Saturday morning. We're meeting with Guinevere's solicitor again.
I yawn and rub sleep out of my eyes. Oh god, my head's hurting like hell. It feels like there's someone in there using my brain as a punchbag. Not a terribly unfamiliar feeling though. Maybe I should tell Merlin I can't make it today.
But what if something happens? What if suddenly Guinevere remembers again? What if-
No. I have to stop thinking that. Nothing's going to happen today. It's going to be the same hello-nice-to-meet-you-goodbye kind of meeting. There's no point getting my hopes up. Nothing's going to happen. Nothing.
I grab the remote control on my bedside table and open the curtains. It's still dark outside. 2 hours and 28 minutes left til dawn. Actually now it would be 2 hours and 27 minutes. I don't even have to look at the clock to know. I'm not psychic or anything it's just that I wake up at exactly 5:45 every day. No earlier no later. My eyes suddenly open as soon as 5:44 becomes 5:45 and my brain goes on full alert. And I don't fall asleep til exactly 1:30 in the night, so any chance of a nice deep sleep is out of the window for me. Well, unless Guinevere comes back. When I was with her, I used to sleep normally, you know. But now I've returned to my weird 4-hours-and-15-minutes-sleep-only regime which is not terribly good to my temper, or my colleagues.
Oh well. I have worse things to worry about now. I stretch and jump out of bed. And knock over a half empty mug, spilling coffee all over my carpet. Oops. Forgot I put my coffee there last night. I sigh. I've been the unluckiest man on earth since that stupid accident. Nothing seems to go right when I'm around. Whatever. I leave the split coffee and walk over to the bathroom for a morning pee. Then I take out a couple of painkillers for my headache and swallow them with a glass of water. Ugh. Ugh, ugh and ugh again. They taste like cardboard. Rotten cardboard.
After a shower and a jog round my garden, I have breakfast and log onto Facebook. Hmph. Seems like everyone's having a good time except for me. I sigh. I seem to sigh a lot these days. Without Guinevere life seems so empty. Before I found her, it used to be friends who made my days worthwhile. Before them my parents. Or my parent. I always had someone there for me. To confide in. But now I have no one. No one at all.
I turn back to the screen and scroll down a little. Guinevere's uploaded something. A picture of... oh. It's her and that jerk Lancelot. A photo of them together in a cafe or somewhere. On a date. He's kissing her cheek and she's smiling at the camera. I feel my jaw clench as I see him in the next photo with his arm around her. I know what he's trying to do. What he's trying to get out of her. He tried it when they were going out, and she left him, fortunately. But now she doesn't know anything about that or what he's trying to do, he'll probably try to get her into his pants again. Maybe he'll succeed this time. But then where would that put me? As a poor miserable guy on the sidelines, who'll die alone and rot away in the grave and be forgotten forever? I don't want that. I want to be with Guinevere. That's why I've been put on this earth; to be with her. To make her happy. To be made happy by her. Now I can't do that.
I close the browser and look at the clock. Nearly time for our meeting with Ryans. If I leave now I'll be a little early since Merlin doesn't come in til 9. But I don't have anything to do here either. I'm not looking at any other pictures of Guinevere and... him. No way. I'd rather just stand outside Merlin's office for half an hour doing nothing than do that again.
I brush my teeth again quickly and drive to the firm. The receptionist's there already and she tells me to go to the waiting room. I walk into the big white room and pick up a magazine. Boring. About some guy who split his head open in a cricket tournament. Just what I'd like to read right now in my depressed state.
10 minutes later the door opens and Merlin walks in with Miss Ryans and Guinevere. Wait. Guinevere? Why's she here? She doesn't normally come to these meetings. "Arthur, come on." Merlin says and I obediently follow him into the office.
We sit down on one side of the table and Guinevere and Miss Ryans sit on the other side, opposite us. "What's happening?" I hiss to Merlin, who just ignores me.
"Mr Emrys. Mr Pendragon. It's nice to meet you again." Miss Ryans stands up and shakes both of our hands, her face emotionless. It's sure nice to meet you too, lady.
"You too, Miss Ryans. Miss Leodegrance." Merlin says and shakes Guinevere's hand.
"Now. I'm sure you're wondering why Miss Leodegrance is here with us today, Mr Pendragon." she says. It's not really a question though, more like a statement.
"Yes." I say quietly.
"Well, I'll come straight to the point. Mr Emrys and I have decided on a solution but this cannot be heard by you." she pauses and her eyes bore into me. "So today we are going to go in a separate room and discuss it, and you and Miss Leodegrance are going to stay in here and discuss our problem yourselves." she says and abruptly stands up and leaves, with Merlin trailing after her half-heartedly, leaving me and Guinevere alone.
There's an awkward silence as we both try to think of what to say. "Umm..." I start and twiddle my thumbs under desk, waiting for her to toss me a question or something.
"So. Arthur." Guinevere clears her voice and finally speaks. "How have you been?"
"Fine. You?" I ask.
"I'm good too. My memory isn't really improving but I'm getting more used to life now."
"That's good. How's Lancelot?" His name comes out like a swearword, all bitter and grimy in my mouth. She notices but doesn't comment.
"He's fine. He's being really supportive." Oh, I bet he is. I bet he is.
"Have you thought about... you know, us?" I ask cautiously.
"Yes," My hopes rise slightly then deflate again. "But I still don't understand why I got back with you after..." she trails off and looks down.
"That was ages ago, Guinevere." I say.
"It doesn't feel like that to me! It just feels like a couple of months ago!"
"I'm sorry about that, Guin-"
"You're not sorry about it at all!" I forgot how hot-tempered Guinevere was. All you needed to do was annoy her a little and she'd go off on a huff.
"Yes I am." I say patiently.
"You don't care about anyone in this world, Arthur Pendragon! Just your money and your old stupid life!"
Anger starts to rise but I press it down. She doesn't remember, she doesn't remember, she doesn't remember. "I used to, but now I care about you."
"No you don't! You never did care for me, not one bit!" she yells, her face reddening.
"I loved you, and I still do, Guinevere." I feel myself going red as I struggle to keep control of myself.
"How? I don't love you and love isn't a one way thing, you know, as much as you might think it is!"
"Exactly! It wasn't a one way thing- you loved me, I don't know how much, but you did!" Anger's biting away at my conscience in chunks now, not giving me a chance.
"Why did you ever love me and why did I ever love you?" she yells and stands up, her knuckles white as they grip the edge of the table with a death grip.
All this frustration finally knocks me over and I lose everything. "I don't know, Guinevere, okay? I don't know why I even started dating you again or why I fell in love with you in the first place! It's crazy! How could anyone fall in love with someone like you? You're not stunningly beautiful or the cleverest person on earth and your mood swings are so bad no one in their right mind would date you for more than a week! But you know something? I can't control my feelings or who I fall in love with! Neither can you, you know that, and it doesn't matter if you forgot about our love because the important thing was that it was there. I loved you and you loved me, and we were happy. We were more than happy, we were ecstatic! I know you don't believe it, but then again, why should you? I did the most vile thing, I know, but that was a mistake and everyone makes mistakes. But you have to know that that meant nothing to me. Nothing. What matters to me is you, and if you would give me a third chance, it would mean everything to me." I sit back down slowly and look up at her. "Everything."
She looks down at me, her eyes flickering as she tries to take in my words. She sits back down and slumps back in her chair. "Arthur, I know I probably did care for you. I don't know how much but I probably did." she sighs. "But I told you this last time, you have to understand that I don't remember any of those feelings anymore! I don't love you and I don't know if I'll ever be able to. I don't know if I have the capacity in my heart to love you in the way you love me."
"Give me a chance." I beg and she looks back into my eyes, her eyes filled with emotion. Emotion, but the wrong kind. Not the kind that a woman gives her lover. Just in an understanding way. As if she knows how much I love her and is touched by this, but can't return it.
"I'm sorry." she whispers and walks to the door.
"Do not leave Miss Leodegrance." Miss Ryans suddenly marches through the door catching both of us by surprise and drags Guinevere back to her seat. Merlin follows behind, his face solemn.
"What's happening?" I whisper to Merlin. He ignores me and turns to Miss Ryans.
"Please tell them about our decision Miss Ryans." he says and she nods.
"We have listened in on your entire conversation and this time we have decided to take Mr Pendragon's side." My side? What does that mean?
"We understand this is not how law normally works and we're not supposed to intervene in your private lives." Merlin says. "But we have decided something this time which affects your private lives and what we think would help this case move along a little."
"What is your decision?" Guinevere asks quietly.
"There are 10 weeks left until the end of this year. We will not have any meetings until the end of the year. Instead we will give you both free time to spend together to reconcile with each other, understand each other, fall in love and so on." Ryans explains.
"But how will you know by the end of the 10 weeks that we're together?" I ask.
She glares at me and purses her lips. "I was just coming to that bit Mr Pendragon. By the end of the 10 weeks both myself and Mr Emrys will ask Miss Leodegrance about this matter and the continuing of the case will depend on that." What? What's that supposed to mean?
Guinevere obviously understands though because she looks pretty thoughtful. "So you're saying that if I fall in love with Arthur by that time and admit to doing so Mr Emrys will win the case and I'll be with Arthur but if not you'll win and I'll stay with Lancelot?"
"Yes, Gwen, that's the jest of it." Merlin says, smiling at her.
So that's it. That's my mission. I have to get Guinevere to fall in love with me again within 10 weeks.
Well, I've done it once, it can't be that hard to do it again.
Can it?