AN: Sam and Emily Uley belong to SM.

I don't even own Trisha, David, and Mark. They belong to yay4shanghai. She's just letting me borrow them for a little while because she's cool like that!

Very, very special thanks to yay4shanghai for being the most awesome beta on the face of the planet and a majorly cool person and to KupKakes09 because she rocks and I bounce a lot of ideas off her through our late night chats! Don't forget to show them some love!

THIS IS HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU GUYS: So I wondered what it would be like for Sam and Emily to walk in mid-Trisha/David sexfest. And I wrote it out for you all because, well, you all rock my socks!

P.S. If Sam Uley were Chaske Spencer and I were around, Sam wouldn't have to worry about not getting any…if you know what I mean…

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Bonus Chapter: "My Son the Horn Dog"

SAM'S POV

All I wanted was to put my daughter in her bed, have sex with my wife, and call it a day. But, hell no! That would be too easy! Being the father of twin boys and a little baby girl has taught me never to expect easy. I heard it pulling into the driveway. I should've turned the damn car around and sped off to Billy's. Hell, no…My curiosity got the fuckin' better of me.

"Is that David's truck?" My beautiful wife asked.

"Seems to be," I said, getting out of the Suburban. "Do you hear that?"

Emily shook her head at me. "Babe, I don't hear anything." She gingerly lifted the sleeping child from her car seat as I moved closer to the front door.

I listened, hard, harder than I'd listened to anything in awhile. Moaning…grunting...No way that was coming from my house. But the door was wide open. I felt Emily behind me.

"What the hell is that?" She said, finally picking up on the sound.

I smelled sex. Shit!

"Uh, again, David…harder…"

I closed my eyes and rubbed my neck, turning to look at Emily.

Her eyes were about to pop out of her head as she pushed the baby into my arms, walking towards the hallway. She picked up a tattered piece of red fabric, her mouth agape, her eyes still huge.

"Babe, I think you better not go any further," I whispered but she stuck her hand up.

"Shh!" She said.

"DAVID!"

Oh, great, now the beds creaking! My son's gonna break the fucking bed!

"I love you, Trisha. I love every part of you."

Emily looked horrified. And I think she might have stopped breathing momentarily, listening to our son defile the girl who's diapers I had once changed.

"Go David!" I heard from behind me.

"Mark! Zip it!" I snapped at him.

"I love you, too…Don't stop…please…don't…"

Then I heard a growl and watched as Emily put her hands over her face.

"Is that the bed creaking?" Mark whispered.

"David…you feel…so huge…"

Now, as a man and a father, I felt a little pride in that statement, until I realized that it was being moaned out by a 16 year-old girl, whose father could very well kill my son if he found out.

Emily was now sitting on the floor in the hallway, Mark still behind me stifling a laugh, and the baby in my arms looked at me like we were all insane.

My thoughts were interrupted by a howl, not from outside, not from a wolf…

"Was that Trisha?" Mark asked me.

"I don't want to think about it!" I said, handing Jesse to him and moving to pull Emily off the floor.

I watched my wife's face as we heard a loud grunt and the POW!

"Holy shit! They broke the bed!" Mark was now cracking up. How they couldn't hear us, I have no idea.

I listened, hoping they were finished, having no idea how I would look Paul or Rachel in the face, ever again…ever again. Mark was still laughing behind me, putting Jesse on the floor, as he fell on his knees.

"Your Momma's gonna kill us." Clearly Trisha's voice.

"Yeah, umh, she's not the only one." My soon to be grounded son.

"What?"

"This isn't my bed…this is Mark's." Mark stopped laughing.

"No fucking way! David, he's gonna be so pissed. Shit! Shit! Shit!"

"Yes, yes he is," Mark said, his face very serious.

"So does that mean we're through for the evening? I mean, the damage has already been done, so why not take advantage of it." My son is a horn dog. A soon to be dead horn dog.

"Dear God, I've created a monster!"

I prayed in my head that they were done. Emily shook her head. "He's in soooo much trouble," she said.

"Yeah, hell hath no fury like a twin brother scorned," Mark said.

"I think they're done. Let's just act like we just came in, okay?" I said.

They were still talking but I was pretty sure no more sex would be occurring in this house tonight, or probably for weeks. I continued to listen, thankful it was finished, when I heard Trisha.

"I don't want you to fuck me. No, sweetie, I want you to make love to me. Like real love, not animalistic humping."

"I would love to make love to you," he whispered.

"Oh, dear God!" Emily groaned.

"Who wants to stay at Billy's tonight? Everyone, good. Let's go!" I said.

As I drove to Billy's, I made a list in my head of all things I never wanted to experience in my life. It goes like this:

Listen to nothing but Kenny Rogers until the day I die.

Watch Claire do a strip tease.

Kissing a vampire.

Eat cucumber sandwiches and scones while drinking tea with the pack.

Hear my son having animal-like sex with Paul Wise's daughter.

I guess I can scratch that last one off now.