I Wish Sometimes That Could Be Me
Chapter Three:
Dawn held the necklace up the light as she sat at her desk trying to do her homework. She had convinced Buffy she wasn't hungry and she didn't have a lot of homework to do. Food would only distract her and then she wouldn't wanna study for her tests. She just had to pass; she couldn't stand to take summer school with the same people who made fun of her all year. As she twirled the pen in one hand, the necklace in the other she thought about Spike. Not in the typical way where she had romantic daydreams but just how cool he was and such a great friend. That he gave her this awesome necklace, she knew it meant nothing to him, and it didn't mean much giving it to her but he saw she liked it and then it was just her necklace.
Dawn pulled her hair back and put the necklace on; making sure the small old style pendant was in the right place. She smiled down at it and started to write again for her English class, how much she liked the Autumn season.
"Dawnie?" Willow knocked quietly on the door and tip toed in. "Am I bothering you?"
"Hey Will, no. I was just trying get some homework done, save myself from summer school. "
"Oh, heh….I know that feeling."
When Dawn gave her a confused look Willow laughed.
"Oh well, NOT ME. You know….Buffy and Xander, it was always a challenge." She chuckled and put her finger over her lips, saying "Shh, just between us."
"Oh no worries, I figured, Buffy's not smart." Dawn smiled and closed her English books.
Willow sighed and swallowed choosing not to answer that question. "Anyway Buffy is out to patrol and I was suppose to watch you but I'm not feeling very well at all sweetie. So I just kind of wanna go to sleep. Will you be alright up alone?"
"Oh sure. Food is available, homework to do and TV if I get bored. I'll be fine."
Willow smiled and was ready to leave when she noticed Dawn's necklace. It looked familiar, the pednant at least. "Nice necklace Dawn, it's very pretty, where'd you get it?"
"Oh Spike said he found it and he didn't want it so he let me have it."
"Did you steal it?"
"He said he found it while patrolling…I don't know."
"Well I wouldn't assume so, it looks old. Antique. It's nice." Willow gave Dawn a half smile obviously feeling a wave of uneasy from her stomach pains.
"Thanks." Dawn touched the necklace as she turned back in her chair for a second to look at the time. "Is Tara home?"
"No, she went to a school meeting of some kind. Then she was gonna go patrolling with Xander and Anya."
"Oh okay cool. Well you should go rest, I'll be okay alone." Willow nodded and turned to leave when Dawn cleared her throat. "You're still pretty when you're sick."
Willow looked over her shoulder. "What?"
"I was just thinking about you, Tara, and Anya. See I'm writing this thing about my favorite things about autumn and I'm talking about how pretty you all look in the fall. You all dress so cool. And I hope to be like that one day." Dawn sighed feeling stupid trying to bond with Willow, though she considered her a sister of sorts she knew she was Buffy's friend above all else.
Willow gave her such a warm smile and her eyes watered. She was feeling sick and moody and Dawn just threw it over the top. "Aw sweetie, thank you. You are beautiful as you are, and will continue to be. Good night." Willow closed her down quietly and tip toed across the room to the bed. She thought having Willow and Tara right next to her room would be hard, as they were a couple and did couple things together but they were surprising quiet. She appreciated that.
Dawn walked over to the stand alone mirror in the corner of her room and looked at her reflection. "I guess I'm not bad looking for a 16 year old, but I'm not Willow pretty. I'm not big boobed ho all over Spike pretty." She touched her hair and was ready to move from the mirror when her reflection wavered. At first her hair got shorter, more fuller and more curl, her face was changing to then the rest of her body, she got taller…fuller…everywhere, then it changed. Instantly she was Willow. She gasped then covered her mouth to muffle the sound. She stared wide eyed at herself, er Willow.
"Oh my god, is it…me?" She touched the mirror then Willow's shoulder. No, Dawn still felt like herself. This wasn't making any sense at all. Everything had changed, even her clothing, she touched her neck and the necklace was gone. She looked around and then rushed to the doors. She made sure the adjoining door then the door to the hall was locked. She went back to the mirror and started touching her hair, Willow's hair. It was so soft, so vibrant. Her voice was even Willow's. "What is happening here? This is way too weird"
There was a soft knock at the adjoining door and Willow's voice followed. "Dawnie? You okay, I thought I heard something? There are no demons in there are there?"
Dawn stared at the door in shock.
"Dawn?" Willow's voice was more urgent. "I was just kidding. Dawn?"
"Oh! Oh! Willow…" Dawn covered her mouth and realized she sounded just like Willow.
"Dawn, what is it? Can I come in?" She heard Willow's hand on the handle.
Dawn launched for her table and stuffed chips in her mouth. "No! I'm fine. Had my headphones in and I have a mouth full of junk food. I'm fine. Go to bed."
"You sure?"
"Yes, I'm fine. Good night!"
"Okay….don't talk so loud with your mouth full, don't want you choking sweetie. Second thought, don't talk at all with your mouth full."
"Noted." Dawn waited and heard Willow walk back across the room. She let out a big sigh and chewed up the chips in her mouth. When she turned back to the mirror she was her dorky teenage self with chip crumbs all over her chest. "Great. How attractive am I now." She walked back to the mirror and touched her face. "Can't say I'm happy about this, being me." She sighed and touched the necklace which reappeared. She was considering taking it off thinking it may have something to do with the sudden….changes, but Spike gave it to her and she just couldn't part with it. She dropped her head and sighed, thinking she must be going crazy. Her mind began contemplating everything that had happened in the last couple of weeks and thought it couldn't get any worse. Now what, she was turning into other people…out of what, magic she was doing, someone else? Was this being the key, her magic powers? God, the things she could do if that was true.
She sat down trying to focus back on her homework but she just couldn't bring herself to open her books up. Something just couldn't leave her mind. She had been thinking about that woman Spike seemed to really like from the Bronze, and she started turning into her when all of a sudden she was Willow. If she focused on that woman, could she turn into her? Could she then go and talk to Spike, make him look at her as if she was that important, that tasty?
Dawn stood and faced the mirror, she consumed her mind with thoughts of that woman, the interactions between her and Spike, and when she got in front of the mirror, there she was...that ho. She made a dirty face at the outfit, the same one as that night. Her breasts hanging out, huge and so unusual to Dawn. This was all wrong. She couldn't carry herself like this, regardless if she felt it was for a good cause. Dawn giggled at that thought. "A good cause, making Spike give me sexy eyes." She then sobered up in her laughter and narrowed her brown eyes at the person in the mirror. "I don't like you very much." Sure she was jealous of her, how womanly she was, how mature she was, but Dawn hated looking like that, a piece of meat. She refused to turn into Buffy, Spike would for sure make those eyes and more at her but she would feel icky inside after, and more jealous of Buffy. Their relationship was already fragmented enough, and even though she knew all the scoobies and Buffy figured she wasn't smart enough to come to that conclusion let alone try to prevent it from getting worse…fact was, she did realize and she would prevent it. Good Dawn, point for her. She smiled smugly at herself and then she remembered the other woman. She had red hair like Willow, though darker and fuller, longer too.
As Dawn imagined the woman from head to toe, she transformed. She smiled sweetly at her reflection, trying to imitate the woman's confidence and demeanor. "You are such a gentleman, ha-ha..." She laughed airily as she flipped back her hair. She ran her hands down the unfamiliar skirt then back up, fingering the pearl colored silk top that hung close to her full yet petite breasts, she let her fingers rest over the oversized lapels of her long dressy trench coat. She looked so womanly, Dawn felt beautiful. When she had seen Spike talking to her, she didn't think the woman was unattractive, she was merely jealous. This would have to do; she didn't have a template for any other woman Spike had talked to, besides Drusilla, and that was a huge no.
Dawn leaned in close to the mirror and examined the makeup. Golden eye shadow made her huge green eyes stand out. This woman was a knock out and Spike was sure to remember her. Smiling to herself she quickly made her way to the door to the hall. She oafed as the eggplant colored stilettos she was wearing sunk into the squishy carpet. She stifled a laugh as she made it to door and unlocked it. Peeking out she found no one roaming, not a sound besides herself, so she booked it down the stairs and out the back door.
Dawn walked her way clear to the Bronze and after a quick couple look a rounds she couldn't him there. The bartender said he hadn't seen his regular bleach blonde beer drinker all night. Dawn started to feel depressed when she remembered it was Wednesday night and Spike always picked up his blood then when to that chic dark little bar down the street from the Magic Box. The bar tender made moon eyes at her as she absently sat there thinking about the quickest way to get there. When she noticed she blushed and ran out the door, growling ass the stilettos dung into her heels. "My god, these are horrible." She loved heels as much as the next person but in combination with the super tight and not very forgiving pencil skirt the heels were torture.
She slipped through the cloudy front door, the soft sounds of blues music floating around her head. The smoke was minimal, but it was still there. The strong smell of liquor drinks and perfumes danced around her nose as she scanned the bar. It was classier than Dawn would have guessed Spike would flock to, but it was near his blood, and he liked his liquor, so she doubted he could pass up a drink or two. Sure enough there he was through the small crowd standing about on the floor; he was lounging in the back, at a booth alone. Four drinks already emptied and turned over. The waitress put down a mug of beer and another shot, taking a $50 from the sticky table top she retreated the bar, afraid of the mood of the brooding man. "Okay Dawn…show time."
Spike watched the young people, which are what they were to him, interact with one another. The pushy men touching the flirty girls. That would say they want it then regret it all in the morning. He was overly depressed. Buffy had caught him earlier that evening and told him once again to watch his step around her, wave the stake, stare, wave the stake, and stalk away. He was so tired of her games. He eyes followed the waitress, a pretty little blonde that reminded him a little of Buffy.
"Would you like anything? You're welcome to seat anywhere." The waitress smiled at Dawn. Dawn's eyes widened, she remembered she wasn't looking like herself. "Oh…Well…what do you have that's good, fruity!"
The waitress looked Dawn over, knowing she was of age but something was off. "Um we can make anything you want hun." The waitress started to be impatient.
Dawn tore through her memory trying to think of something one of the scoobies would order at the Bronze. "Um, can I get an Appletini please, and deliver it over at that table, next to the leather clad fellow?" Dawn tried sounded confident, knowing it was wavering.
"Sure hun." The waitress smiled and rushed past, happy to leave the weird woman alone.
Dawn walked along the edge of the intimate two person tables until she got to the back wall and sat in the next booth over from Spike, enough he could see her profile.
Spike's eyes had shifted to the red head talking to the waitress, she looked familiar, as drunk as he was getting his memory was going. And then it clicked, they had bumped into each other; he had turned her down needing to take care of Dawn. No Dawn now. Yet he felt like she was near, he could smell lilac, which was a Summer's girl trademark. He chalked it up to longing of his friend, he needed that little bit to cheer him up. He needed soap operas and her laughing at the screen.
He watched as the waitress brought her, her girlie drink and the woman look uneasy the glass. He watched her movements as she lifted the glass and took a tiny sip.
Dawn's eyes widened at the taste, it was strong. She had beer before but this was different. This was nice, it tasted just like apples. This was fantastic alone, let alone she knew Spike was looking at her.
Spike smiled at the small sound she made tasting it. It surprised him; she seemed the time to drink many martinis, but apparently not. He finished his beer and picked up the shot, he brought it over with him to the woman's table. " 'Ello beautiful. Been dropping boxes of clothing on unsuspecting guys lately?"
Dawn looked up over the rim of her glass and lowered it. She couldn't believe this was working, she hoped the disguise would hold, or whatever this thing was that was happening. She crossed her legs and leaned towards him, the swell of her breasts peeking over the edge of the silk of her top. She beamed at Spike. "Not anyone particular. I like to choose my victims carefully." Spike would love her saying that. And he did. He gave that eyebrow lift and that heavy look of need filled his eyes.
"I consider myself lucky then."
Dawn ran her hand along her neck, she was feeling overwhelming hot all of a sudden, her heart sped up, she felt like she was floating. She reached forward and touched his arm. "So where's your little girlfriend?"
"No girlfriend for me."
"The girl…." Dawn flipped her long red hair over her shoulder and batted her done up eyes at him.
Spike shifted in his seat, watching her movements, he could feel her lust, desire for him. It was intoxicating to him, so long since he's had anyone. "A friend was walking her home safely. Lots of bad people out these days."
"How sweet of you." She pouted her lips, this seductress role coming easier and easier to Dawn as she let her emotions follow her.
Spike shrugged, realizing the last thing he wanted to talk about was Dawn. He licked the edge of his glass, feeling the sting of the liquor on his tongue. He gave the woman a lingering look before downing the shot.
Dawn gripped the edge of the seat with one hand as she finished off her small drink. The waitress came rushing over and looked at his questioningly. "Anything else?"
"Not for me." Dawn blurted out, feeling tingly from the liquor already. God she was such a light weight.
"That will be 5 dollars then." She bluntly responded.
Dawn sighed and felt around, sure she got the clothes and both and voice but not her damn purse. "Oh god…" She mumbled.
Spike held out a $10 and shooed the girl away. "Don't worry about it, love."
Dawn blushed, the way e said love was totally different that how he usually talks to her, this was deep and it caressed her body. Her very womanly ready body, Dawn noticed. "Thanks, kind sir." She winked and leaned back in the booth, exposing her neck and chest to him.
Spike took in the eye full and smiled slowly at her, his tongue travelling over his teeth onto his upper lip. "My name is Spike. What's yours?"
"D…..Danna." Dawn ran her hand back through her hair. He was getting more and more intense, it was doing things to herself, and she felt like this could get out of control. She wanted him to look at her with fiery desire and he was, but she wasn't sure she wanted more. That was dangerous territory.
"Walk with me outside?" He whispered across the table, his fingers just brushing the tips of hers.
"Sure." Dawn airily replied, got how he affected her. If Buffy knew what she was doing, Dawn would be locked inside her room, door bolted and windows nailed shut for decades.
Spike got up, sweeping his duster out from under him; it floated down around his tight and manly body. Dawn scooted out from the booth table and stood, feeling the heels being easier on her feet now that she got to sit for a while.
She chuckled as he led her out the door, his hand resting at the small of her back.
Spike sniffed the air, the smell of lilac so strong, but it had that special something of familiarity. But he couldn't pin point it. Maybe this woman was the source, but there was a strong smell of vanilla covering her as well. Regardless she was beautiful and interested, the way she walked, looked at him, like he was a piece of candy she longed for. How Spike missed that look. He got it a lot from loose girls and countless others but it was all surface based, they wanted his body. This woman looked like she wanted to devour the whole thing. He couldn't help but think, if she knew the real him she would be disgusted.
Dawn started walking down the street away from the Bronze, hands clasped in front of her, she swayed, and pushing her hips from side to side like the woman had.
Spike eyed her backside, following her movements, but felt her unease. "Beautiful night…"
"It is, I love the night. Counting stars….I don't get to do it much these days…what with work and all."
"I get to do nothing but look at the stars, I love the night too. But sometimes I long for the day, to stare into the sun."
"Ah night job then." Dawn looked sideways at him then quickly looked at the sidewalk.
"Kind of." He went silent wondering what this broad was thinking. She had wanted him hadn't see. He wanted to feel her for sure. Yet she was being shy and bashful. He looked her up and down; her clothes were of wealth and power. He rolled his eyes. Great, he thought, a rich gal looking to play with the bad boy type, then go home and feel better about herself. He was about ready to shove off and tell her good night. His mood suddenly diving with overwhelming thoughts of Buffy and his miserable life, when she turned to him, eyes so full of wonder.
"Since that night….I've thought of you."
Spike stopped and looked at her, her eyes so full of desire, wonder, admiration, familiarity. It disturbed Spike, he was thinking he knew from the past somewhere sometime he couldn't quite pin point but he was sure he would remember someone like her. And regardless she was totally human. He bit his bottom lip and tilted his head slightly, measuring this gal up. "Is that so, pet?"
Dawn closed her eyes and swallowed her tongue, she had to control her breathing, she had to do this and run away. This was getting to be too much. She thought she would be able to handle this, more maybe but just being around him, so willing and ready for anything he would do and knowing he wanted to with this woman, she was suddenly the prude that Becca was. But Janice's voice was ringing loudly in her ears, she was sure Spike could hear her saying, Just kiss him already, it's not like you'll ever have your chance again, don't be a baby.
"It is…" She ran her hand down the lapels of his leather coat. Feeling the rough yet supple material caress her milky skin. Dawn felt her legs begin to tremble. "God, I'm ridiculous." She mumbled as she lifted her eyes to his. Spike smirked and leaned in, his fingertips sliding over her neck and moving the hair back from her neck. He placed a small kiss on her collar bone.
"Not so much, love. Just tipsy." His chuckle breathed an unneeded chilled breath across her skin. She arched into it, resting her hands against his back. Her right hand working its way up to his neck, she teased his blonde curls loving his touch, being so close to Spike in this way.
Spike kissed farther up her neck, licked her earlobe just slightly. The smell of her strong in his nose, the vanilla sliding down his throat, but disappearing as the spice and lilac filled his nose, his vision, his memory. His grip on her arms tightened and a small sound escaped his throat. Dawn mistook it for pleasure as she leaned into him, still the chanting in her head, to just kiss him and leave! Spike pulled away, eyes narrowed starring at her so hard. He could smell her, all over this woman, inside this woman, the vanilla wasn't there, wasn't real. But he could smell it.
Dawn opened her eyes and found Spike watching her curiosity filling his eyes. He looked like he wanted to say something but nothing would come out. She shifted her arms finding the pressure he was squeezing her arms under a bit much. He let her go and took a step back. "Sorry, Danna."
Dawn blinked, forgetting she was this Danna woman. She frowned and then gave him a small smile. "Don't be."
"Something is wrong here…I don't know…if it's me or you." He titled his head, eyes getting more dangerous, through the alcohol his mind was building up his suspicions.
Dawn could see this, felt it, this was turning into a very bad idea right now. She looked at the floor. "I'll leave, I just …." She leaned in and grasped his arms, she kissed him fully, and passionately…something she didn't know she had in her. She ran her hand down his face, feeling the chiseled skill that took place in his creation. She wished this could be real, that she down be Dawn and he could know and want this. But his sister was in his heart, she would settle for this. She would hold this memory forever.
Spike growled and pulled away, giving Dawn a small shove, nothing to hurt her but just a warning to step back. His eyes narrowed and clenched his jaw.
Dawn whispered, "I'm sorry." And she started off down the street. She looked over her shoulder and saw Spike standing there breathing heavy, looking after her, scrutinizing her movements, her colors, her body. Dawn didn't like it at all. She slipped the heels off and took off running as fast as she could towards home.