Place of the Lost
A/N: Thanks for all the angry reviews lol. I know, I'm mad at Jacob too, but he's fun to write about. Hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer
Chapter 19: Love and Lust
BPOV:
Jacob left in a hurry after the kiss. I don't think he was happy about the way I received his affection. But I had to tell him that it was too soon. The look on his face was pure agony. It hurt me to see him suffering, but I just wasn't ready to give up on Edward. Jacob might have excited some powerful lust that I didn't even know was burning inside me, but what I felt for Edward was love. Jacob couldn't compete with that, or at least that's what I kept telling myself.
Sunlight was pouring into my window, but I didn't want to get out of bed. I was a complete emotional wreck. I felt like I was betraying Edward by letting Jacob kiss me, and betraying my own feelings by making him stop. I felt stupid for clinging to the idea that Edward may still be alive but terrified to let go. I kept the mysterious letter tucked in my bedside table, reading it nearly every night before I went to sleep. I scanned it time and time again, searching for some sort of clue or sign, just a single definitive answer. But the more I read the more questions I had, and the more frustrated I became.
My stomach was tied into a thousand twisted knots, and my head was throbbing. Every pulse of my heart felt like someone was banging a drum inside my skull. I imagined myself sinking into my mattress and disappearing into some distant abyss where I could finally find some peace of mind
"Bella!" Charlie shouted my name from downstairs. "Are you going to stay in bed all day?"
"I'm coming dad." I literally had to force myself to move, but I didn't bother to get dressed. I slid my cold feet into my slippers and trudged down the stairs in my blue nightgown. Charlie was sitting at the table, drinking a cup of coffee and reading a magazine. There was a steaming mug sitting at my place. My chair squeaked across the floor as I pulled it out from underneath the table. I took a seat, and quietly sipped the bitter liquid.
Eventually Charlie looked up from his reading, "Morning Bells." He appeared to be more cheerful than usual.
"Morning dad." I replied in a soft whisper. There was a long pause.
Charlie finally broke the silence, "Bella, I wanted to talk to you about last night." Oh God! What had he seen? I really didn't want to have this conversation with my father.
"Okay." My voice was timid.
"I think that boy likes you." A big grin spread across his face. I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes. I thought cops were supposed to be perceptive.
But I played along, "What makes you say that?"
"The way he looked at you Bella. Men can tell, we have a certain expression we wear when we're trying to impress pretty girls."
I snorted loudly. I thought coffee might come out my nose. "Really?"
"I'm serious, I think he's really interested in you, and I just wanted you to know that I approve." What? How could he say that? He wasn't supposed to approve, he was supposed to hate Jacob or at least look at him with the same fatherly disdain that he gave Edward. He continued, "It's just that I know you've been kind of depressed for the last few weeks, and I saw how happy he made you. And he's a nice boy. He even has his own farm." His eyes were pleading. I could tell Charlie only wanted me to be happy, but if he only knew how badly I was being tortured by this whole terrible mess.
"Dad…I j-just don't know about this. I think it's too soon."
"I know it's soon dear." He never called me dear. "But he's not from here, and he won't be in Chicago that long. I know you miss the Masen boy, but sometimes when an opportunity at happiness literally knocks on your door, you have to answer it."
I sighed and tried to push back the lump in my throat. Charlie had no idea what I was going through, not that I could ever adequately explain it to him. I couldn't help but think that maybe he was right. Maybe Edward was gone, and I could never have him back, and maybe I shouldn't give up a chance at happiness for a ghost and some memories. If Edward had been there, he would have wanted me to be happy.
"I hope you don't mind." Charlie said. "But I invited him back for dinner tonight." Half of me was ecstatic and the other half was completely horrified. Charlie must have seen the conflicted look on my face. "He had to come back sometime Bella. His shirt is still hanging in the yard. Which reminds me, you should bring it in and iron it for him."
I nodded in agreement. I would have done anything to escape that conversation. It was difficult enough trying to figure it out in my own mind, much less trying to reason through my internal conflicts with a middle aged man who didn't have all the facts. I set my half empty mug back on the table, and hurried to the front door.
It wasn't until I got outside, that I realized I was still in my nightgown. But I had much bigger things to worry about it, so I took a quick glance around and didn't see any of my neighbors outside. So I rushed to the clothes line, grabbed Jake's shirt and carried it back inside.
I let the iron heat up while I cooked Charlie a meager breakfast of eggs and toast. He had to be starving, it was nearly ten in the morning. I ate in the kitchen, I couldn't risk Charlie bringing up Jake and Edward again. This was my decision, not his.
Charlie called from the dining room, "Oh Bella, I forgot to tell you. I'm working a different shift today."
"What? I thought you were just taking the day off?" Charlie had been taking a lot of days off lately. Partially to stay healthy, and partially because he was worried about me.
"No, they've been short on the evening shift. So I'll go in at seven tonight, and I'll be home around three or four. Do you think you'll be okay alone?"
I opened the kitchen door, "Yeah dad, I'll be fine. I'm almost eighteen, and I'll be asleep most of the time."
"Yeah, I just hate to leave you here alone at night." His face was concerned.
"Really dad, I'm not a child. I'll be fine."
"Cause I could always tell them I can't do it."
"Dad! Honestly, I don't mind." I was practically shouting at him.
"All right." He finally gave up.
The rest of the day passed in a frantic haze. I cleaned everything in sight, trying to take my mind off the night ahead, and the decision I was going to have to have make much sooner than I was willing to admit. I dusted, swept, mopped, polished and scrubbed nearly every surface in the house. I started cooking dinner at five, I didn't know what time Charlie had asked Jacob to come over, but if he was going to be at work by seven, dinner would need to be on the table at six.
I decided on roast beef and mashed potatoes, and I vowed not to set it ablaze. Charlie would appreciate a nice dinner after the ham and cheese sandwiches I served him last night. Dinner was nearly ready when I heard a knock at the door. My heart fluttered, and there was no question in my mind about who it was. I couldn't pretend that I wasn't excited, or that I wasn't happy that he was back.
"Charlie." I yelled. "Can you get the door?"
"Yeah I've got it Bells." I heard him sigh and groan as he got off the couch. His feet hit heavily across the hardwood floor. Then the door creaked open. "Hey Jacob, come on in. Whoa, you got a haircut." His tone was cheerful.
"Hey." He said. "Yeah I decided it was time for a change. Call me Jake, Mr. Swan."
"Call me Charlie, Jake." He chuckled and I wanted to scream. Edward was never allowed to call him Charlie. He'd only known Jake two days and they were already on a first name basis. "Bella's in the kitchen, if you want to say hi."
I heard footsteps coming toward me, and the kitchen door swung open. There Jacob stood, in a black collared shirt and all of his long dark hair gone. Instead, it was cropped short against his head. It made the thick muscles in his shoulders stand out. He looked even more masculine than he had the day before. If I hadn't known it was impossible, I would have said he looked taller than the day before, but that was impossible. Nobody grew a noticeable amount over night. As much as I hated to admit it, deep down, the desire he excited yesterday was still burning.
I couldn't stop my mouth from curving up into a sheepish grin. He returned a seductive smile. "Hi Bella." He hesitated as he moved towards me. "How are you feeling today?"
"Good." I replied, and I was telling the truth. All of the tension, all of the worries that had tortured me all day, suddenly melted away in his presence, and it was as if nothing else existed. "I like your hair."
"You don't miss the long locks?" He chuckled.
"I liked those too, but this suits you. You look more.. Mature.. More distinguished."
He turned his mouth up into a crooked smile, "Bella, I got it cut. I didn't dye it gray."
"Oh you know what I mean."
He laughed and took my hand lovingly into his. He lightly stroked the back of my hand with his finger tips and gazed into my eyes. "You look beautiful tonight." He whispered the words in my ear.
I looked down at what I was wearing, a simple black dress and heels. "It's nothing special."
"It's not the dress that I'm talking about, and trust me it's very special." His voice was so deep and smooth. I couldn't help but giggle like an idiot.
"Bella!" Charlie shouted. "Is dinner ready? I've got to go soon."
"Yeah dad, I'm bringing it now." I put the roast beef on a platter and tried to pick it up. Jacob walked up behind me, and wrapped his arms around my waist. I could feel his warm breath on my neck.
"I'll take that." He whispered. My cheeks blushed as I felt his body against mine. Then he picked up the platter and walked out the door. I carried in the mashed potatoes, and Charlie was already sitting at his place, fork in hand.
"Oh Bella this looks great." Charlie exclaimed. "I was starving."
"What else is new dad?" I chuckled. "There's blueberry cobbler too. I know that's your favorite."
"Wow!" Charlie's eyes lit up. "She's quite the cook, isn't she Jake?" He elbowed him playfully in the side.
He smiled warmly, and looked in my eyes. "Yeah, she's great." A wide grin spread out over Charlie's face.
"So Jake, where are you staying?" Charlie spoke quickly between big bites of roast beef.
"Just a little motel about three blocks from here. But I'm going to have to find a new place to stay tomorrow. The owner came down with the influenza, and I don't want to be exposed."
"That's probably a good idea." Charlie replied. I nodded in agreement. I didn't want Jake getting sick too. My gaze traveled to my father, I could tell he was cooking up some sort of idea. He stopped eating, and his expression was pensive. "Hey Jake."
"Yes?"
"You know we have an extra bedroom upstairs, and there's no use staying in a motel when you have friends who would be happy to have you. So, as long as you're in Chicago, you're welcome to stay here."
Jacob shook his head, "Oh no, I couldn't. You guys have been so kind to me already. I wouldn't want to put you out."
"It's really no trouble at all." Charlie hesitated. "And I think Bella would like it too?" They both turn to look at me. I just nodded.
"Well if you're both sure?" Jacob asked again.
"Of course we're sure. You can go get your stuff after dinner, and Bella can put fresh sheets on the bed in the guestroom." Charlie smiled. "Is that all right with you Bella?"
"Yeah of course dad, I don't mind." It was difficult trying to hide my excitement and my horror.
Charlie scraped a last dollop of mashed potatoes off his plate. "You know, I'm actually really glad you agreed to stay. I have to work the late shift tonight, and I almost couldn't bear to leave Bella here alone. I'll feel better knowing you're here." I gasped. While he had good intentions, Charlie was officially the stupidest father ever. He didn't want me to be alone at night, so he invited a seventeen-year-old guy to keep me company. Had the entire world gone insane? This couldn't be real, but the look on Jacob's face told me it was. He was grinning from ear to ear.
A loud clap of thunder suddenly sounded outside. "Oh it looks like a storm's coming." Charlie said. "I better get a move on. Can I get that cobbler to go Bells?"
"Yeah I'll wrap you up a piece." I got up from my place and headed into the kitchen. I looked out the window, the sky was black with rolling thunderheads. The cobbler sat on the counter, still steaming. I cut Charlie a slice, placed it in a bowl and covered it in a cloth.
He was already at the door when I walked out of the kitchen. I handed him the bowl, and he said goodbye to me, then called Jacob to his side. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but Charlie pointed to his holster where his pistol rested against side. I assumed he was reminding Jacob to behave.
When Jacob came back to the table, he didn't look fazed by Charlie's warning. He just smiled and spoke in a low quiet voice. "I need to go get my things from the motel before it starts raining."
"Yeah, that's probably a good idea. I'll go put the sheets on your bed."
"Thanks." He walked slowly to my side, leaned down and kissed me softly on the cheek. "I'll be right back." He turned and walked out the door.
I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding in. I didn't want to think about what this evening meant, I didn't want to torture myself with the possibilities. So I pushed in my chair, walked up the stairs and pulled some fresh sheets from the linen closet. I heard the crash of thunder, and heavy waves of torrential rain started to fall outside.
I was just putting on the last pillowcase when I heard a sound downstairs. The door creaked open. "It's me Bella." Jacob's voice called loudly through the house.
"I'm up here." I shouted.
I heard him coming, but his steps didn't sound as heavy as usual. He pushed open the door, and there he stood, soaking wet. Water dripped slowly down his face. His black shirt clung tightly to every bulging muscle. I shuddered. He looked so sloppy…so messy… so unbelievably desirable.
All I could manage was a whisper. "I'll get you a towel." I walked past him and back to the linen closet. I pulled out a large, fluffy white towel, and made my way back to his bedroom.
My mouth fell wide open. His clothes lay in a wet pile on the hardwood floor, and he stood there in nothing but his boxers, a devilish grin dancing at his lips. "Thank you." He said as he took the towel out of my hands. Water from his short crop dripped down his back. He ran the towel through his hair, never breaking eye contact with me.
He threw the towel to the ground and gently grabbed my hand. Pulling me forward, he wrapped me in a tight embrace. His muscles pressed against me. Despite, the wet rain, his body was remarkably warm. His lips met mine with a desperate urgency. This time there was no stopping him, no turning back. My mind said, no. But my body screamed, yes! My heart raced, and my breathing was heavy and anxious.
I pulled him tighter to me snaking my arms around his neck. I stroked the back of his head. His short hair was damp and soft. Once again, he plunged his tongue deep into my mouth, but this time he met no resistance. Lighting flashed through the dim bedroom, and thundered roared, rattling the walls. I moaned loudly and lightly caressed his tongue with mine.
His strong arms left my back and caressed my sides as they moved to the front of my body. He pushed down the thick black straps of my dressed and planted sweet wet kisses on my neck. I was on fire, lust burned in my eyes.
His kiss moved lower, as his hand began to roam on my thigh. Every touch was electric, every nerve in my body was blazing. I groaned as he licked my collarbone. I felt a bulge in his boxers pushing strongly against my leg, but I didn't blush. I wanted him, every part of him.
His hand's moved to my back, and gradually I felt my dress unzip. He pulled it slowly down my body, then wrapped me in a passionate embrace. He groaned as I ran my fingers under the elastic in his boxers. He twitched with excitement and overwhelming anticipation. A clap of thunder radiated through my bones, and finally he scooped me up in his arms and threw me roughly to the bed…
A/N: Oh, a bit of a cliffhanger. Don't worry I'm not sure what's going to happen either lol. I have about three options in mind, and I'm open to suggestions. Thanks for reading! Please review!