Disclaimer: Lost Girl belongs to Showcase or SYFY and I am only playing in their universe.
A/N: Thanks so much for the comments…. I will just have to wait to see what you think… I'm nervous again. Some triggery stuff, nightmares, abuse, a little use of restraint.
Lauren stood at the gate and watched as her friends drove away. Turning she eyed the small metal entry with unease. She felt her heart begin to race as she turned the key in the lock and stepped inside. Lauren knew that this was a hidden place set aside to exist on its own. She had lived in the city for many years and would have at some time stopped by the botanical garden, even one as small as this, if she had known it was there. She took a step forward and there it was the telltale feel of fae.
The shimmer of the spell danced along Lauren's skin as she walked through the gate. She had experienced so many of these types of illusion spells recently that the reality that appeared before her was half way expected. It was an expanse of untouched nature in the middle of a sprawling city. Instead of manicured plots and informational signs, there was a wild flowing mass of plants, flowers, and trees of all types. Simple beauty filled every inch of this secreted space.
Lauren's scientific eye caught sight of several species that never would normally survive the climate in this region, but she knew Hilde had a liking for them and it was her place after all. Reaching down and picked a daisy near the walkway, Lauren followed the path made of well-worn rock to a small house. It was plain and charming at the same time. There were grape vines crawling along the side of the cabin-like structure and masses of delicate flowers out front. It would be a place Hilde or she could call home.
There was a note on the door and she pulled it off to read, "Left food in the icebox and soup on the fire. Chokecherry wine is on the counter. Bo is in the bedroom. Be cautious as she is in and out of dreams, good and bad it would seem. Danger is only found in the house. Outside area is very secure, focus on healing - you and her. H" There was an addition below Hilde's note, "Hotpants, we're all good. No worries – Superdruid is on it. Fix our Bo Bo Catwoman. Meow!" Lauren let out a small laugh. When did it get so normal for everyone to know that she was going to have sex, and to be encouraging her to do it?
She raised the latch and entered. The walls of the place were made of the same stone that lined the walk. The floors were large sections of slate set right on the dirt. She touched the floor and power flared between the large pieces of smooth stone. She sent a pulse into the earth and was hit with a warm welcome. This was a happy, happy little piece of land. The furniture was rustic and well-worn in. The small kitchen held a simple stove with a cast iron pot full of simmering goodness. She bypassed the old time refrigerator and grabbed a metal cup from the cupboard and poured a glass of wine. The taste hit the back of her throat and as she swallowed she felt herself relax just a bit. Taking a deep breath Lauren walked to the bedroom door. Pausing for mere seconds, "Did she knock? Did she look okay? When was the last time she brushed her teeth? Did Bo even want her?" A thousand questions shot through her mind as she pushed the door open.
Looking at the woman lying on the bed crying in her sleep ended the questioning and broke the doctor's heart at the same time. The tears began to flow down Lauren's face as she froze in place. Pulling herself together she said quietly, "I'm here Bo."
"I will find you, Lauren Lewis, I swear it." The dream was the same. Bo was running thought Taft's compound. "Lauren!" she cried, "Kenzi!" she yelled, "Trick!" she pleaded for any response. Dyson and Tamsin were safe, she knew that. Her mother was being cared for but injured. The most important people in her life were missing. Try as she might Bo could not find them. Running into room after room, over and over again, but they were never there. There was the door at the end of the hall. She ran at it knowing what was coming. Tears were flowing down her face and she knew she should stop but her legs kept moving. She grabbed the door and threw it open. "You're mine!" screamed the Wanderer as he grabbed her and pulled her away. Bo jumped and woke with a scream.
"Bo Bo, it's okay, Bo Bo it's me Kenzi." a familiar voice called in the darkness then there was a bright light as a door flew open and arms grabbed her. Bo screamed and slapped away the hands, her breathing was too rapid. She couldn't catch her breath, it was like drowning. There was a strange power filled voice, "Get back child, she doesn't know you." Bo's felt her succubus nature rise. No one would hurt her again. The powerful voice sounded, "Easy child, back to sleep with you." A hand grabbed her and she fell back into blackness.
"I will find you, Lauren Lewis, I swear it." Bo recognized this as a memory. She was wearing a plain cotton dress. The man who claimed to be her father was talking to her as she sat unmoving on a hard wooden chair. The audible words masking the cruel echo meant for her ears only. "Monster…Beast… Unworthy…Unloved..." the list of hurtful words pounded away at her psyche, "I will find you, Lauren Lewis, I swear it." The words of purpose rang deep within Bo. "I will find you, Lauren Lewis, I swear it." She had made a promise to herself to find the woman she loved. "I will find you, Lauren Lewis, I swear it." The doctor cared for her no matter what she had said. Bo would find her and remind her of that. "I will find you, Lauren Lewis, I swear it." There was a harsh slap to her face and the man's mutterings about wiping that smile off her face registered then faded. "I will find you, Lauren Lewis, I swear it." Tears ran down her face as she used the thought to armor her heart against the ruthlessness to come. As the memory faded Bo thought she heard, "I'm here Bo." Right before she fell back into nothingness
Bo opened her eyes slowly. It was bright in the room and she blinked at the sunlight streaming through a large window. She didn't move because it was much better if no one knew she was awake. This gave her time to prepare herself for whatever the Wanderer could throw at her. There was some confusion at first, this was not her room in her so called father's estate and it took a moment for her memories of the evening's events to catch up with her.
There was a sound to the side of the bed and Bo held her breath as she rolled over. Heaven was bundled up in a chair next to the bed. Long blonde hair fell around a peaceful face. The body that had held her tight on the dance floor and pressed into her with all that delicious heat was wrapped in fluffy flannel PJs. Bo let out a strangled little laugh because the woman had never, ever looked more beautiful.
Lauren felt something on her face and she waved her hand to clear it away. There it was again, she waved her hand once more. It happened a third time and she snorted awake in irritation. "Oh very nice," said a tender voice with a hint of humor in the tone. Lauren's eyes snapped open to take in deep brown orbs with long lashes staring back. "Good morning Doc." said Bo sitting on the edge of the bed holding a daisy in her hand. She took the flower and let it drift down Lauren's face from forehead to chin. "I really missed you." she said with a broken voice and then leaned in and kissed Lauren lips softly. Reaching out carefully she placed a hand on Lauren's arm and pulled in a ragged breath as if the touch had solidified the woman's presence. Bo moved forward and Lauren pulled her on to her lap and into a tight embrace. The two women were satisfied to just hold one another for a long time.
Bo had fallen asleep in Lauren's arms and she had gingerly put her back to bed. Cursing herself for falling asleep while watching Bo, Lauren didn't want to think about what could have happened if the succubus would have run off. Needing to eat, she had soup and several pieces of cold chicken from the icebox. Lauren stayed in the soft night clothes and fought her want to go into the bedroom with Bo. She told herself that Bo looked tired and that sleep would help, but she knew that drawn look was beyond what a small nap could cure. Sleep was a means to an end for now, Lauren did keep the door open and checked often to make sure the nightmares had not returned.
There were no books at all in the place. Lauren would have to speak to Hilde about that. She refused to go outside to the garden and leave Bo alone in the house. There was an old radio on a shelf and Lauren gave it a try. It worked and Lauren found that only a couple of stations would tune in. Avoiding the hard rock more suited to Kenzi and a talk radio station she sighed when she found an old school R&B station and smooth sounds drifted around the room. Looking out the window, she smiled as a familiar song came on. Lauren started to move with the music and thoughts of the prior evening played though her mind. Holding Bo in her arms had felt so good, she smiled at the thought.
As a human Lauren would never have heard Bo's approach, but things were different now. She didn't turn instead waited until she felt hands on her hips. A quick intake of breath sounded in her ear as she felt arms move around to pull her tight into a curvy figure. They swayed to the music and enjoyed the feel of their bodies touching. Lauren moved to turn around but was held in place. "Are we safe here?" asked Bo. In the past Bo would have never uttered such a statement, but things were different now. Lauren could only nod as her voice was temporarily lost as her brain focused entirely on the hand that had moved under her thick flannel top. Bo relaxed her hold just a little as slowly she started to move up the buttons. Lauren felt herself become more and more exposed. When the top button fell open, Bo pulled Lauren's top down to catch on the doctor's elbows.
It was second nature for Lauren to cover herself and she raised her arms to place them over her breasts. "Don't," whispered Bo and Lauren slowly lowered her arms as she felt kisses moving along her shoulders and towards her neck. Bo's hands drifted up from Lauren's waist touching and exploring the soft skin of the doctor's body until her hands felt the swell of Lauren's breasts. With a strong push the doctor was spun around to press her body into Bo. Lauren leaned in to receive the kiss she expected and when nothing happened she opened her eyes and found herself looking into a face full of fear.
"I am so sorry." said Bo as she released Lauren and quickly stepped back. She had paled and looked panicked. Lauren was a bit taken back but it something she knew was coming. The moment they had been sharing was promising but the look of fear told Lauren that Bo was afraid of losing control if they went any farther. They had been through this before when they first met. The tentative gestures followed by rapid retreats. It had been all about Bo's fear of hurting Lauren. Closing her eyes, the doctor willed her libido back to first gear from overdrive.
Seeing Lauren close her eyes and watching the aura of the woman dim, Bo became frightened. "Oh god," whispered Bo with a tone thick with failure. "I've hurt you. I can see it. I am a terrible person. It's me, not you." She was holding her hands up, half reaching out but still holding back, a gesture that mirrored the confusion in the woman's mind.
Lauren shouldn't have done it but she started to laugh. There was a hurt that swam over Bo's face and Lauren shook her head at her stupidity, "Bo, no, stop." The succubus was moving towards the door fast. "BO, I AM HERE AND I NEED YOU!" Lauren yelled it and that got the woman's attention so abruptly she spun around on the spot. The doctor would never know that she had picked the only words that would have stopped Bo from running and never turning back.
Lauren said carefully, "I'm sorry I laughed, the 'It's me, not you' line was a bit much. Come here." She moved to Bo more than a little afraid the succubus would make another move towards the door. Reaching out quickly she grabbed a hold of Bo's arm and gave it a gentle pull back towards the middle of the house. The succubus flinched with the contact and glanced at the hand on her arm. Lauren wished she had the Wanderer here so she could rip his chest open and stomp on his heart. Quickly releasing Bo's arm Lauren said, "I shouldn't have grabbed you. I'm sorry."
"Yeah well, I'm kinda damaged good now aren't I." said Bo sounding much more herself. Still in pain but much more on the sarcastic side. The brooding Bo was something Lauren recognized and could deal with. Sometime a little anger could be a good thing.
Lauren looked at her, "Are you going to tell me why we stopped?" There was a thick silence in the room. Lauren could smell Bo's fear and anger. The succubus didn't want to tell her, Bo was ashamed at her lack of control and the air was suddenly bitter tasting with the surge of emotion. Lauren pushed, "I see," and began to button up her top quickly, she made sure to Bo had a full view of what she was doing and what she was covering up. "Fine, you don't want me. Well I am…"
There was a strangled moan from Bo, "I can't have you." The hopeless tone was painful to Lauren's ears. This is what Hilde had seen, Bo was on the point of collapse. The protective façade was cracking to expose the raw hurt underneath. "I will hurt you if I allow myself to hold you, make love to you. I will kill you. I am a monster and that bastard has starved me so that I have to be sedated if I feed. If I even get close to a full feed without his control I will... "
"Do you want me?" Lauren's voice broke through the almost frantic explanation that Bo was giving, stopping her flow of words.
Bo's eyes filled with tears, "I want you more than you'll ever know. Seeing you, touching you like I did a minute ago and knowing that I can't have you is almost worse than…"
"Will you allow me to help you? Her words were clipped and professional sounding. The rapid change in the tone of the conversation threw Bo. Lauren charged ahead, "I mean if you want me like you say you do. My safety depends on you feeding. Will you allow me to help you feed?" said the doctor. The tone was so clinical but Lauren needed Bo off guard, away from her dark thoughts and focused on her.
"I need to feed but I will kill whoever I snack on so this is a pointless…." Bo began her defeatist explanation again. Lauren watched Bo slide into this programmed way of thinking. She knew this was just the Wanderer's conditioning talking. He had used Bo's nature against her. He had found that deep down fear that she would hurt the ones she loved and had exploited it to the point it had broken her ability to feed. Bo would die if Lauren did not break the conditioning. Hilde was correct, she did have her hands full. Lauren steeled herself as she prepared to break that pattern and use those same qualities to bring her lover back. This was not going to be easy.
"Do I have your permission to help you feed?" Lauren snapped and Bo lowered her head just a little. "Damn it," Lauren said to herself. With that small motion, all the doctor wanted to do was run and pull Bo into her arms and hold her. No, she had to get the succubus riled up and if soft words and touches would not do it, anger was the next best thing.
Bo shook her head, "That bastard made it so I can never feed. I am dying slowly, I can feel it. I'm not stupid. There is nothing you can do about it. So yes doctor, do your tests, try and help me feed but I tell…."
Lauren moved so fast Bo could not react. She gathered the succubus in her arms and lifted her. She ran to the bedroom and threw the succubus on the bed. "What the hell are you doing…" said a startled Bo. Lauren pulled Bo's body down the bed, then stepped to the side and let her eyes flow to green. "Ah, Lauren is there something you want…" but Lauren moved forward and grabbed Bo's arms within seconds there was a snapping, crunching sound and vines came through the floor. Pulling at Lauren's grip in total confusion the succubus began to flare within Bo as a form of protection. The deep brown of the succubus's eyes took on a light layer of blue. The vines twisted around Bo's wrists holding her tight. Bo began to struggle realizing she was being restrained.
"I will hurt you." Bo's angry voice was mixed with the succubus and dangerous in tone. Lauren heard the threat for what it was. Bo's succubus nature was fighting back. Lauren's actions had caught Bo so off guard and without the Wanderer's interference her instincts for survival were able to move towards the surface. That is what Lauren wanted, in this frame of mind Bo would overcome her fear and fight to survive.
"No you won't hurt me. You love me as much as I love you." Lauren said her eyes still green as she pulled extra energy from the ground. The fear in Bo started to return. She knew Lauren would never hurt her, in fact Lauren would put herself in danger to save her. That realization flooded Bo with panic overcoming the fighting succubus. The blue began fading from her eyes. Lauren asked quickly, "Can you get free?" Bo looked confused. The vines gave a pull, "Can you free your arms?" Lauren asked again.
"No, this is crazy, don't put yourself in danger for …" Bo said as she pulled at the vines. Lauren smiled down at Bo and moved to rest on the bed next to her. Bo's eyes flash blue in anger as Lauren ignored her concerns and was purposely putting herself in harm's way.
"That's my beautiful blue eyed girl." whispered Lauren and then with a smile she leaned in and kissed Bo hard. Bo struggled against the fear that rolled off her, it was so strong it almost forced Lauren back. With just a little push she forced chi into Bo. There was a moan as Bo struggled against the want to feed and the fear of killing the woman she loved. Lauren felt the chi build up as fear overcame the feed and Bo blocked her. "Try again," she told herself.
Pulling back just slightly Lauren breathed into Bo's ear, "You won't hurt me, Bo I know it." She moved to kiss Bo again but the succubus turned her head. "Fine with me." growled Lauren and she started kissing down Bo's exposed neck. The heart beat under the Lauren's lips was jumping. She inhaled deeply just below Bo's ear. Thinking of Bo's words to her on the dance floor not so long ago, she used them, "You smell so good." She kissed and licked a line back down Bo's neck. Pulling back Lauren said softly, "You knew my touch." Lauren traced her fingers along Bo's chin and then brushed the succubus's lips with tender fingertips. There was a flash of blue in response to her touch, Lauren quickly pulled Bo to her and again kissed her. The push of chi lasted longer this time but again faded. There was a small cry from Bo and it startled Lauren.
She pulled her hands away and sat up. Bo's eyes were closed tightly and she was struggling to free herself. Suddenly, Bo was not the only one dealing with massive amounts of fear. Lauren didn't like the feel of this but logically there was no other way. Bo would let herself waist away before she allowed herself to feed fully. The doctor part of Lauren's brain recognized that Bo was in extremely bad shape but the lover could only see Bo's distress. Doubt started to seep into Lauren's mind. She wanted Bo back but was this too much, too fast. She should take a break, "I am sorry Bo. This was too much. I can pull the vines away."
"Lauren," said Bo fighting her fear.
"It's okay. I just wanted you to feel..." Lauren was turned away to hide her tears.
"Lauren, please kiss me again." There was want in Bo's voice and it caused Lauren's head to whip around. Wasting no time Lauren leaned in, the kiss started soft almost tentative. Bo moaned but pushed into the embrace. Lauren could not help herself she brushed her tongue along Bo's bottom lip. There was a pause then Bo's mouth opened and Lauren deepened the kiss. There was no need to check the eyes of the succubus, Lauren's own succubus could feel Bo's need to feed overcoming the fear. She pushed and the chi flowed. Bo did not resist this time. She fed.
There was a growling sound and Bo started to struggle against the vines again. Things had changed, Bo started to pull deeper and Lauren gasped as the flow of chi from her body increased rapidly. The speed of the energy drain was alarming but Lauren recognized what was happing in time. Changing position, she placed a foot on the ground. With a pulse of power from the earth she was able to pull away. Lauren stood and steadied herself. That had been a full on succubus attack and she knew it would get worse before it got better.
The multilayered growl from Bo was startling. Then a haunting laugh slipped from Bo's lips and her brilliant blue eyes flashed. The chi had helped make Bo physically stronger but she was far from in control. The Wanderer had drained her to a dangerous point. In the simplest terms Bo's feed was first to serve the most basic needs, then it was to insure her continued survival. Only when every other need had been taken care of would Bo begin to feel the control she once had.
Right now Bo's succubus nature was in control, it was totally focused on her continued survival. To hell with love or loyalty it just needed to feed. "You wanted me to feed and now you pull away. I see you're fear. Doctor you should have just let me die and be done with it. You have a big problem now, a tiger by the tail so to speak." She tugged violently at the vines and some of them started to pop loose.
Lauren growled and there was a flash of yellow at the threat to her personal safety. With a quick shift to green eyes, she pulled energy from the soil and redirected it into the grape vines. Green threads poured in and worked their way around Bo's wrists to help secure the hold. The succubus snarled in frustration at not being able to grab her prey. Lauren's own succubus nature blocked a second attack by Bo when she attempted to pull chi from a distance. At the denial of the precious energy, Bo gave a frustrated growl then laughed that unpleasant sound again.
Pulling a long draw of energy from the ground to fortify herself Lauren moved close and ran a hand down Bo's belligerent face, "Yeah you're a tiger," she snarled with a hint of big cat in the background, "and I really love that tail." With a fast motion she was on top of Bo kissing her roughly. The succubus's attack was stronger than before. As the pull of chi happened, Lauren didn't fight it she actually join in by pushing all the chi she could Bo's way hoping beyond hope that it would be enough. The world spun and Lauren felt suddenly weak. Something deep inside the doctor made her realized she must protect herself. Lauren pushed hard against Bo and rolled. She felt herself falling as she lost consciousness. She had no way to know that the blue of the succubus's eyes were slowly returning to a beautiful deep brown.
Bo closed her eyes as the feel of the energy coursed through her. This had to be how deserts felt when rain finally reached them to quench the parched earth. The relief to her whole being made her shutter with contentment. For the first time in years there was a joy and freedom to just being alive. She went to sit up and realized that she could not move her arms. She remembered bit and pieces, Lauren's crazy green eyes and plants crawling from the floor, "Hey farmer Green Jeans, we really have to talk." laughed Bo. "Lauren?" The silence filled with memory. The heart that had been singing a second ago was now frozen solid. "LAUREN!" she yelled. With a flash of blue eyes she slammed her arms forward and the vines shredded under the strain.
Swinging to the side of the bed, she saw the still form of the doctor on the floor. "God No!" she cried and jumped to the woman's side. She reached to touch her but almost couldn't finish the motion. If she had killed her it would be her undoing. Her hand brushed the soft hair away and she placed a gentle hand on Lauren's face. It was warm. Bo almost cried out but stilled as Lauren shifted just a little to press into her touch. There was a small smile on the doctor's face.
Lauren let out a little snore that brought a quick loving laugh to Bo's mouth. Bending and picked up the sleeping beauty, Bo pressed Lauren close to her chest as she turned laying her gently on the bed. Bo moved quickly to settle in beside her. Needing to feel Lauren's touch, Bo wrapped her arms around her lover letting the sensation of holding her close sink in. After a time Bo started to drift off to sleep, still holding Lauren in her arms, the quest "I will find you, Lauren Lewis, I swear it." was changed to "Lauren Lewis, I will love you forever."