"No no no, don't get up, luv. I'll do it. No, really, go back to sleep and let ol' Wheatley take care of Junior. Go back to sleep nnnnnnnow. Right now." Chell let her eyes close once more and allowed Wheatley to take care of the crying baby. She really hoped she wouldn't regret this.
Wheatley entered baby Michael's room. They decorated it like a beach complete with treasure toy chest and a crib shaped like a little pirate ship. The crib had been a present from one of the neighbors. They lived in a very tight-knit community and everyone was helpful to everyone else. They absolutely adored Michael. Another family up the street would sometimes come over for play dates. Michael was growing big and strong like a healthy baby should. Wheatley could hardly believe he was already four months old. It seemed like only yesterday that he found out Chell was pregnant, now Michael was here, waking them up every night with his crying. Wheatley picked the fussy baby up and held him like Chell taught him to.
"What's wrong, hm? Are you hungry? Thirsty? Had a bad dream? Now, what was the routine your mum said? Ah! Check your nappy first. I - um... I'd rather not. I- I'm sorry about this, but seeing as you can't tell me what's wrong, I have to do this." He peeked into the back of Michael's diaper and gagged at the smell coming from it. "Oh gross! You- you've gotten it all over your bum and ... ARGH! Really, Michael? Alright, fine. Here you go." He set the baby down on the changing table. "Ok... alright... changing nappy... now." He opened the diaper and was disgusted at the mess. It smelled worse without the diaper on. Wheatley grabbed a wipey and started to wipe off the poo from the baby's bum. He just got a fresh diaper under him when Wheatley had to dodge a stream of liquid.
"Hey, now! That was uncalled for!" Wheatley blocked the pee with the diaper. "Now you've gone and soiled two nappies! Are- are you done now?" He lowered the diaper and had to dodge the stream again. "Nope. Not done." He waited another minute. "Your mum says in a few years you'll learn to talk. Personally, I don't know why you have to wait so long to talk. Obviously your vocal box thing is working just fine." Wheatley replaced the wet diaper with another dry one and sprinkled baby powder on so he didn't get a rash. "I mean, how hard is it to talk? Come on, say 'apple'." A small cloud of baby powder puffed out Michael's bum. Michael smiled. "Not with that end! No! The top end, I know you can say it. Apple! Aaaaaappllllle. No? That's okay. Your mum took a while before she talked to me. Maybe it'll take longer with you. Just know I love you anyway."
Michael was placed back in his crib, but only stared up at his father with his curious gray eyes. Somewhere along the lines he had stopped crying and now was aware of everything. Baby and father stared at each other for a bit before Michael started to get that fussy face again.
"No no no no no!" He picked up his son and sat in a rocking chair. "Don't cry. No more crying. How about a story? Yeah? Okay. Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who had to take sweets to their granny's house... no, that's not how it goes. Um, There was once a personality core... yeah! who roamed along his management rail. Then, one day, he met a tiny human. He helped the tiny human escape, but they became trapped by the evil GLaDOS monster! The monster separated them and forced the tiny human to do dangerous tests! But the brave, handsome personality core found the human and rescued her! The human was so happy that she took the core home and they lived happily ever after. The End. How was that?" Michael yawned and looked like he'd fall asleep any moment.
"Would a song put you to sleep? I don't know many songs... but I do know this one. Ahem...
Rock-a-bye baby, on the treetop
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock
When the bough breaks the cradle will fall
And down will come baby... no that's- that's quite terrifying for a baby, innit? Falling out of a tree... Why would anyone sing that to a child? That's ... that's madness! Hmmm... what other songs do I know? Oh! I know.
"Hush little human, don't say a word
Daddy's gonna buy you a mocking bird... argh! No! Why would anyone want a bird, much less one that mocks you? Is this a human thing? Scaring your children into sleeping? 'Cause that's a bit harsh, don't you think? I don't know about you, but if I'm scared - which I never am, by the way; very brave your ol' dad is - but if I was, I wouldn't want to sleep. I don't think I'll ever understand humans. Hopefully you'll have a better time with it..." Wheatley looked down at his son, who was sound asleep. He smiled. "I did it." he whispered to himself. "I put him to sleep all by myself." He stood up and delicately placed Michael back in his crib. Michael stirred a bit, but otherwise stayed sleeping.
Wheatley yawned and realized how tired he was. It was still pretty early in the morning, so he went back to his bed. Chell felt the movement on the bed and opened one eye. She saw Wheatley laying there, already snoring. She cuddled closer to him and fell back to sleep herself.