pulled my shirt from the river and walked back up the bank. I hung the shirt on the tree, and turned back to my friend. "Can I have my boots back?" he asked in a quiet voice.

"Oh yeah sure, sorry." I bent down to untie the laces, but when I grabbed them between my fingertips I felt something wet. I opened my hands and examined my white digits… red. They were covered in the blood of the mountain lion. I looked up at Jacob; his eyes were wide and confused. Shit! I cursed myself internally. I knew I still smelled blood, but I thought it was from my shirt.

Jacob spoke in a stern tone. "Why is there blood on my shoes?"

I answered quickly, "I apologize, I was hunting earlier." He didn't believe me.

"With what?" he prodded me on.

"Bow."

"What did you kill?" His thoughts revealed that he was going to interrogate me now, try to back me into a corner.

"Just a small rabbit."

"Where is the kill?"

"At my camp."

"Are you cooking it?"

"No not yet."

"It's hot today, the meat will spoil fast in this heat."

"You're right, I should get back to it." I unlaced the bloody boots as quickly as possible and slid them off my feet. I turned to walk away.

His voice was loud and stern. "There's no camp up there." He was certain of that fact, but I still denied it.

I tried to sound as innocent as possible, "Of course there is."

"Edward, I've walked along the river for the past two hours. There is no tent, no food, no fire…nothing, not a single shred of evidence that a person is living in these woods."

I responded angrily to his accusatory statement, "What exactly are you suggesting?"

His eyes narrowed, "I have no idea, but I do know that something is very wrong here."

I chuckled falsely and tried to lighten my tone, "Jake, you're being ridiculous. Everything is fine."

He balled his fists tightly, and spoke with venom. "Cut the bullshit Edward!"

I remained calm, shrugging my shoulders as if I didn't know what he was talking about, "I thought we were friends."

"I hate being lied to."

"I'm not lying to you."

"Fine. You can either be a man and tell me what the hell is going on here, or I'll get my father and the widow to tell me. Either way I'm going to know the truth."

"You have no idea what you're asking!"

"Don't fuck with me Edward."

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Try me." He replied coldly.

"Fine!" I finally gave in. "Sit down." I ordered in a stern tone.

"Don't talk to me like a child, you ungrateful bastard."

"Ungrateful? What the hell have you done for me?"

"I was your friend Edward! When you had no one else."

I scoffed. "Bullshit! Who was cutting your damn tobacco this morning?"

"You think that makes up for lying to me?"

"Okay Jake. You want the fucking truth?"

"Yes damn it!"

"I'm a vampire." I loudly blurted the words.

He thought I was screwing with him. "I should knock your fucking teeth out."

I took two slow steps toward him. "Go ahead." He narrowed his eyes and reared back his fist. He stared at me for several seconds, seething with anger. Then with all of his strength he delivered a right hook to my jaw…I didn't move. He was confused. "I'm telling the truth. Let me prove it to you." Still fuming, he nodded tensely. I leapt with ease across the river, then darted through the forest with lightning speed, narrowly avoiding trees and rocks. He was so shocked, it was almost as if his thoughts were stuttering. Jacob didn't know what to think. I stopped my sprint and turned back towards the river where he was standing, chin on the ground. I spotted a single beam of sunlight streaking through the trees. His gaze followed me intently as I moved. I stepped hesitantly into the light, my skin glistened like diamonds in the sun. "Believe me now?" I shouted in his direction.

Jacob buried his face in his hands. He couldn't speak right away. I sprinted to his side. He uttered in an emotionless tone. "What the hell was that?" He braced himself on a tree and slid down to the ground. Resting his elbows on his knees, he stared with blank eyes at the ground… just shaking his head.

I couldn't help but chuckle, "Are you all right?" He looked up at me wide-eyed and shrugged his shoulders. I sat down beside him. "Let me explain." He didn't say a word, but his thoughts told me he was curious. I tried to keep it as simple as possible. "I was dying of the influenza, and my doctor promised my mother that he would do everything he could to keep me alive. I'm sure she didn't realize what he actually had the power to do. He wasn't able to save my human life, so he bit me… and well.. here I am." I chuckled at my lightness.

Terror gleamed in Jacob's eyes. "Are you going to kill me?"

I smirked at him. "No. You're blood smells disgusting to me."

He sighed in relief and finally laughed. "Should I be offended by that?"

"No, trust me that's a very good thing."

"How can you even be out here? Doesn't sunlight burn your skin?"

"No that's a myth. I don't sleep in a coffin. In fact, I don't sleep at all. My body is rock hard, my speed is unmatched, and I don't age. I think that about sums it up."

"Oh, do you drink blood? The blood of people I mean?"

"I crave human blood, but I've decided to live off the blood of animals. Mountain lion is my favorite so far. Sorry about your shoes."

He smirked. "So you're an altruistic monster." I cringed at his choice of words. "How long have you been a vampire anyway?"

"About a week."

Jacob snorted loudly then burst into hysteric laughter. "This is so weird." He choked out the word between chuckles.

My eyes widened "How do you think I feel?"

"I can't even imagine."

"Does this mean you aren't mad at me anymore?" I asked.

"I'm too confused to be pissed off." He paused for a second. "No wait, I am still mad. Why did you let me punch you?"

"You didn't believe me."

"I nearly broke my hand!"

"Sorry Jake, some people have to learn the hard way." I snickered as he clutched his throbbing fist.

"You know, if you weren't a freak of nature you'd be laid out on the ground right now." He paused and smirked…"Crying!"

I rolled my eyes at his overconfidence, "Whatever you have to tell yourself." I might have been from the city, but I was still a carpenter's son. I was just as accustomed to physical labor as he was. My muscles were longer and leaner than his, but I could have taken him…easily.

Jacob's expression suddenly became stern, "Now, tell me what you're really doing here. Surely the flu is no match for a vampire?"

I sighed loudly and rubbed my temples. "I had to get out of the city. The temptation was too great." "What kind of temptation?"

"Blood… too many people. I'm still trying to strengthen my self-control."

His dark eyes narrowed. His voice was quiet and serious. "Does that mean you lost control?" I hung my head, ashamed of the monster I had become in the alley that night. He saw my expression, and began to shout. "You did! Didn't you? You killed someone!"

My words were full of anguish. "Jacob, this isn't something I'm proud of."

He scoffed, "You're a murderer." His mind was racing with horrified thoughts.

I tried to remain calm, but his words were ripping me apart. He was calling me everything I wanted to believe that I wasn't. "I won't deny that, but if it's any consolation he tried to stab me. I was walking around the city, just after I had been changed. I saw him in an alley, he was hitting a woman."

He stared at me thoughtfully, "Sounds like he deserved it."

"No, he didn't. Or he might have, but either way it wasn't my place to decide. I had no right to kill him, and I feel terrible about it. It torments me, makes me feel inhuman."

Jacob looked concerned, "I'm sorry Edward. I shouldn't have brought it up."

"No don't apologize. You have a write to know. I wouldn't want to be friends with a murderer."

"I'm still you're friend Edward. I understand why you lied, and I understand why you killed that guy. You said he tried to stab you. If you had been hu…" He tripped over the word and corrected himself, "your normal self, then he would have killed you."

"But it's not like I was doing it in self-defense." I countered. "He couldn't have hurt me."

"You may not have done it in self-defense, but it was in defense of someone else. A woman, who couldn't fight him off. You may have saved her life. You shouldn't feel bad about that."

I hated the look of pity in his eyes. I didn't want him to feel sorry for me, but the fact that he cared meant a lot. Despite everything, he still thought of me as his friend. "Thanks Jake. I appreciate you being so understanding about all this. I know it's kind of shocking."

He smiled. "If I hadn't seen it for myself, I wouldn't have believed it. But there's no denying it now. It's sort of exciting though. I feel like I'm in on some sort of great secret."

I chuckled lightly, "It's not too great."

He stared blankly into the forest. "No I mean, it just changes my entire perspective on the world. You're a fantasy come to life."

I laughed loudly, and winked at him, "I didn't know you found me so attractive."

He rolled his eyes, "Shut up, you know what I mean."

"I know it's insane. People think they have it all figured out, when in reality they know so little about the world that exists right before their eyes."

"Yeah, I can't wrap my head around it." A thoughtful look marked his bronze features. "Did you make all that stuff up about having a girlfriend too?"

"No, why would you say that?"

"Well nothing else you told me was the truth, what am I supposed to think? I thought you were trying to impress me or something?"

I snorted loudly; his was being serious. Jacob could be so immature sometimes. "I'm sorry, but no Bella is very very real."

His mouth curved into a half smile, "Bella, that's a pretty name. What are you going to do about her, you know, with your… condition?" He spoke the word like I had psoriasis or something.

"I'm going to get strong for her. Then I'll go back to Chicago and tell her everything. Then she can make her choice."

"Oh, well that's brave of you. What if she says no?"

"All I can do is give her a choice. I wouldn't blame her if she didn't want to be with me anymore."

"I'd like to help you with this one, but your problems are so far out of my league." He raised his head to look at the sky. "It's getting late. My dinner is probably already cold."

I nodded a goodbye in his direction, "Thanks, for everything Jake. Good night."

"No problem Eddie." I scowled at the nickname. He smiled and lifted himself off the ground. He picked up the bloody boots and turned to walk back into the valley.